


Flightless

by hototogisu



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Angst, Aoko is a good friend, Black Organization Takedown (Meitaintei Conan), Black Organization and the Organization in Magic Kaito are the Same Thing, Eating Disorders, Ginzou Nakamori is a good dad, Hurt and comfort, Kaito is captured, Kaito is navigating trauma and love, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan Needs a Hug, Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid Needs a Hug, M/M, No Ran hating here, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ran is a good friend, Self-Harm, Shinichi is awkward in love, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Trauma and Healing, Wrote this fic instead of going to therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 59
Words: 157,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hototogisu/pseuds/hototogisu
Summary: After saving Conan from an encounter with the Black Organization, KID is captured and tortured by them for information on Pandora. After a few years in their captivity, he escapes only to find himself alone and navigating a world he no longer knows. He's hurt, traumatized, and trying to find any excuse or reason to stay alive. He stakes his whole existence on finding and destroying Pandora.Shortly after being saved by KID, Shinichi gets his body back and tries to reintegrate himself back into society by finishing up high school and starting a full-time job at Tokyo PD. After picking up a strange case involving the supposedly dead phantom thief, Shinichi finds himself torn between arresting the thief and saving the thief from himself.This is a story of healing from trauma and finding love while also taking down a major crime organization.*Updated every other day*
Relationships: Hakuba Saguru/Nakamori Aoko, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Mouri Ran/Original Character(s)
Comments: 323
Kudos: 215





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ This is the start of a new KaiShin work with the trope I'm secretly a sucker for: Kaito getting captured. I started this writing this work about 5 years ago when I was in a really bad place, so a lot of what happens in this story reflects how I processed my own traumas. So, this story is kind of personal to me and I never imagined posting it online. However, I've finally decided to post it so that maybe it can bring some joy to others. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Fatal wounds, cursing
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I—Kaitou KID—ran with my stark cape billowing behind me. My feet thudded on the ground and I hissed angrily. _Nakamori is really on his game today… Tantei-kun reads me too well… Damn, it really doesn’t help that one of Snake’s lackeys was here and that I was shot…_

My left hand was held firm at my right waist just below my ribs. I didn’t know the extent of the damage, but it still gurgled blood sluggishly and fired off in pain with each step I took. I had other cuts on my body from jumping through a window desperately. The only thing keeping me going was my adrenaline. Tantei-kun really knew how to foil my plans. Today really was not my day.

“Give it up KID! We know you’re wounded!” He raced after me having lost his jacket and tie; it really was a goose chase. My paraglider was out of commission as I had crashed after being hit with the bullet. Hiding amongst the crowd would usually be easy, but with this wound I wouldn’t be able to hide for long. I needed to disappear.

The people around me were calling my name, but they couldn’t help me. I was wounded, and the police were in hot pursuit. “Don’t make me shoot, KID!” the inspector called out. This forced me to stop in my tracks. If the inspector began shooting, someone would get hurt and no one ever gets hurt at my heists.

“Put down your gun Inspector Nakamori… I-I’ll come cleanly, but lower your gun… No one is to get hurt!” Nakamori gave me a hard stare but lowered his gun. I really debated whether or not to let the handcuffs go around my wrists. Of course, I’d easily be able to escape them, but my pride…

“You’ve met the end of the line KID.” Cool metal pressed against the back of my head and screams sounded through the crowd as I barely veered to the left to avoid a bullet blasting out my brains. The bullet instead hit me in the right shoulder, and I suppressed a pained cry. I didn’t have time to recover before a fist met my face and stars swam into my vision.

I threw down a smoke bomb and leapt into the crowd. My wounds ached, but I pushed on, my body rebelling with each step I took. The people seemed to gauge the danger I was in, so they gave me room and blocked off the dangerous civilian. I was almost positive that Nakamori had forgotten about me and was now tackling the rouge gunmen to the ground. I already knew who he was; he worked for the Black Organization, the people out to kill me.

Suddenly out of the crowd another bullet whizzed and hit me in the ankle. I released a scream of agony and collapsed to the ground onto my hands and knees. I bit through my tongue and crawled on as tears blurred out my vision. _How many of you fuckers are there?_

With pure manic and a will to live, I pushed myself to my feet and my wild eyes darted through the crowd. I needed distance. My feet thudded heavily as I pushed on. I shot through the crowd and snaked through the streets and alleys. I wouldn’t be meeting Jii-chan tonight at the designated meeting area.

I continued going till I collapsed again. My adrenaline was wearing off. I was going to go into shock soon and then proceed to die. I smiled at my circumstances and even chuckled a bit, I mean it’s not like I could cry. That would be a pity for the Phantom Thief Under the Moonlight.

Instead, I crawled into an alley and propped myself up against the wall. My head rested against the brick and I breathed heavily. Oh well, I could only wait now.

Just as my eyes began slipping shut, so at least I’d look peaceful in my forever sleep, my name was called out.

“Kaitou KID!” _Inspector Nakamori?_ My eyes slid open to reveal small slits of indigo. _Can’t you see I’m trying to die peacefully here?_

“Kaitou KID… Damn… You don’t look so good… That’s a lot of blood…” he breathed out running a sweaty hand through his balding hair.

I couldn’t help but laugh weakly—though it came out more like a wheeze. “Really Inspector? I feel just fine though,” I croaked out flashing my signature grin through bloodied lips.

“We need an ambulance!” he senselessly demanded. I aimed a pointed gaze at him.

“What’s the point? I’m already a dead man. You win Inspector Nakamori,” I sighed tipping my head back against the wall. Who knew where my hat was now?

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be KID!” he growled out. “You’re not supposed to die because some people want you dead. I’m supposed to catch you and put you behind bars!” His voice shook slightly with his meaningless logic. “Now what am I supposed to do? My whole life is focused around catching you, i-if you die—” He sounded way too much like a child, I needed to bring him back to reality.

“Nakamori san, life never goes the way we want it to. I never wanted to be dead and here I am… Hell, I never wanted to be a thief and look where I wound up… You still have to catch the guys who shot me, right? Plus, there’s Aoko right? She misses you, you know…”

“You never wanted to be a thief? Hey! How do you know my daughter?!” _There’s that fiery personality. Don’t lose that Nakamori san._

“You could say I just inherited the family business in a way… My alter ego is actually pretty close to you and Aoko. In fact, you probably already know who I am, right Nakamori san?” My voice changed to that of Kaito Kuroba’s and Nakamori’s face paled at the realization.

“K-Kaito?” his voice cracked out and my face fell.

“I’m sorry Nakamori san… Please take care of Aoko while I’m gone. I don’t think Kaitou KID will make another resurrection, sorry… Y-you know I never wanted to make you look like a fool at my heists… and I had my reasons for stealing and returning… and I guess my life was a failure in the end, but at least with me the curse my parents faced dies.” A look of resolve crossed my face and Nakamori san flinched as if surprised by my revelation.

“Kaito! We really need an ambulance! You can’t die! I don’t care that you’re Kaitou KID, you’re practically my son! Aoko loves you! Kaito…” I smiled at him as my eyes began to glaze over. I didn’t have much time left.

I’d always wanted something like this to happen, well not exactly like this. I’d always wanted to come clean to Nakamori san, Aoko… I’d wanted them to know and I’d wanted them to accept me, to help me escape this curse. Well, I guess in a way I’m achieving that goal.

“Don’t cry Inspector… You’ll be free now… Go… Go and find your squad and tell them you didn’t find me over here… I-I want to die alone… Be free Nakamori, thank you for everything… You finally took down KID…” I gave him a small, pained smile. He looked like he wanted to fight me, but my gaze deterred him. He knew I was mature behind my years and in the end, this decision was mine.

He ran off with tears streaming down his face. More importantly though, my gaze flickered over to the dark shadows deep within the alley. The Black Organization had also found me, and I steeled my gaze as the crows stepped forward.

“Kaitou KID, or should I say Kuroba Kaito… Looks like you’re finally in a bind, yeah? We told you to stop medaling in our business. This is what you deserve!”

“Honestly, I expected more from you guys, especially since I know the location of the gem you desire now... However, with me bleeding out as we speak, I suppose you’ll never find the gem you need.” The collar of my shirt was grabbed, and I smirked at them. I didn’t really know the location of the gem, but I needed them worked up. I wouldn’t go down without spiting them.

“Kaitou KID! Tell us now!” he pressed a gun against my head. A shit-eating grin spread across my features.

“Or what? You’ll kill me more than I’m already dead?” The guy in black lowered his gun and released a small tch.

“We’ll kill that Nakamori girl and her father—”

“Go ahead for all I care. Bring more attention to yourselves then you already have. It’ll be easier for them to figure you guys out then,” I dared. My breathing was becoming more and more faint and at this rate I would stall them enough to actually die. _An unspoken rule of thievery: don’t get caught, kill yourself if you need to._

“Boss,” one of his accomplices began, “he’ll die at this rate. We’re better off just bringing him in and questioning him later.” I frowned at this guy who actually had the logic to want to bring me in.

The so-called ‘boss’ agreed with a grunt and I was picked up. My vision swam at the sudden change in position and black covered my vision. _Damn, I can’t…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I'm nervous to start posting this, but this is chapter 1! Chapter 2 should be posted as well! Thank you for reading!
> 
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Chapter 2 is being released with chapter 1 as they are both introductory chapters and I might as well start this book off with a bang! I hope you enjoy reading!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: concussions 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Everything was odd, nothing was right about this heist. I was supposed to enjoy myself at KID’s heists while solving ridiculous acts and puzzles. I shouldn’t be on a stretcher with people fussing over me as I slowly came back to consciousness. The blunt end of a gun sure does wonders to a seven-year-old’s head. I felt sick and my head still ached.

* * *

“Conan!” Ran called out to me. My head lulled to meet her eyes.

“Onee-chan?” I asked slowly. _What happened?,_ was the only question swimming through my mind. I tried to recall everything as Ran tried speaking to me again. _I was on the rooftop with KID… It was like any other heist, but then bullet shots went off… We weren’t hit, but KID panicked as if he was realizing something. He pulled out his card gun and hit me on the head with the blunt end, and he pushed me back into the room that divided the roof and the stairs that led to it. Then I passed out… What about KID though?_

“Ran nee-chan, what happened?” I mumbled out.

“You were hit in the head Conan… The paramedics say you’ll be fine, but they think you have a concussion… So, we’re taking you to the hospital.”

“W-what happened to KID san?” I asked. Ran was silent, and she looked down. Ran hated KID, so this reaction was shocking.

“KID was shot down by a sniper… They say he was shot at least two more times while trying to escape. As far as I know, they haven’t found his body yet,” she eventually answered.

“B-body?” I mumbled out. Though I didn’t show it, I was concerned for the phantom thief.

“Y-yeah… Inspector Nakamori told us that from what he saw while pursuing KID was that he had a fatal wound before he was shot again and again by people in the crowd. He thinks some people wanted KID dead or something… My dad agrees with Nakamori san saying that it was without a doubt an assassination…” _They’re not even saying an attempted assassination… Is KID really going to be my next murder investigation?_

“I see…” I mumbled out. Ran hugged me softly.

“I know he was really important to you and you loved his magic,” she mumbled to me. “Let’s go to the hospital, Conan kun.” I nodded without an expression on my face.

Honestly, I did not know what to think. KID had in avertedly saved my life by knocking me out to subdue me and then pushing me out of harm’s way. Then KID was shot multiple times and he ran off with potentially fatal wounds. The way they make it sound is that he won’t make it far before collapsing dead.

I closed my eyes in thought. KID was obviously in a lot of trouble, but there was nothing I could do, and right now, I was too numb to feel. I only have the option of solving his murder. _Such a sick thought,_ I frowned as pain crossed through my head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the second chapter! Expect the third chapter to be uploaded on Sunday! 
> 
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 3! Kaito's trapped with the Organization and uhh... having a bad time. Don't want to spoil much of the chapter, so please read and enjoy!
> 
> Content warning for this chapter: torture, daddy issues
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke sometime later; they wouldn’t give me the exact time. Everything hurt from crude surgeries, but I was alive. They were cruel people as they would only give me enough morphine to stop the pain from killing me, but other than that I could only grit my teeth. My ankle and shoulder wounds were superficial luckily and my side wound didn’t kill me, so I guess I’m fine.

I stayed in that makeshift hospital bed for a while I presume, at least until I was strong enough to be taken into a cell. I never tried to escape from the hospital bed, I didn’t have the strength or means to do so. I was stripped of my suit and all my gadgets were gone as well. In the cell, I had no way of escaping. The room was dank and solid metal without any vents or ducts. It only had a small window on the single door which let in light and air, but it was reinforced with steel bars. The other slot was in the door; it let them push in a bowl of something that resembled food.

The room itself was spacious, but empty. A moth-eaten mattress was in one corner and a bedpan in the next. That was everything. I had already inspected the mattress and was disappointed that it was just cloth stuffed with hay. There wasn’t a spring in it to help me escape. The door only opened on one side, so I couldn’t pick any locks.

My situation was rather dismal to put the least.

Everything took a turn for the worst then I suppose.

“What do you know about Pandora?” I kept a straight face. “Where is Pandora?” I didn’t falter. The guy questioning me motioned to the other ones in the room and a fist collided with my jaw. I kept my expressionless face. A simple beating wouldn’t force me to speak.

“So, you’re not going to speak KID, yeah? That’s alright. Send him to his cell! No food, no sleep.” I was grabbed by the two men and they dragged me away. They thought two bodyguards and a pair of handcuffs would keep me at bay. Hah. They were wrong. I threw my elbows left and right and slipped from the body guard’s grips. Then my hands slid out of their restraints and I ran.

I didn’t have a clue where I was going, I just needed an exit. I didn’t see any windows on this floor despite how many halls I ran down, so I assumed I was at the core of a huge building, or I was underground, the basement of a building. My second theory was proven as I came across an elevator that only went up.

A smirk covered my face, I would escape. Then a jolt convulsed my body and I fell forward. The only thing I recognized before fainting was that I had been tasered with a taser gun. Escape number one was a failure.

I awoke in my cell with my arms bound behind my back. True to their word, I didn’t receive food and every five minutes it seemed a guard would come in and shake me violently to make sure I wasn’t sleeping. This happened for, what I assumed, three days. I only received water during these days.

After this treatment, I was taken back to the interrogation room and the doctor asked me question after question. I didn’t move my mouth to answer. More physical abuse occurred, but I refused to speak. I was taken back to my cell and was left without food and sleep again. I could only sit on the hay bed without anything to do.

The next day I was brought back to the room. “If you answer correctly, I’ll give you food. If you do well today, I’ll let you sleep.” I listened to the man’s voice. A feral instinct filled me, I was starved and exhausted, not a very healthy combination.

“What is your name?” he asked first.

“Kaitou KID,” I answered. I’m pretty sure this was the first word I had spoken since my captivity and the scratchy, unused quality of my voice surprised me.

“What are you?”

“A phantom thief.” I watched him add something to a bowl and the smell of food filled my mouth with saliva.

“What are you looking for?”

“Pandora,” I responded quickly. These questions were safe ones; they already knew the answers.

“What is your human name?” I flinched. Answering this one was a bit more difficult.

“K-Kuroba Kaito,” I mumbled out slowly as if unsure of the name myself. A sense of betrayal filled me as my body acted without my mind.

“Good, good KID. You’re doing so well, I’m proud of you,” the doctor cooed. I flinched as his hand traced my face, “You have such a pretty face. Your skin is so smooth… Surely you can’t be more than 21.”

“I-I’m 19 Sir,” I responded trying to not think about his hand on my face as my face lit up red and my pulse increased. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like being touched by him with that look in his eyes. It was harsh, judgmental, lusting…

“So young to be a thief…” he mused. “But I guess it fits Kuroba Toichi’s son… You’re nothing less than what I expected of Toichi’s son. You’re weak, easily manipulated, and overall a disappointment.” I flinched as each word hit my ears as he breathed them into my ear. “You are nothing but a weak shadow of a man we killed.” His hand held my chin as he looked intently into my eyes. Panic rose in my throat as I tried to maintain my poker face.

“So Kaito, where is Pandora?” I jerked from his hand and looked away. I forcibly didn’t speak. His hand found my throat and his grip tightened. “Kaito, I’m getting tired of your games, if you don’t start talking, I’ll have to get mean.” Panic filled my entire system, especially since my hands were tied down. I struggled and my mouth opened and closed desperately as I tried to take in air.

He released my throat and I drew in air quickly and coughs wracked my body. He slapped me across the cheek, and I glared at him. My harsh glare must have caught him off guard because he stood straighter and almost smacked me again. “Take him away. No food. No sleep.” _You’re a liar…_

I was thrown into my cell. _How many days have I been here? I don’t even know. I wonder if Nakamori told them how Kaito is KID. Oh well, at least they probably all think I’m dead._

* * *

I struggled feebly and screamed muffled shrieks. It was too much. I was going to drown! _Help! Please someone help! NO! Please NO! God help me_! I fought against my restraints and felt a heavy weight on my chest. My lungs screamed at me. They were on fire ironically. I felt my strength being sapped and my struggling resorted to the resolution that I was going to die. Then, though, it all stopped. They released my nose, took off my blindfold, and the hose left my mouth. I sputtered and coughed till my lungs were clear and I inhaled so deeply that I began coughing again. A burning sensation filled my body and my throat, somehow, felt parched.

“Where is Pandora?” the doctor asked me. Stubbornly I kept my mouth shut. “Again,” the doctor ordered. The blindfold covered my eyes, my nose was pinched shut, a cloth covered my face, and the hose was turned on. The torture started all over again and I struggled again till I couldn’t even move, then they removed the equipment.

“Where is Pandora?” he asked again. I gave him a weak glare, and he smiled back at me. “Again.”

“Where is Pandora? …Again.” _Please._

“Where is Pandora? …Again.” _Someone._

“Where is Pandora? …Again.” _Make._

“Where is Pandora? …Again.” _It._

“Where is Pandora? …Again.” _Stop._

“Where is Pandora?”

“P-please,” I croaked out. “Please no more... No more… please,” I sobbed out weakly. I felt so weak, so exposed.

“Tell me where Pandora is KID.” I bit my tongue. _I can’t tell him, I don’t even know where it is, but I can’t tell him that…_

“N-no… please… please stop!” I begged him.

“Again.”

* * *

I was tied to chair and blindfolded, I knew that much.

“Where is Pandora?” the doctor asked me. I didn’t speak. “Start with his right hand, he’s right-handed.” _That’s a lie, I’m actually predominantly a lefty, but they don’t need to know that._

I felt a clamp on the nail of my index finger and I internally braced myself knowing instinctively what was to come. With a sharp pull, I had to bite back a scream.

“What’s your name?”

“Kaitou KID.”

“What are you?”

“A phantom thief,” I hissed through shut teeth.

“Good little thief. Now where is Pandora?” I didn’t respond. “Pull off another nail,” he ordered. The clamp was on my middle fingernail, and I gasped as it was pulled off. Tears came to my eyes, but I tried not to release them. Suddenly, my blindfold was removed.

“Oh look. The great Kaitou KID is crying over losing a single nail,” he sneered evilly. “It’s such a disappointment compared to its father. I don’t even know why we try with it. Might as well end this failure. Or perhaps let it struggle in its own self-pity.”

“I-I’m not a disappointment!” I cried out. I clenched my teeth on my tongue as I realized my mistake. _Dammit Kaito, where’s your poker face? Remember your poker face! Poker face!_

“No Kaito, you are a failure. An absolute mistake. A poor substitute for the real KID. You will never live up to your father’s expectations. You insult his name. And you know this, don’t you? Heh, Kaito, don’t lie to yourself.” _Poker face… Poker face… Poker face…_ Another nail was removed. _Poker face… Poker face… Poker face…_ I was slapped across the face and spit on. _Don’t drop your mask, don’t shatter!_ Another nail.

* * *

I don’t know when they began actively physically abusing me, but the guards had fun with me, I guess. They only had one rule to follow when beating me; they couldn’t touch my face. Instead, they focused on my abdomen and limbs.

Another punch collided with my diaphragm and I keeled over trying to take in air. My hands were cuffed behind me and I was reduced to simply taking each beating on my knees.

“You know KID; you’ve really been a little bitch to us. Snake takes out his frustrations on us every time you slip away from us. Heh, I think we’re long due treating you like this.”

“Speaking of that bastard… Where the hell is Snake? Is he being a coward and hiding his face from me?” I struggled to sound intimidating and level.

“Heh, do you think Snake has the time to mess with a kid like you?” I smirked back only to receive a kick to the ribs.

“For being just ‘a kid’ Snake did spend two years chasing me. Even now he really puts stock in my knowledge of Pandora. I guess only a fool would trust ‘a kid’ like myself though.” They all looked down at me with shocked expressions. The main aggressor grabbed me by my shirt collar and punched me square in the nose. My head lulled back, and my vision swam. Blood gushed out of the abused appendage and he quickly dropped me as he realized his mistake.

“I-I don’t think the doctor will be very happy with you hittin’ my face like that,” I slurred lolling my head to the side.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath. “Enough for now,” he told his partners. “L-let’s just leave.” With the remainder of my consciousness, I watched them leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be out on Tuesday! 
> 
> I suppose I can explain a couple of my headcanons for Kaito. He has daddy issues (isn't this basically canon?). Kaito fears he'll never measure up to the legacy his father left him. This fear was exacerbated by how his dad died when he was young and his mother became extremely distant after his death, leaving him to stew in his "unworthiness". In my canon, Kaito refers to his dad as "otou-sama" or "oyagi-sama", showing his unhealthy behavior of putting his father on a pedestal. His fear of never being worthy is furthered by his perfectionist tendencies, which are great for throwing heists, but horrible for one's self-esteem. 
> 
> Well, thank you again for reading! See you next chapter ~  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4! We're finally getting into the meat of the story! Please read and enjoy! See the endnotes for commentary. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: rape, drugs, existential crises 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It’s been three months since KID gave me a concussion and consequentially, probably, saved my life. I am no longer Conan; Haibara came up with the cure to the toxin that shrank my body and I am back to being Shinichi, hopefully permanently too. A lot of explaining—lying—has occurred, but at least I’m back at being a detective.

As a courtesy, I’ve taken up KID’s assassination case. The blood near Kyoushi Jewelry, the place KID robbed, matched the blood found about a mile and a half away in an alley. We can confirm that the blood in the alleyway is KID’s, but we still do not have a body. Based on the amount of blood we found, we can assume KID was in fact in danger of dying. After checking all hospital records in Beika, we determined that KID didn’t check into any of them under an alias. We branched our research out to the rest of Tokyo, but it only led to dead end after dead end.

About 4 months after his disappearance, the police pronounced KID dead. Oddly enough, a memorial service was held for him. Almost nothing negative was said about him. It took his death for people to realize that KID stole to entertain people. He never kept what he took, he helped those in need, turned in criminals, and never let anyone get hurt at his heists. Perhaps KID was a hero in disguise. He only seemed to be a criminal, and while thievery is bad, he didn’t really steal anything; he only ever borrowed.

His memorial service was well attended. Everyone he stole from was there, the entire police system of Tokyo was there, people I didn’t know were connected to him were there, and his crazy fan base was there. Apparently, a princess and a famous actress were both acquainted with KID and they both had kind words to say about him. The actress especially stressed how KID started her career by giving her the courage to continue despite the incessant negative reviews she received. Towards the end of the night I realized a Queen was there in disguise. She said that her son forced her to come pay respects to the gentleman thief.

KID had odd acquaintances, but thus, it was fitting for a phantom thief. Even more surprising was the impact he had on so many people. Many people admitted that KID had helped them out when they were in a bind. Some people even said KID saved their lives from danger. _I don’t understand you, KID_ , was the first thing I realized at that service. Why would he be a thief with such talent? Obviously, he didn’t steal to sell or keep the gems. Was it to insult the police? No, KID wasn’t that petty. Perhaps he wanted to entertain people, but even that was a long shot as KID also caught bad guys. Plus, if he wanted to entertain, he should have just become a professional magician. He had to have a reason, but I didn’t know anything about him or his personal life.

I flipped through the pages of information that I had requested on KID from the thievery branch run by Nakamori Keibu. Nothing seemed to help. KID was smart, crafty even. He didn’t leave evidence behind. He was a master of disguise; nobody knew his real face. He never gave his real name. No one could find his secret base. Heck, nobody even knew how old he was! I narrowed my eyes. The only things I knew about KID is that he looked like me and that every time he stole a gem, he held it up to the moonlight. Also, he was possibly a target of a secret organization. _The Black Organization maybe?_

While it helped that I was back in my real body, it was also a burden. Now I also had to be mindful of who knew I was back. The Black Organization might figure out I’m back again and take me out for real. So officially, I’m not ‘back’. The press is not aware of my return and I’ve threatened the police department to keep me under the wraps. I’ve hardly taken credit for any of the cases I’ve solved.

I leaned back in my chair. KID’s case was only one of the cases I was working on. They had no leads on KID’s case. At this rate, it would go cold… On the other hand, this murder case right next to me was on the verge of being cracked. I just needed more solid evidence to prove my point, which the forensics team would have for me in now three days.

* * *

_Where am I? Mom? Dad? Is that you? Aoko? Nakamori san? Hakuba? Tantei kun? Where am I? Why is everything fading away? Swirling? Dad? Why is everything going black? Water? I’ll drown! Mom! Dad! Where is everyone? Help!_

“How much did you give him?” someone asked the doctor softly.

“Enough for him to hallucinate. It’s a good thing we handcuffed him to the chair. I assume he’ll start screaming soon and struggling feebly. Here watch. It’ll be pretty funny.” With a small laugh, the doctor grabbed KID’s neck and closed off his airway.

_No! NO!_ With that the thief began struggling and yanking against his cuffs. He began screaming as the doctor released his neck. “No! Please! Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! Mom! Dad! Aoko! Tantei kun! Please! Come back! Don’t go!” Tears fell from his eyes and he writhed against his binds. His fists clenched and unclenched, and he continued screaming. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m a disappointment, I know… I’ll get better I promise! Just don’t give up on me… please…” The tears increased, and the thief stopped struggling against his bonds and suddenly went lax.

“This drug causes the manifestation of one’s fears by increasing the levels of glutamate in the brain. I can’t control what he fears, his mind takes care of the rest. I suppose KID fears losing people and being a disappointment to those he loves the most. I’ll be able to use this to my advantage. Snake gave me the orders to not worry about getting any information out of him. Our only orders now are to break him.” KID visibly shook in his bonds. “He’s having nervous tremors now. I suppose the hallucinations are ending now.

Unsteady breaths left KID as he slowly raised his head. Tears continued to fall from his eyes as he opened them. His wild eyes with shot pupils could only meet the doctor’s as he mouthed soundless words in his nervous trembles.

“Take him away,” the doctor ordered. KID was harshly picked up and pushed forward, but he couldn’t support himself and fell to the ground.

“Get up!” a guard yelled at KID while kicking him. KID shakily tried to stand, but his own muscles barely registered these actions and the guards had to support him. Shock was evident on his face as he returned to his cell.

* * *

_It was all fake… It was just a drug, just a drug Kaito!_ I kept telling myself as silent tears escaped me. It all seemed so real, too real. Even during my normal beatings, I couldn’t focus on anything but the drug they injected into me.

_What am I doing here?_ The question hit me as they left me with a sore body. _Why am I even trying to stay alive anymore?_ I instantly began scolding myself though as I remembered the value of my life. _No, Kaito, you have to endure. Don’t let them win! Deal with it! You’re strong enough to deal with this. Just keep your poker face!_

Days—or whatever my idea of one was—began to blur together and time itself began to fade from my mind. I slept for some time, then they awoke me with a beating. Then I saw the doctor and we did something. Sometimes it was physical abuse with water boarding or ripping of my nails or pressing hot stakes against my body. Other times he injected drugs into me to see how I’d react. Sometimes we played with electricity or fire. He seemed to like using water too though. He’d always ask me questions I knew the answers to and then go straight to Pandora.

I’m getting weaker and weaker. I’ve lost a lot of weight and muscle mass. I swear if I don’t start sleeping and eating, I’ll die. The only reason I haven’t died of being beaten yet is because of a drug that heals my internal injuries quickly. Somehow it stitches together my extracellular matrix and stimulates the division and differentiation of stem cells, at least that’s what the doctor told me. I’m not the most knowledgeable about molecular biology, so I don’t know the specifics. Somewhere along the line the doctor gave permission for my guards to attack not only my body, but also my face. I really don’t mean anything to them anymore.

Physical, mental, emotional, they don’t hold back on what they do to me. Soon I fear I’ll lose myself; I’ll snap! Honestly, I’m impressed I’ve survived this long. The doctor is surprised too. I have a foreboding feeling right now that I’m going to lose myself to them. I’m scared.

* * *

It started with hands on my body touching me everywhere. I couldn’t move, I was gagged and blindfolded. I couldn’t suppress the blush that rose to my cheeks, nor could I suppress a moan from my chapped lips. I, Kaitou KID, was going to lose more than my virginity tonight.

Another muffled scream left my throat raw as they attacked me. They were like animals, beasts, in their abuse. Everything was violated, I was covered in disgustingly hot fluids. Sweat left my hair plastered to my face and I didn’t have the strength to fight back anymore. What round was this now? Who was it this time? Who’s kissing me now? Who’s stroking me now?

Tears fell from my eyes as I lay in my cell curled on my side. _Is this it? Is this all I have left to expect in my pitiful life? Torture? They’ve taken everything from me. I have no honor, no pride, only shame. What’s the point? I’m being starved, I’m so hungry… When did I last eat? When did I last sleep? Where am I? Why am I here? I’m Kaitou KID, right? Just a phantom thief…_

_Aoko chan… Nakamori san… Jii chan… Akako chan… Hakuba kun… Otou sama… Kaa san, Shinichi kun… Conan kun… People I remember but do not know… I know of them... Their names, faces, personalities… But who are they to me? What am I to them? Family? Friends? Enemies? What’s the difference? Where is the line?_

_I am Kaitou KID the phantom thief, so who is Kaito Kuroba? He looks like me. He’s a magician too. He knows them all too. He is me. But who am I really? Can I be him, the happy, carefree one with friends and family? Could I be him, the one who entertains and steals hearts as well as precious gems? May I be both? …I can’t anymore? Then perhaps maybe I shouldn’t exist anymore._

* * *

The pain only grew inside of me as they continued. Their abuse only rendered me weak. They didn’t even need handcuffs anymore; I was too weak to fight back. I just wanted to stop the pain.

Hands on my body, a tongue in my mouth, a dick in my ass… It was so damn revolting! I hated it. I realized I was nothing more than an object. How detestable.

I was so weak, but so damn stubborn. They broke me till I couldn’t even tell them my name without some sort of doubt creeping in the back of mind. Reality was beginning to warp in my mind. _Someone, please end this!_

I mewled lewdly as hands fondled me. “Little slut,” they called me.

I hated them all so much. I wanted them dead. I knew it would be I kill them, or they kill me. I just had to wait for the right time. I just needed to wait for the right time. I just needed to keep myself from shattering till then. _Then… Then…_ _well,_ _where would my place in this world even be?_

* * *

My hands wrapped around the doctor’s neck until I heard the satisfying crack of his windpipe collapsing beneath my hands. Such a beautiful sound~ The guards to my right had faced similar fates as I had also broken their necks. What had brought this on you ask? The doctor thought I was finally broken. He thought he could tell me he’d find and kill everyone I loved and that I would only sob, but no! I began laughing as I looked at the mess I had created below me. My laughs morphed into sobs; I had stained my hands. The first lives I had claimed lay at my feet. The sad part was not that I had killed, but that these would not be the last.

Shudders racked my body as I stood up straight and grabbed a baton from one of the guards. I had work to finish up. I patrolled the halls taking on whoever approached me. I couldn’t be stopped now. They had awoken the rage inside and tampered with the little sanity I had left. Kill me, I’m fine with that! Threaten my special ones and you will die! I eventually made it to a computer room. I knocked everyone out before investigating each computer and copying everything to various flash drives I had found. I would work on them later and look into their programs. Then, I decisively destroyed each computer and wiped them.

I continued through the establishment on a murderous rampage. Various alarms went off, but they weren’t a match for someone who was ready to die. Blood, for once not my own, covered my clothes. I found a gun and I had a new toy to play with. After I was sure that just about everyone was impaired with some sort of wound, I found the gasoline they often used to wash my mouth out with and burn me. I poured the gasoline around the building and wasted every drop of it. Then I found a box of matches and struck one before releasing it. The ground instantly ignited. A smile covered my face as I threw the box of matches down. A laugh bubbled out from my lips as the heat reached my face and warmed my body. Wasn’t this lovely?

Everything was going to burn down as well as everyone here who abused me and touched me. Everything was going down to hell. I suppose it was time for me to take my leave now. I walked through the halls and up the stairs to find an exit. I came across a window first and I beat it in with the baton. I, ignoring the shards of glass, then jumped through the window. My strength failed me and I hit the ground hard. I yelped in pain and forced myself to stand.

I drew one foot in front of the other and struggled forward. _Where the hell am I?_ I looked behind myself and barely read the sign on the building. It read ‘Mikage Law and Attorney Offices’. This was obviously a fake ploy. The address below the sign read 3215 Hyakuya Rd. Hyakuya Rd. was still in Edoka. I wasn’t too far from my house. _I’ve been so close to home this entire time?_

I don’t know what even persuaded me to walk through most of Edoka back to a home I didn’t even know belonged to me anymore. For all I knew, I was dead to this world. Perhaps that’s a good thing though. I could start over. I could make myself a new persona. I could forget everything that happened back with the Black Organization. I could be happy, right? Happy? Not just a forced smile, right?

Something in the back of my head spoke otherwise though. I knew that perhaps I could abandon Kaito, but I would have to stick with KID. They knew I escaped, they phoned Snake or something. Snake wasn’t there, I couldn’t kill him. Even if I went into hiding, they would find me or them. Them… I needed to leave Kaito behind, I need to become KID. I can’t be both. I have to choose to survive not for my sake—no I’m already dead—but for their sake. For their sake, I’ll live and fight the Black Organization. I’ll bring them down even if it kills me.

Despite this bleak future I had planned out, an even bleaker thought filled my head. A thought that I wanted to swallow down and stomach, but it was screaming louder than I could handle. _Is a task like this even worth my futile attempt? I’m useless, weak. An utter failure…_ My fists clenched, and I shook those thoughts away.

_I hope no one sees me. I bet I look scary, covered in blood, sweat, urine, semen… I probably look like I should be dead. I feel so weak, but why haven’t I collapsed yet. Now that I think about, my feet are barely scraping forward. Maybe I’ll collapse and really die. Heh, wouldn’t that be funny and sadly ironic…_

Sadly, I didn’t collapse, nor did I run across anyone. Then again, it was probably very early in the morning, I was in the middle of the suburbs, and the moon was barely a sliver in the sky. Even with the tattered and bloody remains of my robe, I wasn’t that noticeable.

I stumbled up to my house and found the spare key under the mat. My hands fumbled to open the door and I fell into my house. _It’s funny, now I really feel weak. Maybe I should sleep for a while. Yes… that sounds nice…_

A small coo woke me from my blurry daze and one of my doves flew down to me. I smiled and forced myself to sit up. “Rose?” I croaked out as the bird tentatively approached me. I briefly wondered if Aoko had been feeding my doves for me. I petted her small pretty head gently and she trilled happily. Soon my other doves found me, and I laughed weakly.

They gave me the strength to get a glass of water and something that hadn’t expired from the fridge, somehow... The water was easy to drink, but the food instantly made me sick and I had to force myself to not vomit it all up. I suppose eating was dangerous in my weakened state, but I couldn’t care right now. Then I promised myself some sleep. I knew I needed a bath and real substance and possibly an IV solution filled with an isotonic solution of electrolytes and water. Maybe I needed vitamin gummies too, but I was too sleep deprived to really think things through. I didn’t even make it to my own bed, I stayed on the floor and slept pathetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, poor Kaito. Well, we're finally getting into the story. Now, we just need Kaito and Shinichi to meet each other so we can start Project Rehabilitate Kaito! (while maybe falling in love ;)
> 
> I use "Kaitou" as "phantom thief", while "Kaito" is Kuroba-kun's name. I could romanize "Kaitou" as "Kaitō", but I personally prefer it written out. I still think it's stupidly funny how a mispronunciation of Kaito --> Kaitou and vice-versa. The kanji are very different though with Kaitou = 怪盗, while Kaito's name = 快斗. 
> 
> The drug given to Kaito was inspired by ketamine and glutamate hallucinations. Given in high enough dosages, ketamine can cause hallucinations and raises the levels of glutamate in the brain. Glutamate can also cause hallucinations and is connected with fear. In fact, it's believed glutamate may be involved with schizophrenia. Thus, my pseudoscience drug was created. Mind you, I wrote this ~5 years ago, so the science may have changed a bit. Please go easy on me! 
> 
> The next chapter will be out on Thursday! Thank you!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 5! You all are lucky today because I'll be posting chapter 6 too! Please read and enjoy! 
> 
> Chapter Warnings: none to my knowledge
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

“Shinichi!” I groggily listened on the other side of the phone. “One of the law firms in Edoka just burned down…” _Edoka, I’m in Beika though… Why call me?_ “We found a lot of dead bodies that died before the building burned. W-we also found something that might interest you.” I cocked my head as I listened.

“Yeah, what did you find?” I asked while restraining a yawn.

“It’s… Y-you should just come over here.” I was surprised at Inspector Megure’s response, but I was intrigued enough to agree. I quickly got dressed and called a cab to take me to, what was it again…? Mikage’s Attorney and Law Offices.

The cab let me off a ways from the building fore it was surrounded by fire engines and police cars. I raced to the scene and met with Inspector Megure.

“Fill me in,” I demanded.

“Around 1:30 a passerby called 119 with the report of a building fire. The fire department quickly learned this was a chemical fire and the fire was put out using ammonium phosphate. Many odd notes must be made; the building was full of people who had been killed prior to the fire. We’ve found around 15 bodies so far. All information found thus far has indicated that this building was not a law office. I need your deductions for what it was though. Much of the valuable evidence was destroyed in the fire.”

“Hmm…” This case was off. _No one should be here if it was a law firm, unless of course they were all janitors, but this wasn’t the case. Also, the fire was a chemical fire, which would usually point to gasoline, petroleum, or some other chemical. Why would such chemicals be present at a supposed law office? Is this arson? Is that witness still here? I need to talk to them. What about the dead bodies? They all died before the fire, was there a murderer here? Did the murderer kill themself in the fire? Perhaps the fire was supposed to hide something, but what?_

“Can we enter the building now?” I asked not really caring what his answer was.

“Well the firemen haven’t yet cleared the building as safe, but I know I can’t stop you.” I nodded and approached the scorched building. The door had been beaten down and I entered easily. The building still smelled of smoke. It was gasoline, I could tell by the dirty smell of the fire. The chemical additives to the gas made the smell rather unbearable.

I covered my mouth and nose with my sleeve and proceeded on. It was a bit disappointing that all the bodies had been removed from their original positions, but based off the phone call I’d received earlier, it looked like they died of either strangulation, being beaten with a blunt object, or being shot close range.

So far nothing was entirely out of place. This floor looked like it was just filled with cubicles and little office spaces. I then realized something strange. There were no windows on this floor. I then went to the second floor. The smoke was even thicker there so I could barely see and breathe. I would have to come back later for a better analysis. Though I did note that this floor did have windows and one of them had been broken. Blood remained on the glass shards and I took a small sample with a cotton swab and put it in a plastic bag. I then went back to the first floor and noted that there was a basement. That seemed odd to me as usually establishments like this would only have a basement for the employees and storage. They wouldn’t make a staircase for the general public available.

I went down the stairs and mentally thanked myself for bringing a flashlight. The light shone over the ashy floor and something struck me as off on this floor. The floor was a wreck. Things were strewn everywhere. _Was someone looking for something?_ I continued walking the floor before I came across a side room. I entered the room and my eyes widened in surprise. Three men lay dead at my feet. The fire had not disturbed this room much and I could clearly see various devices that disturbed me. _A chair with handcuffs? A water hose…?_ I walked up to the table in the room. A file lay atop the table along with pliers, cloth, various unnamed pill bottles, a couple syringes, a gag, and bottles of various liquids.

With gloves on I opened the file and my mind shut down. _KID?!_ KID’s face with his trademark smirk was visible on the file and I began quickly reading through the file’s contents. It was sadly empty and only said information I already knew. I groaned, _I’m probably getting worked up over nothing, right?_ KID’s last trick was disappearing off the face of the earth, I had already accepted that. There was no way that this fire and KID were connected. It was just too odd.

With utter curiosity, I rummaged through the drawers and filing cabinets in the room. I made another shocking discovery and tried to withhold my shock. I had found a tattered white suit covered in blood stains in a plastic bag. _This is KID’s_ , I noted as I examined the material, the plethora of pockets, the monocle, and even the tie. The blood stains even matched what Inspector Nakamori had explained to me earlier about KID’s gun shots. I gulped and took many pictures of the suit.

I continued walking the floor. Things were getting odder and odder. I found a prison-like cell with only a hay bed. The cell floor was stained in blood and other body fluids. Sex toys covered the floor and I gulped at whoever was forced to undergo this experience.

I eventually found the security room and I took pictures to showcase the destruction throughout the room. All the computers had been wiped and destroyed. Another dead person lay on the ground. I looked for anything suspicious and managed to find some security footage film that hadn’t been destroyed by whoever hit this place.

I took the film with me so that it would be developed later. So far everything seemed to make sense, yet not. Obviously, this place wasn’t a law firm. This was proved just through the fact that many were here so early in the morning. The basement was meant to torture people. The cell showed that physical and sexual abuse occurred here. Someone, who was either here or broke in, ransacked this place and killed everyone they came across. They then started a fire by pouring gasoline everywhere. Whoever they were probably escaped by jumping through the window on the second floor. _Which means I should find evidence outside too…_

The person who ransacked this place did a good job of destroying almost everything. They completely destroyed this floor, save for the room with the file. Other than that, gasoline was spread everywhere, and I reckon that the fire was started on this floor. They were thorough, this is seen with the security room. They knew exactly how to wipe computers and make them practically useless. _They must have been in a rush though, because some security footage was left behind. Also, why didn’t they have that one room burn down?_ _Was it the people inside? Was it the case file? Perhaps… No wait! They left that footage behind and that room safe so that we would investigate, what did they want us to find? But then… why burn the building? Ugh! What’s in those rooms that I’m not getting?!_

My radio crackled with Megure’s voice and I knew I had to head back. I sighed and right before I left, I impulsively grabbed the file that lay on the table. For some reason, I felt like I needed it. I walked up the flight of stairs and out of the building. Megure met me and asked for what I had found out. I quickly filled him in with everything except for the file with KID. I needed to think about that first. I gave the blood sample and film to the forensics team to process. Then I asked Megure for the rest of the night off. He agreed as long as I came back early tomorrow morning.

I lay on my bed with the file still in my hands. _KID… I never managed to solve his case. His body never came up and he never returned._ A frown appeared on my face. It wasn’t that I missed the gentleman thief, no that would be wrong… No, I missed his challenge. His heists, his attitude, his disposition, his… yeah, I missed him a lot and my life actually seemed empty without his heist notices and newspaper coverages…

_What the hell are you thinking Shinichi?! KID can’t be alive! He’s not part of this fire case…_ I sighed and found sleep difficult that night fore I knew that KID was in fact involved.

* * *

The building exploded the next morning without a warning. All of the remaining evidence disappeared. It was definitely a bomb and I mentally thanked myself for taking at least some preliminary evidence from the building. The pictures, blood sample, film, and file were all that I had saved. The case wasn’t completely ruined yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Shinichi is finally on the case and starting to piece together what happened to Kaito. 
> 
> A couple mini-headcanons on Shinichi. Some people like to characterize Shinichi as overly lawful/lawful good. I view Shinichi as neutral good, so he's willing to break/side-step the law if he believes it'll bring good. With this in mind, I think Shinichi is a bit brash/careless with his own wellbeing (ie, going into a burnt building that hasn't been cleared for public entrance yet). 
> 
> I also think that KID was an outlet for Shinichi when he was Conan, one of Shinichi's only ways to not be treated as a child, but as the determined, fully competent, and almost arrogant person that he is. Mm, intellectual relationships are spicy~
> 
> Thank you again for reading! The next chapter is already posted! Take care everyone~  
> ~ hototogisu ~ 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 6 everyone! Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm, acute stress disorder symptoms, flashbacks, medical interventions, needles, questionable medical knowledge
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I lay on the floor with my doves around me; I could barely force myself up despite the sunlight beaming through the windows. I sighed and struggled to my hands and knees. _Somehow, I’m still alive. I really need to bathe…_ With a whine of pain, I forced myself up. I grabbed a can of instant soup. I opened it and ate it cold, washing it down with water. 

Then I strained to my feet and went to the bathroom. I stripped myself of my outrageous ‘prison attire’ and frowned at its sorry condition. Then I finally looked in a mirror. I don’t want to exaggerate, but I literally looked like skin and bones. It sickened myself and I swallowed painfully. _Don’t think about it Kaito…_

I turned on the water and let it heat up. Then I carefully stepped into the bathtub and sat down. I was too weak to shower. The water seemed to instantly become filthy, so it was drained and filled again. 

I soaped up my hair and let the blood and sweat and whatever else was trapped in my hair wash away. _‘Don’t touch me! Leave me alone! Don’t do that! Please, it hurts!’_ My eyes widened as flashbacks occurred. I sucked in air sharply and looked ahead with disturbed eyes. I began scrubbing roughly at my skin. _They touched me here. They licked me here! I swear I can still smell them on me! No! I need to be clean! I need to remove them from my skin!_ I rubbed until my skin chaffed and patches of skin began to bleed. I began sobbing hysterically and I couldn’t help scratching at my arms and my face and neck. _They kissed me here and they bit me here!_ The water turned pink and I muffled back screams.

I drained the tub again and filled it with water for the third time. I continued washing and washing until it hurt too much, until my skin was beyond well-wrinkled, until I felt like they'd been purged from my skin. After that, I looked at my reflection in the mirror for far too long. It was interesting to say the least. I was like a picture straight out of an anatomy book. My bones stood out prominently and my eyes were hollowed in. Dark circles surrounded my eyes and my skin was much too white with red splotches. Briefly, I wondered how much muscle mass I had lost and how much I needed to make up.

I sighed and draped the towel around my body, I shouldn’t fantasize about fixing what I’d lost yet. I should focus on just stabilizing first. I walked into my room and pulled out clothes to change into. I tried to hide the frown that covered my face at how poorly they fit my body. Then I went into KID’s room and found the medical equipment section. I took my pulse and blood pressure and learned that my pulse was elevated. I probably lacked iron and had anemia. _I should start taking iron supplements and vitamins too... I need to recover._

I then took a small blood sample to view my hematocrit. I was right; my RBC was low as well as my plasma and WBC. I reached into one of the drawers and retrieved a bag of saline solution. I needed to rehydrate. Without that, I wouldn’t be able to heal at all.

I cleaned the part around my vein with alcohol and steeled myself for the injection. I wasn't a fan of shots, though KID's job called for them more than I'd like to admit. I gulped and stabbed the IV into a vein and flinched at the pinch. No, it wasn’t easy finding my vein and setting up an IV, but I was desperate, and this wasn’t the first time I’d done this. I set the IV on a stand and then relaxed on the recliner chair I had moved in for when KID was injured and had limited mobility. 

To be honest, majoring in biochemistry and auditing a few classes in nursing was incredibly helpful. I had more practical medical skills than most. 

I let my eyes fall shut as the drip IV pushed the saline solution in. I tried to not think about anything while sleeping, but I couldn’t help the memories that flooded back to me.

* * *

I awoke a while later and to my relief my heart rate was starting to stabilize, but it was still elevated. Now that I thought about it, my EKG seemed a bit off. It not only seemed fast, but the upper atrial part of the contraction seemed a bit erratic. I wasn’t sure whether I was concerned or just paranoid. I sighed while shaking my head; it'd be a problem for another time. I removed the IV and wrapped gauze on the injection spot.

Then I moved back upstairs and found another can to eat out of. I wondered why my mother continued to have all the utilities paid for in this house, but then again, I highly doubted she thought much about my death. Ever since my father died, she spent her time traveling and sort of pushed me out of life. I wonder if she even received word of ‘my death’ or if only the Nakamori’s knew. I sighed and found my laptop. _Yep, I still have internet…_

I researched KID’s death and saw a quite surprising reaction. Apparently, I was being celebrated as a hero and not loathed as a villain. They even had a memorial service for me and many people I’ve met before attended.

Then I researched Kuroba Kaito and was surprised to see that I wasn’t in any way associated with KID. I’d gone on the lost/possibly abducted list and pushed away from all media attention. My personas death overshadowed my death. Oh well…

My fingers flew as I researched the Black Organization. Per usual, only sketchy articles and blog entries came up. I scrolled through them with little interest. Then a funny feeling filled me as I did not even know what day it was. I looked down at the date and was shocked. Apparently, it was November 25, 20XX. _Just how long was I in that building? A year and a half?! I’m 21 now… What the hell?! A year and a half wasted… Damn…_

I shut my laptop and wandered the house with a lost expression. I had a lot of thinking to do. I sat amongst my doves and cried to myself quietly. _Poker face…_ I reminded myself with little force. _Who the hell am I kidding?! I’m just a lost cause… Damn… a year and a half… How much in this world have I missed?! I don’t… I don’t…_ I clenched my fists and curled in my knees and cried myself into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, poor Kaito. I promise things will get a bit better for him soon! (though they might get a little bit worse first!)
> 
> Cold canned soup was my struggle meal back in the day, so it's Kaito's struggle meal too. Also, my medical knowledge is limited, but I like to pretend I know a little bit. 
> 
> As for Kaito's potential heart condition, it's modeled after AFib, which is where there is an irregular 'fluttering' between heartbeats on an EKG. This is due to the upper atrial chambers not creating a smooth wave, but instead fibrillations. This leads to a faster, more erratic heartbeat. Also, a hematocrit is a way of measuring what percentage of your blood is composed of red blood cells (RBCs). 
> 
> Headcanons: Kaito cares about his physical form quite a bit, such as muscle mass, flexibility, fitness, etc. Part of this is due to his night time activities, the other part is magicians needing to be somewhat fit too, depending on their magic.  
> Kaito was a biochem major. He majored in biochem to get a better understanding of how chemistry and biology interact so he could create more safe types of flash bombs, smoke bombs, glitter bombs, etc. He also had a habit of auditing classes because everything interests him.  
> Kaito's mom is deadbeat. After his dad died, she took to traveling the world and drowning out her own sorrows with experiences. She couldn't take spending time with Kaito because he reminded her too much of her late husband. This is a bit different from the canon version of Chikage.
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please comment or leave kudos if you'd like! Next update will be on Saturday!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof! This chapter was almost late!! Sorry about the wait everyone! Please read and enjoy :) 
> 
> Chapter warnings: torture, murder, rape 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

The blood sample came back from the forensics team today. They gave me the results and refused to tell me anything else. Least to say, I was suspicious. I carefully tore open the envelope with the results and unraveled the folded paper. I immediately dropped the results and a small “shit” left my mouth.

_‘The blood sample matches 100% with Kaitou KID’s blood sample.’_

“Kaitou KID?” I croaked out. “You're joking, right? This is all a cruel joke, right?” The lady shook her head solemnly. My heart stopped in my chest.

“We were surprised at first too… Kudo-san, he could be alive. KID-san could still be alive!” _She’s a closeted KID fan_ , I observed. _But then again, I’m one too…_

“We can’t be too hopeful yet,” I reminded her, keeping in mind the amount of blood that was at the building, but it did little to dampen her happiness.

“Oh! And the Inspector is waiting for you Kudo san. The forensics team finished developing and restoring the film you left us. We’ve yet to view it. We want you present. Inspector Nakamori is also there.” I nodded and thanked her before heading to the presentation room.

“Oi Shinichi! You’re finally here!” Megure greeted me. I walked over to him. “They had problems with the film. Only sections of it could be restored properly so we only have clips of what the cameras captured.” _Only portions… too bad. Now we probably won’t get the full story._

With me present, the forensics team started playing the film. From the get-go, I wished I could have disappeared or turned away:

“Who are you?”

“Kaitou KID,” KID said with a blindfold on.

“What are you?” a man asked with a smirk on his face.

“A phantom thief,” KID answered promptly.

“Where’s Pandora?” KID didn’t answer and merely sat still. A hand was brought against KID’s cheek and he didn’t even flinch.

“I said where’s Pandora, KID?” KID seemed to be bracing himself. His hands clenched into fists even though he was stuck in handcuffs to a chair. One of the guards in the room hit KID on the back of his head so that he fell slack. Then they grabbed his right hand and took pliers. Within seconds, KID’s ring fingernail was gone. Not even a scream left the tortured thief.

“KID, where is Pandora?” The man removed KID’s blindfold and I saw something truly frightening. KID’s eyes held no strength to them. His eyes were hollowed in and much too dark to fit his personality. KID didn’t even meet the man’s eyes as he absently looked ahead.

“Oh, so this is how you want to play, huh KID? I’ll make you make noise,” the man threatened. At that point, I saw fear enter KID’s eyes. I briefly wondered why, until KID was moved onto a table and tied down and blindfolded again. He began struggling feebly until the guards held him down and pinched his nose shut. Then the man held a water hose over KID’s face. KID was water boarded until he stopped struggling and lay on the table shuddering and coughing up mouthfuls of water.

“Where is Pandora?” KID didn’t speak and was punched in the abdomen. “Again,” the man commanded as they water boarded KID for the second time. This time, KID barely fought and resorted to only crying and screaming as he was drowning.

KID still refused to answer the man and he was subjected to another round. KID was getting weaker and weaker. He looked blue on the poor-quality film.

“P-please,” _is KID begging?_ “Please, l-let me be! P-please! I can’t take it… Please…” KID tried talking but everything came out in pathetic croaks.

“Tell me where Pandora is.” KID still didn’t answer. He began screaming and struggling as he was subjected to more punishment. The first segment of film ended here.

The room was completely silent and still. Nobody knew what to say or how to deal with this information. KID was being tortured for information. KID, the phantom thief, the thief everyone loved—secretly or not—was being tortured to death.

The next film rolls depicted KID in his cell being beaten. KID was handcuffed and forced onto his knees as guards beat him violently. They spit on him and yanked his hair. They abused his ribs until KID coughed up blood and lay on the floor unable to move. They snapped his wrist and listened to his screams of agony that were only matched by their laughter. KID didn’t fight back, but he egged them on. I didn’t understand why he would do it until words of his stuck out to me.

“Heh, where’s Snake? I’m a bit insulted to not have him here. Why can’t the man who wants me dead and broken face me himself? Too scared? I’ll never tell you guys what I know, especially since I haven’t had a friendly chat with Snake yet.” With that, KID had the hell beaten out of him and he didn’t move for the remainder of this reel.

The next clip disturbed me the most. Time must have passed for KID was as skinny as a stick, and he looked closer to someone who was more dead than alive. It only showed a brief thirty seconds of a man forcibly kissing a protesting KID, who was naked and covered in red lines and sweat. I didn’t want to imagine why KID’s voice was so hoarse or why KID was crying so hard or even what happened next.

This final clip was imperative to this case. It depicted KID having a conversation with the man.

“Looks like you’ll die soon, KID. We’ve beaten you. Now the boss gave me permission to do whatever I want to you. I’ve had my way with you, you would know that very well,” he chuckled. KID didn’t even move. I briefly wondered if KID was even alive now; he looked so dead. I couldn’t even see him breathing.

“I’ve decided that you’re boring now. You’re not a fun toy. You’re broken. So maybe… Maybe I should go after those people you’re constantly calling to come save you. Your mother perhaps. Maybe that Nakamori guy. Or I know, Aoko chan or Tantei kun would do well. They’re both young, right? They’d make great toys. Especially if Aoko or Tantei kun are cute. Are they cute, KID? Would you let me play with them? Maybe I’ll kill them in front of you. No, I know what I’ll do. I’ll break them the same way I broke you. How does that sound, hm?” My heart stopped. _They threatened KID with me?_ _I’m Tantei kun right? KID wanted me to save him?! Just…_ My eyes flicked to Inspector Nakamori, and he was just as white faced as myself.

KID looked up at the man and something had changed in his face. There was this coldness, this complete numbness in his eyes. I flinched. His indigo eyes should never look like that. “Hey Doctor, you’re bored of me? You want to throw me out for them? You want to play with them? I don’t think I can allow that Doctor. Not after all the fun we had! No, I won’t let you touch them!” KID was on a full rage as he easily slipped from the cuffs on his chair. He then fought both guards before grabbing one by the neck and holding down until a crack was heard and he dropped the first body. The next guard went the same way.

“You stole so much from me, Doctor. I think it’s about time I return the favor. You took my life from me, so I guess I’ll do the same. But don’t you ever think about touching any of them. I don’t care what happens to me, but no one will hurt anyone precious to me. That’s my one rule, okay?” KID beat the doctor and pinned him to the floor. KID’s hands wrapped around the doctor’s throat until another sickening crack sounded. KID suddenly seemed surprised at his actions and he began sobbing bitterly, but his sobs transformed into a sort of sad, broken laughter. The tape cut there, and everyone was silent.

A shuddering breath finally escaped my lips, and I had been shocked to realize I’d been holding it. _How long had KID been subjected to torture? How long did he…_ My eyes fell to my feet and all emotion fell behind a professional mask. _KID may still be alive; we need to find him before he makes a mistake…_

“KID may still be alive,” I spoke carefully, concealing my emotions. “We need to find him and determine what really happened here.” I swallowed, and my fists clenched and unclenched nervously.

“Isn’t it obvious, Kudo san? KID was tortured for information regarding something called Pandora and they used many methods of torture against him… A-and… KID is hurt, and he needs our help. Why didn’t he just escape?! Nobody can capture KID… Nobody can break him…” Inspector Nakamori was shaking and close to crying. _His voice sounded guilty. KID did call for him, but why the inspector? I guess KID feels close to the inspector due to how much time they spend together playing cat and mouse. The same should go with Aoko san and myself too… KID just wanted people, even if they hunted him, to come save him._

“Perhaps KID couldn’t escape…” I suggested. “It wasn’t just a physical boundary, that last clip showed us that KID was very capable of escaping himself… Maybe they threatened to attack the people KID cares about, so he stayed to protect them.”

“Regardless of what happened, we need to find KID and figure out the real story. He did kill quite a few people with his outburst,” Megure added.

“Yeah, but it was in self-defense. KID was being tortured and threatened. This film is proof of it. He can’t be charged with murder,” Nakamori quickly responded, furthering my suspicion of his relationship with KID.

“We need KID to figure out why the building exploded and why he was held captive. More importantly, what is Pandora and why do they want it?” I asked. “Pandora… probably refers to a gem or jewel of some sort since that’s what KID specializes in as far as we know… We need KID to fill in these blanks.” Nakamori and Megure nodded. Having them work together was going to be a pain. They both had very different takes on KID. Megure didn’t see the real appeal in KID, while Nakamori was more connected to KID than he let on. I’m just glad that Detective Mouri wasn’t here. His incompetence would be miserable to deal with now, especially with such a sensitive case.

I sighed and looked up. _KID’s alive, yeah? Stupid thief never dying… I could really use a drink right now…_ The most annoying part of getting my body back was that I was only 17 physically despite actually being 21 now. I could legally drink, but so many people confused me for still being a high school student. Especially since I had to return to high school as soon as I got my body back. Thankfully, I was finished with high school now due to cramming two years into one, However, I still felt so out of place in society, like I was no longer in sync with the people around me anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi is finally being keyed into what’s happened to Kaito! Now we just need them to meet! Which will happen soon enough, I promise! 
> 
> Headcanon time: Shinichi’s transition back to his original body was rough socially, as one can imagine. He also looks young for his age, which he believes is a result of shrinking.   
> Shinichi is relatively good at swallowing his emotions during crimes and other work related horrors due to lots of experience.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please leave a kudos or a comment if you’d like!   
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 8! I'll be releasing chapter 9 as well, so be on the lookout! 
> 
> (Why am I releasing 2 chapters today when I have an interview in Japanese that I need to prep for...? ah, yes, sweet procrastination)
> 
> Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: none to my knowledge (cheesy heist notices... maybe?)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It’s been more than a month since I escaped and went back to my house. I’ve been steadily gaining weight and becoming stronger. It’s great, I suppose. Though, I’ve been having to keep the house in pristine condition, since Aoko comes by every day after school to feed the doves. I was surprised by her dedication, but it also brought a pained smile to my face when I found out.

“Kaito, where are you? Please… please come home soon, we miss you…” She looked despondent, as if this was a mantra that she repeated out of habit rather than hope. Her expression left cracks in my heart and I struggled not to reveal myself.

_I’m sorry Aoko, but I don’t think I’ll be coming home anytime soon… I need to keep you safe. I need to take them down; I can’t do that if you’re with me. I’m sorry…_

Despite how strong I was becoming again, I was in no way ready for a heist physically or mentally. So, of course, I was preparing for one right now. A new gem was going to be exhibited at Suzuki’s mall. It was a large doublet, something that would tell the Black Organization that I was back in business and no matter what they did to me, I was not going to back down. It would be a statement heist, something flashy. I would prove that this KID was in fact me, and that I was not dead. It would be a brilliant magic show, and I would give the police a run for their money. They must have been slacking off since I’ve been gone.

I leaned back in my chair. I missed the rush and thrill of a heist, so this would be fun. I had already begun my preparations. I had memorized the updated layout of Suzuki’s mall. I knew every duct and back route. I had so many exit plans made, and I’d already started preparing for the magic show. My mind flicked to Jii chan. _No, I can’t involve him. It’s too dangerous. He’ll already know I’m back with the magic show, I don’t need him working with me and getting into trouble. I can do everything myself._ I knew that Jii chan was probably hurting. This was the second KID, the second Kuroba, that he'd lost to the Organization.

I sighed and cleared my head of those thoughts. I had something else to focus on, I needed to get groceries. That was a true mission. I had to put on makeup, dress accordingly, not be seen leaving this house, make it to the grocery store without being recognized, quickly get groceries, pay, leave, and make it back here without being caught. It sounded like a dilemma worthy of KID.

I put on some makeup and contoured the heck out of my face before adding some color to make myself look more alive. I dressed in layers and put on a jacket to add some weight to obscure my body type. I finished the look with gloves and a new hairstyle. I then crafted my new personality. I’d be a shy college boy trying to get by on little money.

I waited until about 10:00 PM to leave my house quickly and silently. I stuck to the shadows until I was far from my house. Then, I continued moving through Edoka until I arrived in the neighboring district of Beika. I found an Akatsuka’s and walked in, attempting to calm my racing heart. So far everything was going smoothly and according to plan. I grabbed what I needed and moved through the supermarket. Then I—rather they—ran right into another cart.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going Idiot!” I quickly bowed and mumbled an apology. _Wait! Is that Tantei kun? Is he... drunk?_ I couldn’t help but gape in shock at the detective. He had barely changed. He was a bit taller and the circles around his eyes were darker, but he was still Tantei kun, granted he had finally gotten his body back.

“Do I know you or somethin’?” he asked with bite to his words. I flinched.

“E-eh?! O-of course not! You’re Kudo Sh-Shinichi san, right? That detective… I-I’m a huge fan! I love following your cases!” I waved my hands partially in panic and partially to sell my act. Shinichi grabbed my right wrist and clenched his hand around it tightly. I fought every urge to wrench away and escape. 

“Imma detective, but I ain’t a hero or anything like that. I’m jus’ a stupid detective!” His words baffled me. I could tell that the words he used did not completely express his sentiments, and that saddened me. Also, his limited vocabulary made me chuckle inwardly.

After his outburst, he continued his own shopping trip and paid me no extra attention. 

I finished shopping without another worry and made it home easily. I burst out laughing as I imagined Shinichi shopping while obviously drunk. I wondered what had the detective so plastered. Maybe it was work or perhaps he just didn’t handle alcohol well. God, the things he was buying too! I was almost positive he did not need that much dish soap nor asparagus. I hoped the cashier humored Shinichi in his drunken stumble.

Of course, I didn’t leave the drunk Shinichi to walk home alone. I called a cab for him and told it to wait at the front for Shinichi. I asked the cab driver to pick up whoever looked too drunk to go home by themselves. I waited until the cab arrived, gave it Shinichi’s address, and paid handsomely before taking off myself.

* * *

I wrote two heist notices this time. One of them was for the police and the other was for Tantei kun.

The first notice read:

‘When mistletoe hangs from every hearth

And young smiles are worn,

I’ll spread holiday cheer with this Eve’s kiss

But beware my bite~

-KID’

It was a truly simple riddle. I expected the task force to get this notice without the help of Shinichi. Per the notice, I planned on stealing a huge ruby on a golden brooch. Accordingly, it was called the ‘Holly Kiss’.

As for Tantei’s riddle,

‘Let’s dance again where only we can Meet,

A final present for my first love.

Make sure to make the date and don’t be late

Or you’ll berate

For missing the fall of a Flake.

Perhaps we’ll share a secret of fate

And a stolen Kiss.

But only when the animals speak

Will our souls finally Meet.

But it will be brief

For an adieu I must repeat.

~KID~’

It wasn’t an especially hard riddle, but I hoped the lover references and the biblical one would give him some fun information to toy with and examine. 

A smirk covered my face as I sent my notice to the police headquarters secretly via Inspector Nakamori’s briefcase. He would arrive at his office, open his briefcase, and, most certainly, I would make his day.

As for Shinichi’s notice, I snuck into his house and taped it to the inside of his front door with a single white rose.

The media attention was crazy for the notice I submitted to the police. Newspaper articles were published with headlines like: “Back from the Dead? Is KID Even Human?!” “Imposter or Not? How to Tell” “The Magician Under the Moonlight Returns… Again!”. I couldn’t help but smile, _yes this is the life I should stick to._

Oh, and as for Shinichi… I stayed to watch his reaction. It was great to see him all dressed for work and rushing to his front door in alarm to pull off my note and pick up the rose. It was hilarious to see him read the note over and over again and run a nervous hand through his already messy hair. Now, I could only hope that he deciphers my note accordingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! Please leave a kudos or a comment if you'd like! Next chapter is already posted! Also, heist notices are hard to write and inevitably feel cringey. Ahhh... 
> 
> Headcanons/notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi can't hold his liquor. No explanation, needed. I just don't think he can. Kaito, on the other hand, can probably take a normal amount of liquor. But he's no heavy-weight.  
> 2\. I don't know how Edoka and Beika fit into the geography of Tokyo, so I arbitrarily made them neighboring districts.  
> 3\. Holly Kiss: holly berries are poisonous, so a holly kiss must pack a dangerous punch!  
> 4\. There's no deep meaning to Shinichi purchasing asparagus and dish soap. It's a reference to something I once did while drunk, so yeah... Besides, going shopping while drunk is always dangerous! You never know what you'll purchase.
> 
> Thank you again for reading!   
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 9! Please read and enjoy! Chapters 8 and 9 were posted together because they involve the release and interpretation of the heist notes. The next chapter will be posted on Wednesday. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: mention of suicide
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

KID sent in two heist notices this time and based off the length of the notices, I figured he wasn’t going to send in any more clues as to his plan. His first notice went to the police and the second went directly to me.

My eyes narrowed at the daring thief’s actions. _Sneaking into my house at night, tampering with my security system, and boldly leaving a rose and a heist note in plain sight on my front door! Who the hell does KID think he is?!_ _The nerve of that thief! Does he have no boundaries or restraints?!_

I knew KID had his motives for sending me this notice personally. The note probably had a riddle for my eyes alone. Also, the fact that KID broke into my house despite my insane security and sense of paranoia was astounding. His feat was to prove to me that he was in fact not dead. Only KID could pull off impossible stunts like this. KID didn’t want me to overlook this heist as something a crazy KID impersonator would do. He wanted me to know that this was the real deal, _that damn bastard!_

“Inspector Megure!” I called out as I saw the inspector. He turned around as I jogged up to him and greeted me with a slap on the back. I flinched in pain but didn’t show it on my face.

“Good morning Shinichi! We have some new cases for you to look into today. I have them in your office.” I nodded politely as he filled me in with the task I ‘had to do today’.

“Inspector Megure, you know how I also received a heist notice from KID, right? I’d like to ask your permission to assist Division 2 with their KID heist.” I was practically begging the man to let me help with the KID heist.

“Yes, yes. I know you got a notice, but it will all be handled by Division 2 and Inspector Nakamori.” I growled lowly in annoyance.

“But I received a heist notice personally! I need to work on this heist! Let me assist! Please, I’ll take on double the cases after this heist!” I promised. Megure’s eyes narrowed in thought. I knew he was seriously debating this. I mean if he says no to me, he’ll deal with his best detective being pissed off at him and going behind his back to work on this case, but if he says yes; I’ll only focus on KID and ditch my business with Division 1 for the time being. Personally, I’d say yes and settle with me doing double the cases after this whole KID fiasco, but why would my opinion matter?

“I can’t let you—”

“But—”

“No buts! I can’t have you obsessing over KID! We handle murders mostly and… I don’t want you to get your hopes up, Shinichi, just to realize that this case is just some KID impersonator and that KID really is dead… We all saw the footage… even if KID is still alive, he can’t be the same anymore. It’s for your own good Shinichi.” I knew the inspector had some good reasons for vehemently denying me this case, but had he forgotten who he was dealing with?

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not just a kid and you know that. Regardless of what you say, I will take this case. It will provide imperative evidence to KID’s apparent murder and the mystery behind Mikage’s Law and Attorney Offices. This case is my case too.” My cobalt eyes met his with a steely gaze and I thought I saw Megure flinch under it.

“Sheesh, Shinichi… Fine! Have the case! Just don’t come here all depressed when your beloved KID is dead. And you’ll take double the cases, right?” I nodded my head.

“Of course! I’ll take double. I did promise that. And KID isn’t my beloved anything, he’s just a villain who evades the law almost impossibly. He’s a mystery I need to solve.” I smiled at the inspector and he flinched back. _Did I just accidentally give him a Conan smile?_ I wondered that to myself as I went to find Inspector Nakamori.

Nakamori greeted me kindly and welcomed my help. I was a bit surprised to find that the inspector, who always seemed on the verge of tearing someone apart, was actually a well-collected man.

Nakamori led me to a conference room that was guarded rather impressively. The retinal scans just to enter the room made me wonder what the inside would be like. However, the room was much like a normal conference room. Many people who were high up in Division 2 were seated on raised seats. At the epicenter of the room was a large projection screen. Nakamori motioned for me to stand at the side.

“We don’t have a seat for you Kudo san, but feel free to throw anything out if you make any deductions. I’m all ears.”

“Thank you.” I said before standing off to the side. The room had no windows, one entrance, and only one vent leading into it. The vent itself was welded down and a security camera was placed so that it looked into the slots of the vent. The men in this room all had stacks of paper in front of them and their pens ready to write. Many people wore name plates with ‘something’ specialist attached to them. Nakamori’s unit did not screw around.

As I continued sizing up the room, Nakamori approached me with a stack of papers. “Sorry I forgot to give you these before. This is all our evidence on KID and other phrases regarding both heist notices.”

“Hey, Inspector Nakamori… Would you mind if I primarily focused on deciphering the heist notice that I received?” I bit the inside of my cheek. I was definitely overstepping my boundaries by asking for such a request in a division I didn’t even belong in. Nakamori studied my face for a while.

“Sure, that’s alright Kudo san. We’ve been having trouble with that notice. Please decipher it and report whatever I should know back to me. I trust you.” Nakamori looked a little sad momentarily and turned away to hide his face. I wanted to press him, but I didn’t.

“You know Kudo san… you remind me a lot of my adopted son,” Nakamori finally said.

“I-I do?” I responded a bit shakily. I didn’t expect this from Nakamori.

“You do. Be safe Kudo san, don’t do anything overly stupid. I’m all for unconventional methods, but don’t kill yourself please. Megure san would probably kill me if he lost the detective he constantly brags about. I’m counting on you.” He flashed me a thumbs up and walked away ready to start the meeting.

My head swam with confusion. _Nakamori has an adopted son? No… had an adopted son. That’s why he was so sad after he looked at me. I must have reminded him of his dead son. That would also explain his odd behavior at the end… I wonder what happened to his son… It was probably his line of work that caused someone to take out revenge on his son. Or maybe his son took to the police force and died in the line of duty…_ I shook my head and observed as the meeting began.

The meeting started off with Nakamori giving a debriefing and what they had. Then he went into a long discussion into the validity of each note starting with the one he received. He actually had experts come to the front to discuss past KID notes, the handwriting used, the paper, the signature and emblem. It was intriguing to watch them work. The lady who discussed the validity of the police note said she believed it was a hundred percent authentic, but she did say that his handwriting was lighter than usual. This suggested he wasn’t pushing as hard on the paper or he had been using a dying pen. Apparently, there was a slight tremor in his handwriting. Many pens were heard scratching on paper as the ‘KID Team’ wrote down notes furiously.

Nakamori then called me on the spot to discuss the validity of my note. “This is Kudo Shinichi, a detective from Division 1. He will be assisting us with the second note due to the fact that he received this note personally.” I gulped as a room of eyes landed on me. “Kudo san please discuss the validity of this note.” I swallowed and began.

“I know this note is valid based off how I acquired it. It was taped to the inside of my front door along with a r-rose” _Dammit! I mumbled!_ I sighed to calm my nerves. “First of all, I’d like you all to open your case folders and examine the two notes. Note 2’s handwriting mirrors note 1’s. There is a slight shake to the writing and a .5mm pen is used here as well. The ink is a bit darker in some places. This suggests that the pen was running out of ink and that KID was struggling to have it write. The drawing and signature are exact mirrors of KID’s trademark emblem and signature. The rose found with the note was white. KID is known for leaving roses behind, so I do not find that to be odd. Perhaps the biggest factor in determining the validity of this note is that KID snuck into my heavily guarded house without much of a struggle. He completely disabled my security system, put in a proxy, placed the note and rose in a conspicuous position, and then re-abled my security system without my knowledge. A feat like that is worthy of KID,” I breathed out concluding my reasoning. Many heads nodded in agreement with me and none questioned my logic.

After that, we moved onto discussing the contents of the first notice. Nakamori took care of this. “The first note is almost painfully simplistic. KID is basically saying that on Christmas Eve he plans on stealing the ruby ‘Holly Kiss’. Holly is a very poisonous berry and the kiss part of the note is in the name of the jewel itself.” After that Nakamori called up someone who was a specialist on the gem and another who had the layout of the building the gem was going to be displayed in memorized. She also knew every weak point and everywhere she predicted KID would try to make an entrance.

Despite how much the press antagonized Division 2, Nakamori was a very effective inspector. He led elegantly and he left no detail behind. He knew KID well and he was terribly smart. If this division didn’t mostly focus on KID, then they would probably be the most competent of the Tokyo divisions. Nakamori himself could probably best every other criminal aside from KID. KID was on a totally different level from every other thief.

After the grueling decoding of Note 1, Nakamori called a break for lunch. The division workers shuffled out of the room and were forced to leave all their notes behind. Nakamori motioned for me to follow him. As soon as I stood outside of the room, Nakamori activated an intense security system full of lasers and video cameras.

“Sorry about that Kudo san, we just can’t be too safe with KID,” Nakamori apologized to me.

“Don’t worry about it, I understand. Hey Inspector—” I was cut off as a girl around my actual age ran up to Nakamori.

“Dad!” she greeted. Shock covered my face; this girl looked a lot like Ran. “I brought you lunch!” she smiled while handing Nakamori a bento. The girl looked at me and drew back in surprise. “K-Kaito?!” she yelped out. “Is that…” she trailed off and looked down as she realized her mistake. “I’m sorry...” She looked down at the floor with sad eyes and I suddenly felt extremely guilty.

“Kudo Shinichi,” I filled in quickly.

“I’m sorry Kudo san… You just looked really similar to a friend of mine…” She looked up and offered me a small smile. Inspector Nakamori smiled at Aoko and left us alone. “Hey, I’m Nakamori Aoko, Inspector Nakamori’s daughter. Sometimes I bring him lunch. Do you work with my dad? You seem kind of young… Are you an intern here?” I smiled at her innocent question.

“I actually don’t really work with your dad. I’m with Division 1, but I’m volunteering to help with the new KID case. I’m a detective.”

“Wait you’re THE Kudo Shinichi, the Great Detective of the East? Famous teenage detective? Kai-my friend was a huge fan of your work… Please help my dad with the heist. He tends to get reckless and I’m afraid he’ll try to overwork himself with this heist…”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll keep an eye on Nakamori san.” I had to press her. I couldn’t press Inspector Nakamori, but she was my age, it would be okay. “So, your friend… The one you mistook me for…” I trailed off hoping she’d answer my question.

“I’m sorry about that… To be honest he was more of a brother to me. My father and I practically took him in after his father died and his mother did nothing but travel. He really looks like you and I guess I just got excited that maybe he was finally coming back… A few years ago, he disappeared without a trace and we had no evidence as to where he went… They’ve announced him as dead, but I still have faith that one day he’ll come back…” Her eyes widened and red covered her cheeks. “Dammit, I rambled onto a stranger I don’t even know! I’m sorry again… I swear I’m not always like this… You just threw me off guard with your face… That’s all! I’m sorry again Kudo san, I’m probably keeping you from your case. It was lovely meeting you!” Aoko ran off but I noted the tears in her eyes before she turned around.

I sighed and walked off to the break room in this building and brewed a cup of coffee. I needed the caffeine. The second half of this day was bound to be as intense as the first half.

After our lunch break, Nakamori shuffled us back into the room and we began the long second half. Nakamori barely brushed over my heist note as he said it was solely my responsibility. Then we went straight to security and planning. Nakamori had a group of specialists plan out and hypothesize as many of KID's escape and entrance plans as possible.

I stood mostly bored. With this noise, I couldn’t think about my heist note. My legs were beginning to kill me, and all this standing left me swaying back and forth to try and redistribute the weight. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. It wasn’t that this didn’t interest me, but I wasn’t attending KID’s heist prepared to catch him, not if we were bound to chase him anyways. Honestly, I just wanted this heist to confirm that KID was still alive. I needed his input on my cases too.

Much to my relief, the end of the meeting was called and Nakamori called it a good day’s work. I shuffled to the subway station and boarded the first train to Beika Station. I was practically asleep against the pole I hung onto as the train moved forward. I stumbled out of the train and up the stairs to the surface. I yawned, and a frown covered my face. I was close to Kogorou Mouri’s place. I was close to Ran… I don’t want to go into the gory details of our falling out, but you can only be gone for so long before someone moves on without you. Honestly, despite how much it causes a stinging in my chest, I’m glad. I don’t really associate with anyone from my previous days as Shinichi or Conan. It was too risky. I was back in my old body, but the Organization was still out there. There was no point in hiding that I was back anymore, so I chose to not deal with people I knew wouldn't be able to take care of themselves. Ran, Kogorou san, the Detective Boys, Sonoko, my parents… It wasn’t worth endangering them. Being isolated from them would keep them safe.

I laughed and shook my head at my thoughts. I was alone, but I was happy. I was back to being a detective and Ran was happy at her university with her new friends. I couldn’t be happier for her.

I unlocked the door to my house with a key. I walked in and sighed, disabling the alarm. I had work to get to.

I brewed myself a pot of coffee, took a cup, and then retreated to my study. I pulled out the heist notice Nakamori had graciously let me keep and read it over once more.

_Well the first line obviously refers to KID and I meeting again. By the sounds of it, KID wants to meet me on top of a building._

The second line was a bit more difficult to decipher. _By present, does he mean a magic show? That’s probably what it is… But that final part… First love either refers to… Wait a minute!_

I stood up suddenly as I recalled a name. _Nakamori… In the video tapes KID was calling for Inspector Nakamori and a girl named Aoko… Aoko Nakamori… How are they connected? Could it be…? The Nakamori’s lost their adopted son a couple years ago, KID disappeared a couple years ago… Maybe… No, the Inspector can’t be so vehemently trying to catch KID if that’s the case. Plus… now that I think about it, I’ve met Aoko before. From what I recall, Aoko absolutely hates KID! That’s just a coincidence._ I sat back down and drank from my coffee mug. Though I pushed it away as a mere coincidence, I couldn’t help but feel it burn in the back of my mind. Besides, I didn’t believe in coincidences.

_Where was I…? Oh yes. First love either refers to Aoko or myself as far as I know... If the present really is a magic show, then perhaps KID’s ‘first love’ is his audience of fans and critics. I don’t know… First love has nine letters in it… Detective has nine letters in it… But why would his first love be a detective or even me? What does he mean by that? Why did he give this note to me...?_

_Line three and four are pretty easy. KID’s just saying that I can’t be late, or I’ll miss something and then I’ll punish myself for it later._

_Line five though… ‘The fall of a flake’, what does that mean? …Maybe it’s a magic trick involving height and snow. An illusion? Is it forecasted to snow on Christmas Eve? Wait! I’ve been looking at this completely wrong. My deductions are way off! KID isn’t talking about a magic trick! KID is the flake dressed in white! KID is the one… No! This is for my eyes alone… I can’t be late, if I am, I’ll miss what KID has to say before… before KID says goodbye, before he kills himself! He wants me to hear him out before he takes his own life! This heist is an excuse for me to meet with KID and for him to say goodbye to the world!_

_Obviously, he wants to me to meet him on Christmas Eve at midnight, that’s based on the Christian belief that animals talk at midnight and it explains the twelve lines. But where does he want to meet?_

My heart thudded in my chest at my realization. This heist had KID’s life dangling in my hands. _If I make a mistake, KID will surely seriously injure or even kill himself. I can’t screw this one up!_

I gulped and stood abruptly. I needed fresh air. I went outside onto my porch and took deep breaths. I couldn’t calm the beating of my heart so instead I admired the sky. The moon was just a sliver in the sky. For some reason, this only made me feel sad. Maybe because I associated KID with the full moon and a moon like this only made me think I had already lost the thief. _Perhaps a change of perspective would help me… The moon could on its way to being full or its way to being gone… half full… half empty…_ I sighed and walked back inside while closing my curtains and locking the lock on the door.

_A suicide… KID’s really resorting to that? I can’t blame him though… I wouldn’t want to live either after that… But a suicide? KID can’t do that! He’s Kaitou KID!_ Childish reasoning was the only thing I needed to convince myself to help KID. Maybe my Conan days affected me in more ways than one.

_Why does he even want to meet with me of all people? Does he trust me? Does he think I’ll help him? Does he think I can? Doesn’t he know that I’m pathetic at emotional matters? But that’s not even the point! He’s a criminal! I’m a detective! I can’t just casually help him… that’s… that’s wrong, isn’t it? But… He wants to talk… Maybe because I’m a detective he wants to tell his side of the story and have me avenge him by solving the crime. But… KID…_

_Why can’t he just visit me here? Here obviously knows where I live! A heist… A heist allows him to say goodbye to everyone at once… It provides some sort of closure I guess… KID…_

I felt sick to my stomach and I abandoned drinking my favorite drink. The weight of this heist wore me down. I knew now that KID needed me, but where?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's chapter 9! And that's right Shinichi, keep saying that KID means nothing to you aside from being a mystery for you to solve. We all believe you ;) Also, are you jumping to conclusions, Shinichi? Is that really what the heist note means, hmm?
> 
> Headcanons/notes:   
> 1\. Division 2 is actually really competent, KID's just that good. Also, I like the outrageous nature of division 2. I really love the trope of tons of cops and cop cars/helicopters chasing after a single person. With this love, I tried to make division 2 a bit over the top, with retinal scans and lots of security measures to be follow.   
> 2\. Shinichi is a bit cocky and stands up to Inspector Megure, but he has the leverage due to being so good at his job. Inspector Megure, whether he notices it or not, has a soft spot for Shinichi.   
> 3\. Aoko thinks Kaito is a big fan of Shinichi because Kaito would follow all his detectives closely while in high school. He had to keep tabs on them, y'know, for research.   
> 4\. Aoko delivers lunch to her dad sometimes. She leaves university and walks to the department to drop off his bento, so she's relatively well-known and loved in division 2 (sometimes she brings goodies for everyone else in the division too). 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!   
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 10. Chapter 11 will be posted too, as this chapter is a bit short. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm, rape, negative self-reflections, blood, razors 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

_Wowsie, Nakamori really upped the security here! This should be fun~_

I pushed through the mall and discreetly observed what Suzuki and Nakamori had in store for me. _Now that Nakamori knows my identity, I wonder how he’ll react…_ I pushed any thoughts related to him knowing my identity out of my brain

After an appropriate survey, I returned home and removed layers of clothing before heading to the bathroom to wash off the heavy makeup. 

I frowned at my pathetic reflection as the products ran down my cheeks. I was a mess of foundation that no longer matched my skintone. Being captured left me a ghost of the person I used to be, and I could barely force myself to meet the eyes of my reflection. The person who looked back at me was someone I didn't know, with hollowed cheeks, sickly pale and green skin, and eyes that lacked a life I used to have. 

_Just as pathetic as ever Kaito. You disgust me. Better off dead, you know? You can’t do anything. You couldn’t do anything then and you’re just as worthless now. You’re a disgrace to the Kuroba family name. In the end, you’re just a sorry excuse for your father!_

_You let yourself slip this far… You don’t deserve to don KID’s cape_ _anymore. You think you can protect them? You couldn't even protect yourself!_ I splashed more water on my face and tried to slow the shudders that racked my body. A negative voice in my head was nothing new, but why did the voice have to sound so much like my father?

_Remember Kaito you’re just an object. A toy for others to enjoy. People just use you Kaito. All they want is entertainment, they don’t care what happens to the 'Pierrot' after the show. Nobody cares about someone as fake as yourself!_

I bit my lip and grasped the edges of the vanity sink. _Sex toy. Object. Easy. Slut. Broken. Dominated. Whore. Not worth it. Disgrace._

Memories of my first time flashed through my mind. It was just the doctor and me. He had me tied up and naked, blindfolded and gagged. He licked at my skin and bit me until I began to react. I fought so goddamn hard against giving him the pleasure of a reaction, but my body betrayed me. He would kiss me saying that if I bit or resisted him, he would release the videos he filmed to the public. He made me swallow him despite the putrid taste. He entered me with no permission and fucked me raw. I don’t know how many rounds we went, but eventually all I could do was cry and take the pain silently before succumbing to dissociation.

Soon after, I was everyone’s sex toy, but only the doctor could cum in me. Anyone could do whatever they wanted to me, the slut. Try toys, kinks, sex positions, whatever they wanted…

Silent tears dripped down my face as my mask cracked. Memories I denied and emotions I suppressed surged forward striking through my fragile sanity. I rummaged through my bathroom cabinets quickly and hastily grabbed the first razor I found. I lay that blade across my wrist and tore fiercely at my already abused skin. _Waste of space! Nothing but a toy!_

Abusive words ran through my mind as I took out my pent-up emotions and self-directed rage. But, as soon as it started, my assault ended. I gripped my bleeding arm to my chest and stained my clothes with my crimson. A horrified expression rested on my face as tears continued to fall as I trembled terribly. _Who would even care about someone as damaged as yourself? You try to be strong, but you’re failing, obviously. You can’t even hold it together now! Nobody would care to love you now…_

The horrified expression eventually morphed into one of no expression. I wore nothing on my face. I was blank as I bandaged my wrist and tossed the razor away. Then, I looked into the mirror and a smile spread across my lips. “I suppose I have a few things to change for my heist now that I know their security,” I assessed, pushing everything away.

Yes, I knew that what I was doing was twisted. Of course, I should seek help for my self-harming tendencies and just donning a mask to hide how I really feel is probably not the best way to deal with trauma, but where could I--a dead man--go to? _I’m all alone, haha..._

I didn’t have many days left until the heist now, only three now. I was ashamed at myself for only making myself weaker. I needed to be on top for my heist and here I was acting all stupid and hurting myself. I sighed and shook my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, poor Kaito :( 
> 
> Headcanons/notes:  
> 1\. Poker face is such a dangerous thing to teach a child and Kaito takes it to the extreme. Emotions need to be felt. Storywise, Kaito uses 'poker face' as a dangerous coping strategy. Clinically, this is known as emotional numbing, and it's a relatively common coping strategy that supposedly protects the user from their past or ongoing traumas. It's the "out of sight, out of mind" strategy, but trauma, if not processed emotionally, is felt in other ways (ie physically).  
> 2\. As I've said before, Kaito has daddy issues. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!! Please leave a comment or kudos if you'd like :) The next chapter is already posted!
> 
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 11 everyone! Please read and enjoy! 
> 
> Chapter warnings: sexual assault
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

A sigh escaped my lips and I leaned back in my chair. I knew where KID was going to meet me. In fact, I’m embarrassed it took me so long to find it. In KID’s note he used the word ‘meet’ twice and the first letter was capitalized for both. This obviously signifies importance, and I was so stupid to miss this. KID obviously wanted to meet me where we have already met two times before. KID wanted to meet me on top of the tallest building in Minato, Tokyo Tower. It was where we had our second heist together and, ironically, where he saved my life. It was odd though, meeting KID there when it was so far from his target. He probably wanted that distance though.

I smiled at my deduction and closed my eyes. Now all I had to do was wait for the heist date. which was conveniently tomorrow. I yawned and polished off the rest of my now cold coffee. The temperature didn’t even matter to me anymore. All that mattered was the caffeine and its effects. I then left my desk, popped some aspirin, and moved to my bed to lay on top of it absently. I didn’t have anything planned for tomorrow. I would only go to where KID told me to, and I would wait. The police were more or less on their own.

I sighed and closed my eyes. _Maybe I should have taken a sleeping pill instead._ I turned onto my side and curled into a ball. Nerves ate at me and I knew that I wouldn’t sleep well at all.

* * *

I didn’t sleep at all last night and now the day of the heist was finally here. I was busy preparing to meet KID. I only planned on remaining on top of Tokyo Tower. KID would meet me here; I was sure of it.

The police were in shambles, as to be expected. They had a couple hours until ten, that’s when KID said he would appear in the plaza. They had enough time to panic, shuffle to their positions, and then panic again. I laughed to myself.

Security was tight, but KID probably already knew that. I sighed, there was nothing I could do.

It’s currently 9:05 PM. KID still hasn’t made an appearance, but I was live streaming KID’s heist. I wanted to see what he had planned for Tokyo. I sighed again and leaned against the building. It would be forever until midnight.

* * *

Kaito's POV

It was the day of the heist, December 24. I was ready for the heist, I had everything planned out. In fact, I was already at the location in a disguise. I blended in perfectly with the rest of the holiday shoppers. KID fans were all around me; I took a deep breath. _I have to make this perfect._

I glanced down at my watch, _30 seconds until show time… Come on Kaito! You can do this!_

With my personal flair, a red and green smoke bomb went off, and as the smoke cleared, I stood amongst the smoke in full regalia balancing precariously on top of a fountain. The water was turned off, so I stood on the top of the fixture.

Cheering filled the open plaza and adrenaline filled my body. “Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls of all ages! Please enjoy my Christmas Spectacular!” With that, I threw my arms out and my doves flew out in every direction carrying banners. The banners said, ‘Merry Christmas’ and ‘Happy Holidays’ on them, and they were tied to the fountain with invisible thread that went taut the farther the doves went. With careful measuring and a special whistle, the doves would all fly out equidistant to the streetlamps from the fountain. From there they would land on the streetlamps and therefore hold up the banners. With each banner, my lovely doves dropped what I like to call 'Christmas bombs'. These bombs released red and green confetti and glitter.

People ooo-ed and aww-ed at my display and, before they could lose interest, I pushed a button on a remote in my pocket and fireworks began to go off. With this distraction, I jumped from the fountain with a black cloak on and raced through the crowd before scaling a café's wall. With a flash bomb, it appeared that I had reappeared on the café roof. Their attention was back on me.

“I apologize once again for my extended absence. So, please enjoy the rest of the show!” I dipped into a low bow. From that moment forward, I worked to make this show the most elaborate and magical of my entire career. 

I spread my arms out and my doves rushed back into the crowd with Christmas bombs. Then as the laughter and excitement died down, I had them bring out the snowflake bombs that dropped white and silver confetti and glitter. Then, I snapped my fingers and all the power went out (of course due to the help of a button in my other hand). I clapped my hands and Christmas music began to play. I snapped my fingers twice and the lights turned on, except the lights now had filters. The light was much softer and had an almost blue glow to it. The main Christmas tree was still out, and I took this moment of excitement to leave the café with a smoke bomb before scaling the giant Christmas tree.

On top of the tree, I whistled three high pitched sounds and my birds—all 32 of them—began to circle the tree and, on my cue, they scattered. Another button lit the tree again, except, this time, the tree was covered in tinsel and garland. It sparkled and the star on top reflected the full moon's light. Beneath the tree, I had uncovered presents for the audience and even had labeled gifts for the police task force. I looked upon the adoring faces of the crowd and I couldn’t help but smile fondly, nostalgically.

“Merry Christmas Tokyo!” I cried out. “I hope you’re all enjoying your Christmas presents!” With that, I jumped from the tree and activated my hang glider. I glided over the crowd and delivered my personal gifts, a bunch of hand-written cards to the audience. Then I landed in the clearing they created for me. For once, I engaged the crowd. I gave roses to those closest to me indiscriminately. I even danced a little with a young miss who looked as though she needed some Christmas cheer. After telling her to take care of herself, I recognized a familiar face and gave her a small boutique of blue roses. Then I kissed her hand much to her surprise. _My, my Aoko… You’re usually not one to attend my heists._

I heard a few grumbles from those who saw the special treatment I gave Aoko. I only smiled and began handing out KID plushies and charms to the children around me. One kid showed me an impromptu magic trick. It made me chuckle and I ruffled his hair. 

“Looks like we have a future magician here,” I smiled, and the child whooped happily before returning to his father. _This… this is what I’ll be missing most. I’ll miss the people I make happy._ I contained a tearful smile behind my poker face and faced the audience. _Keep it together Kaito, you still have a heist left to complete._

“I know my Christmas present isn’t enough to portray my gratitude to you all, but thank you. Without you, my legacy wouldn’t be much. You, Ladies and Gentlemen, gave me, a humble magician, a stage and audience to perform for. That is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Ladies and Gentlemen, you are the only gem I hope to never return.” I tipped my hat.

“Please take care and remember that you are never alone during Christmas. Remember those who are less fortunate this holiday season. Christmas is a time to be happy, how about we try to accomplish this dream for everyone this year? Ladies and Gentlemen… Thank you for your audience! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” I bowed lowly and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

I then pushed the final button on my remote and the second half of my firework show began. As everyone’s attention shifted to the light show, I spoke again into the now turned-off microphone. “It was a pleasure being your magician,” I murmured softly, smiling faintly. I whistled loudly, and my doves followed me until I gave them directions to go home.

Then I disappeared again. I had a heist to complete. 

I traveled the halls of Suzuki’s mall rather easily. The police kept falling for trick after trick of mine. _Tantei-kun obviously isn’t helping them this time._

I slid through the halls and threw down a pink bomb. The officers yelped in fear as the sleeping gas filled the room. I already had my gas mask on, and I easily ran on as a majority of the police slumped over asleep. A smirk covered my face as I traveled through the vent system. _They didn't even seal off the vent system! Aren't I lucky?_

This heist seemed too easy. Did Nakamori think that I wasn’t strong enough to pull off a normal heist? It was insulting. I wasn’t at my best, probably 70% of my best. However, the police task force wasn’t even at 50% of their normal effort. This heist was going to be too easy.

Eventually, I made it to the exhibition room and only Nakamori remained. “KID,” he began, “I just want to talk to you.” My eyes narrowed at Nakamori. So, he was going easy on me on purpose. He knew what they did to me. 

“What is there to talk about Inspector Nakamori?” I asked innocently, playing with another mask. 

“KID, don’t play stupid with me, dammit! You know exactly what I want to talk about! I’m not here to capture you! I just want to talk! I know who you are… you know what you mean to me… please! please, let’s talk… There's no microphone or camera here…”

My eyes lowered to the floor as my poker face made my face absolutely emotionless. “I’m not sure I understand Inspector Nakamori… You want to talk? How strange… It’s almost as if you’ve become soft… No... no, that can’t be it. How about we don’t blur the lines, Inspector? I don’t know what you think our relation is, but I am only a humble thief here to take the Holly Kiss.” With that, I crushed a smoke bomb between my fingers and the Holly Kiss was in my hands.

“Merry Christmas Inspector! Take care! Say hello to the family for me~” With that I gave him a dose of my sleeping gas and left him a present. Then I climbed to the rooftop of this building. Disappointment filled me as there were no helicopters present. _This heist was too easy to even be considered fun…_

Before I could take off, my name was called out.

“Kaito,” I turned on a dime to see a Black Organization agent hiding in the shadows. He left his hiding spot and I gulped.

“T-Talon? Long time no see… Are you here to wish me a Merry Christmas too?” I asked calmly, steeling myself after my initial surprise. I recognized him as being a crony of Snake and one of my primary abusers who had conveniently left before I snapped.

“Sadly, no.” He walked towards me, but I didn’t move. I held my ground. “You really did some damage to us Kaito. You destroyed our main base in Tokyo and wiped all of our computers. With your acts, the police are actively hunting us out. Our operations have been severely delayed thanks to you. Trust me though, Kaito, everything you did will be futile as we obtain our goal and get Pandora for ourselves.”

I laughed cockily, “With as easy as it was to destroy your base, I highly doubt you’ll ever succeed, especially with me standing in your way, unless of course you came to kill me now.” Talon suddenly became very close to me and he held a tight grip on my wrist. Phantom fears and memories kept me glued in place, despite the harsh glare I tried to muster. 

“No… no… The boss wants you alive for reasons… for very personal reasons.” I gasped as Talon’s lips met mine in a deep kiss. I tried to wrench away but he bit at my lip and slipped his disgusting tongue inside my mouth. I struggled feebly. With my adrenaline draining and my weakened state, I couldn’t fight him, I couldn't do anything. 

He broke the kiss and trailed his tongue down my neck while undoing the buttons on my shirt. He bit at my neck and collarbone while playing with my bare skin. I whimpered weakly and pushed against his body, but the dissociation was already setting in. Talon laughed at my reaction.

“They really did break you, didn’t they?” He kissed me violently again and tore more at my lip before slapping me across the face and throwing me to the floor. “You’re so weak KID. Why would I bother with killing you when you’re bound to do that yourself.” He laughed and walked away from me. I sat up quickly and fixed my shirt and jacket. Hot tears stung at my eyes as embarrassment set in. _He touched me… He touched me! And I did nothing… I really am just a toy! I barely even fought back._ I laughed weakly as I drew my knees in. _So weak…_ I forced my poker face back on and stood up. Though I wore a mask, I couldn’t stop the mantra of negative words passing through my brain.

_Dammit! I’m late!_ I then jumped off the rooftop and began my rocky flight through Tokyo as freezing tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! The heist! I had a lot of fun writing the heist, but it was very difficult! I kinda struggle writing things I've never experienced and, well, I've never been a stage magician (or a phantom thief for that matter). I wanted this heist to have an emphasis on KID's fans, since this is his Christmas heist. In the next chapter, Kaito and Shinichi will finally meet! 
> 
> Headcanons/notes:  
> 1\. Maybe Shinichi shouldn't drink coffee before bed and then complain that he can't sleep, but meh. His blood is probably part coffee by now.  
> 2\. Kaito loves his fans and--unlike canon--he occasionally threw heists with the intent of entertaining his fans. This heists tended to happen around holidays for example.  
> 3\. Aoko was at the heist with Keiko, since Keiko's a huge KID fan.  
> 4\. Talon is an OC. Maybe his name isn't quite an animal, but I like the name. He's an important villain. We'll be seeing more of him. My intention for him was someone with no redeeming features.   
> 5\. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn. You've probably heard of fight or flight, but there are other dimensions to the threat-based mindset. In this chapter, Kaito primarily employs freeze (with some fawn), which is a dissociative reaction to a threat. Instead of fighting or fleeing from Talon, Kaito freezes and complies (a combination response of freeze and fawn).   
> 6\. Small note: little details mentioned throughout this story will become more important later on, so try to remember things as we go ;)
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please comment or leave a kudos if you'd like! Next chapter will be released on Friday!
> 
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, finally posting chapter 12. I know it's about an hour late, but I had a really rough day today and ahh... I'm just glad to finally be posting this chapter. I may edit this chapter later when it's not so late ahhh.
> 
> Chapter warnings: medical devices and treatments, self-harm, scars, physical trauma
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I glanced down at my watch. _KID’s late… Where is he? Am I at the right place?_ As if to answer my thoughts, KID appeared on his glider and landed less than gracefully on the rooftop. At his crash landing, I ran up to him, but he was faster and had his card gun trained on me. KID’s face was emotionless, but his eyes said otherwise. They looked haunted and disturbed. I was momentarily afraid, but then KID lowered his gun and faced me. His eyes didn’t change from their disturbed look, but he now wore a tired smile, a tired smile with blood covering his lips.

He didn’t look that bad, but I could tell he was wearing a lot of makeup. His disposition was a little off. He was obviously trying to carry himself proudly, but his head hung in a way that it was all forced. He was trying to hide the fact that he was out of breath. KID was acting tonight; any normal person wouldn’t have seen or deducted what I had so far concluded.

“You know your lip is bleeding, right?” I asked KID. He brought a gloved hand to his mouth and drew it back slowly. I didn’t get a visual reaction from KID, he just stared at his glove with an almost disdainful expression.

“Oh… I must have bit my lip or something,” he answered giving me another strained smile.

“Why did you call me out here?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

“Just wanted to wish you a 'Merry Christmas', Tantei kun.” My eyes scanned him over.

“Then would you tell me why your face is covered in makeup and your struggling to stand? KID's usually more dignified than this,” I told him with a stern gaze. KID laughed and turned away from me. I noticed how his shoulders fell and the airs he had tried to put on were gone. 

“You critics really like to dissect people… Tell me, did you watch the magic show? What did you think?” 

“I thought it was very kind of you KID. It was kind of flashy and not my type, but the audience definitely enjoyed themselves,” I answered truthfully.

“Is that so? Do I finally get a positive review from the renown critic Shinichi?” KID asked me with a forced smile as he faced me again. He looked so old here, his moniker no longer fit him when he wore a face like that. 

“You know I never hated your magic tricks, right?” KID didn’t answer me. “KID… why did you really call me out here?” I asked again.

“Tantei kun… Sometimes it’s best not to know why, but to just go with it. It sure is a beautiful night though...” With that he took out his jewel and held it up to the moon. An almost desperate laugh escaped him, “Of course… of course…”

“KID,” I approached him again and my hand touched his shoulder. He flinched at my touch but did not move or push my hand away.

“You could arrest me now, easily,” he informed me. “I’m too tired to run and I don’t feel like fighting you right now. It’s the perfect time to unmask me.”

“It’s not fair if it’s not at a heist.” He laughed again and broke away from me to lean over the roof's railing.

“Since when has life been fair?” he mumbled out, dangling his arms over the edge of the roof.

“KID,” I pressed narrowing my gaze.

He turned to face me. “Shinichi… You really are my favorite detective, my prized detective. I’m glad to have had you at my heists. It’d be rude of me to not tell you that I’m… I’m…” KID shook his head and walked up to me. With a tragic, small smile, he gave me a black rose. “Thank you for everything Shinichi.”

“A black rose huh? That means goodbye… Are you really going to try to leave, KID?” KID didn’t answer me. “You know KID, I-I have a request of you! I want you to spend Christmas with me this year.” That was definitely not what I was actually planning to say, but it tumbled out regardless.

“Eh?! And why should I do that?” he sputtered out, obviously caught off guard by my request.

“During your show, you said that we’re never alone during Christmas, but I’m alone every year. So, to keep true to your word and to make up for being late, you will spend Christmas with me starting with taking me home because I do not feel like going down all those stairs.” KID turned away from me, but before he turned, I caught a mysterious expression on his face. He didn't answer me immediately and I worked my lip between my teeth. 

“I’ll indulge you Shinichi because I do owe you for even coming here. I was really hoping to say goodbye and say more than what I did say… but… Oh well, my weaknesses are showing through again… I’m glad you showed up though and I’m glad you didn’t scold me or tell me I’m stupid or weak or... Even if it’s just a lie, thank you. Keep the rose…” With that, KID walked up to me and I flinched at the sudden closeness. "I'll take you home tonight, I suppose," he mumbled before sweeping me off my feet.

“K-KID?!” _Is that bastard smirking?_ “Hey KID! Put me down!” I struggled against him.

“I thought you said you wanted a ride back to your mansion, your majesty,” he teased. I blushed angrily and threw my arms against him. KID was already at the edge of the building.

“Oi, KID! KID! Can your glider even hold us both? Can you even land? KID this is dangerous!” As if to answer my question, KID fell forward, and we began our less than graceful descent—well I was less than graceful as I clung to KID screaming. This whole freefall business was definitely not my thing; KID could keep this thrill business all to himself! I was trying to scold him, yell at him, or even just yell obscenities at the top of my lungs, but nothing came out except for my hoarse screams.

At the last possible moment, KID's hang glider activated and we pulled up quickly. I was still clinging to him and I had my face buried in his shoulder.

“You know, Shinichi… I’ve got a pretty strong hold on you, you don’t have to hang on so tightly to me. Unless of course you like bear hugging me, then by all means please continue.” I blushed brightly in embarrassment as I loosened my grip a little. KID seemed to relax as well, as if my tight grip unnerved him.

I removed my head from his shoulder and watched the night scenery. It was pretty; KID’s firework show was still on. The moon was also bright and full.

“H-how long do you have the firework show slotted for?” I asked, my voice wavering as a cold wind buffeted us. 

“Hmm… At least until two in the morning, unless someone has the nerve to try and turn off my fireworks… They’ll have to go through a couple of traps first.” I looked up at KID’s face. Despite the exhaustion that trickled through his facial features and the cut that covered his lip, he looked almost regal. His face was held in deep concentration as if he was consciously keeping me safe. The winds were a bit choppy today, but KID navigated them expertly.

Sadness filled me suddenly. _Why would someone as perfect as him be harmed so much by the world?_ I thought back to the film I watched. It was so hard to imagine that KID went through that torture for over a year. It was only understandable that KID wanted a way out now, I probably wouldn’t want to live after that. Then I thought back to KID himself. _What if he never has been happy? What if every smile he wears is a lie? The happiest people usually have the saddest lives… I don’t know anything about KID’s personal life… Maybe this is just his breaking point? Why does he steal to only return? Why did he do what he did tonight? Why give the world such a happy Christmas when it was the world that hurt him in the first place? …Why would someone as talented as himself, someone as entertaining, as lovable as himself steal? Who would force someone as kind and talented as himself to this extent?_

It took me a moment to register that KID was looking back at me as I stared at his face. He wasn’t saying anything, but he wasn’t looking away either. He had this look on his face, a look that told me he was begging me to say something. Then, as soon as I opened my mouth, he looked away and focused on the winds. _He’s not wearing a smile now and he wasn’t wearing one back on the roof. Those weren’t smiles… Those were exhausted attempts at putting on a default face… KID’s hurting inside, I can see that just with how weary he looks._

KID began descending down, “We’re almost there, Kudo san.” I nodded and increased my grip on him. KID dropped even lower and lower and with one fellow swoop, he landed on the balcony outside my room. His landing was controlled and strained. He wanted me to feel safe. Slowly, I released my hold on KID and he helped me to my feet despite how much he shook.

“What about the lock? The balcony’s lock opens from the inside…” KID was already on it, though, as he was picking the lock on my balcony doors. He gave me a cheeky smile and opened the balcony doors. _What trickery is this? You can’t just go breaking the way things are… unless you switched the locks on my door without my knowledge so that someone like you would be able to sneak in anytime…_

“After you, your majesty.” He bowed lowly and he let me enter first. _So, this is why all your fans are obsessed with you... This whole gentleman act and your attire really make you appealing and I can see why they're all obsessed with you._

I walked through my room and turned on the lights. KID followed after me as I went down the hall and stairs to the entertainment room. KID was calmly admiring my house and probably making more notes on the best ways to sneak around this house.

“You didn’t turn on your security system,” KID noted to me.

“I forgot,” I admitted. “But you should be glad I forgot, or the police would already be on their way here!” KID chuckled to himself.

“I already knew the security system was off before I opened your balcony doors. What type of thief would I be if I couldn’t tell that, hmm?” I honestly didn’t know how he knew, but I wasn’t about to ask a magician to explain his tricks, especially since I felt like the answer would be creepy and disturbing.

“Just make yourself at home, you criminal,” I muttered. “How do you take your coffee?”

“I don’t. I’m more of a tea person personally.” I gawked at this outrageous thief.

“You don’t drink coffee? I was almost certain that your seemingly boundless energy was a result of constant caffeine intake…” I sighed shaking my head.

“Oh no Great Detective! You’ve deduced that wrong… I can’t stand the bitter taste of coffee. No amount of cream or sugar could cover its taste. I prefer tea, it’s so much sweeter and even medicinal. As for how I have so much energy… That question is not for light-weight detectives such as yourself. I don’t even think the Holmes you worship so much would be able to solve this mystery.” I rolled my eyes at his play.

“We don’t have tea in this house, Thief. So, how do you take your coffee?” KID clicked his tongue and turned to face me directly. His face was close to mine and he was wearing that arrogant smirk. God, this felt like the good old days.

“I’ll take Jasmine tea with three cubes of sugar.” He pushed a small tea tin into my arms after purring that phrase into my ear. I could only offer him a smirk in return. _Of course, he would have tea on hand! I wonder what else he carries on hand at all times…_

“I don’t know how to brew tea,” I countered back stifling an evil grin.

“I’ll help you learn then.” That stupid thief then expertly navigated my house to the kitchen and knew exactly which cabinet I kept my tea kettle in. He filled it with water and put on the kettle. “See, it’s easy Shinichi. I’m sure a detective as yourself will have no trouble with something like this. Have you eaten dinner yet, Shinichi?” _Shinichi? You sure are casual KID._

“N-no I haven’t. I was on the roof for all of my evening. Why?” I asked. I had an idea where this was going.

“I’ll make you some dinner. Might as well, you haven’t eaten, and I need to make up for being late.”

“Can you even cook, KID?” I asked pointedly.

“Hmm… No, not really, but more than you apparently. With so little ingredients in your house, I’d assume you mostly eat take out. Though, I will say you have a lot of asparagus in your fridge… Is there a particular reason for that?” he asked while stifling a snicker. I looked away, trying to play innocent. There was no way that I’d tell KID that I went grocery shopping while completely plastered.

KID continued rummaging through my cabinets and pulling out ingredients from here and there. His deft hands and his narrowed eyes meant he was deeply focused on the task at hand.

“So, what are you going to make? I don’t really take you as the type to cook, so, what will it be?” I asked him while leaning against the counter. KID didn’t answer, and I frowned. KID was gradually slowing down until he stopped in front of the stove. _What type of trick is he going to play on me? That KID…_

KID was checking the tea with one hand and turning on the stove with his other. From my position, I could see his hand trembling slightly.

“S-Shinichi… Your house isn’t even decorated…” KID slurred that phrase but didn’t continue speaking. His hands were braced against the counter as he watched the tea. Something was wrong, I could feel it and my eyes narrowed taking in every detail of KID.

“Yeah, so what? I’m not a Christmas person. I don’t really celebrate the holiday,” I explained, but the thief did not respond. I walked up to him and I noticed that KID was breathing laboriously and that his shaking had progressed so that his entire arms shook as they tried to support the thief. He knew I was approaching him and he tried to move away from the stove to hide his face from me.

“KID, are you alright?” I asked trying to reach him again. KID’s face was flushed, and he was trembling. He had his hat pulled over his eyes to hide most of his face.

“Go away Ku—” he tried before falling forward. I caught him in my arms. _Damn, he’s so light!_

“KID! Oi KID! Are you okay?” I shook him weakly, but he fell limp in my arms. _Damn, what’s wrong? I swear if this is some trick I’ll beat him!_ KID still wasn’t moving, but I could hear his ragged breathing. My hand cautiously went up to his forehead and I drew it back quickly. “Shit KID! You’re burning up! Why did you have a heist then?! Stupid!” I picked up the thief rather easily and thudded up the stairs; KID may have been light, but he was also my height and carrying him was not an easy task.

I navigated my house and found an empty room. I awkwardly reached for the light switch before moving KID onto the bed. KID didn’t even react or move. His face was contorted in pain and his eyebrows were scrunched and his mouth was drawn into a tight line. _Okay… Okay… what do I even do? Should I call Ran? Ran would know what to do… but this is Kaitou KID! I can’t just call her here and ask for help… plus, we haven’t been talking much lately anyways…_ A shuddering breath left my lips. _Okay, f_ _irst determine the severity of the fever._

I left KID in search of a thermometer, which I found buried in a cupboard in my bathroom. I returned quickly and stuck the thermometer in his mouth. KID didn’t even move and that was what concerned me most; he was never this vulnerable. The thermometer 'beeped' after a bit and I removed it. It read 41 degrees Celsius. _Damn that’s high…_

Without hesitation, I ran off to fetch a cool towel to drape on KID’s forehead. When I returned, I found another problem. I had to unmask KID in order to put this towel on his forehead. With a small gulp, I pulled the hat off his head and set it on the table next to him. His bangs were plastered to his forehead and I made another strange discovery. _Doesn’t KID wear his monocle on his right eye?_ For some reason, his monocle was on backwards. Curiously, I removed the article and I noticed another concerning thing. KID had a huge bruise forming around his left eye which, no matter the amount of makeup he wore, he couldn’t hide. Or, perhaps, the makeup already on his face had been messed up by the black eye. _Someone punched KID in the eye? When? Why?_ I placed the monocle on the table beside him.

KID was now unmasked and out cold. He had no guards up and arresting him would be so easy. I frowned at the mere thought of even capturing him. KID was so vulnerable right now. I placed the towel on his forehead and moved my hand to his neck. In this light and at this angle, I noticed red marks on his neck. The bite on his bottom lip and the hickeys on his neck made sense now, and my expression fell into an uneasy frown. Obviously, KID didn’t want this done to him, I could tell by how he reacted earlier. Whoever kissed and touched him also assaulted him. _Who did this to you, KID?_

I used the cool towel to wipe the sweat off KID’s face. With it, makeup came off, and I began to note the paleness of his skin and how hollow his cheeks were. I pushed up one of his eyelids and flashed a light into his eye. His pupil reacted accordingly, but I couldn’t help but see how bloodshot his eye was. A check on the other eye showed that both his eyes were bloodshot.

My detective side was taking over, and I couldn’t stop myself from examining him. I grabbed one of his gloved hands and slowly peeled the glove off. An unexpressive look covered my face, but internally I was trembling at what I saw. KID’s hands were scarred, and the nails were terribly damaged. They were purple and had awkward shapes. It was obvious evidence of his nails being wrenched off or some other form of extreme trauma. I removed both of his gloves and noted a huge bruise around his right wrist. _Is his wrist healing from being broken or something?_

My throat clenched, I had to finish my examination. I first took off his shoes and his socks. I noted a scar on his right ankle, a scar from a bullet hole. Then I began with his jacket. _Please don’t be any traps, please don’t have me activate one. Please, I don’t need that._ I undid the first button on the jacket and waited for a moment. KID’s clothing truly was something to appreciate. His suit was obviously tailored, and the silk was definitely top quality. I brushed my hand over the fabric. It was so soft too. It was almost surreal how perfect this suit was for him. White fit the gentleman thief well, almost too well. I shook my head and undid the rest of the buttons. Then I pulled KID’s body up against my chest as I carefully removed his arms from the sleeves. KID didn’t move, and I removed the jacket from him. Later, I would examine his jacket to see what he kept in his pockets.

Under his jacket, he had a bulletproof vest on. I don’t know if I was surprised or if I expected it. That was easily removed. I then loosened his tie around his neck and took a better look at the bite marks on his neck. _What did you get yourself wound up in KID?_

I undid the buttons on KID’s shirt and my breath caught in my throat. KID was too thin. I could see all of his ribs and his collar bones were too prominent. His heart was racing too; I could feel it through his chest. His skin was so pale and it seemed almost paper thin. Sweat covered him in a gross sheen and it only exasperated his condition. Scars dotted his skin and I couldn’t help but trace my hand over a particularly ugly scar on his abdomen. It looked like the results of a crude surgery. _This must have been the fatal bullet wound he received._ My hands trailed over the other ugly scars KID wore. _What in the world have you been through, KID?_

Momentarily, his eyes flipped open and we had a staring contest. I was over KID and fear filled me.

“K-KID… I’m sorry, I-I’m so sorry… Didn’t mean to unmask you, you have a fever KID—” KID didn’t seem to process what I was saying, and, almost immediately, he slipped back into unconsciousness.

I looked down at him, _he’s so fragile right now… He looks about my age, probably a college student… His hands are worn obviously from his occupation, but the scarring is a bit offsetting. The scars on his torso are mostly small and probably from his occupation, but the bullet wounds are probably from those who were targeting him. His bottom lip’s skin is broken and he has bites on his neck and collar bone; they’re fresh. Someone was kissing him before he met me. I don’t think it was wanted on KID’s side though… KID is weak and shows signs of not eating nor sleeping much. His body is pretty emaciated and his mind is probably fried. He has been experiencing suicidal tendencies._ I slid his shirt off his shoulder and down his arms. He lay bare chested now. _Apparently, he’s been self-harming too,_ I noted as I saw the cuts on his wrists. _His breathing is ragged and labored. His eyes are terribly bloodshot. His pulse is really quick and a little weak. KID has a dangerously high fever and he’s trembling. He’s really malnourished and probably overdid himself today. I need Dr. Agasa and Haibara._

I grabbed my cell phone and rang up Dr. Agasa. He didn’t answer immediately but eventually he picked up. “What is it Shinichi?” he asked groggily. I could hear a yawn on his side.

“I need you and Haibara to come over right away, I have someone here who’s… who’s possibly dying.”

“Why don’t you just call an ambulance?” he asked slowly.

“I can’t do that,” I said gulping. That was suspicious to say and I knew Dr. Agasa would figure out who it was quickly.

“You didn’t—” Dr. Agasa began with an accusatory tone.

“I did, and I need your help! KID is going to die if we don’t help him out!” I yelled into the phone. “I really need your help! KID is important to me, to my cases… I can’t let him die with him being so important to my cases!” Dr. Agasa sighed on his side of the line and agreed reluctantly.

“I’ll be over soon, but I don’t want to be associated with that thief.” He hung up on his side and I sighed softly. True to his word, Dr. Agasa showed up a few minutes later with Haibara.

I let them both in and tried to ignore the piercing glare Haibara was giving me. I took them to KID in one of the guest bedrooms. Both of them seemed to gasp at the condition of the phantom thief. “What happened to him?” Dr. Agasa asked me as he rushed to the thief’s side.

“I-I can’t tell you without betraying the fragile trust he has in me,” I answered truthfully. “Just please… Please help him for me.” Dr. Agasa nodded and opened up his bag quickly retrieving many objects: a stethoscope, a blood pressure monitor, and various other tools to test alertness and vitals. Haibara helped Dr. Agasa by physically examining KID. She was taking in every detail of the phantom thief. I could tell just by her look that she understood what had happened to the thief.

“He has a fever of 41 degrees Celsius. At this temperature, someone is usually taken to the emergency room,” Dr. Agasa said. “His heart rate is elevated at about 120 BPM. His blood sugar is low at 68 mg/dl. His blood pressure is also increased at 150/100. Dammit KID’s completely out of whack! He’s dehydrated too! His skin elasticity is low. His breathing is rapid and weak… Haibara, I need a unit of saline solution and a unit of plasma!” Haibara moved quickly and KID had two drip IVs set up. I gulped at the atmosphere in the room, and with a quick glare from Haibara, I left the room to give them space. I wasn’t going to be much help with all that medical stuff anyways.

I waited outside the room while sitting against the wall. I was concerned; I could hear Haibara’s and Dr. Agasa’s orders and commands as they single handedly tried to stabilize KID. _Why didn’t I notice it sooner? KID can’t have just suddenly been feeling bad… He must have been weak since before his heist was over. The expenditure of energy probably sent him into this. He’s too weak and exhausted… I should have noticed earlier… KID should have said something!_

While mulling over my thoughts, Dr. Agasa ran out of the room and down the flight of stairs. He exited my house and, in record time for his age; he returned with more medical equipment. I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. _KID… What the hell happened to you? What the hell did you get yourself into?_ Usually I was anxious to solve a case, to get to the bottom of it, but KID’s case frightened me. Did I really want to know who would dare break KID? Who would abuse him? Who would hunt him? Who would drive him to this state?

I clenched my teeth and slammed my fist onto my floor. _Of course, I want to know! This is a case for me to solve! KID is a case for me to solve! I-I need to know for my sake and KID’s sake… KID… Why was it you of all people? Why couldn’t they do those things to someone evil? Someone who—I dare not say—deserved this type of treatment? Why did it have to be you? Why did you save me back on that rooftop? Why couldn’t you save yourself? You knew that they would come collect you, didn’t you? You knew… yet you still saved my life… You took bullets so that those around you would be safe. You’re so stupid…_

Just before dawn was when they finally stumbled out of the guest room. Dr. Agasa and Haibara both looked dead and I swallowed. “H-how is he?” I asked nervously.

“Shinichi… We managed to stabilize him, but I’m afraid that there’s nothing else we can do for KID… I don’t know why he’s so malnourished, but the heist severely weakened him. We got his fever to break and his blood pressure and heart rate leveled out to acceptable standards. His hematocrit is still low, but we didn’t have his blood type, so we’re just praying that with some nutrients, his blood levels will bounce right back. We have him on an IV with 80 mL of 20% glucose. He’s stabled out for now, but I don’t know when he’ll wake up… Shinichi, there isn’t anything else we can do. We’ll just have to wait it out and pray he wakes up without brain or any other organ damage. Or we could take him to the hospital.” I gritted my teeth and looked away from the doctor. This was a true gamble. _Do I expose KID or pray that he can handle this himself?_

“Thank you for your work, Dr. Agasa, but I won’t expose KID without his knowledge. This is even pushing it…” I responded meeting his gaze.

“Shinichi,” Dr. Agasa began to push, “I have questions—”

“I know you do!” I snapped, but instantly regretted it as it was Dr. Agasa and Haibara who helped me out. I sighed and ran a hand through my messy hair, “I don’t have all the answers though… KID wanted to talk to me tonight, but then he collapsed. That’s all I really know, I swear.” _Damn, I’m a good liar…_ “I’m really frustrated about this too… What am I supposed to do with him in my house?”

“You could turn him into the police, Kudo. That’s what I expect of you anyways.” I flinched at Haibara’s voice. “I wouldn’t want KID in my house either. KID is in trouble, right? Mentally and physically? He’s sick. The cuts on his wrists and the black eye suggest that. The marks on his neck, though… and you having secret meetings with the thief… Does that suggest a different relationship with the thief, Kudo?” I flinched at her accusation, as wrong as it was.

“No! No… Nothing like that… KID’s related to one of my cases, but I can’t say how. That information is top secret; you guys understand that… All I can say—I’ll repeat it—KID wanted to talk to me and I need to hear what he has to say. This case is very important.” Haibara nodded her head.

“Okay Kudo,” she seemed satisfied with my response. “Be careful with him Kudo, he’s hurt, trapped, and scared. He might react badly to waking up here.”

“Thanks, Haibara,” I smiled wearily. The events of the night suddenly hit me and I felt exhausted.

“Well, that’s all for now Shinichi, right Dr. Agasa?” Dr. Agasa nodded and yawned.

“I suppose it is. Now if you don’t mind Shinichi, we’d like to go try to sleep today away,” Dr. Agasa responded with a little bite. I understood him though. I was at fault for waking them up so early, but I couldn’t lose KID.

“And next time, don’t call us so early in the morning unless someone who’s more help than trouble is dying,” Haibara growled. I frowned at that remark but didn’t respond. They didn’t know KID like I did.

“Goodbye and goodnight!” I called to them both as they left. “Merry Christmas!” I shouted out suddenly as I remembered the day. They both offered weary smiles, but only responded with a small hand wave.

I returned to the house and then raced to KID’s room. My breath caught in my throat as I saw him. He had three IVs and an oxygen mask on. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat and I cautiously brushed it from his face. He was as pale as ever and even a little yellow. He had this pained cringe on his face and his mouth was contorted into a thin line of anguish. His breath left condensation on the mask and it still seemed a bit too faint.

I brought up a chair quietly and sat next to KID. I grabbed his hand cautiously and contrasted my warm hand to his cold one. His hand was so pale and icy. His skin was rough and his fingernails were black with stress. _Black with how they were ripped off…_ Many scars laced his hands from who knows what. I flipped his hand over and saw the thin, dark, crimson lines that criss-crossed his wrist.

_This is definitely self-harm… Those cuts were made with a razor probably and they were made sporadically. KID’s in pain… I wouldn’t blame him… I’d be in the same state if not worse if what happened to him happened to me…_

My grip on his hand tightened as my teeth clenched. I couldn’t help but feel that this was my fault. _If only I’d stopped KID or gotten shot instead! KID wouldn’t have been sniped and tortured… and broken…_ I looked at his face again. Makeup no longer hid the dark circles and eye bags. Contouring and toning didn’t hide his malnourished and sickly skin color anymore. KID wasn’t hiding anything now.

My throat went dry as I tried to swallow. My thoughts only swirled in a dangerous pattern until I eventually succumbed to the sleep that tugged at my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading chapter 12! They FINALLY connected~ It's really late here, so my author's comment may be a bit short or blah, but oh well. 
> 
> 1\. Shinichi isn't a holiday person, so he doesn't really celebrate many holidays. Kaito is a holiday person and loves celebrating holidays.   
> 2\. Kaito is a tea person, not sure why I think so, but yeah, just because.   
> 3\. Ai is suspicious of Kaito by nature, Agasa is worried about Shinichi becoming involved with the Black Organization again and wants him to keep a low profile. An international thief is the opposite of "low profile".   
> 4\. Kaito collapsed due to a combination of an exhaustion fever, hypoglycemia, and general malaise (due to not taking great care of himself and still needing to recover from his time with the Black Organization).   
> 5\. Shinichi is a take-out person. Kaito can kind of cook due to the time he spent with the Nakamoris.
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please leave a comment or kudos if you'd like~ The next chapter will be released on Sunday.   
> Also, this is a small shout-out to Take18! You really encourage me to keep writing and I love all of your comments. They help me world-build and become even more invested in this story. Thank you so much for your support!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here's the 13th chapter! Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: disordered eating, self-harm/cutting, flashbacks
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I don’t know what time—or day for that matter—that I finally awoke, but I definitely wasn’t expecting KID to wake up before me. When I awoke, I was halfway leaned over KID’s bed. My head rested on his stomach and I was still holding his hand. I was too drowsy to realize my current predicament.

I slowly sat up and yawned, my hand still in KID’s, and I looked around with bleary eyes. KID’s eyes were fixed on me. In my hazy state, he looked like a splitting image of myself. “W-Who the hell are you?!” I shrieked with surprise and he flinched back startled. I realized my hand was in his and I quickly yanked it back. I shook my head and tried to gain my bearings.

“Wh-what…?” I stopped my words as everything came back to me. A blush dusted my cheeks and I ducked my head. “Why didn’t you wake me?” I growled out trying to hide my embarrassment.

“I-I…” KID trailed off as if surprised by how scratchy and raspy his own voice was. “I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked exhausted and really peaceful. I couldn’t disturb that.” KID looked away towards the window at the golden glow of sunset. The light dusted his ashy brown hair and reflected in his violet eyes giving them an eerie shine. He wore a neutral look. 

“How long have you been awake?” I asked.

“Long enough to remove the IVs without disturbing you,” he rasped out. “I feel like shit, what happened?” he asked me. I released a shaky breath before speaking. 

“You suddenly collapsed, and you weren’t doing so hot...” I looked down. KID was hiding his face from me, but I could feel the grimace in his eyes.

“I-I see… Thank you for your help. I’m sorry to have caused such a problem for you. I’ll pay you and the doctor for your services.” KID looked at me. It seemed so weird to see him like this. Without his monocle and hat, his face looked so naked. It was unnerving the way his violet eyes seemed to read me.

“No, don’t worry about anything like that KID. You were dying, I couldn’t just let you die without intervening in any way.” KID tilted his head to the side.

“Are you sure about that Kudo san? I’ll pay, I promise.” KID sighed and leaned his head back. “What day is it anyways? How long have I been out?” I reached for my phone in my back pocket and my eyes widened. I had five missed calls from various people; I would have to call them back later. I sighed and looked at the date.

“A day and a half. It’s currently 5:54 PM, December 26.” He hummed to himself in thought.

“A day and a half, eh? That’s the most sleep I’ve gotten in a long time,” he chuckled to himself. “Usually I’m lucky to have an hour or two of continual sleep,” he explained. I frowned. “Being a phantom thief really limits my sleeping hours, especially since I’m busy during the day as well. I suppose the same is with you too, yeah? Being a detective never stops…”

“No, I’m basically always on call. It’s a bit annoying sometimes, but it's my passion. I’m thinking of becoming a private investigator, though, so I can choose my own hours and cases.”

“Really now? It figures though.” KID answered mysteriously.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Wasn’t the Holmes you worshipped a private investigator? I haven’t read the books in f-forever, but wasn’t he?” A slight tremor overcame his voice, but KID steeled himself so that he met my gaze evenly.

“…W-why?” KID tilted his head questioningly, as if he wasn’t following the conversation anymore, but that made sense. I had just made a complete 180 on our train of speech. “Why did you even become KID in the first place? Why do you steal gems? Why only gems? Why do you act as some sort of anti-hero? Why didn’t you save yourself back there?! Why did you save me? Why did you let them torture you and hurt you and…? Why KID…? Why…?” I hadn’t expected those questions to roll off of my tongue so easily. I anticipated KID to react to terribly and yell back at me, but he only looked away from my gaze. “Why are you like this KID?! Answer me!”

“I’m like this because I am, because I have to be. There is no better answer than that.” No emotion was betrayed in his level voice, but he still wouldn’t look me in the eyes. His eyes held an emotion that he wouldn’t share and I couldn’t read. “Don’t go looking into me Shinichi, it’ll only upset you more. I can handle myself just fine. Despite the name, I am an adult too. I don’t need anyone.” I wanted KID to look at me, I wanted to see the restrained tears in his eyes. I wanted him to depend on me. I wanted him to trust me.

“KID…” I didn’t know how to deal with him. “A-are you hungry or anything? I’ll make something or get you something to drink.” This was a lame excuse to break the tension between us. A pitiful look into how I don’t know how to handle people.

“No, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me—”

“I have to though! You’re staying as a guest. I’d have to be a poor host to not feed you and make you feel welcome.” KID chuckled at this and this brought a smile to my face.

“I find it hard to imagine you as the hosting type, Tantei kun.” KID’s eyes had some of their old light returning to them.

“Really? I thought I was charming and rather polite. A true gentleman,” I nodded, adding to the comedic display with a small bow.

“A critic can’t be a gentleman,” KID countered. “Besides someone who focuses on tracking down dead bodies and their murderers doesn’t really strike me as gentlemanly. Your work is too crude, there’s no flair—”

“Oh yeah, and I bet you know all about flair with your magic shows and all those roses and whatnot. Sometimes, you overdo it, you know? Like the hair dye for Hakuba san, is it really necessary?”

“No, not really. However, Hakuba deserves whatever he gets. That critic really is my least favorite,” he grumbled.

“Why do you play favorites with detectives? Shouldn’t you predominantly hate them? And no formality with Hakuba san? Are you two close or something?” I asked teasingly.

“Not anymore,” he answered truthfully. “Hakuba and I went to school together, we were at one point something like friends. As for you detectives… Hakuba is my least favorite since he’s so uptight! Tantei han is too hot-headed for me and I don’t see him much. You’re my favorite though Shinichi~ I remember when you were still Chibi chan, but now you’re back to being Kudo san… When did that happen? You were still Chibi chan when I… when I…” KID trailed off unable to finish his words without his voice cracking.

“A friend finally found the permanent antidote for me so I’m back to being Shinichi Kudo again. I lost all of my fame and friends… but it’s good to be back. I just have to worry about my publicity because of you know… the Black Organization. If they knew I was still alive, they’d probably try to take me out again.” 

“Actually, Kudo san… That reminds me, I have something to tell you.” I listened intently. “The organization I stayed with, the organization I'm working against, they're also the Black Organization." KID paused for a moment to let this information sink in. I'd had suspicions that this was the case, but having this information revealed caused a loud breath to escape from my nose slowly. 

"I assume you already saw the tapes I left behind and… and all that…" He licked his lips, "I destroyed all the computers there, but not after hacking the ones at their other locations. I-I made a discovery; this organization had a lot of information on you, Kudo san, and on Conan. They haven’t figured out that you two are the same, but they were getting close. Naturally, through remote access, I wiped all their computers at each of their bases. I don’t know about their backups or anything, but it appeared that the place I stayed at was their main information hub. I destroyed everything except those tapes, which I left to you and the police. Other than that, I’m the only one with a copy of the information there. Everything on you and Conan was destroyed, as far as I know. You should be safe now Kudo san. Their main target is me now, don’t worry about hiding yourself as much anymore.” KID offered me a smile, but I couldn’t return it. _You’re so stupid! Now you’re their only target! Why would you shoulder everything yourself?_

“Why?” I asked with my voice dying at the end. “Why did you do that KID?” _Why aren’t you selfish?!_

“It’s better that way, isn’t it? You have connections to people Kudo san. Like you said yourself, if they ever figure out who you are, then everyone you care about will be in danger. Now you can return to your old life. You don’t have to worry about being killed on a daily basis as much. Besides, my specialty is near death encounters. Being shot at, tortured, hated… it doesn’t faze me anymore. I’m perfectly fine living like this. You solve the case and I’ll take them down.” KID looked too calm, too composed. He even smiled slightly. _It doesn’t faze you—Bullshit!_

“What if they catch you again?”

“Then maybe they’ll actually finish the job,” he morbidly joked. “Even if they catch me again, what’s the difference? What’s the difference if I’m tortured again, forced to do things I don’t want to, forced to break? I don’t have a choice in the matter, so why should I fight it?” .

“KID! You don’t have to do this! It’s not too late, I’ll help you assimilate back into society! We can even press charges! There are tapes!” I begged.

“You misunderstand Shinichi. If I don’t do this, who will? Who’ll take the bullets in my place? Who’ll cry out in pain in my place? Who’ll be raped in my place? Who’ll break in my place? Someone has to be the scapegoat, the martyr… That someone is me. I’m best suited for it anyways… I have no one to leave behind anyways. Everyone thinks I’m dead and those who don’t will forget me in time. Even you will forget me as time goes by. I’m a phantom thief! I disappear as quickly as I take the world by surprise. My fame is only outlived by time itself, and time is indefinite... I’m nothing in comparison.” KID was so eloquent in his way of speech, and I hated him for it. He sounded so sure that it didn’t matter what happened to him. He was even smiling.

“You… What… What the hell type of mindset is that?! How are you helping the world if you’re only succumbing to it? You’re only making an excuse to help you understand why you suffered so much!” KID chuckled at my anger and gave me another ghostly smile.

“Maybe I am Tantei kun, but it works for me. I’d rather it me than anyone else though. Imagine the pain of any of your loved ones, what about Mouri san? How would you feel if they knew about her and tortured her instead of me? Nobody is close to KID, nobody knows KID. Without that emotion, then my eventual death will be fine. Nobody can mourn a person they never knew—”

“You’re wrong there, KID! After you disappeared, we gave you a memorial service! Everyone cried and so many people shared stories about how you helped their lives! We mourned you! Do you think people attend your heists because they don’t care about you? The people love you! Just because we don’t know you personally doesn’t mean we don’t care about you! I care about you! I’d miss you! Don’t talk about throwing your life away so carelessly! Your life is precious KID! All life is precious, even yours! So, don’t talk like that.” Something told me I had said the wrong thing, because all emotion was wiped from KID’s face and he didn’t speak to me again. He looked ahead with blank eyes, a blank face.

“KID? Oi KID? …Fine! Ignore me if you want! I don’t care! Damn, you’re so sensitive sometimes! I’m making you food whether or not you want it!” I left him angrily and KID didn’t even watch me leave. It made me so mad and angry.

* * *

Almost an hour later, I came back up ready to apologize to KID and to tell him ‘breakfast’ was ready. Somehow, KID had gotten himself dressed, made the bed, and cleaned up the room. Now he was standing by the window admiring the sunset. From the quick glance I stole of his face, before he put on a mask, he looked like he was about to cry.

“Dinner’s ready,” I mumbled out as KID turned to face me, all emotion now wiped from his face. He nodded but did not respond. Apparently, he still wasn’t going to talk to me. He followed me out and I was surprised at how steady he was on his feet. I wondered how much practice he had with pushing on despite how weak he was.

He looked so natural walking behind me. His indigo shirt fit him well, despite how skinny he was, especially in the shoulders. His white pants shaped the curve of his hips. He carried himself so proudly and with a dignified nature. Naturally, I felt challenged, even though I was just inside my house. KID carried himself so well, he was such an actor. Even going down the stairs, he didn’t falter even once. He ran a gloved hand through his messy hair casually and took in every detail as he walked. His mouth was drawn in a tight, inexpressive line, and his eyes were slightly squinted as he looked everything over. His other gloved hand modestly glided down the stairwell. I assumed this was his way of keeping balance, though he didn’t show a hint at that.

He followed me to the dining table and took a seat adjacent to mine. I served him and then myself and nerve-wracking silence fell upon us. I ate silently, KID attempted eating. I knew my cooking wasn’t the best, but I could make stomachable curry. KID only picked at his food eating a few rice grains and not even touching the meat. He drank the water though; that was good. KID looked so conflicted at the few mouthfuls he did force down his throat. He kept glancing at me and giving me guilty looks before looking away again.

“Thank you for the food,” KID mumbled out suddenly before standing and pushing the chair away from the table.

“Where are you going?” I asked also rising to my feet.

“Toilet,” he responded gruffly without looking at me. My eyes narrowed; he wasn’t even hiding his true intentions.

“KID!” I yelled grabbing his wrist before he hit the stairs. KID spun around quickly to meet my eyes. Fear filled his eyes and a noise I’d never heard before left the thief’s mouth, an almost choked sound. KID wrenched away from me and backed up until his feet met the stairs and he fell backwards landing on his butt. He was acting on impulse, out of complete fear. He reached into his pocket and grabbed the first object he had in it. He threw it down and I realized a second too late that it was a flash bomb. I rushed to cover my eyes as the flash bomb went off for five seconds. When I could finally open my eyes, KID was gone.

“Dammit!” I shouted angrily. I knew he hadn't left the house. Even with his acting skills, moving that fast would exhaust him quickly. I scoured all the rooms in my house and frowned as they all turned up empty. _Where the fuck did he hide?!_ Naturally, anywhere in the house was open game for KID, and with a house as big as mine, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was on the roof or tucked away in some secret cupboard or something that only he knew of.

“KID!” I called out over and over, but I didn’t receive a reply. I was on the third floor when suddenly I heard a choked sob. I ran through the halls recklessly until I stopped in front of the door that concealed the sound. It was my parent’s bedroom. All previous courage had left me, and I swallowed before opening the door.

In the corner of the room by the closet door was KID. His knees were curled into his body and his head tucked into them. He was sobbing and trembling. In the dim light, I caught red staining his white gloves. Blood dripped off his fingers and I noticed one of his razor-tipped cards being squeezed between his fingers. He trembled as his hold on the card increased. I could hear a mantra of ‘leave me alone, please don’t hurt me’ leaving his lips in rapid mumbles.

I knew this was my fault, I was so stupid. I had so much to learn; grabbing him suddenly and yelling at him probably triggered some kind of flashback. He’s scared and it’s all my fault. I approached KID, but he didn’t seem to notice. I kneeled before him, “Hey KID.” He looked up at me with his hurt, red eyes.

“Go away Kudo san, please go away,” he begged as the tears continued to spill from his eyes. His grip tightened on the razor card in his hand and the bleeding increased. I didn’t leave though and despite his weak protests, I wrestled the razor card from his fingers. He clenched his hand to his chest; the blood stained his shirt and suddenly I could imagine it. KID was being beaten, fingernails being ripped off, being water boarded, given drugs, raped… His small figure, acting cocky through it all, but bitterly sobbing when it became too much, laughing and taunting when he wanted to cry. 

KID was looking at me with fearful eyes, fearful eyes with tears falling from them. His mouth was held in a wavering straight line that threatened to turn either up or down. KID was breaking down right before my eyes; the mask was falling apart. He trembled and tried to push himself more against the wall, tried to make himself even smaller.

“KID…” I pulled the sobbing thief into my arms and embraced him. At first, he struggled in my grip, but then he hugged me back ferociously, his hands grasped at the fabric of my shirt. He wept bitterly and clung onto me as if I was the only thing keeping him here. I mumbled sweet nothings things to him, and he buried his face into my shoulder. I don’t know how long I held him, but eventually KID’s tears subsided to just sniffles and he pulled away from me.

I took in his face. It looked so much different from the face he usually wore. This face was worn, tired. He looked so much older, more mature… He looked like he’d seen hell and every atrocity that existed upon this earth. To be honest, I’d say he had.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured out softly. His eyes looked at the floor and his head was bowed. His face looked so aged, but his body appeared so childlike. He looked so lost and terrified. His body trembled before mine as he tried to make himself smaller and smaller. I smiled endearingly at the thief and pulled him into another hug. He didn’t fight this one.

“Don’t worry about it, KID. I’m here for you, always here for you,” I murmured into his hair as I held him close. We enjoyed each other’s presence for a little while longer until I pulled away. “Let me see your hand,” I told him steadily. KID shakily gave me his hand and I examined the cuts on it. They were deep, but not dangerously deep. The bleeding had mostly stopped, but his hand was bloody red, along with his shirt, the floor, and my shirt. “Stay here,” I told him, “I’ll be right back.” KID nodded slowly but didn’t speak.

I went straight for my bathroom and pulled out bandages and hydrogen peroxide. Then I returned. True to what I asked of him, KID remained on the floor. He offered me his hand wordlessly and I cleaned it carefully. He flinched at the coldness of the hydrogen peroxide but didn’t pull away. He let me wrap his hand without resisting as well. KID was silent and it was concerning.

“You know KID, you can tell me anything. Anything you want, I’ll swear myself to secrecy too if you want me to.” KID looked up at me. His red eyes and frown made me want to cry too. He looked too much like a kicked puppy.

“Thank you,” he mumbled out quietly. His voice sounded raspy and uneasy. “Thank you for everything. Maybe one day… One day… I-I’ll tell you…” I didn’t want to push him, so I only smiled.

“I guess we’re not eating dinner tonight, so how about we skip that and just eat dessert and watch something on TV?” I suggested. KID smiled weakly, happy that I wasn’t pushing him to explain everything. “Come on then! I have lemon meringue pie, so I hope you like it! Let’s… get cleaned up first,” I suggested, and KID nodded. “I'll lend you some clothes.” I helped KID to his feet and guided him through my house to my room. I sat him on my bed and sifted through my closet for clothing. I tossed KID a long-sleeved shirt and some loose fitting pants. I figured KID wasn’t ready to openly reveal his cut-up wrists and I knew that he would approach me when he was ready. 

“I hope that’s okay for you. I don’t really have anything else that matches your 'gentlemanly' style. However, I bet that what I own is a lot more comfortable than what you’re wearing right now.” KID smiled slightly and shook his head. He began unbuttoning his shirt and I caught another glimpse of his muscular, yet scarred torso. His bones were still prominent, and I knew I needed to think of a way to help KID gain back the weight he still lacked.

“A-are you just going to stare at me?” KID cleared his throat with a slight blush dusting his cheeks. “I know we’re both guys, but even I’m a little self-conscious and you are kind of creeping me out,” KID admitted. I blinked quickly and looked away.

“Sorry, sorry! I was spacing out,” I answered truthfully. I heard KID sigh and mumble something about me needing to be more tuned in to my surroundings and me being a pervert. I smiled wryly and dressed myself. As soon as we were both in clean—and not bloody—attire, I led KID downstairs and to the couch. He didn’t protest to my hand holding his securely as we walked. I was hoping that it comforted him. I really wasn’t good at this comforting thing, so I hope this helped KID even just a little.

KID sat on the couch and pulled the blanket I gave him over his body. He was curled up and watched me move. I disappeared momentarily as I went into the kitchen and cut us both a slice of lemon meringue pie—my slice was a little bigger than his, I admit. I also poured two glasses of milk. Then I retrieved a tray from my cabinets and set everything on it with forks and napkins. I carried it out and KID’s eyes seemed to sparkle as he saw the sugary treat.

I set the tray on the coffee table and handed him his plate, KID spoke a quick thank you and moved as he waited for me to sit down. As soon as I was situated comfortably, he took his first bite. A small sound left his throat, an almost erotic sound. I should have figured though, a mischievous thief like him would obviously have a sweet tooth.

“I’ll take it that the pie’s good, right?” I chuckled. KID looked up at with an unashamed grin.

“Yep, it’s good. I prefer chocolate, but this will do,” he chirped as he took another bite.

“I’ll keep that in mind for the next dessert I make, or rather attempt to make.”

“I’ll help you next time, making desserts is my specialty,” KID boasted. It occurred to me then that we were both assuming that KID was going to stay here longer.

“Oh really,” I responded. “We’ll have to test your words then… Hey, what do you want to watch anyways?” I asked turning the television on.

“I don’t really care, so whatever you want Tantei kun,” KID responded, carefully licking his fork clean and not giving me much attention. I chuckled to myself, it was quite comedic. KID, the gentlemanly thief, was licking a fork and drooling for sweet food. Somehow this made KID seem more human; he wasn’t just the impossible phantom thief. He was human too, with human emotions and needs. He could be hurt just the same and… I shook my head to clear my mind. _Don’t think of that now Shinichi! Thinking of what they did to him will only… only make it all worse. Be happy for him!_ So, I continued to smile and opened up my recorded programs.

“Then you’re okay with watching Sherlock?” I asked looking at the thief. The thief looked at me and cocked his head.

“Sherlock…? As in the BBC Sherlock series?” he asked with the fork sticking out of his mouth.

“Yeah, that’s the one. Do you know it?” I asked.

“Yup. Hakuba really liked that show and constantly insisted that I watch it. It’s actually not that bad of a series, sometimes a bit too dramatic even for me, but the series is definitely thought provoking. Do you have the most recent episode recorded? I haven’t seen that one yet.” KID smiled at my surprised face.

“Y-yeah I have that one recorded. I guess we can watch that one. I really didn’t think you’d be into a show like this one…” I mumbled out.

“Hmm… I have to study my detectives somehow… Might as well start by studying what every detective apparently loves.” KID snuggled deeper into the couch and curled the blanket over himself more.

I skimmed for the right episode and pressed play. Then I moved to turn off the lights and settled into the couch myself. I started eating my dessert as the opening played and the recap occurred. KID’s gaze was intently focused on the television that he didn’t notice me watching him. It looked like he was finally relaxing again. His breathing had stabled out and his shoulders were no longer tense. _How long will I be able to take care of him?_ I wondered to myself. I didn’t want KID to leave here. Here, I could take care of him, comfort him. I could stop him from harming himself, or worse, killing himself. I could help KID recover and help solve his case as well as repay him.

_Why do I even want to help KID again? Why am I so bent on saving him? I’m not friends with KID, though I think we could be friends if our circumstances were different. KID’s obviously very smart, that’s a trait I admire in people. But aside from attending his heists and him saving my life on more than one occasion, why do I want to help him? Is it because of the atrocity of the crimes committed against him? Is it because of the footage I saw when he called out to me? KID… He’s not a criminal, he’s a martyr that we will only acknowledge after his death. He won’t be fully recognized until this world destroys him, until he’s broken to the point of no return. I wouldn’t be able to forgive a world that does that. KID… That look on his face… That one of pure terror. He thoroughly feared me. He thought I was going to hurt him. He was sobbing to himself in a secluded room, forcing blood out of his own blood vessels._

I felt my eyes slipping shut as I pondered the mystery of KID. Thoughts became harder and harder to process as I slipped into unconsciousness and lived in my restless dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, finally posted the 13th chapter! It took awhile to write and edit this chapter, haha. I really like writing Shinichi and Kaito's interactions. Right now, they're just starting to get used to each other. I can't wait to show you all how their relationship evolves and how they become more comfortable and familiar with each other.
> 
> Headcanons/notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi is awkward when it comes to comforting people/understanding their complex emotions. He's at home at work and during cases, but he's not the best with interpersonal relationships. He doesn't know what to say and sometimes acts without thinking his actions through. This is a place where he needs to grow as a person.   
> 2\. Kaito, on the other hand, is moody but tries to hide his emotions. He internalizes and internalizes until he explodes with feelings. These are his breakdowns. This is a big issue for Kaito and Shinichi. They need to learn how to work with their emotions effectively. Kaito needs to be more open and trusting (as well as healing from his own traumas) and Shinichi needs to grow a bit more in the emotional intelligence department. However, Shinichi really does care about Kaito and his heart is in the right place. He just needs some more experience.   
> 3\. Part of Kaito's traumas manifested as disordered eating behaviors. He purposely restricts his diet and vomits. Part of this stems from his need to control aspects of his life. The other half of it is residual from his time in captivity and being denied food. Kaito still loves sweet food and it's probably the only type of his food that he looks forward to eating right now.   
> 4\. Kaito uses "self-exceptionalism" as a coping mechanism, thinking that he's the only one that could or should be captured by the Black Org. He adopts a self-sacrificing mindset to help him come to terms with why and what happened to him in captivity. Obviously, this would be frustrating to anyone who hears him flippantly speak so self-degradingly.   
> 5\. Shinichi, and all the other young detectives, love Sherlock. Kaito is impartial to it. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please comment or leave a kudos if you'd like :) The next chapter will be released on Tuesday and will include a character appearance (of one of my favorite characters!). See you next chapter~!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Happy Tuesday/whatever day it is for you~ Here's chapter 14! We're finally introducing one of my favorite characters! Heiji is one of my favorite characters to write. Please read and see the author comment at the end :)
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-hating speech, breakdowns, disordered eating 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental

I stood outside Kudo’s door. Of course this wasn’t a planned visit. I just happened to be in Beika… Actually, I’d been trying to get a hold of Kudo for the past few days. I wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas, but he never picked up the phone or called me back. I called Mouri neechan, but she only said that Kudo never answered her call. This wasn’t too alarming; Kudo is a jerk when it comes to answering the phone and catching up with people. In fact, I wasn’t even alarmed until the police department called me asking if Kudo was with me or something. Apparently, Kudo missed his first day of work since he had returned from being Conan. He never called to announce that he was sick or anything. The police headquarters was freaking out about it and I was concerned enough to want to look into it. Kudo wasn’t the type to just ditch his work as a detective without calling in. Hell, he’d forget everything else aside from his work! He’s even been known to show up to work with a fever or worse, and then, it’s a fight to get that bastard back into his bed where he belongs! So naturally, I could only conclude that Kudo was in trouble somehow.

I knocked on the door and waited a few seconds before knocking again a bit louder. I then rang the doorbell, but still no one responded. _He’s probably just in his library or something, right?_

I cautiously tested the doorknob and to my complete shock, the damn thing wasn’t even locked! No alarms were going off or anything! I pushed through the door and examined the house curiously. From the entrance way, it looked normal, it wasn’t thrashed or anything. I crept into Kudo’s house praying that I wouldn’t be caught by Kudo in a hungover craze.

I tiptoed into the living room while making sure to take everything in for future reference. Then I saw it: two Kudo’s sleeping on the couch. I had to be dreaming, right? There’s no way the world would curse us with TWO Kudo’s, right? That’s too cruel! One of them looked to be the normal Kudo with his hair and all, but the other one bore strikingly similar traits. Their faces were so similar; the only real difference was how skinny one of the Kudo’s was. The logical part of my mind argued that the Kudo closest to me was the real one, while the other was probably some distant family relative I’ve never heard of staying over.

I gulped; with Kudo’s luck, it wasn’t entirely possible to rule out that Kudo was duplicated by some mad scientist. Carefully, I shook the one that looked most like Kudo and waited for him to open his eyes.

Piercing icy eyes glared at me as this Kudo woke up. “Hattori?!” he asked with a small growl in his voice. “What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you have any manners or anything?” he snapped. _This has to be Kudo. Kudo’s always angry when he’s woken up..._ I thought with a grimace at his harsh tone.

“Sorry, sorry Kudo! Your door was unlocked—”

“That doesn’t mean you can just invite yourself in!” he fumed while glaring at me. I backed away from the dangerous Kudo and smiled sheepishly.

“I was just worried about you! You haven’t been answering any of your calls, you didn’t report to work today, and your front door was unlocked.” Kudo mumbled a small curse word under his breath and rolled his head. “By the way, who’s your guest over there?” I asked motioning to the still sleeping body. Kudo stiffened suddenly and got to his feet quickly. “I’ll take it that that’s not your family member then?” The silence I received was all I needed to see the truth. “Ditching work for your boyfriend Kudo, really now? That’s pretty childish, even for y—” Kudo slammed a hand over my mouth.

“Shut up Hattori before I kill you!” he muttered quickly and darkly. “You won’t say a thing until I explain things.” I nodded quickly out of fear and I stood completely still as Kudo went over to the sleeping body. He kneeled next to the sleeping one and began to call out softly to him. I couldn’t understand what Kudo was saying, but the tone he used aggravated me. Eventually, the body began to stir, and Kudo ran his hands through the sleeping one’s hair ‘til violet eyes popped open.

“S-Shinichi?” the other person asked with a surprise. Kudo smiled tenderly and brushed messy bangs from the other’s forehead.

“Yeah it’s me. How are you feeling today?” he asked.

“Shinichi… Did I oversleep? I’m sorry. I usually don’t sleep for so long…” the other guy mumbled out looking embarrassed and frightened. Who was this guy?

“No, no don’t worry about it. I just woke up too. Actually… we have a guest—” Kudo didn’t finish his phrase my eyes connected with the other guy’s and he sat up quickly in shock. His eyes went wide, and he quickly got to his feet. I noted that he was incredibly skinny and that bandages covered his right hand.

“Tantei han!” the other guy yelled out in a somewhat accusatory tone. Kudo quickly held onto the other guy and tried muttering things to him to calm him down. _That air… There’s only one person I know that calls me ‘Tantei han’ like that!_

“KID!” I yelled back in a matching condemnatory tone. “What the hell are you doing here KID?!” I roared. Kudo stepped defensively in front of KID. “What the hell are you doing with Kudo?!” I yelled out again. KID grit his teeth.

“I can explain Hattori—” Kudo began, but KID stepped in front of Kudo.

“I can take care of this Shinichi,” KID said wearing a confident smirk. “Yes, I’m KID, are you surprised Tantei han?” I clenched my teeth and assumed a fighting stance. I would fight for my friend’s honor. Obviously, KID had roped Kudo into this relationship, and I wasn’t going to have any of it.

“Why are you here KID?” I growled. KID sighed and assumed a rather casual position.

“Can’t a lonely thief spend Christmas with his favorite detective?” KID asked with a smile. For some reason that did not sit well with me, especially with how KID looked back at Kudo and Kudo looked back at KID. They shared some secret sentiment in that glance. It was sick. I was sick. This was sick. A thief and a detective, no it couldn’t be! I had to be reading this wrong. KID was messing with my mind. Kudo was definitely being coerced into this!

“Kudo!” I yelled, but Kudo refused to meet my gaze. A blush had spread across his cheeks. KID looked more arrogant than usual and Kudo was suddenly acting reserved.

“I just didn’t want to be alone this year; I couldn’t be alone this year. You could say Shinichi saved my life. I’m forever in debt to him.” I bit my tongue as KID spun around to face Kudo and bowed.

“You know, KID, that you’ve saved my life multiple times before. Just spending time with you over the holidays is nothing in comparison… And all that you’ve done before—” KID’s finger went to Kudo’s lips and Kudo stopped talking.

“Don’t say embarrassing things in front of our guest Shinichi. He might suspect things about our relationship.” My mouth hung open as Kudo blushed brightly and started sputtering nonsense.

“You’re not being presumptuous about our relationship are you, Tantei han? Shinichi and I are only acquaintances at best. We only have this peace treaty until we both return to our occupations. Don’t worry Tantei han, our relationship is strictly work based.” KID met my glare equally and winked suggestively.

“Like hell I’d believe that! Kudo you have a lot of explaining before I call the police here! Like why is he here? Why’s he wearing your clothes? Why were you two even sleeping together? Why are you being kind to him?” I then turned to KID. “I swear if you’ve touched him in anyway—”

“I’m being totally honest here, but Shinichi was the one to undress me and stare at my half naked body like some kind of pervert,” KID answered with his hands up defensively. Kudo’s face went up in a brilliant scarlet and he was stuttering to deny KID’s accusations. “I’m a gentleman, but Shinichi’s a pervert!” the thief huffed out crossing his arms comically.

“You don’t have to put it like that…” Kudo murmured out finally, defeated.

“Kudo!” I pressed, my own face going up in many shades of red. My eyes narrowed at KID and Kudo and they both looked away.

“I know… I know…” Kudo sighed running a hand through his bed head. “We can’t lie to you… I’m not a strong enough actor, I’ll crack… Besides… It’s not right… KID, can I tell him please?” KID looked away; the obnoxious smile had disappeared from his face. His actual expression startled me, and I struggled to process his true face.

“Do what you want, I don’t care… Might as well… It’s not like… It doesn’t…” KID was choking on his words and Kudo grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Just go ahead, say what you want. I’m fine, completely fine. It doesn’t bug me.” A blank face came over KID as all emotion drained from his face. Kudo’s face looked so sad all of the sudden and I desperately wondered what I didn’t know.

“Hattori… Actually… I’m… I’m… We’re… KID…” KID turned away from Kudo and me. His body’s posture betrayed anger and frustration. He was trembling. I was nervous yet curious.

“Shinichi saved my life after I almost died,” KID murmured out with an unwavering voice. His face was hidden from us, but Shinichi looked down, almost guiltily.

“I hurt myself and starve myself and I almost got myself killed, but Shinichi saved me. I don’t regret my actions though. I’m sick and demented. I’m wrong. I hate myself. I can’t stand my own existence. The world would be better off without a failure like myself, but I selfishly continue to live. I live for my ultimate death. Shinichi is just wrapped up in my deranged mental state. He pities me, even though I don’t even deserve a fraction of his pity. I don’t deserve anything except maybe my own pain. Death is even too generous for me. Shinichi is too good a person for me. I can’t even bring myself to say this facing him. Nor can I even address him as if he’s present, right here, right now. I have to say this with you here, Hattori, so I have some sort of false confidence. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. Nobody else knows what I’ve done. I don’t want anyone to know, I’m afraid. It’s not like I have anyone though. I made sure to cut all ties beforehand so that no one would miss me. You don’t have to worry about anything Hattori…” With that KID began laughing hysterically. “I can’t even admit the full truth here, so weak…” His hollow laughs bounced off the walls and hit the floor like dead weight. Silence hung between Kudo and me. I didn’t know what to say and Kudo was staring straight ahead with tears brimming his eyes. They both trembled and I wondered what I had wandered into.

KID suddenly turned around; a smile covered his face that reached everything except his dead eyes. “I’ll go make coffee and tea. Which do you prefer Tantei han? Tea or coffee?”

“Er… tea?” I responded tastelessly and with confusion. His sudden total mood shift frightened me, and I couldn’t believe these words falling from his lips like this. It was unnerving.

“See Shinichi? There are some reasonable people out there who like tea. And a detective nonetheless!” KID turned quickly and disappeared. He went to the kitchen and I was left with Kudo.

Kudo collapsed to the floor a second later. His face was in his hands as he sobbed. I found myself on my knees comforting him. Kudo kept going on and on about how this was all his fault and that KID was only hurting himself for our sake. He kept blubbering that KID was dying and that no matter how hard he tried, KID wasn’t going to stop. He didn’t say what happened, but Kudo kept referring to when KID was gone and when they tortured him. He kept saying that he should have solved the case sooner and that KID was in pain. He kept saying how KID kept saving him and that if KID had been selfish, he wouldn’t have been shot. I didn’t completely understand the story, but I knew that Kudo’s relationship with KID was something more than they both let on.

I was so lost, but I knew that Kudo never cried. The fact that he was sobbing scared me. Whatever was going on was very important to Kudo and it affected him deeply. Kudo started wiping his tears and put on another strong face. He apologized profusely but didn’t say why.

A little while later, KID came out with two cups of tea and a single cup of coffee. He gave me my cup of tea and then turned to Kudo, who was seated on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him. KID placed the mug on the coffee table and looked at Kudo. They shared this mutual look of pain and my chest ached. KID’s eyes were as red as Kudo’s and, in that instant, KID’s arms wrapped around Kudo. Kudo clutched onto KID and KID hung onto Kudo. They shared a moment of mutual affection as unspoken words crossed their lips. It was heart wrenching to see. They looked so fragile, like a glass sculpture so delicate that even the wind created fractures within it.

KID broke the hug and a strained, worn smile covered his face as he left to stand by the wall. He gulped his tea to calm the shuddering breaths that left his throat. Kudo drank his coffee with an unreadable expression. I sipped my tea nervously while glancing between the two. My opinion on KID had changed, but I didn’t know how to feel about him. He was still a mystery to me. He wasn’t just a phantom thief to me anymore; he seemed more real and less a most wanted criminal.

“Hey, what time is it Tantei han?” KID asked me and I stared at him a moment in disbelief as if I couldn’t imagine him talking to me.

“It’s uh… 5:46 PM.” I answered pulling out my phone. KID nodded and sighed. He went up to Shinichi and took his empty coffee cup and took my teacup as well. I was confused as he left until he came back with a full teacup with a teapot and a full coffee cup with a small coffee pot.

“Please enjoy you two. If you need more, just ask. I’ll be making dinner since Shinichi made dinner yesterday. I’m sorry I’m not the best cook, but I can work with western food okay.” KID bowed and then left the room. Kudo looked at me and motioned for me to join him on the couch. I sat next to him and he flipped on the television. We made small talk about what to watch, but the awkward air did not leave the room.

Briefly in the background, I thought I heard the crashing of pots and a small string of curse words, but Kudo didn’t seem to notice so I ignored it. Eventually we settled on some CSI show that was in English. We both enjoyed pointing out all the flaws in the investigation system and guessing who the criminal was before the show revealed it. This seemed to diffuse the situation around us, and the stresses from before began to fade from my immediate thoughts.

After about an hour or so, KID came back out and invited us back to the dining room. Kudo nodded at me and we both followed after the phantom thief.

My eyes widened at the display we met. The entire room had a different, new atmosphere. A tablecloth I had never seen before covered the huge wooden table and candles were lit. Roses in vases and rose petals covered the table. It was elegantly set, and a single rose lay at Kudo’s and my place set. Kudo had a peachy, pink rose and I had a white rose. I didn’t know flower meanings, but Kudo looked sadly at his rose. I assumed my rose was meant to be a sign of recognition or acquaintanceship. Kudo’s rose was probably an apology or something.

Food I’d never seen before covered the table, but it smelled good, really good. The table had a large meat dish on a center platter and was surrounded by smaller side dishes of vegetables. Dessert was also on the table and I believe it was an assortment of pastries. I glanced at Kudo and his eyes were just as wide with surprise as mine. He looked at KID and then at the mess of food spread across the table and then back at KID.

“I thought you said you couldn’t cook,” Kudo muttered out. KID looked away.

“I can’t do Asian food, but I can do western…” Kudo nodded and examined the food. The many plates looked great. I saw what looked like a roast covered in gravy. There were many vegetable plates and there was even one that looked completely composed of asparagus. There were also various breads that assorted the table. There were two bottles of Italian wine, both a red and a rosé. “I hope you two enjoy,” KID murmured while bowing again. 

I took my seat and stared at Kudo who looked at KID intensely. KID was purposely avoiding his eyes. “How did you pull this off KID?” Kudo asked sharply.

“Shinichi, I’m a phantom thief, whipping up a meal isn’t that hard for me… especially one as thrown together as this one.” KID smiled lightly at Kudo’s baffled face. “You know that I can pull off miracles, Tantei kun,” he said in a tone that I’d never heard him use before; it surprised me somehow. Kudo just shook his head, hiding the small smile that painted his lips, and took a seat next to me. He quickly placed the folded napkin in his lap. Then KID came up to us and poured each of us healthy glasses of wine. Somehow, he knew that Kudo preferred rosé and that I preferred red. I tried not to understand how he knew.

Then, instead of sitting with us, KID sat isolated away from us. He was all the way across the table and he never set himself up a plate. Awkwardly, I began eating and Kudo did too. However, I could barely enjoy the delicious food before me as Kudo continued to stare at KID. KID avoided all of our gazes and merely sat there. His arms were folded over his chest and his eyes were closed. KID appeared so open right now, so easy to attack if needed. I continued eating my first plate of everything.

Sometime during the dinner, Kudo left me and sat next to KID. Kudo continued pestering KID to eat and begrudgingly, KID consumed a few bites of food that seemed to choke down his throat. KID was trembling again, but he tried his best to cover it. Kudo was comforting him and continued forcing him to eat bite after bite. I wondered how long KID would allow this, but Kudo stopped after sensing that KID had had enough for now. I briefly wondered how often KID actively starved himself and why. By the looks of it, I assumed he had an eating disorder.

Kudo then smiled softly and spoke quietly to KID. KID had red dusting his cheeks and I longed to know what Kudo was saying to the thief. Soon after, Kudo grabbed a dessert plate and piled on many of the various desserts KID included in this spread. He continued to sit next to KID and he hand fed KID one of the desserts. KID smiled and then fed Kudo one of the cookie things (which I later learned were lemon drop cookies). It was so uncomfortable; I felt like I was the third wheel on their date or something.

Soon after dinner, I announced that I would be leaving. “Well, I guess I’ll be leaving now,” I chuckled to myself awkwardly. “It was a nice dinner, I really enjoyed it. Oh, and I promise not to tell anyone about… anything.” I saw a sigh of relief escape both KID and Kudo and their shoulders fell. They both saw me out and I heard the door lock quickly. I sighed and shook my head slowly. My best friend, a famous detective, was actively hanging out with a famous wanted criminal who was apparently severely depressed or something… They supposedly aren’t close, but they feed each other and obviously care deeply about each other. But they’re not even friends? And Kudo was crying and so was KID… _What the hell is even going on?_ I made an exasperated hand gesture. _I best not even deal with this… I’ll leave this to Kudo and KID… They’ll figure it out, yeah?_ With that I left the Kudo residence and walked down to the nearest subway entrance. I needed to return to Osaka to see Kazuha and share with her about what I saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading everyone! I enjoyed writing this chapter and introducing Heiji. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Heiji is one of my favorite characters~ I love his hot-headedness and his "act first ask questions later" attitude.  
> 2\. Kaito and Shinichi are starting to show their natural chemistry~ I love writing Shinichi's caring side. I simultaneously imagine him as a doting mother hen and someone who's completely over his head (which is kinda true haha~)  
> 3\. Shinichi is NOT a morning person, but he is a night owl. Kaito is a night owl and morning bird, but he would prefer to sleep his afternoons away. Heiji is a night owl, morning bird, and afternoon ostrich, a true rarity.  
> 4\. How did Kaito pull off dinner? Magician's secret~! Just kidding. He ~may~ have ordered food out and then doctored it up a little bit more to make it seem homemade. He did make a few dishes, but he didn't just prepare a full course meal in a little over an hour. Kaito can cook though. It's a skill he picked up with the Nakamoris. He self-proclaims that he can't make Asian food and this may be due to an incident in his past that involved burning white rice IN a rice cooker.  
> 5\. I'm a big fan of flower language! Peach/pink roses mean a combination of 'I'm sorry' and 'I appreciate you', while yellow flowers represent friendship or acknowledgement. Flowers colors throughout the story will carry meanings.  
> 6\. Heiji saying he won't tell anyone really means that he won't tell anyone except Kazuha. His friendship with Kazuha is full of juicy gossip sharing ;)
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please leave a comment or kudos if you'd like! The next chapter will be released on Thursday!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 15! It's a long chapter, so I hope y'all enjoy~ The next chapter will be posted on Saturday :) Please see the author's note at the end!
> 
> Chapter warnings: mental breakdowns, suicide (mentioned), rape (mentioned), eating disorders (mentioned), PTSD 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

After Tantei han left, I turned to Shinichi. We held this awkward gaze with each other. I didn’t know what to say or do, or if I should apologize or cry. Should I leave, am I overstaying myself over here? Shinichi apparently didn’t know what to say either as we both frowned at each other. He was the first to break the silence though.

“One day… One day you will tell me the full truth: what you think about yourself, why you’re who you are, what they did to you, everything… You’ll tell me everything and I… I’ll prove you wrong on every fucked-up opinion you have on yourself. I’ll show you the truth KID; I’ll win this battle.” In that moment, I couldn’t help but think Shinichi was still a kid, a stubborn brat with determined eyes and an idea stuck in his head where, even though he was wrong, he wouldn’t accept what his parents told him. I suppose we’re all brats in that way, getting crazy ideas stuck in our heads that are completely illogical but running with them like they’re all that we depend on. I suppose I’m like that in finding the reasons to keep fighting. I started off so petty stealing for my own enjoyment. Even trying to avenge my father was petty. Perhaps I’m just petty. Perhaps we’re all just petty. _What am I fighting for now? Am I trying to be the hero? Someone like me can’t be the hero though, not with how I am now... For some reason, I don’t know why I’m fighting… Maybe I should just say I’m fighting to bring them down, to end the organization that threatened not only me, but Shinichi and my other dear friends and family…_

In that moment, I felt old, so old. I felt like I’d lived forever and become one of those old bitter geezers that only went on about what they hadn’t done in their life and never acknowledged what they had actually done. _Have I become like that? Have I become bitter? Is the fun and life gone from my eyes? Am I no longer who I used to be? Have I matured or stunted myself?_ I looked back at Shinichi and studied his eyes. They were still blazing with fire and even held a smug light in them. _Do I still have that light?_

“You know… There’s always more than one truth. That famous phrase of yours is wrong. There are multiple truths and realities. Just look at you and me. We’re together right now, but we’re worlds apart. You’re an up and rising detective, but I’m a dying thief. Your truth to me is that you’re a detective. I’m a thief. We shouldn’t even interact, but here we are. My truth is that I’m a withering thief ruined by myself and damned by fate. But there’s also the fact that I used to be a university student. I had friends who knew me as a normal civilian and those who knew me as KID. I was a magician too. I loved people, but now I also hate people. I had a life as KID and as…” I met his eyes evenly sparking my challenge to him. “So, explain to me how the hell is there only one truth to this matter?” Shinichi stepped back and cleared his throat in surprise.

“Well… There’s you… You are the truth to you. Everything about you is your truth, including KID and not KID.” I smirked at his response.

“Then explain different perspectives. How people can view me as the villain, the hero, or the victim? How can I be all three?” I asked defiantly.

“You are all three. KID, I don’t know why you’re asking all of these questions, so why? What do you care?”

“I’m… I’m not sure…” Suddenly it was like all my resolve had left me. Why was I aggressively asking Shinichi questions? I didn’t know. I couldn’t say why. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach. Did I have a reason for this? _Do I even have a reason for existing?_

“Maybe I should leave tonight. Thank you for everything Shinichi, but I really must leave. I can’t overstay myself, that’d be rude.” I turned away from Shinichi, I didn’t want him to see my face. I felt one coming on, an attack, a flashback.

“Oi KID, you don’t have to leave yet! I mean, it’s getting late and… I swear you’re not bugging me or anything. I actually kind of like having you here, KID. I could use the company and…” I could tell he wanted me there so that he could keep an eye on me. He probably thought I’d kill myself while away. I wouldn’t, or rather I can’t. I have that useless, intangible reason for living. _Defeat the Black Organization and then disappear. Make sure they never bother Shinichi or Aoko or Inspector Nakamori, or anyone else who matters to me… That sounds good, like an appropriate reason to live._

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’m used to being out at night. Besides, I can’t stay here forever, I’d be a bother,” I smiled lightly while wearing a thickly woven mask.

“You could stay forever! I don’t care about that!” Shinichi yelled out before covering his mouth quickly. “I actually don’t mind you, KID, and I want to be able to watch over you. I… my biggest fear is that I’ll let you go, and a couple days from now, I’ll be investigating your dead body trying to determine if it was a murder or a suicide…” Shinichi’s mouth fell into a grimace and I frowned in response.

“I can’t promise I won’t try to kill myself … But I can’t die yet… I can’t do it yet. Shinichi, I have my own life to get back to… I need to do some work too. Forget about me, ‘kay? I’ll be alright as usual.” Shinichi’s eyes narrowed dangerously until only blue slits remained and I knew I’d said the wrong thing.

“You’ll be okay?! Then tell me how being suicidal is okay! Tell me how physically harming yourself and avoiding eating is okay! Tell me how vomiting up what you eat is okay! Tell me how having flashbacks of what they did to you is okay! Tell me how being on your death bed a couple of days ago is okay! Tell me how you don’t need therapy! Tell me that your body is not covered in scars from God knows what! Tell me why you’re crying now! Tell me that the arrogant thief who I couldn’t ever defeat is still here! That he’s not just a mask! Tell me that he even existed in the first place! KID! KID…” His eyes widened at me, was I making a funny face or something? My hands went up to my eyes and sure enough tears were falling from them. _Why? Why? I don’t understand._

“KID, are you even real anymore? Were you ever real? KID… Answer me!” _Am I laughing? Why? Why am I crying and laughing? I don’t understand._ “How long have you been like this? Please don’t tell me that—” _Stop! Stop! Stop talking to me! Stop it!_

“I don’t know… I can’t remember to be completely honest, Kudo san… I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t remember. I can’t… I don’t… How long has it been… Haha, it’s kinda funny,”. I looked down and smiled a manic smile at the floor.

“You know, I don’t have many memories of my childhood up until my father was murdered. Everything is kind of like a haze. I remember Aoko chan, I remember my father, I remember Inspector Nakamori. I remember magic… I remember the bell tower… I remember learning to play pool. I remember… I don’t know… That’s about all I remember from my childhood. Then he died and I can recall almost everything. The funeral, the reception… I can recall everything except what I was feeling that day. What did I feel on that day? I probably felt really sad. Why am I telling you this?” Shinichi didn’t say anything, he only listened.

“I suppose that I was a normal child… I got the highest marks in my class and excelled at almost everything I partook in, but especially magic. I was supposed to be a magic prodigy, a future Toichi-sama; he was my mentor… I loved magic and I loved school. I loved pranking people and helping people out. I loved making people smile. I didn’t mind being a scapegoat and in grade school I was bullied quite a bit. I have an unreasonable fear of f-f-fish, haha… I used to be afraid of heights and I actually suck at pool. I play a nice game of poker though… I used to take care of this girl and she was my best friend. She was weak and aloof and absentminded, but she loved my magic. She hates KID though, how ironic… I met and befriended a witch once and she’s pretty crazy… same with Hakuba though… They’re both weirdos… I like music, especially singing, and I can play the piano. I love animals, especially birds. They just seem so free and careless. Cats are good too though… I’m actually pretty bad at video games, but I’m okay at computer games and I’m an experienced programmer. What am I saying…? I’m so stupid…” I sighed and reserved my eyes for the ground.

“No, no KID… You’re not… Feel free to say whatever you want.”

I swallowed before continuing. “I became a thief at first just for fun… or rather… rather to uphold the family business. Then I met an organization, the Black Organization, and my motives changed. They tried to kill me, and I learned how they were the ones to murder my father. Revenge became a huge part of my goal, revenge and thwarting their plans. My heists became more thought out and I chased after what they desired: Pandora. The elusive Pandora probably doesn’t even exist, but I needed to find it even if it killed me. Things got worse and worse. Suddenly, I was being targeted more and more with snipers, which would have been okay if I’d been the only at my heists… I wasn’t any closer to Pandora and they were desperate. I have one rule… No one gets hurt unless that someone is me… So, you know this part of the story… I knocked you out and pushed you, still as Conan, aside and took a bullet for you. Then I ran. Multiple bullets rained down on me and I took them for the sake of protecting everyone… It hurt… It hurt a lot and I was sure I was going to die. So, I ran to find somewhere safe to die… Inspector Nakamori found me, but I told him to abandon me and let me go in peace. The real reason I sent him away was that they were there lurking in the shadows. I didn’t want Inspector Nakamori dragged into my mess. They took me in, and before I knew it, I was in the operation room of some crude institute. Only enough anesthetic was used to keep me alive. It wasn’t for pain relief.” I stopped and stared at his feet. Exhaustion was coming over me in waves, lead“After my miraculous survival, haha… They began the interrogations. At first it was mere questioning, which I can handle… I just would never answer them, not pay them a mind. Then the beatings started occurring, but that was nothing to my shit-eating grins,” I said with a small chuckle.

“Then they began new methods… New ways of making me talk,” I swallowed nervously and shifted on my feet. “The water hose over my face and the restraints and the water… I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t fight it. I was so scared, so scared, Kudo san…” My knees had begun shaking, but I couldn’t stop.

“They would water board me and ask questions till my voice was too hoarse to even attempt a petrified scream. Then I was thrown back into my cell and beaten. They wouldn’t feed me; they only gave water to me… I was deprived of sleep till I began to break. I would answer questions for promised food and sleep. I never gave anything away that betrayed you or Pandora or anyone else aside from me… This angered them and they began to rip my fingernails off. They’d ask me questions while I was still crying out in pain… The beating began to get worse and I found myself losing my identity. They loved psychological games too, games that made me realize who I really am. It only fit that I was worthless, a waste of space, useless. That only made sense.” I collapsed to my knees and only my arms kept me up. _Weak! You’re so weak!_

“I-I was losing weight fast and my broken bones were putting me into shock. I was a lost cause. Soon, I’d keel over and die! Or so I thought! They injected this damn drug into me, and everything fixed itself! The drug healed whatever they did so it got worse and worse and worse! …I still wouldn’t break though! No… I’d never break… Then the drugs came in. Hallucinogenic drugs that made me see things, my worst fears… To be honest, I can’t even distinguish my memories from fact or fiction when it involves those drugs. Everything seemed so real… I often had seizures and vomited and screamed and begged and cried… It was miserable… I was losing myself again… I’m so weak…” Another laugh escaped me, and a wavering smile crossed my face.

“I didn’t break till they began their favorite abuse… Sexual abuse… I would be raped and forced into so many things that I-I can barely stomach my thoughts right now… ‘I’m just a toy’… A ‘sex slave’… I hate myself… It got worse and worse until days blurred together and all I knew was abuse and questions and him… Him and his eyes and his smile and his tongue and h-his…” I grasped at my chest as my breath caught in my throat and tears blurred my vision. _Heh, you really are a failure Kaito. You can’t even talk._ “H-he toyed with me until I broke and became what I am today… He broke me and he was proud for saying that ‘KID belongs to me’ ‘I claimed KID’ ‘KID is my trophy’ ‘My broken trophy! My toy!’. He ruined me,” I laughed and laughed and laughed. It hurt. “I-I was almost done for! Any day I’d finally be put out of my miserable existence, but what had I done to deserve that? He threatened to go after you and a-a friend of mine… I cracked and I killed him and everyone else there… No one survived… Not all of them had abused me Kudo san… Not all of them had hurt me… I-I killed innocent people… I’m a murderer! Not all of them could have been bad… I’m the bad one, aren’t I? I’m the one to blame, aren’t I? I deserved what I got… I’m terrible, the absolute worst, right? I should kill myself… I’m a failure and a reject… I’m not worth this world anymore… yet here I am… A living ghost of who I used to be… Someone stuck for a stupid reason… I can’t let go, I’m too stubborn. I’ll take down the Black Organization and then kill myself, that’s my life plan. Fight and die. Pretty pathetic, eh?” I couldn’t even look up at Shinichi’s eyes, but I felt his calculating eyes, his probably judging eyes. I didn’t care anymore what he did or what he thought. He hadn’t said a word to me that entire speech, so I wondered if he even cared. _Hate me, forget me… It’s not like I’m even worth you… Please…_

“KID…” He got to his knees. “You’re the victim here. Don’t act like the villain…” _Victim… Why am I the victim?_ “You’re going through normal symptoms of PTSD. You need help, KID. None of this is your fault, I swear. You’re not a lost cause, people still love you. I can help you and I will. Just let me help you, okay? You let me in, and I’ll help you bring down the Black Organization, okay?” _Don’t patronize me! I’m not a child! I don’t need your help!_ I pushed the hovering Shinichi away and he fell onto his butt.

“Leave me alone! You don’t understand anything! It’s all my fault, everything is my fault… I deserved it… I needed it to teach me who I really am… I should have just accepted my fate… I’m fine on my own! I don’t care anyways…” I trembled before him and my breath left in quick gasps.

“Then let me help you. Stay here longer KID. I’m not asking you either, I’m telling you to stay. You don’t have a choice.” My shoulders slumped in defeat. _What’s the point anymore?_

“Okay…” Shinichi seemed pleased with my answer as he smiled at me softly and ruffled my hair, brushing my bangs from my eyes.

“How about we get ready for bed now? I have to go back to work tomorrow… I promised someone that I’d do ten times the case reports I’m doing now,” he laughed, but his eyes betrayed how tired he was. “However, I can ask to work here if you’d like me to.”

“No, it’s fine… I’ll move in tomorrow officially,” I mumbled not even looking up. “I hope you don’t mind pets…”

“Nope, not at all,” he smiled. Slowly his arms enveloped me, and he brought me up. I struggled in vain but gave up again. “Let me take you up the stairs, KID. I bet you’re tired and still a bit weak… You really need to start gaining some weight, I think I might even be able to beat you in a physical fight now.” I snorted at that and merely buried my face in his shirt. This was embarrassing. “Really though, KID. I care about you; I want you healthy again. Not just because you were my best rival, not because you’ve saved my life multiple times, not just because you’re a victim, not just because I think your innocent, but because I l-like you?” It was anticlimactic as Shinichi confessed that and he even sounded confused. I started laughing and he threatened to drop me.

“Wow, Tantei kun, I know I’m entrapping and enthralling, but wow, you, really? I honestly don’t know how to respond… I’m honored, I turned a detective to the dark side. You know what, I’m open to most relationships, so I’ll accept your feelings.” Shinichi grew redder and redder.

“You know that’s not what I meant!” Shinichi growled out. I continued laughing till my laughs subsided to weak coughs. “H-hey! Are you okay KID?” he asked me concern lacing his voice.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired…” _I need to get my meds quick; my heart condition is acting up again. Stress… It’s not good for me…_ As an aftermath of all the drugs and seizures and all the other things they did to me, I had developed AFib. It wasn’t too serious, but intense excitement or physical exercise or stress made me short of breath and tired. It was a good thing I was getting my things tomorrow; I needed those pills before Shinichi learned what I had.

Shinichi sighed and carried me up to the guest room. He set me on my bed. “I’ll be right back, KID, after I get you some pajamas. You can use the guest bathroom, there’s a spare toothbrush in the first drawer.” I nodded. 

* * *

Shinichi's POV

I sighed and ran a stressed hand through my hair after helping KID get ready for bed. He wasn’t uncooperative per say, but he was so weak right now. It was like he didn’t have any more energy left. I also wasn’t accustomed to taking care of people… Now, I laid on my bed with my tired eyes looking up at the ceiling. It had been a long day, not a very restful one. I was hoping KID would relax and I’d be helping him recuperate. However, Heiji coming over was a big wrench in my plans. _He only stressed KID out and scared him. I cried today; I never cry anymore… KID cried too, multiple times… He’s an emotional wreck. I bet he still hasn’t addressed everything they did to him yet emotionally. He’s bottling it all up and it leaks out in angry, suicidal, fits, where he tries to die, or in tearful pools where he can’t control what he says. He needs to let everything out. I honestly wonder if he’s even acknowledged his father’s death yet emotionally. He’s always wanting to wear that smile, but a human can’t do that._

KID admitting to all that earlier with Heiji and me was concerning. _KID let out a lot about how he feels about himself, but I know he’s holding more back. He’s depressed and suicidal and experiencing PTSD. He knows this but chooses to ignore it for the sake of trying to let it slip away. KID keeps trying to put on a strong face, but he doesn’t need to wear a mask around me. I’m safe, but he probably won’t realize that until it’s too late. He’s going to break and shatter and fade away as if he never existed, or he’s going to explode and leave a trail of destruction so that everyone knows how they abused and used him. If I don’t help him, I’ll lose him._

My face suddenly exploded scarlet and I shot up in my bed. _Telling him I like him like that! What kind of response was that?! What was I even going to say in the first place?! I don’t even like, like KID, right? I just want to repay him for everything, and I pity the stupid thief… He’s just my rival who eggs me on and pushes me forward. He’s just my rival who has fallen and needs my help. He’s just an innocent civilian who was abused and I’m the law who will save him._

To be honest, I wasn’t even sure what I felt about KID anymore. He meant a lot to me, I realized that now, but I didn’t know how much he meant to me. I’d fight for him easily and I really would rather kill the people who did this to him than put them behind bars. I was so angry that he wouldn’t let me help him, but I also understood that he desperately needs help and I would fight him on this. _Is that attraction? Perhaps reviewing my days as Conan will enlighten me…_

As Conan, I pursued KID many times and he helped me out many times. I remember there was a time when KID was shot, and I truly feared that they had shot him down. There was also that time when he jumped out of a blimp to save me. That was actually a fond memory of mine. I also learned that KID is ticklish then, how funny… He can be lazy, and he has this act around me… at least he used to…

He’s always a step ahead of me, but he always lets me take the credit. He’s so brilliant, but playful at the same time. His heists are so well thought out and he really pulls off the impossible. His recent Christmas heist was beautiful and loving. _How could you pull off such a beautiful act after everything the world did to you?! Why do you hate yourself? Can’t you see how much I admire you? Maybe I do like KID, maybe I like KID enough to want to be with him forever… Let’s not go down THAT road right now!_

_This doesn’t feel like what I felt for Ran, but much stronger, or deeper, or maybe more equal…? I don’t mind his flaws and I want to bring the best out in him. I want him to need me, but sometimes I feel as though I need him more… But it can’t be, and I don’t actually like him… I can’t like him… He’s a thief and I’m a detective… We’re nothing more and we will never be anything more._

I fell back onto my bed and lay my hands on my chest. My eyes fell shut and I slipped into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

Screaming awoke me at three in the morning. I shot up awake, my heart was racing in my chest and the only thought that crossed my mind was KID. I jumped out of my bed and bolted down the halls to KID’s door. I swung the door open and my breath left in uneven pants. KID was in his bed petrified with fear. His hands were around his throat and he was writhing under the bedsheets. His eyes were so wide, and his voice cut through my house, echoing in the spacious rooms. He sounded like he was being murdered.

I rushed to his side and called out his name. KID didn’t look at me though; he was wrapped up in his delusion. His eyes were glazed over, and his hands tore at his throat.

I continued speaking to him, there was nothing else I could do to help him. This flashback looked especially strong, and I’d only hurt him or myself in his current state if I physically interfered.

Eventually, KID’s delusion turned to just sobs and I held him close as he came back to reality. “It’s okay KID, you’re here with me. We’re safe. We’re safe, don’t you worry. I’ve got you.” I continued my mantra of calming words until KID loosened his grip on me.

He pulled away first and looked ashamed as usual. I cupped his cheek and forced him to look at my smiling face. “Don’t look down anymore KID. It doesn’t fit you,” I murmured. KID’s eyes still wouldn’t meet mine.

“I’ll go make us some tea,” I said preparing to stand.

“Don’t leave me!” KID’s desperate cried pierced through my heart and his hand caught on my night shirt. He looked surprised at his outburst and his eyes shifted down in embarrassment. “Please… don’t leave me…” Tears filled his words and I moved back onto the bed.

“Scoot over then,” I commanded. KID obliged and I laid down next to him. My hand connected with his and I squeezed it. I took a deep breath and relished this moment.

“I’m sorr—”

“I don’t want to hear it, KID. I’m happy to help you,” I smiled. “I just want you to get better.”

“I promise I’ll try Shinichi. I’ll try to get better though… I promise…” KID spoke softly and with a broken voice. It was so hard to imagine this side of KID. The cocky, arrogant thief was so soft and fragile.

“And I’ll help you, KID, with whatever. I promise…” I yawned and my eyes slipped shut with fatigue. “Hey… make sure to wake me up tomorrow, KID… You always wake up before me and I have work tomorrow…” I stroked the top of his hand until I eventually succumbed to sleep. I only remembered being warm and comfortable, completely at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi's caring side makes me feel warm inside. He's a little over his head, but he has the right heart~ I know I'm hella projecting into this story (I want a "Shinichi" to tell me everything's going to be okay, lol). We're going to get some domestic KaiShin next chapter, so I'm very excited, hehe~
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:
> 
> 1\. Kaito switches between "Shinichi" and "Kudo san". "Shinichi" is reserved for when he feels equal to Shinichi. "Kudo san" is reserved for when he's feeling inferior to Shinichi or trying to distance himself from the detective. "Tantei kun" or "Meitantei san" are usually teasing or affectionate nicknames. 
> 
> 2\. I want to be very explicit that I respect and acknowledge individuals who have PTSD, acute stress disorder, or cPTSD. I know my writings are inevitably a dramatization of some of the symptoms experienced with these disorders. I personally have been diagnosed with acute stress disorder and almost met the criteria for PTSD, but I am in no way an expert on the subject matter and there is no one right way that someone could experience these disorders. Please do not read my writings and think that you understand these disorders fully. Also, please be mindful that psychological research on PTSD/acute stress disorder/cPTSD is not fully encompassing and is not perfect; many people are excluded and the DSM/ICD are not perfect diagnostic manuals. 
> 
> 3\. I attempted to portray Kaito as someone suffering from trauma. Some of these symptoms include withdrawing (trying to push Shinichi away), bursts of anger (usually against Shinichi to push him away), intrusive thoughts, self-harming tendencies, feelings of guilt, flashbacks, nightmares, emotional detachment, and anxiety. 
> 
> 4\. Shinichi's confession was funny, but was it a confession of love...? Or something else...? Shinichi is a Gosho boy, he's gotta be pathetic at expressing his true feelings. Poor Shinichi though. Kaito laughed and took it as a joke, haha~
> 
> 5\. I've always questioned the famous "there's only one truth" line. I can see both Kaito's and Shinichi's perspectives. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading everyone~ Please leave a comment or kudos if you'd like :)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Here's a long chapter! It took me a while to get this one ready and I'm still a bit apprehensive about this chapter. A lot happens! And I'm not sure if I managed to portray the complexities of their relationship and how it's developing (hint: there should be some worry in y'all's minds). In any case, please read and see the end notes for further comments. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: self harm/cutting, low self-esteem, disordered eating, vomiting
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

“Hey Shinichi… Shinichi, you have to wake up now! Shinichi…” I persistently shook the detective and spoke to him, but he wasn’t budging. I narrowed my eyes and pinched his arm until he yelped awake.

Shinichi instantly focused his ‘You woke me up?! You have ten seconds to explain before I murder you!’ look on me and I snickered. A part of me liked riling up the detective like this.

“Get up Shinichi! You’ll be late for work if you don’t!” This got him moving and he leapt out of bed.

“Damn! How much time do I have?”

“Not enough! Go take a shower!” Shinichi nodded quickly and took off clumsily to the bathroom. I sighed, _You’re so irresponsible! Why didn’t you set an alarm or something?_

I shook my head and looked around my room. It was covered in dust and was rather empty. My bags lay scattered around the room. Earlier this morning, I had gone over to my house and carefully packed up everything that I would need for now. I’d have to take more things later, but that was a consideration for another day. I sent my doves off too; they were currently perched all around Shinichi’s yard. I still had to set up his attic to accommodate them.

I walked out of my room and headed to his room. I tested the door and it was unlocked. I could hear the sound of the running water and steam seeped under the bathroom door into his bedroom. His room was a mess too. It was just as dusty as mine, even though he lived in this room. It annoyed me.

I glanced at his closet door to confirm that his suit was out for today. I had already steamed and ironed the poor crumpled garments. I’d also already prepared his bento and was brewing his coffee right now. I woke up pretty early—or rather I didn’t sleep at all. Shinichi is a terrible person to sleep with. He must’ve been cold last night, but he kept nestling into me and pushing me off the bed. Just as I was about to fall asleep, he’d push me too close to the edge and I’d wake up on instinct. This continued for the rest of the night, so I hardly slept a wink. I’m surprised I didn’t start fighting back with as much as he crowded me out. No, instead I made him a bento, ironed his clothes, and let him sleep in until the last second. I narrowed my eyes, _sometimes I’m too nice…_

Shinichi stepped out of the bathroom a second later with a towel lazily draped over his hips. Our eyes met in surprise and a small “K-KID?!” left his lips as he clamped the towel over his body tighter.

I tried not to dwell on his wet chest, nor the dips of his hips, and most definitely not the way water flaked off his hair and lay against his head. “Here’s your clothes!” I yelped while grabbing his clothes from the closet door. “I ironed them for you! Hurry up or you’ll be late!” I snapped while shoving them into his arms.

Shinichi blinked, narrowed his eyes, and muttered something about stupid punctual thieves.

I left the room briskly, trying to erase his freshly showered body from my mind, and wandered down the stairs. His coffee was almost done. I retrieved his bento from the fridge and set it on the counter. Then, I took the coffee pot and poured it into a portable travel mug. I took another sip of tea and leaned over the counter onto my elbows.

Seconds later, Shinichi was bumbling down the stairs. Somehow, he had fixed his hair, gotten dressed, brushed his teeth, and shaved in that short time span. I laughed as he stopped at the counter panting. His suit’s collar was all rumpled and his tie was crooked. He still had shaving lather stuck to his cheek. I could smell the mint on his breath though.

I handed him his coffee cup and he promptly took a swig. “Thanks,” he breathed out.

“Let me help you, Tantei kun,” I smiled out. He looked down at his appearance and he shrugged his shoulders as a small blush covered his face. He turned to face me, and I flattened his collar and retied his tie. I straightened out his sleeves and fixed the tie clip. “You’re like a kid,” I laughed while running my thumb over the lather on his cheek. “A kid trying to be an adult.”

“Well I did go from eight years old to eighteen,” he grumbled out, looking away.

“You’re only eighteen?” I asked in surprise.

“No, I’m 21 now,” he responded. I rolled my eyes at him and he smirked.

“I guess we’re the same age then… You’re all set now,” I said giving him an approving thumbs up. “Here’s your bento and you already have your coffee… Have a good day now! Go catch a murderer or two,” I called while taking another sip of tea.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?” he asked me.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m officially moving in today.”

“Okay. Stay safe and don’t overwork yourself, KID. I’ll be home later tonight. You know my cell phone number, right?” I nodded. “Call me if you need anything.” With that Shinichi bid me farewell and left. I heard him cursing just outside as he struggled with locking the door. _He’s such a mess in the morning…_

I shook my head and walked up back to my room; I had unpacking to finish.

* * *

I arrived at headquarters surprisingly on time and had to do a double take as to whether or not my watch was off. Even Inspector Megure was surprised at my early appearance.

“It’s good to see you again Kudo, I hope you have an important reason for missing yesterday and not calling in,” he lowly hummed while examining me closely.

I looked down sheepishly but did not offer an excuse. Megure sighed and continued on without even prompting me. I knew he was mad at me, but that would all blow over someday. I didn’t really care.

My day was relatively slow overall, but I sensed an odd presence in the office today. It continued throughout the rest of the morning and even into lunch. I sat by myself during lunch with my bento in the break room. Honestly, I was curious as to what KID would put into my lunch. I just hoped he hadn’t left any tricks in it. It was hard to concentrate on it, though, as I was practically having a staring contest with the rest of the department. They all stared at me in their hushed group on the other side of the room, while I sat at a table alone. I reached for my bento and they broke out into whispers. _What is this? High school all over again?_ I glared at them and they broke out into further whispers. I wanted to ask what they were gossiping about this time, but the newest intern in our division was pushed forward first. They swallowed nervously and approached me.

“A-a bento today, K-Kudo san?” they asked while shaking. The people behind the poor intern were cracking up. I frowned further.

“Yes, I am having a bento today!” I snapped. “Did it really take all of your brains to deduce that?” They flinched back and finally one of them stepped forward. He was one of the younger members of the division, a detective. I glowered at him. He wasn’t one of my favorite detectives here, a bit too carefree and a bit too open with what he said. He never treated cases with sensitivity.

“Were you sleeping with someone special Shinichi kun? Did you finally find a lover for Christmas? Is she hot? Did you miss work ‘cuz you were fucking all day and night yesterday? You do have dark circles under your eyes…” I clenched my fists, but I couldn’t stop the embarrassing blush that covered my face. Another division member jumped into the conversation.

“Look how well dressed he is today! He even got to work on time! She must be living with him now! A homemade bento… Damn, I wish I had me a girl to make me one of those… It’s unfair that Shinichi’s smart, famous, young, and loaded. Any girl would go for that! I wonder how she deals with his attitude though… I bet that’s why he’s usually single… I wonder how long this one will last…” I covered my eyes with my hands and tried to tune out their gossip. I had to tread carefully, otherwise they would realize KID was staying with me.

I popped open the bento and smiled fondly at the food inside. I usually never brought my own lunch and only settled for vending machine food and more coffee. KID had made me a real bento and iced coffee. It reminded me of when I was a young kid and my mother actually made me lunch. It was kind of strange accepting lunch from him though… Usually bento is reserved for sentimental relationships and I wondered if this was his way of thanking me or something.

Carefully folded and placed in the bento was a small note. I blinked and picked it up gingerly. I unfolded it.

“Look Shinichi even got a love letter!” They all crowded around me suddenly and snatched the note before I could even read it.

“Hey! Give that back!” I yelled. I stood up quickly and wrestled them. The young intern began reading the note aloud, but they stopped midway.

“This is just a… a grocery list?” They all looked at me and I snatched the paper away quickly.

“He’s in a domestic relationship?”

“How long have they been a thing?”

“She signed it with a ‘K’, what do you think her name actually is?”

“She didn’t even write ‘I love you’, I wonder how long they’ll last…”

I glared at everyone in the room and left abruptly with my lunch. I didn’t want to deal with their stupid gossip. I went to my office and lounged in my chair. Now I could finally enjoy my lunch in peace. It was mostly comprised of last night’s dinner, but KID had altered some of the sides and added some sliced fruit. The iced coffee didn’t taste like a brand I’ve had before, so I assumed it was homemade too.

A small blush came to my cheeks and my heart fluttered in my chest. _I’m acting like a teenage girl, aren’t I?_ I wondered with a gentle smile. KID had left me a long grocery list, but I couldn’t care less right now.

For the rest of the day, I avoided the people of my division and pushed through many case reports. Chasing murderers may not sound savory to most but filling out paperwork was mindless tedium. As I signed out for the day, Inspector Megure approached me.

“Good work today Shinichi. Don’t worry about yesterday, I heard from the rest of the guys,” he winked at me. “Tell her ‘hello’ for me,” he laughed and muttered something about young love before walking off. I was thoroughly disturbed.

I spent a long time at the grocery store and an even longer time walking home with the amount of groceries KID demanded. I was ticked at how much he asked for and even more so at how he left exact change in the breast pocket of my jacket. I hadn’t even noticed that until after work at the grocery store when I went to grab my wallet. Only KID would discreetly slip me money from who knows where and have the amount be the exact change I needed to buy groceries. Sometimes, I swore he could read minds, which was a creepy thought actually.

I fumbled into my flat, and haphazardly changed into my slippers while balancing the groceries in my hands. I set them on the counter in the kitchen. Something seemed off about my house. Everything seemed a little brighter and… less dusty? The curtains were drawn back, the layers of dust on the ceiling fans were gone, the floors had been mopped and polished, the carpets had been vacuumed, and every previously empty vase had a unique display of flowers in them. _KID…_ KID had cleaned a good portion of the house and made it seem more livable. I assumed that KID was either really sucking up to me, which I hoped not, or he was a clean freak. I went up the stairs and up to his room; it was empty.

His room was well made. It was completely clean and organized. His bed was untouched and his clothes were neatly folded, pressed, and hung. In the corner of the room was a dress form with his KID suit on it. The suit was beautifully presented and displayed. Next to his suit on a small stand was his hat, gloves, and monocle. In a box under the stand I assumed were his shoes.

On his nightstand was a small lamp and a couple of books. He had a small library of books on his dresser too. His taste varied greatly from classical literature to modern day dystopian tales; I raised an eyebrow at that. He also had books in varying languages and a few of his books were heavily annotated. I noticed that he also had a couple textbooks with him and a laptop. The textbooks focused on the sciences and social studies, but I also saw a few smaller books on languages. He had a box that had yet to be opened and out of respect for him, and fear for what was inside, I left it alone.

I began wandering around the house looking for the small touches KID had added here and there as well as for the thief himself. I wondered if he was even in the house, it was awfully quiet. Eventually I made it to my library, and I found the thief curled up in the back corner of the library at a small desk. He was fast asleep. He had many books around him, mostly his own and some of mine, and was taking notes. I tried to read what he was writing, but it wasn’t in Japanese or English. _Italian or French maybe?_ The books weren’t in the languages I knew either, so I couldn’t intrude on the thief’s thoughts.

A sort of warmth spread through me as I saw KID fast asleep sprawled over his notes and with a pen still in hand. His breath left quietly, and his hair tumbled over his face. He rested his head on folded arms. He was dressed rather casually in clothes of his own with a small pair of reading glasses still on the bridge of his nose. His glasses were pushed up on one side and all crooked and I wondered if that was uncomfortable. I felt like I was learning so much about the thief in this one picture. I felt that we were close in this scene, that we could interact together normally, not just as thief and detective.

I decided not to wake him and instead made us dinner. I’d let him sleep for now and wake him up later. He deserved to sleep too; he had worked hard to clean and brighten up this junk of a house, plus he was still weak from everything before. I quietly retreated and retrieved a small blanket that I carefully draped over his shoulders. KID stirred slightly but did not wake.

I left him there and went to go make a stomachable meal for us both. However, when I returned to fetch him for dinner, he was gone. The blanket was neatly folded up, but KID was nowhere to be seen. I checked his room and all the other rooms I assumed him to be in, but I couldn’t find him.

“KID!” I began to call out as I paced the halls of the house. I heard a small thud and I ran into his room. KID was standing on the balcony of his room facing me.

“Yes, Shinichi?” he asked with a small smile.

“Where were you?” I asked exasperatedly. “I was looking for you everywhere.”

“Sorry, I was on the roof—”

“The roof?! What the hell were you doing up there?!” I demanded with a hint of fear. “What if you fall or someone sees you?!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t fall. Plus, I’ve survived worse falls than that with minor to no injuries. And I know when someone is watching me, so I don’t worry about that.” KID answered so casually. He even leaned against the balcony. “I was watching after my doves on the roof. They’re new here, so they’re still a little nervous about this new roost. A couple of days with me here will calm them down though.” With that KID whistled three sharp notes and a small white dove fluttered and landed on his outstretched hand.

An endearing smile covered his face as the small bird tilted its head waiting for a command from KID.

“D-doves?” I asked watching the bird curiously.

“Hm? Yeah… Doves… I hope you don’t mind if my flock stays here; I set up their roost in your attic. Don’t worry about anything, they’re well trained and will only stay where I tell them to.” I nodded and KID walked towards me. “You remember this one, right? I think she remembers you, though you appear different now. This little dove was the one you saved when we were shot,” KID smiled. KID flicked out his index finger and the bird flew up and landed on my shoulder. I flinched awkwardly at first as the bird trusted me more than I had expected it to.

“What’s her name?” I asked. “I never learned it.”

“Rose,” KID said softly. KID moved around his room while I watched Rose. He opened one of his drawers and pulled out a few supplies: a pen, a small roll of parchment, and a small capsule.

KID began writing quickly on the parchment, and based on his writing style, I could assume he was writing in Japanese. KID wore a strange face while he wrote, a strangely sincere, oddly nostalgic face. He signed the note quickly but hid it from my eyes. I wondered if he’d signed with his real name. He rolled the paper up quickly and tucked it into the capsule. He whistled three high notes again and the bird returned to him. KID stroked the small white bird’s back and muttered words I couldn’t hear. Then KID attached the capsule to the Rose’s right foot. Then, with his other hand, he procured a delicate blue rose. The thorns were gone, and the rose had been expertly dyed. The dove took the rose into its beak and KID continued stroking her.

KID brought the bird close to his mouth and I barely caught the words leaving his mouth. “Take this to Aoko… Aoko.” Then KID walked back over to the balcony and threw his hand up. The dove took flight. “Don’t be idle and return back when she sends you!” KID yelled out as the dove left.

I stepped to KID’s side as he watched the dove fly off. “You trained her well,” I noted, and KID agreed.

“She’s smart, all of my doves are smart. You know I hand raised and trained them all myself? That’s the only reason they’re so loyal to me. Without that connection, they wouldn’t be as faithful as they are.”

“How many doves do you even have?”

“Eh… 36 right now. I hope you don’t mind the number,” KID said with a small chuckle.

“No, I don’t mind at all as long as they don’t attack me when I’m sleeping… or attract a bunch of older people who want to feed them breadcrumbs.” KID bit back a laugh. “By the way, who was that note to, your lover?”

“Sure, I guess you could call it that if you want Shinichi,” KID mumbled out in an almost irritated manner while looking away. KID was vague with his answer, and that irked me, especially as he gave me a smirk telling me that he knew that I was irked at the lack of information he gave me and that he knew I was dying to know who it was actually addressed to.

“You said ‘Aoko’, so was it Inspector Nakamori’s daughter? If it is, you’re a dog KID! Going after the Inspector’s daughter…” KID burst out laughing, and when he raised his hand to speak again, he only burst further into laughter.

“Th-that ironing board?! No way~ Even I have my standards Tantei kun!” he laughed out. “Nakamori chan… no way in hell…” KID smiled while draping his arms over the balcony. I wondered what his relationship with Inspector Nakamori’s daughter was actually. He seemed like he was holding something back. In fact, his reaction only ensured my suspicions that he had written a note to her. Something about his smile and the sincere expression his face carried made a tinge of jealousy strike me and a dull ache fill my heart.

“Besides…” KID continued, “I wouldn’t be any good for her, she’s the daughter of an inspector; I’d only bring her trouble in the end. And she’s clumsy as hell and flippant and carefree and lively and young and… Maybe the old me would have been a good fit for her, but now I’d only make her sad and that… that would break my heart more than seeing someone else take her away.” _KID…_ “But she means too much to me to not thank her for how she’s taken care of the doves.” _KID, you love someone already…? Do you?_ I looked down, currently scolding my previous thoughts of jealousy.

“What about you Shinichi, how’s your love life? Still chasing after Mouri chan?” KID changed the subject with a small smile. I bit my lip and fell shoulders fell.

“W-well… Ran and I aren’t on talking terms right now…” I looked away.

“What happened?” KID asked softly.

I sighed and leaned my back against the balcony. “I wouldn’t want to date the guy who I thought was my kid brother either… It’d be too awkward and… She was pissed how I never told her about how I was Conan until I transformed back… I don’t blame her for hating me…” KID looked at me with scanning eyes, a look I usually gave people.

“She doesn’t hate you Shinichi. Mouri chan would never hate you. She loves you and of course she was pissed the hell off. If I were her, I probably would have murdered you. You need to give her space, but not too much. Go talk to her again! I guarantee she’ll want to talk to you too… At least cut things officially off with her, don’t leave things awkward. Neither of you will be able to move on with that.” KID leaned his head back. “You have the chance to get her, don’t waste it… You never know when you’ll die or whether or not you’ll never be able to see her again. Don’t live with regrets like that, they’ll tear you apart.” A strained look covered his face and he raised his hand to black out the setting sun. Then a small smile covered his face and he looked squarely at me. “Besides, I’d love to see my favorite detective become a love hawk~” I didn’t like the look he was giving me, and my face turned beet red.

“Don’t say stupid things!” I growled while crossing my arms over my chest. “And since when were you a guru of love advice?” KID looked thoughtful for a moment.

“You still haven’t resolved your feelings or lack of feelings for her and I know that she doesn’t hate you, that’s all I need to know. Everything else will work itself out the way it should.” I nodded and laughed a single laugh. This seemed so much like the KID I had known, the ‘KID’ he would never show at a heist, but only after a heist when we had long talks about anything and everything.

“I’ll take your word on that KID, but I still highly doubt that it will be that easy.”

“I never said it would be easy,” KID muttered out childishly while sticking out his tongue. The same feeling that filled me when I saw him passed out in the library welled in my chest. KID was kind of cute in his own way and I offered him a lopsided smile.

“By the way, dinner’s done KID. I came to tell you that.” KID nodded and hummed to himself.

“Alrighty then, I guess we should go down before it gets cold,” he said in a sing-song voice. He hooked his arm out and took mine in his.

“E-eh?!” I stuttered out as he led me away. KID was skipping as he walked, and I was trailing behind at his surprisingly fast walking pace.

“I hope you don’t mind the flowers around your house. I thought this place needed a livening up.”

“N-no, I don’t mind at all. They’re actually kind of lovely, thank you for that.” A smile covered KID’s face and in this moment as he pulled me down the halls skipping, it was hard to imagine a broken young adult who hated himself. He seemed so happy and carefree. Looking past his radiant smile and the cheerful aura that emitted off him, it was easy to see the strain, the self-consciousness, the mask.

“What’s for dinner anyways?” KID asked.

“Rice and beef with vegetables,” I responded.

“Hm… Sounds nice,” KID hummed with a smile, but I knew he was starting to face his inner barriers again. I wondered what I could do to help KID gain his ability to eat again. The mere thought of eating food seemed to affect him, and when it came to actually eating, he could barely stomach a few bites before the nausea would overtake him and he’d have to fight the urge to vomit.

We arrived at the kitchen and KID and I sat adjacent from each other. I served him and myself and we began our dinner. I could tell KID was very uncomfortable as he picked at his food and only forced food down when I gave him a look.

“So, at work today…” I began. KID looked up at me and I continued. “So, at work today everyone was surprised with me. I actually arrived early to work, and I had a bento… Everyone was shocked!” I beamed. “I guess I looked more put together than usual today. I mean I’m usually barely on time, and at lunch, I usually just buy something from a vending machine… Everyone was saying that… Saying that they thought I’d finally found someone.” KID cocked his head at me. “They think you’re my girlfriend KID!” I laughed out. “I couldn’t believe that they’d say anything as stupid as that!” KID smiled back weakly, but I didn’t quite get the reaction I wanted out of him and we fell back into a painful silence.

KID continued to grow greener and greener in the face, but he continued eating. I knew that was for my sake mostly. After about half his plate was cleared, KID stopped eating completely. He pushed his plate aside and rested his head on the table. I said nothing, I knew he was fighting it and I knew he was losing.

After I finished eating, KID quickly excused himself with a small apology. It was muffled, but I could hear him retching up whatever he had managed to eat. He was trying intentionally to be quiet, but I could hear his sobs as he probably bit into his sleeve to control himself. He was probably trembling and fighting his internal battle, but I couldn’t do anything. I was scared of seeing that KID again, the real KID. I wanted to believe his lies and I detested myself for that.

Minutes later I heard running water and I knew that KID was taking a shower. I stood slowly, cleared the table, and began washing the dishes. I cleaned absentmindedly as thoughts filled my mind and guilt consumed me. I didn’t know how to help KID at all with this. I wasn’t a psychologist; I knew next to nothing about eating disorders and trauma. I was out of my league. I wanted to help KID, but the task was taunting, and I knew I had a lot of growing to go through. _Compassion and delicacy and understanding… I don’t want to be walking on eggshells around KID, I was to be mindful of him and what he went through. I don’t want to keep making stupid mistakes because I’m ignorant._

As I finished the dishes and cleaning the counters, I heard the water upstairs turn off. I went back into the living room and turned the television on to the news. A little while later, KID came back downstairs. He looked fine, too fine. His hair spiked out in every direction and a towel was draped over his shoulders. He was wearing an old, oversized t-shirt which showed off some of his collar bones and most of his arms.

I tried not to focus on his arms which were covered with angry red lines and trembled slightly. KID met my eyes with an expressionless gaze and plopped down on the couch next to me. He seemed to notice that I was looking at his arms because he pulled his sleeves down farther, grabbed a blanket, and mumbled a small apology.

“Don’t apologize,” I quickly supplied as KID refused to meet my gaze. “How’s your hand doing anyways? It’s not bothering you, right?”

“Yeah… It’s fine, the scab formed well. It’ll just be a scar,” KID responded. His eyes had picked up that dead look to them, a look that was becoming too common on his face.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I closed it. I didn’t know how to respond or how to make small talk with him.

“You know Shinichi, our relationship would be a lot easier if you just played oblivious. Don’t care about me too much and we’ll get along fine. Your emotions are what make it hard for you to talk to me. You feel guilty for something that’s not even your fault. Why don’t we just ignore that and move onto what you can talk about, like your love life or something?” KID looked ahead absently at the wall with his legs pulled into him. A haze covered his half-lidded eyes and I wondered what was running through his mind.

“I can’t do that KID. I worry about you… Did you think I could just forget about how a few days ago you almost died?! You were gone for over a year and in that year, y-you went through unspeakable things … I want to help you… I want to help you KID! I care about you and I want to be your friend! I’m not good at helping people and I have no clue what I’m doing, but please let me help you KID!” I demanded. KID’s shocked face threatened to move away from my gaze, but my determined expression kept him glued in place.

“Why would you want to help someone you don’t even know the real name of?” he countered back. “I am nobody to you Shinichi—”

“Don’t lie to yourself,” I countered back. “How long will you use that excuse? You are something to me. You are not useless. I’m not too good for you. I’m not a saint. Don’t tell me you’re trying to get better when all you’re doing is isolating yourself!” My breath left in ragged pants and my fists clenched at my sides. KID’s eyes were wide, and his mouth held in a nervous pause. He shook and his eyes had a glossy glaze to them, they held back tears. He gulped and ducked his head, but his eyes could not leave my face.

“Lie to myself…?” he mumbled out with a small ‘tch’ at the end of his words. He laughed weakly and shook his head. “Deceive myself? You really don’t know anything about me… All you have is the little bit of tape I left you behind and this illusion of who I am… who I used to be… Don’t be stupid, I can’t be saved. What the tapes hid from you was how I begged for death, how I succumbed to the pain, how I cracked… You missed me killing everyone with my own hands… I’ve killed so many people… I’ve ruined my life already! There is nothing for me to look forward to… not when I can’t even see why I love this world so much anymore…” KID’s word shut me up and I stood petrified at his outburst. He continued.

“I don’t know anything Shinichi… I don’t know… I’m just so tired… so tired of everything… I can’t give up yet though… I promised, and I hate myself for it, but I promised. I’ll do it, I promised… I promised everyone that and then I’ll be happy, but that’s a lie. A sweet lie, a sweet little lie that I believe because there is nothing else left that I can fill myself with. Let me chase an illusion of happiness, normalcy, a life where I don’t think of killing myself, where I drop the mask, where I can walk with everyone else for once, where this division, this barrier between me and everyone else disappears, where I can be selfish too... No… No! I’m here to suffer! I can’t die till it’s over, till I end the curse I was born under, till I end this ‘me’ that I came to be. This isn’t me. This isn’t me Shinichi. Who am I then? I’m scared Shinichi… I’m scared I won’t be able to recover anything… I don’t belong here… I see who I used to be, and I realize that isn’t me anymore… Wasn’t I the daring thief? Wasn’t I the comical young adult? Didn’t I have a bright future? Who was I and who am I now?” KID had started pacing and was angrily ranting, but something changed and his face morphed.

“I relive everything in the most mundane activities… I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t talk to people… All I see is them and what they did to me… I can’t live like this, I need help… I’m stuck and I need help, but I’m afraid that I’ll shatter. I’m not strong, Shinichi, I’m really weak… But maybe… Maybe I deserve all of this… I’m no good, I’m too cocky… I’m secretive, I’m unappreciative… I didn’t even cry at my father’s funeral… I became a thief and I thought I could challenge them… No… I thought that a cocky smile would give me the strength… I wanted revenge, I wanted to take them out… I thought if I cared for the world, I would be the good guy… I lived off that stupid reassurance… Hehe… They should have killed something as pathetic as me… I don’t know anything anymore Shinichi… I don’t know what my real feelings are for anything… I hurt myself to feel, to forget, to fight… I can’t eat because I only imagine their semen running down my throat, their saliva in my mouth, the taste of rust as I threw up more blood and swallowed more blood. God… eating disgusts me… Sleep isn’t much better… All I see is why I want to die… I’m no good, don’t waste your time on me… I can’t keep it up much longer anyways… It’s crumbling, this… this… whatever I still cling to… whatever I still believe in… I won’t die yet, no… I promised to live till I could die. I will take them down and then I’ll be at peace…”

“Shinichi… you want a long-term relationship out of this… You want me to become like you, a functioning human… I can’t do that for long… I’ll be gone soon. It’s best that I cut ties with everyone so I’m not missed at all. I’m the epitome of pathetic, yeah? You wanted to know the truth about me… That’s it… without a single excuse… I’m not the same KID you used to know…” KID had his head hung lowly and his eyes carried nothing in them. No expression, no light, and no tears.

“You’re not all that different KID… You still amaze me with your intelligence and your way with words. You’re my favorite thief and criminal, not for how you stole precious gems, but with how you stole my eyes and my heart. No criminal compares to you, someone who isn’t even a criminal… You’re clever, you’re selfless… You aim to impress and shock and baffle. You’re daring, but also so loving… KID you are hurt, but you’re not broken… No, you’re just hurt, and you need someone to support you for once. I’m here and I will not abandon you. That cocky face and your charming demeanor, who wouldn’t fall for that?” I placed a hand on his shoulder and KID lifted his head. A smile rested on my face and an attempted one on his.

“It’s okay to be scared and to not know… I’m scared too, you know? I’m scared I’ll lose someone I never got to know properly. I’ll lose the person I’ve admired for so long… I’m scared another person will be taken away from me because of this cruel world… And I don’t know… I don’t know how to help you nor what to do… I’m so scared that I’ll screw up, that I won’t be able to help you regain your light, to see your real smile… KID, I’m scared I’ll lose you… Someone I hardly know… Someone who’s supposed to be my enemy… And I don’t know why… I don’t know why I’m so scared that I tremble, that I beg you to stay with me, that I don’t care if the world finds you here, that I want to risk my life to save yours… KID, I don’t know why… I don’t know how to answer you when you ask why… I just know that… that I have to do this…” At some point, I had begun crying and my breath left in quick gasps. KID had pulled me into his arms, and he held me. He was comforting me and telling me he was sorry. I resented the ‘me’ that made this conversation about myself. 

“Shinichi… don’t worry. Everything will be okay, I promise.” KID ran his hands through my hair and let me cling to him. I knew that he was feeling guilty for making me cry, even though that was not the case. “Shinichi… don’t fret about me. It’ll all be okay; I promise on my honor as a thief and as a self-proclaimed gentleman. Cross my heart… so don’t cry… I’ll make it all better…” KID tipped my head up from his shoulder and he wiped my eyes with a handkerchief. A small smile graced his lips, he looked much too like an angel. I was taken by this image of him. “Shin-chan,” _he’s beautiful…_ KID opened his mouth to speak again but closed it and settled with another grin. KID moved suddenly and his arms swept under me and picked me up. 

KID moved through the house and strategically kept my eyes focused on his face, his radiant glow. I didn’t know we had moved back to the balcony until I felt the light night breeze on my face.

“KID?” I asked softly.

“Hang on tight Shinichi” I took the warning and held on tight to the thief. KID maneuvered on top of the balcony.

“You’re such a showoff when it comes to strength,” I teased. A small chuckle left KID’s lips, but I couldn’t see his face.

“Can’t help it, Dear,” KID said with a grin dripping into his words. An uncontrollable pink dusted my cheeks as I held onto him. KID jumped and pulled us both onto the roof. He balanced carefully and carried me away from the edge and to the highest point of the roof. He then set me on my feet.

“Why are we here KID?” I asked. KID didn’t respond, but instead sat on the roof and motioned for me to join him. I took a seat and he laid back on the rooftop.

“Do you know why I’m the moonlight thief?” he asked me suddenly.

“Y-you said you had to be a thief, it’s the family business…” KID laughed.

“No, no… Why I always go out at night?” KID asked again.

“Um… Because the night is easier to steal under,” I guessed.

“Nope. Your deduction is wrong Mr. Detective,” KID chipped. “I steal under the moonlight because it’s beautiful. The night is beautiful, full of mystery and surprise. Everything is more magical at night. The most intimate interactions occur at night. The truth is spilt at night.” I listened to KID so intently with fascination that I almost didn’t notice his hand grabbing mine.

“We both need help Shinichi… I’m messed up inside and I’ll bet that you’re also in pain… Perhaps… I’ll stay here… I’ll stay with you, so you don’t have to worry about losing me… We’ll help each other… I’ll help you develop your life again and you’ll help me take down the Black Organization. We can do that for each other, right?” I squeezed his hand, and, in that moment, I think I understood the intimacy KID was referring to.

“Yeah, we’ll help each other.” My words always sounded so dull when compared to the music that left KID’s lips. KID took my hand up to himself and examined it.

“Your hands are beautiful Shinichi… Your skin is practically flawless, and your fingers are so long… You have the calluses of someone who writes too much,” he laughed. His own deft hand continued to examine mine and I was drawn in by his touch, the way his eyes swept over my hand. “Do you play an instrument? You have the hand of a musician…”

“Maybe you should be a detective instead of a thief KID,” I teased lightly. KID turned his head and faced me.

“Maybe I should take that up someday… I’ll need to find a day job soon. And Shinichi?”

“Yes KID?” I asked him. KID was staring at the night sky now. His grip tightened on my hand.

“It’s Kaito… My name is Kaito… just… just Kaito. My head snapped to him quickly and my eyes widened. KID didn’t wear an expression, aside from a worn smile. His other hand was held straight up with an open palm. I could see the moonlight peaking in between his fingers and hitting his face, illuminating it.

“Thief? Your name is Thief?” I asked with a small smirk cracking at my lips. KID gave me an annoyed look, one of someone who’d heard that joke too many times. 

“Remember, I’m from a family of thieves… My parents had a sense of humor when naming me. I really am Kaito!” He looked away a slight blush apparent on his cheeks. “It’s odd for you to be calling me KID all the time, puts me on edge… And since I call you by your first name all the time, I figured I might as well give you my first name…” KID looked a bit miffed and embarrassed as he muttered out that explanation.

“Kaito…” I tested the name out. “Thank you Kaito,” I smiled as I accepted his gift of a name. _It must be hard for you to admit anything of your real identity, so really, thank you KI--Kaito._

Kaito sighed and closed his eyes as we fell into a comfortable silence for once. His other hand now rested on his chest and his eyes closed. I continued observing his peaceful face.

“Shinichi… do you… do you like me?” The question caught me off guard and my thoughts circled as I tried to wrap my mind around my own feelings. I licked my lips and sat up. My eyes washed over him and a strange feeling filled me. I was nervous.

“I… do Kaito… I think I like you.” I laid back down and refused to move my eyes from the moon, unwilling to see his current expression. “Do… do you like me by any chance, Kaito? Have you fallen for what you’ve stolen yet?” I let each word roll of my tongue and fill the air around us.

“I-I…” _Can’t even think of a response? Where’s the suave you at?_ Suddenly, Kaito sat up and crossed his arms over his chest. “D-don’t say stupid things like that, Shinichi…” he said refusing to face me. 

“So, you’re not going to answer me, Kaito?” I asked with a smug smile.

“I-I hate you…” Kaito mumbled out. He sat with his face as red as I’d ever seen it before. He continued muttering things about how stupid I was and how I’m I pervert and how he needs to leave as soon as possible. I smirked at this reaction, but a part of me tinged having not received an answer. 

“I never guessed you’d be the reserved type Kaito… I thought KID was all about romancing and whatnot.” Kaito shot me a look.

“If you think our relationship has been ‘romancing’, then you really do need some relationship advice Shinichi,” he bit back.

“Oh? Are you going to give me lessons then?” I asked with a small smirk.

“You don’t know when to quit do you?” Kaito growled.

“Make me,” I smiled.

“You say that so lightly. I bet you would be into all that kinky stuff… Sheesh, I’m staying with an S&M freak—”

“Your S&M freak,” I corrected.

“Oh, shut up already,” Kaito growled. I thought I had said something wrong, but then I couldn’t move. Kaito pinned both of my arms above my head and sat on my legs. “I-if you don’t, I’ll have to shut you up myself.” He may have said this phrase, but the redness that painted his face and the wavering of his voice removed all force behind his words and I burst out laughing. _This is a good angle for you though..._

At my reaction, he released me and stalked away across the roof. Before jumping down to the balcony, he offered me a pout. "I'm not waking you up tomorrow," he threatened. 

I lay on the roof not moving for a while. _Damn Shinichi… What the hell have you gotten yourself into? You confessed to him and he flat out didn’t give you an answer… Not even a maybe and then he pulls a cute stunt like that!_ I let out another laugh and admired the night sky. Tonight was shaping up to being a good night. 

I crawled to the edge of the roof and pathetically dangled over the edge before dropping and landing on my feet. I laughed again at myself and Kaito and the whole scene in general. _I r_ _eally hope none of the neighbors were watching._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, that's a long one! Also, poor Shinichi. All he wants is an answer from our surprisingly coy thief. Also, we finally got Kaito's name reveal! 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi doesn't like the mornings and he often barely arrives to work on time. Because he's not a morning person, a baby adult, and works so hard, he rarely eats breakfast or makes himself lunch. Kaito is a morning person and gladly assumes the role of helping Shinichi get out the door in the morning. This is mostly out of gratitude and fondness for the detective. 
> 
> 2\. Shinichi is a prodigy at the division. Given his young age and relatively high position, he faces a lot of flak from jealous coworkers. Coworkers are either your best friends or they're your worst enemies, tbh. This is true for Shinichi, who is close to some people in the division, but there are a lot who are jealous of his skills and background. Shinichi tries to keep a relatively low profile at work because of this. 
> 
> 3\. Shinichi is struggling with his transition back into being a functional adult; this is why his house is so under-cared for. It's not that he's inherently messy (though he doesn't mind a little clutter as long as it's cozy), but managing work, adulting, and his lack of a social group led him to slipping up and letting the house fall into disrepair. Kaito grew up mostly alone, so he's a lot more capable of household tasks. He likes his spaces to be tidy. 
> 
> 4\. I headcanon Kaito as knowing Japanese, English, and French, with a bit of other romantic languages. 
> 
> 5\. Kaito sends Rose to take thank Aoko for taking care of his doves. He thus reveals that he's alive, but he doesn't give Aoko any other information other than to keep his message to her secret. 
> 
> 6\. Shinichi wants to be supportive of Kaito and Aoko's friendship, but he continually mistakes it as romantic and gets jealous lol. He's being a good boy and not acting on his jealousy though. 
> 
> 7\. Shinichi knows he's underqualified to take care of Kaito and help him out, but he doesn't know what he should do or where to start in helping the thief. He just doesn't want to hurt Kaito again. 
> 
> 8\. Kaito is once again trying to push Shinichi away by revealing the "ugly" parts of himself. Shinichi doesn't give in so easily, however. We also see Kaito's lovely identity crisis (poor baby...) Trauma can really affect a person and how they view themselves. In Kaito's case, he's mourning his old life and how he used to be. He's morbidly aware of how his traumas have changed him but doesn't know what to do or how to heal. 
> 
> 9\. Kaito is very coy with his feelings. Partially because he doesn't quite know what to feel or how to even broach a relationship right now. He's also a bit wary due to his involvement with the Black Organization and the subsequent traumas that were written into him. He's got a lot going on right now and it's hard for him to clearly understand his feelings. Shinichi may make him blush and they jive well together, but... 
> 
> 10\. Shinichi may be relatively serious and keep to himself a lot, but around certain individuals, he lets loose a bit and reveals a more childish side. Kaito is almost always a tease, but sometimes he can't take what he dishes (because he's not used to it!).
> 
> Thank you again for reading! The next chapter will (hopefully) be released on Monday! I know that a lot of you are probably starting finals or just finishing them up. In any case, good luck and take care!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy KID Day everyone~! Here's a short and sweet chapter~ I promise I'll post something a bit longer next time, but I'm hoping the sap in this chapter makes up for its length ;) 
> 
> Chapter warnings: none to my knowledge!
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

After jumping down from the balcony, I wandered around my house. Kaito wasn’t in his room, so I ambled through my halls looking for him. Eventually I stopped outside of his room again. The door was open, and he was sitting on his bed. The dove named Rose was nesting beside him on the nightstand. He held a small piece of paper and a smile was on his face. Jealousy twinged at my heart and I cursed the feeling. _Aoko…_

“Hopefully we’ll see her again soon, right Rose? All we have to do is take them out and then we’ll be free again.” Kaito smiled while stroking the small bird. “I’m glad she’s doing alright. I was afraid she would be taken advantage of, but she’s not the little girl she used to be. I have to trust her some more… We’re both adults now… How the heck did we both survive though? I swear sometimes the circumstances she got us into… Aoko…” Kaito chuckled to himself. “You know, Shinichi… Listening in on people’s private musings is considered rude,” Kaito spoke aloud calling me out. I flinched before walking into the room.

“So, you got a response from your girl?” I glumly asked.

“Yeah, and she’s not my girl!” Kaito snapped. I cleared my throat and scolded myself for being so moody. _Pull yourself together!_

“I’m sorry… What did she say to you?” I asked trying to continue the conversation.

“Eh… Exactly what I expected her to… She’s elated to finally have, as she put it, ‘living, physical proof’ of my survival. She demands to know what really happened to me and wants me back as soon as possible. She told me life was going well for her at university, but she said her life was lonely and a bit bland without me. I’m happy for her, and as soon as I can assure her safety, I’ll see her again. Though, if I’m not careful, she’ll follow Rose back all the way here,” Kaito laughed. “That would be interesting…” he hummed.

“You must love her a lot…” I said slowly. My eyes fell to the floor. Truth be told, it hurt me to hear Kaito go on about some girl and how he wanted to return to her.

“Yeah… I do, but I don’t want a romantic relationship with her…” he answered with a simple smile, an emotion I couldn’t read. 

“And why’s that?” I asked not quite understanding why he continued to deny his feelings for her. “It’s obvious that she likes you too.”

“You loved Mouri chan and she loved you, but then you became Conan and you two became worlds apart. The same happened with me and Aoko more or less. Aoko and I were the ‘it-couple’ in high school, the already married couple, but then work got in the way. We were both trying to cling to something that couldn’t exist anymore… She needs stability, but I can’t even guarantee my survival for the next day. Being hunted down, as you know, is a dangerous life, one not for friends or even acquaintances… At least you had anonymity as Conan, I’m stuck as being known as KID and Kaito by them… They know exactly how to bend me to their will and that scares me… I won’t let them get close to the people of my past… the people I care about… I won’t let them get hurt…” A bright smile suddenly lit up his face and his eyes shined with memories, “Besides, Aoko’s basically the younger sister I never had!” His cheerful face illuminated my heart causing it to beat painfully in my chest. I swallowed before speaking.

“You have me Kaito. I won’t leave you and I know who you are and the dangerous life you live. Romantic prospect or not, I’m your friend and I’m not afraid of the consequences of that. I’m capable, I can fight on my own. I know who you’re dealing with.” Kaito gave me an incredulous look and I merely smiled. “So… maybe you could give me a chance to fill that loneliness in your heart.”

“You’re crazy Shinichi. You hardly know me! How could you be so sure of your feelings?” he asked me, blowing me off. However, he didn’t stop me from sitting next to him and taking his hand. My thumb ran over his skin and I glanced at the floor.

“How can you be so unsure of your feelings?” I countered. “Kaito, if this makes you uncomfortable, please tell me. I’ll stop. I’ll let you take things at your own pace. I know that they…” Kaito silenced me.

“Don’t talk about it…” he shushed. “I don’t want to think about it… I’ll tell you when to stop or if I’m uncomfortable…” I squeezed his hand and he returned the gesture before releasing a shaky breath. “I-it’s not that I’m not attracted to you… I’d be lying if I said that. It’s just…” he paused and closed his eyes before licking his lips, as if choosing his next words carefully.

“Maybe I’ll take a chance on you Shinichi… but I can’t guarantee it’ll work out with how I am now… And I don’t want a sexual relationship at all! At least not now… I want to decide my own boundaries and I want you to know that you can leave at any moment if I’m becoming too much for you.” I listened to him intently and took his words in carefully. I knew where he was coming from. He wanted the best for both of us. He knew a relationship wouldn’t be easy, but I was ready to take on that challenge.

“Also, please respect my boundaries, both as KID and as Kaito. There will be some secrets that I need to keep as KID… and please trust that I’m not interested in Aoko romantically! I, in turn, promise to acknowledge your boundaries as a detective too.” I bit my tongue and guilt filled me. I needed to be less overbearing and more trusting. Kaito, hurt or not, could never be described as an incapable person. I paused a moment, thinking over his words, before responding.

“I understand Kaito… we’ll keep it sweet and this’ll just be an experiment for now, but I promise that this will become a long term relationship.” Kaito wasn’t looking up and his mouth was drawn in a straight line. I could see the thoughts swimming within his eyes.

“You make me act more irrational than usual,” he grumbled.

“Oh, don’t lie to yourself, you know you like me.” With that I pressed a chaste peck against his cheek and examined the small blush that dotted his face. Satisfied with my work, I stood. “I’ll see you tomorrow Kaito.”

Kaito jumped up quickly and grabbed my arm before I could leave. He pulled me into an embrace me and wrapped his arms around my waist. It was my turn to redden and I ducked my head into his shoulder. I took a deep breath and melted at his comforting scent. He was the first pull away and we offered each other shy smiles.

“Remember to set an alarm for tomorrow, Shinichi. You are an adult, right? I-I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” I waved him off with quick ‘yeses’ and bid him good night. I could barely contain my excitement as I practically skipped back to my room and conveniently forgot to set an alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh~ They finally have an adult conversation! On a side note, I'm finished with finals, so that's one thing off my plate! I plan to divert more time to writing. I have a one-shot in the works for this couple and I think the concept is a little cool, but that may be my bias speaking, haha~ Anywho...
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:
> 
> 1\. In this work, Shinichi and Kaito are a lot more capable at love than they're often portrayed to be in the fandom (though I love a good "idiots in love" fic~). They both have a failed relationship under their belt and have learned a lot since high school. Instead of the main conflict being them getting together or even realizing their feelings, I want the main conflict to center around forming a strong, healthy relationship in spite of trauma and mental illness (because it is possible after all!). They still have A LOT of growth left in this department.  
> 2\. On a related note, they're starting their growth with some boundaries~ I love me some boundaries, boundaries are sexy~  
> 3\. I love platonic Kaito/Aoko and platonic Shinichi/Ran~ (and I really don't like Ran or Aoko bashing as a convenient plot point)
> 
> Thank you again for reading~ The next chapter will be released on Wednesday. Feel free to comment or leave kudos if you'd like! Take care everyone!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 18! This chapter has quite a few warnings, so please take care of yourself and your mental wellbeing!
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm, rape, mental abuse, physical abuse, alcohol
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

After rushing a sleepy detective out the door for work, I decided to dedicate my day to work. KID’s vacation was over. I took my laptop, a cup of tea, plenty of paper and pens, and some of my books down to Shinichi’s library. I would be studying today. I had a few more chemical combinations to try out for flash bombs. I wanted to make a flash bomb that was a bit softer on the eyes but lasted a few seconds longer than my current formulation. I also needed to pinpoint my next target; it had to be big and bold to attract their attention. Then there was dinner; it was my day to cook after all. It was tall list, but I had the time.

I started with researching my next target. There was going to be a huge jewel display next month called 'The Crown Jewels of Medieval Europe'. It was a traveling exhibition that only went to three different countries a year before being locked away again in their respective resting spots throughout Europe. Japan had been chosen this year.

I smirked, something like this would definitely attract the attention of the Black Organization. The jewels were going to be displayed for a single weekend at the Tokyo Skytree. The exhibit would accompany the restaurant as a special viewing for people who were in the ‘know’.

The general public was not made aware of this exhibition, only wealthy and intimate friends of the collection were invited. I knew they were trying to hide this information from a certain phantom thief, so, naturally, I found out about it through an anonymous tip. After some careful research, the tip checked out and I found my target.

The heist would be in the Sumida district, which was one of my personal favorite districts due to the sheer amount of tall buildings. It made flying a breeze with so many places to land and hide behind. I already had a layout of the Tokyo Skytree, since this was not my first heist here. Unless they had recently remodeled the place, nothing should be terribly different. I still needed to visit the tower though, just to familiarize myself with the building again and to plant bugs to investigate their security. Without Jii chan’s assistance, I had a lot of work to, but I had a month to set up my plans, adjust to their security, set up traps, make all the supplies I would need, and somehow keep this a secret from the detective I was currently living with. _Sounds easy enough~_

I leaned back in my chair, _maybe I’ll take a small field study tomorrow just to see how far along they are on preparing for the exhibition… I’m sure Shin-chan will understand…_ I cracked my fingers and began planning how I was going to sneak in on the day of the heist. _This’ll have to be a quickie… Maybe I’ll just break in as KID and steal and split… No show or anything… Should I even give an advance notice? Shinichi will know then, but I always give advance notices… I’ll give an advance notice, but only a day in advance. Shinichi will be scrambling to solve whatever I set up for him, he won’t have the time to confront me personally. He’ll just have to go with it then. I’ll even give it to the task force instead of Shinichi. Yes, that’s what I’ll do._

I worked until about noon on this new project of mine, then I spent an hour and a half cleaning the house casually while I thought and brainstormed for the heist. Then, upon a wave of exhaustion and lightheadedness overcoming me, I decided to take a small break from cleaning.

At about four I started making dinner and I finished around an hour later. After packing the dinner away and cleaning up the kitchen, I retreated to my room and got back to work. I set up a sign on my door beforehand, though, saying: ‘Dinner in the fridge. Leave me alone. Open this door and you’re my test subject for a month.’

Tonight, I would uncover the secrets present on the flash drive I’d stolen from the base. I’d somehow managed to steal an entire hard drive’s worth of information and it was time that I interpreted it. I expected there to be a lot of passwords and secret files that I’d need to dig out. It would take a while, even with my decrypting programing, but I would break through all their firewalls eventually. Nobody could stump KID with security. 

* * *

It had been a long and rather annoying day at work. I was absolutely hopeless and defenseless against the teasing I received at work today and it didn’t help that I was still practically glowing from the conversation I’d had with Kaito last night. Any time someone mentioned my supposed ‘lover’, a deep blush would cover my face and I’d stutter to defend myself, which, of course, would them into hoots of laughter. At this point I was going to have to call it quits as a detective and become a recluse before they ruined my name. Nothing was worse than police department gossip.

When I finally stepped into my house, I was so relieved that an audible breath left my mouth and I let my bag slip to the ground. To my surprise, the house was quiet and dark. Kaito didn’t greet me at the door and he wasn’t in the kitchen. I went up to his room to see if he was there, but the sign on the door deterred me. From my side of the door, I could hear angry clacking on a keyboard and mild curses thrown out every so often. I did not want to get on his bad side, so I turned on my heel and left swiftly. I had a reserved and lonely dinner working on my cases in my office.

I think I only saw him once that night and that was when he retreated down the stairs to the kitchen. I heard movement in the house around 10 PM and I dashed to see if he was okay. I thought he was finally getting dinner and calling it quits, but no… Kaito raided my alcohol cabinet and stole a nondescript bottle of whisky, something from my father’s personal collection. He didn’t take a shot glass, a cup, nor even anything to mix into the alcohol. We made eye contact and the look in his eyes told me that he wished there was something a bit stronger than this.

“I need this,” he muttered stalking away suspiciously. I watched him retreat and didn’t hear from him again for the rest of the night. The next morning, he didn’t even wake me up; he had a handful of alarm clocks hidden around my room to do that.

I almost knocked on his bedroom door to inquire about his work or check in on how he was doing, but I still heard him typing furiously, so I lowered my hand. I left for work concerned for my thief and the spent the day lost in my thoughts. He didn’t even leave a note in my bento today, which hurt me more than I’d ever willingly admit. When I returned home, I found a note on the kitchen counter:

“I’ll be back late tonight. Dinner’s in the fridge, warm it for thirty minutes in the oven. I already have the temperature set. Don’t wait up for me. -K”

His note annoyed me; he didn’t say anything about where he went nor why he went out without talking to me. _Like hell I wouldn’t wait up for you!_ I thought angrily while rolling my eyes.

I wandered around my house and eventually stopped outside Kaito’s room again. I slowly turned the doorknob and peered inside. Luckily, the room was empty, but the contents of the room disturbed me.

“What the hell have you been doing in here, Kaito?” I whispered out. Paper was everywhere in the room, so much shredded paper. The bed was strewn apart with a pillow thrown against the wall and a duvet flung haphazardly at the balcony door. Kaito’s desk was a mess of spilt pencils and pens. I found the bottle of whisky partially tucked under the bed, and, to my surprise, the bottle was halfway empty. The only thing untouched in this room was his KID suit, which I suppose was a good thing.

I then tried the bathroom door; it was locked from the inside. A little tinkering with the lock rendered it open and I entered. I wish I hadn’t.

A bloody blade lay haphazardly on the floor and blood splotches and spatters covered the floor. Bloody tissues filled the trash can. _When did Kaito do this…?_

Years of experience with crime scenes brought the sight before me to life. The blood spatters were mostly dry by now, but that only meant it had happened more than an hour ago. The size and shape of the blood spatter—which was almost a perfect circle—suggested that Kaito was swaying back and forth while hunched over and grasping onto the vanity. This is supported by the bloody hand mark on the vanity. He was probably drunk when he did this or, at the least, emotionally compromised. I don’t know anything about his alcohol tolerance level, but he still managed to make me a bento and press my suit early this morning. He can’t have been too drunk. Also, there’s no indication of him vomiting up the alcohol he consumed. If I had to guess right, he drank a little bit of the whisky at a time to keep himself awake and buzzed, not drunk. So, he was probably emotionally compromised then. The ink on the note he left me was still relatively fresh, the ink hadn’t finished fading to its final color and certain areas were still wet. Also, his handwriting was relatively sloppy, more so than usual. His penmanship was shaky and the pressure he applied varied. Kaito was emotionally compromised, but what happened while I was gone, or rather, what had he been up to?

* * *

At around two in the afternoon, I finally broke the encryption and gained access to the many files I knew they were hiding from me. They had, as I thought, so many documents on me. Documents on my limits, weaknesses, strengths, and many other factors. It was morbidly fascinating to read. They even had my DNA sequenced.

Aside from that, they had a lot on Pandora, all the scientific evidence I needed to prove Pandora’s existence. I had access to their human experimentation results, including mine. I spent an hour messing around and reading everything on them. Nervous chills began to run through my body, and I desperately needed some fresh air. I needed some space to think. This new information gave me a whole new perspective on them, one that made me sick to the stomach and lightheaded. It wasn’t all the information I needed, and it was very incomplete in many aspects, but the message got across well enough.

Impulsively, I decided to leave the Kudo manor. I locked away my laptop and hid all my notes—which were encrypted themselves—so that a nosy detective wouldn’t be on my case. No, I needed to keep him out of this one. If he caught wind of what I had just discovered, hell, he might just have a breakdown. I couldn’t let my detective lose faith in all of humanity. I wanted to preserve some of his innocence.

I didn’t clean the frustrated mess in my room though. I didn’t feel well enough to do that yet. I merely left a note on the door and locked the bathroom door from the outside. I didn’t really want Shinichi to find the mess I’d made of myself, but if he went the distance to find it, I couldn’t care less at the moment. I needed to get out of here. 

I began by wandering around town with a hood pulled over my face. I was hunched over, shivering with unease. There was too much to think about. My wrists were stinging, but it provided a distraction from the people around me. I pushed on and on throughout Tokyo by foot. I wandered through back alleys and just continued on unaware of my whereabouts. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I knew that when I heard my name being called, that I had found my destination.

“KID,” I turned on a dime and met the person who knew my identity.

“T-Talon?” I asked, dangerous glint entering my eyes. Talon merely laughed and approached me casually.

“You don’t look well KID, something on your mind?” I clenched my jaw and held my ground. Talon continued approaching me and stopped right in front of me. “So, you do know about it then. Come with me KID, it looks like we have to talk.”

“And why should I go with you?” I shot back.

“Because I know who you are, and I know you’re curious. And, if you know what’s best for you and the people around you, then you’ll humor me,” he threatened. “I’m not here to kill you yet KID, I want to talk to you. Come on, follow me.” I narrowed my eyes, but knew my options were otherwise limited. I trailed after him and we entered an abandoned warehouse. He walked into the damp shadows of the building, far from the shattered windows and light of the setting sun.

“So, KID, what did you think? You know our secret now…” I looked him up and down and examined his facial expression, I didn’t like it. It was too cocky.

“A bit cliché to be honest. A government agency, really?” I asked with a decisively emotionless face.

“Don’t lie to me KID, I know when you are. Tell me what you really think.” Talon advanced on me and grabbed my shoulder. I flinched back and my heart sped up. _Poker face… poker face… poker face…_ “Tell me now KID,” he demanded. I could feel his rancid breath on my face and a slow breath escaped my parted lips. Summoning my courage and will, an even smile wrought across my face. _Give him what he wants and get the hell out of here. Stay calm Kaito, you can do this._

“A government agency? How? I assumed you all were connected to the mafia, but I never guessed that your work was funded by our prime minister. Human experimentation and assassinations…” Talon smiled and ran his gloved hand under my chin. The calmness I had been delicately feigning collapsed and fear shook my body. I was cowering before him.

“That’s more like it, Kaito,” he sneered. “Why can’t we be honest with each other like that from now on? Now I’ll answer your question. We’re a government agency dedicated to the improvement of Japan by any means necessary. We experiment with drugs for chemical warfare and to enhance our citizens. Pandora, my project, will be used to find a way to make this country near invincible. Believe or not, but your stay provided us with invaluable information about how to make a person as strong and smart as you are. You may not even realize it, KID, but you’re bending to my will, aren’t you? You like to follow people, especially those who intimidate you. KID, I want you. You have our files; you know what we study, how we plan…”

“Y-you’re planning on enacting terrorist attacks in various areas in Japan! How the hell is that strengthening Japan?!” I yelped out.

“You know exactly how! The weak will die, and the strong will survive. The current system in Japan will be overthrown for the sake of our new one. Our human experiments have been going well lately. You know how the system works, KID, better than anyone else. Nothing is what it seems.” I wheezed at that remark.

“I suppose you’re right about that Talon. Things aren’t what they seem. Can’t even trust the government these days… I will tell you one thing though, Talon. I won’t let you kill anyone. I don’t care if you and the Black Organization are supposed to bring prosperity to Japan, nor do I care that these experiments are supposedly to ‘help’ society. I won’t let you hurt anyone else. I will stop you. This is more than revenge now and you know that!” Talon smiled.

“You haven’t even heard my proposal yet, KID. I’m not here to fill you in on information you already know, but to offer you what I know you’re here for too. KID, you would be the best addition to our crew. Your fitness, intelligence, and charm would give our group the edge it needs. We would like to invite you to our organization, KID. You have what we want, and this would guarantee your safety as well as the safety of the ones you care for. We’ll leave them alone.” I raised an eyebrow at his proposal.

“And if I say no?”

“Then we will do everything in our power to obtain you, unless we are forced to kill you. We might even use those you love against you. Don’t you dare say no one matters to you, we’ll kill that Nakamori girl or the detective first.” I bit my lip and pondered his words carefully. 

“You want me to join your terrorist organization and help you kill people because I’m supposedly talented?” I summed up.

“You have all the time you need to decide, KID, though I feel like I know your answer for now. I assure you that it will change. You just need some persuasive convincing and a little push of inspiration. I’m not too worried though, I’m in charge of you now, KID, which means I’m in charge of breaking you now.” I smirked.

“I’ll take that you already know that my answer is no then. And I highly doubt you’ll get any closer to breaking me than that doctor. I’m unbreakable—”

“You say that now, KID, but before you left that house in Beika, what were you doing? You were cutting yourself. You’re unraveling KID, you’re breaking apart and no amount of ignorance can stop what you’re going through. You need help, death, or a complete break from who you are. Two of those you will not be receiving.”

With that, Talon continued advancing on me until my back me the wall and I was trapped. My eyes narrowed ferally preparing to fight. “If you attack me now KID, I’ll kill that Nakamori girl right now. We’ll have her shot and we’ll even film it for you. You are to not resist and let me do whatever I want to you. Not a word, KID.”

I gulped and tried to tune out all of my senses as he pushed me against the wall and captured my lips passionately. His tongue entered my mouth and pushed against mine ensuring that I engaged him despite the bile rising in my throat. He tasted like cigarettes and alcohol, never a good combination.

“I’ve always wanted to humiliate you, KID. I’ve always wanted to wipe that mocking smirk off your face, to see the tears gather in your eyes, to disgrace you, to make you hate yourself more… I was a bit disappointed when I wasn’t in charge of breaking you but look where we are now.” He laughed at my pathetic appearance, my quivering, trembling body.

“So skinny KID… And look at those wrists! You sure did a number to them, you’re so weak. So pathetic. So easy.” The first slap fell hard against my face and tears blurred my eyes. “Look at me KID! I want to see that disgusting face. Show me those eyes, those teary eyes that say they hate me more than anything else in the world. Look at me KID!” He grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me so close to his face that I felt his spit as he spoke. It and his words struck me like lead, and I collapsed when he released me.

After the verbal assault, he began feeling me, touching me, tasting me. Hands, a tongue, teeth… they all abused my body and I couldn’t suppress the noises building in the back of my throat. Talon was so happy with this, he laughed and reveled in my position, my submission. I was just used and spat on and had my hair pulled this way and that way. I was bit and pinched and yanked and licked. I was invaded until nothing remained untouched, until I was nothing but a sorry spectacle for him to sneer and gloat over. 

“You’re so hopeless KID… You let me rape you, that means you wanted it, right? I bet you want more than what I’m giving you.” Talon laughed as he cleaned himself up. I lay on the floor in a teary-eyed heap. 

“I hope you enjoyed it KID, and I hope you’ll reconsider my offer. Otherwise, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing each other fairly often now. Oh, and if you tell anyone about tonight, well, just know that I’ll take care of them myself.” Talon smirked at the tears falling from my face and bid me farewell. I shook in place and sobbed bitterly until I slipped into a dissociative numbness. It was one thing to be abused, but to willingly let yourself be abused by the one person you hated most in life… No… I hated myself more…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished making a stew today that took two days to prepare. It's really good and makes me sleepy, ready for winter hibernation. 
> 
> Ah, poor Kaito. I know we were just getting into some sappy romance, but... Next chapter will have Shinichi caring for Kaito. 
> 
> Head canons/author notes:  
> 1\. The Black Organization is a secret government agency. Wow, that's a HUGE canon divergence, but ya go big or ya go home~ I know it's cliché to have an evil organization related to the government, but it fulfills what I need it to fulfill for the plot. Plus, there's always corruption within government organizations. If our world had magical glowing rocks of youth and drugs that can shrink you back into being a grade schooler, I'm sure people with power would abuse it too. 
> 
> 2\. I took (1) class on forensics and blood spatter analysis (and then TA-ed it) and the little information I gleaned will stick with me forever.
> 
> 3\. The anonymous tip Kaito received was from Sonoko of course. It was something she posted to a KID fansite. 
> 
> 4\. There's no special meaning as to why Kaito took whisky from the alcohol cabinet. I just believe the throat burning warmth acted to help keep him awake and wired. We all know that Kaito's preferred alcoholic beverages are the little fruity drinks (with waaay too high ABVs). Shinichi comes off as a "wine mom", though I bet he appreciates some of the finer alcoholic beverages too (read: cheap beer). 
> 
> Thank you for reading~! Feel free to comment or leave kudos if you'd like :) The next chapter will be posted on Friday!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday everyone! Here's chapter 19! We're approaching a month since I released the first chapter of this story~ Next chapter will be released on Sunday!
> 
> Chapter warnings: assault, rape aftermath, assault aftermath
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

At about 1:30 in the morning, I began to seriously wonder about Kaito. I knew he said he would be home late, but this was excessive, and I was terribly concerned. I didn’t have a way of contacting him either, and I knew he could be anywhere in Tokyo. I had almost considered dialing the police when I finally heard a sound upstairs around 3:00 AM. I ran from my spot in the front room and up the stairs to Kaito’s balcony. He had beat me inside the house and had locked himself inside the bathroom.

“Kaito!” I called out. “Where have you been? Are you okay?” I yelled.

“Go away Shinichi,” I heard his voice croak. He sounded awful and I could hear tears seeping into his voice. Panic rose inside me and my mind whirled through all the possibilities. 

“Kaito if you don’t open this door now, I’m breaking in!” I shouted, urgency and fear coming out in shrills. I heard scattering in the bathroom and the clattering of many objects on the floor. I tried to pick the lock, but it wouldn’t give. I muttered a small ‘shit’ and began pounding on the door. I had reason to believe that he was seriously wounded or emotionally compromised, and I wasn’t about to let this door keep me from him. 

I slammed my body against the door over and over. It wasn’t long until the old lock gave in, and the door flew open. I rubbed my shoulder and entered the bathroom. It appeared empty, but next to one the cabinets under the sink, I saw all the contents of that cabinet on the floor. I darted to the cabinet and flung the door open. Sure enough, Kaito had squeezed himself into that space. He wouldn’t even acknowledge that I was there. He had his face tucked into his knees and a hood covered his head.

“K-Kaito?” I asked suddenly unsure about the condition of the thief.

“Go away Shinichi, I don’t want you here,” he slurred out softly. He was in distress, I could tell. 

“Let’s get out of the cabinet, Kaito. Let me look at you. Are you hurt in anyway?” I heard a wheezing laugh escape the thief and I took that as a yes. I reached out to touch him, but he flinched away from me.

“Don’t touch me!” he shrieked. He was trembling; I knew he was terrified, but I wasn’t what scared him. “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

“Kaito…” I grabbed his sleeve, but he suddenly lashed out at me and I fell backwards. He’d landed a solid hit on my cheek and I rubbed it while considering what to do next. Kaito had never attacked me like that and I was taken aback, shaken. I knew he was distraught, but I hadn’t expected that. 

Kaito was mumbling to himself now, saying things I couldn’t make out while cradling his hands to his chest. Kaito was acting feral and he was terrified, a horrible combination. I needed him to look at me, to recognize that he was safe now. 

“Kaito,” I tried again, reaching out to him. Kaito suddenly screamed and wrenched in my grip. I took an elbow to the side and his nails raked across my arms and face. I took a tighter hold on him, but he bit down on my arm fiercely. I released him with a yelp of pain, and he lay limply on the floor. He was trembling weakly. _What happened to you Kaito…?_

I crawled over to him and sat down in front of him. “Kaito, look at me,” I commanded. He was hesitant, but his head soon tilted up, though his eyes refused to meet mine. I was not prepared for what I saw. His face was covered in purple bruises and dried blood clung to his nose and his lips. Tears fell from his eyes and as we made eye contact, he gave me a disturbing smile and his eyes formed aggressive slits. He was an absolute mess.

“K-Kaito…” I breathed out. “What happened to you?” I asked quietly trying to process what had happened. He looked away and hid his face.

“Nothing happened, Detective… Nothing at all. Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” Kaito spat out. I had asked the wrong question. I hesitantly reached out to him, but he batted my hand away. “I said leave me alone! What don't you understand?! Leave me the fuck alone!” he snarled with a failing voice and a trembling body. “Just leave me alone… Shinichi…” he choked out. 

“Kaito,” I whined. I flinched as he sat up. His piercing eyes met mine; the purple of his eyes matched the bruises covering his face. He was aggressively facing me and I scooted back. I did not want a confrontation with him right now.

“Go away,” he hissed out. “I don’t need you here.” _Liar._ “I can take care of myself just fine,” he argued. I knew I needed to appeal to him and tread carefully with my words, so I licked my lips as I planned my response carefully. 

“Yes, yes you can… but I want to know what happened to you, then I’ll leave you alone.” Kaito finally, willingly looked at me. My concerned blue eyes mirrored his feral indigo ones. The sharp look in his expression was breaking away and tears began to fall again from his eyes. He raised his hands to brush the tears from his eyes. _Is he finally coming to his senses?_

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled out slowly. His face was morphing into a worn, tired face. He looked so old with that expression in his eyes. “I’m sorry Shinichi… God… Shinichi… I’m so sorry…” His eyes swept over me and I could see the guilt that filled him. He reached out tentatively to my arm, which was red with scratch lines and teeth marks, but he stopped short and pulled his hand back. Kaito began laughing in a desperate manner and I wanted to cry. His hands covered his face as tears spilled from his eyes and he couldn’t stop shaking. “Dammit, I hurt you too…” In between his sobs and laughs, Kaito spewed phrases that I did not understand.

“Kaito,” I began slowly. “Can you tell me what happened?” He stopped laughing and an even worse expression covered his face. A smile, a sincere smile with dead eyes.

“No,” was his lonely, singular answer. Kaito then did what I didn’t want him to do. “I’m sorry to disturb you Shinichi and even more so to have injured you, but I am alright now. I’ll make up for the damages, but for now I suppose we should go to sleep.” He pushed me away.

“Like hell Kaito!” I growled. “I need something! Were you attacked? Wait! Why were you even out? We didn’t talk about this! I need information too Kaito!” He smiled.

“I’m sorry Shinichi—”

“I don’t need your apologies! I need answers… Kaito… Who hurt you? Let me know so I can put them behind bars or something… Or, to be honest, I’d much rather murder them.” Kaito laughed, but still maintained that unfailing smile, that mask. “Why do you do this to me Kaito? Don’t you understand how much it hurts when you don’t talk to me?” I asked exasperatedly.

“I’m sorry…” he murmured again. “I do this because… because I care for you,” he whispered. “I’d tell you if I could, if I wasn’t so weak and utterly helpless…” He laughed a terrible laugh, an exhausted laugh, and his head tilted back, exposing the damage done to his neck. My chest ached and I so desperately wanted to pull him into my embrace. 

“I can’t keep this up, can I? Something will have to give, but this is my life, Shinichi.” He offered me another smile. “Sure did a number to my face, right? Bet you were surprised at the bruises, but if you saw the film of my captivity, you’d already understand that I’m used to this. I didn’t want you to see me. I was scared… I almost didn’t come back… Here I am, though… That's only because I wanted to see you. I had a feeling you were waiting up and I wanted you to go to sleep and I wanted to make sure you woke up on time tomorrow…” Kaito grinned, the dull light never leaving his eyes. “Funny reason for wanting to live…” he mused.

“You were raped, weren’t you?” I asked quietly. “You have that same look in your eyes that I saw back on Tokyo Tower…”

“And if I was? What difference does it make? I’m practically a toy, everyone’s slut… What does it matter if another person humiliates me more?” Kaito seemed so casual about it as his voice dropped dead words.

“What is self-worth to you?” I asked softly. Kaito looked at me, an unusual look had covered his face. He didn’t even try to defend himself. _What did they do to you?_ “Kaito… Let me help clean you up.” He gave me an incredulous look but nodded slowly.

“Yeah… okay…” Kaito began to strip his jacket off. “Only if you’re okay with seeing me like this though…” he muttered. I nodded, offered a small smile, and helped Kaito peel off his shirt. My eyes widened at his body. He was covered in red marks, bites, scratches, and bruises.

“Pathetic, isn’t it? At least they were nice to me this time, they were actually pretty tame, more sensual than usual.” I wondered what he considered the ‘usual’ to be. I held back any response though, I wasn’t sure what to say in the first place anyways. “Y-you know if it bugs you so much, I can take care of myself. I’m back to my normal mindset now…” Kaito had a small blush of embarrassment or modesty spreading across his face. Had he noticed my stares?

“It doesn’t bug me, I swear! …Well that’s actually a lie… I can’t believe that people would do this to you… Or that you would even let people do this to you… I’m shocked and even… Why Kaito?” Kaito didn’t respond.

“I don’t understand why you would let people do this to you… I know for a fact that it’s impossible to keep you captive… You probably could’ve escaped today’s attacker unless they drugged you… Were you drugged? Do I have to worry about side effects or anything?” Kaito chuckled.

“No… they didn’t use drugs this time… I allowed it to happen, Shinichi… I bet you’re confused, but it’s the truth. Sometimes physically boundaries are not as strong as mental ones…”

“They’re holding you hostage using me and the others, aren’t they?” Kaito withheld and answer and met my eyes with a chilling look; I knew I had hit dead on. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Kaito you should really go to the police. I know you’re technically a criminal, but I’ll cover for you. We need to stop this Kaito!”

“No!” he firmly barked, catching me off guard. “Shinichi, you misunderstand. I can’t tell anyone anything. In fact, let’s just drop this topic in general… Unless, of course, I leave your house and we stop seeing each other… I won’t tell you any more than what I have and if you need more than that, I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules; I just play the game.” I flinched at his dangerous tone. He wasn't playing around. 

“Fine, fine… We’ll drop it Kaito…” A small frown formed on my face and I pulled out the first aid kit. “A-are you bleeding anywhere?” I stuttered, hoping he would get what I was trying to say.

“No, nothing like that. I told you, they were tame this time… It was just touching and humiliation, nothing else really...” Kaito sighed. “Go to sleep, Shinichi… I want to take a shower anyways… I’ll handle the rest myself. I’m not really comfortable with you being so uncomfortable…” I looked down. Kaito was right, if anything I was more on edge than him right now.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled out with a bent head. Kaito ruffled my hair and offered me a smile.

“Don’t be. This isn’t and never will be your fault. You can only help me, Shinichi… Don’t ever think otherwise.” I nodded and I stood slowly before bidding him farewell. Kaito stood as well and, in the light, I could see all the damage inflicted upon him. Tears stung at my eyes; I’d failed again in protecting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, poor Shinichi, wanting to be helpful but honestly not knowing what he can or should do :( I may edit this chapter in the future as I was rushed in releasing it. 
> 
> 1\. I promise Shinichi won't be so powerless in helping Kaito for much longer. 
> 
> 2\. Kaito trembling, slurring, and lashing out are behaviors taken from the initial symptoms of rape trauma syndrome, which is a syndrome that describes behaviors and physiological responses someone may undergo following an assault. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Feel free to comment or leave kudos if you'd like~ Next chapter will have some sap, I promise! Happy weekend everyone~!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ We've made it to chapter 20!! Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm, rape aftermath, self-harm aftermath, self-destructive thoughts, injuries 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

As soon as Shinichi left, I felt the tears pricking my eyes again. I covered my mouth and quickly turned on the shower water. I fell to my knees and released silent screams. I couldn’t let Shinichi know what had happened, but I had attacked him, and he knew I was keeping secrets from him. He was suspicious and I had hurt him. _I_ had hurt someone because _I_ was mentally unstable. _What if I had killed him like the others? What if I had shown him what I was truly capable of? No… Kaito… Poker face, poker face…_

“What’s it worth anyways, Kaito? What are you worth anyways?” _You let Talon abuse you, one of your father’s murderers, rape you. You did exactly as he said… You’re such a pushover… A people pleaser… How are you supposed to save them if you can’t even save yourself from yourself? Am I enjoying what they do to me? Am I enjoying myself? I don’t know… Heh… I’m sick and broken… How much longer do I have to endure this torture called life?_

“Am I worth all the struggling anymore? Why don’t I just join them? It’d all end, right? Maybe they’d help me forget everything… That would be nice, yeah Kaito?” _They’d be safe and I’d be oblivious… Sounds like heaven to me…_

I pushed myself forward and stepped into the shower. The water pelted my body, and everything stung, but it felt good. The pain only reminded me of how I deserved it. I began laughing and hugging my sides. _I’m a monster, aren’t I? I love this pain that fills me because it reminds me of how much… how pathetic I am. I say it’s how my life is… but that’s not true! Nope! I’m too weak to do anything else but take it and put on fronts… Heh… God I’m despicable, the worst kind of human... The world wouldn’t mind if I died, would they? Maybe I should just do the world a favor…_

I began trembling under the water and my nails found my skin. _I need to remove him from me… I can feel him on me and touching me and biting me and licking me and God!_

I began reliving the tense moments between me and Talon. His taste was not something I’d ever be able to stomach, and the more I relived his unique taste, the sicker I became. I fell against the shower wall and clung onto it, while clutching my mouth to hold in the bile rising up my throat. I slid down onto the shower floor knocking myself silly. My vision swirled dangerously, and I knew I would pass out. _Really now, Kaito?_ I thought before my vision went black.

A couple minutes later, I assume, I woke up again. I pushed up from the floor and took a sedentary position. Tears began spilling from my eyes and for some reason, I couldn’t make them stop. I continuously brushed them from my eyes, but they wouldn’t stop. I suppose, like the scalding water falling over me, my eyes were giving off an endless stream of hurt. I pounded my fist onto the shower floor, _Stop it! You’re so weak! Goddammit! Stop it! Stop crying! Pull yourself together! Dammit Kaito! Poker face… poker face…_ The bile began to rise in my throat again and choking noises escaped me. Hot angry tears fell from my eyes burning them and I clenched my teeth till my jaw ached. This continued until the desire to vomit finally subsided and my tears ran dry.

By then, my skin had become prune-like and I felt sick of the water. I turned the knob and the water stopped. I stared straight ahead with an exhausted look; I was really praying that Shinichi had gone to sleep and not waited up for me. It would be interesting to explain why I had spent an hour or so in the shower. I stepped out and quickly wrapped a towel around myself. It was freezing and goosebumps quickly covered my body.

My eyes scanned across the bathroom and I took in the mess I had left throughout the room. Impulsively, I tidied the entire room by putting away the supplies I had spilt and tossing the bloody tissues I had left everywhere. _Damn Kaito… pull yourself together. If you’re going to self-harm, at least clean up so others don’t have to deal with your mess._

I sighed and sat on the toilet seat. I had cleaned most of the bathroom up and I was mostly dry now. I began examining the various wounds on my body. My arms had to be covered in bandages. My self-harm, his abuse, and my scratching fit left my arms speckled with blood and little scabs. I applied disinfectant and wrapped the bandages around my arms from basically my shoulders to my wrists. I tied the bandages off using my teeth. Then I covered the cuts and bites on my legs and thighs. An array of band aids covered the bite marks on my neck and collar bone. I applied a wrap to my left wrist, which Talon had ruthlessly twisted until I felt pain. Honestly, I was lucky he wasn’t focusing on breaking my bones. I always hated it when they maimed me like that. I began spreading disinfectant cream to the scratches on my face and I bit my tongue as I examined what he had done to my face. _No wonder Shinichi was unsettled. My skin went from white to blue to purple…_ Almost comically, I noted how the purple around my right eye matched my eye color.

I smiled at my pitiful reflection and then finished getting dressed. I had chosen to wear a long-sleeved shirt with long sweatpants. I didn’t want to show much of myself to anyone right now. I finally exited the bathroom and instantly noted the body in my bed. _Shinichi? What are you doing here?_ I approached him and noticed he was sleeping. I shook my head and smiled at his form. _You’re so cute right now; there isn’t a scowl present on your face. If only your real personality was like this; cute and curled up into a tight ball… You look cold though… but maybe that’s because you’re sleeping on top of the blankets…_ I laughed to myself as Shinichi curled more into himself. _Why didn’t you at least cover yourself with the blankets?_

I walked up to the bed and began easing the blankets out from under Shinichi while desperately trying to not disturb his sleeping form. I was successful and I tucked the detective in carefully. I then noticed my nightstand. On it was a cup of tea, still lukewarm. I smiled for I knew that Shinichi never drank tea. I grabbed the small teacup and brought it to my lips. I hadn’t realized how much my throat had been hurting until the warm liquid ran down my throat soothing the burning pain and dryness of my throat.

I looked back over at Shinichi and sighed softly. _You’re gonna make me go sleep on the couch, aren’t you?_ I stood up slowly and listened to the popping of my knees. I grabbed my tea and took a pillow before turning off the light in my room and closing the door softly. I padded down the stairs of his house and found the living room. I set up my pillow on the couch and took the comforter and spread it out. I promptly finished my tea and cleaned the small cup before putting it away. Then, I finally retreated to the couch. By then I suppose it was around five in the morning. There was hardly a point in sleeping anymore, Shinichi would have to get up in an hour if he was going to work today. I sighed, _I haven’t made his bento yet or ironed his clothes._

A reluctant groan left me as I stood again. I went into the kitchen and began preparing his lunch. It was going to be terribly simple, mostly consisting of last night’s dinner. I began preparing the rice and partitioning off the sections in his lunchbox. _Rice, beef, mixed vegetables, some sauce…_ A small smile covered my face as I prepared his meal. For some, reason I really enjoyed putting his lunch together and taking care of him. I’d never considered myself to be the ‘homemaker’ type, but maybe the helpless detective inspired me.

_Dessert… what should that be?_ Going along with the simple theme for the box, I grabbed some fruit from the counter and washed and chopped them. I added them to their own compartment along with some salt for the melon and raspberry sauce for the rest. I added the napkin and tied the top and bottom together. I began grinding the coffee beans for his coffee and brewing it for him. He would have a travel mug for the hot breakfast coffee and a small thermos for the iced coffee for lunch. I admired my work for a moment before packing it all into the fridge.

Then I marched upstairs and chose his clothes for him and began ironing them accordingly. _Why do I do this for him? Why do I baby him? He’ll never learn if I keep this up… he’ll grow dependent… I just want to convey gratitude, but I’m only coming off as a pseudo-housewife…_ I sighed and shook my head as I cleaned up and hung his suit on the closet door handle.

Then I went to my room where Shinichi was asleep on the bed. I smiled at his snoozing form and almost felt bad about having to wake him up. “Hey Shinichi… It’s time to get up now,” I began in a soft voice. He must have been in edge in his sleep because he moaned as soon as I said his name. “Shinichi,” I began again with a firmer voice. His face formed a small grimace and he hesitantly opened his eyes.

“K-KID?” he asked sitting up quickly. “Are you okay? Is everything alright? I’m sorry… Damn, I didn’t mean to fall asleep… Did you find the tea I made for you? What time is it?” I smiled softly at the detective as a warm feeling filled my being. _You are kind of cute when you’re like this too._

“It’s almost 6 in the morning, Shinichi… I have your lunch and suit ready so feel free to sleep in a little longer, but I’ll be back in five minutes if you’re not up by then.” Shinichi gave me an incredulous look. I suppose that fact that I was covered in bandages and the fact I looked like I was about to collapse made him nervous.

“Did you sleep at all last night Kaito?” he asked me cautiously. I looked away unsure of how to respond to that question.

“Well… I didn’t sleep much last night.” The words fell off my tongue in a dead manner and I knew immediately that Shinichi didn’t believe me. He reached out and grabbed my left wrist. I hissed in pain and reeled back. His eyes were all the apology I needed, and I looked away, feeling guilty myself.

“I’m sorry.” My head whipped to see Shinichi. “I guess I’m not that good of a host after all… I failed to realize how sensitive your arms must be after all that…” Shinichi stood and walked up to me. “I’m sorry, Kaito, for my inadequacies when it comes to helping you.” Shinichi gently reached for my hand and held it softly. He pulled me lightly to the bed. “It looks like I’ll be working from home today, so I guess I’ll sleep in.” He offered me a smile and guided me onto the bed. “As for you… You’ve been working nonstop since you got here, Kaito. You don’t owe me anything, yet you’re constantly working for me. I don’t know what you did yesterday, but you’re obviously exhausted. Your eyes are sunken in and you’re trembling. You’re pale as hell and I know you haven’t been eating. You’re taking the day off starting with sleeping the morning away.” I couldn’t say anything as Shinichi bounced onto the bed next to me. “Hope you don’t mind if I share the bed with you. I think this bed is more comfortable than the one I have.”

“I think you just want an excuse to sleep with Kaitou KID, isn’t that right Meitantei?” I asked with a pointed look.

“And if that is my reasoning? Will you expose me as your biggest fan?” I blushed faintly and Shinichi eased me down onto the bed. He tucked me in and brushed some hair from my eyes. “Do you not have a response to that, Thief?” he asked softly, while running his hands through my hair.

“I’m tired, lay off,” I mumbled while shutting my eyes tightly. I didn’t want to see his face now; no, I didn’t want to think about his hands going through my hair.

“That’s okay, Thief. I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes, but as a detective, I will learn the truth.” Shinichi pressed his lips against my forehead, and I felt him lay down next to me. I tried to curl into a tighter ball. _There is no way I’m going to sleep with this hypersexual detective! That would be a new low…_ His arm stretched around me and pulled me into him. Red covered my face, but I couldn’t help the sigh that left me. He was a lot warmer than me and I hadn’t realized how cold I was till I felt him pressed against my back. _It’s feels nice actually… Never realized how tired I actually am…_ My eyes soon fell shut and for once I didn’t feel troubled as I slept. I felt warm, relaxed, at home…

* * *

For once Kaito fell asleep before me. It surprised me because I didn’t think he would take to me pulling this one on him, but he was out in minutes. _He was pretty tired. Speaking of tired…_ I pulled the thief closer and admired the way his chest rose and fell; he'd fallen into a deep, calm sleep. 

I sighed, relishing in a moment I probably wouldn’t be experiencing again for a while now. I breathed in his scent and felt his wispy hair on my face. It was comforting to feel him so close to me. I was asleep just minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito being all homemaker-y reminds of a manga series called "The Way of the Househusband", haha. Of course, Kaito isn't part of the yakuza, but he is a criminal. I hope someone makes a Househusband AU with Kaito and Shinichi, haha~
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:   
> 1\. I think one aspect of Kaito's love language is acts of service, or doing anything that helps make his partner's life a bit easier. For Shinichi, this looks like brewing his coffee and helping him get ready in the morning. I think Kaito also expresses love through gifts and quality time. As for receiving, Kaito is a sucker for words of affirmation and quality time. 
> 
> 2\. As for Shinichi, I think his love language involves physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. He may seem rather aloof and introverted, but I think he loves cuddles and hugs. Also, he's such a busy guy that him sharing his time with you is a huge show of love. As for receiving, I think physical touch and acts of service mean a lot to him. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to comment or leave a kudos if you'd like :) The next chapter will be out on Tuesday! If you just finished your winter finals or are on school break, congrats! Hope you all can rest!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 21! Hope you all enjoy~ The next chapter will be posted on Saturday, as I'll be taking a few days off for Christmas. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: suicidality/suicidal ideation 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

A truly unusual thing happened today. I awoke before Kaito, something I had never managed to do before. Kaito was still out cold and he didn’t even stir when I left him. He only burrowed deeper into the blankets. I smiled and left the bed. I needed to call Megure. I stepped out of the room and down the hall before dialing his number.

“Where the hell are you Shinichi?!” was the first thing I heard on my side. I smirked; he must have looked funny with his face red with anger. 

“Sorry, sorry. Something came up today Inspector Megure… I won’t be coming in today and possibly tomorrow, but I’ll be working from home. Please send me any additional case files as they come in. I have my files with me now and I’ll be reviewing and reaching out to individuals involved. I’ll be scheduling interviews and reviewing what the CSI department has discovered. Thanks!” I could practically see the vein popping out of his forehead as I disconnected the call.

I then walked back to Kaito’s room and saw that he was now sitting up. He looked disorientated and lost. I walked into the room and he looked at me with a confused expression.

“M-Meitantei san?!” he asked suddenly in surprise. He shook his head and reoriented himself. “What time is it?” he asked.

“It’s a little after two in the afternoon,” I responded. He nodded, taking this information in.

“It’s Thursday… Why aren’t you at work? Did I not wake you up? I’m sorry about that…” I smiled.

“No, Kaito. I’m working from home today. We’re going to rest today.” I took a seat next to him. “So, don’t worry about anything. It’s all on me for now. So just relax.” Kaito gave me an interesting look, one I couldn’t interpret.

“You expect me to relax all day when I have a bazillion things to finish and do? Pfft. Fat chance at that!” That was definitely a challenge and I narrowed my eyebrows at it.

“What the hell do you even have to be doing?” He tilted his head at me.

“KID stuff. No detectives allowed.” My mouth drew in a tight line and I folded my arms.

“If you’re planning a heist, I so swear I will beat your ass and turn you into the police right now,” I deadpanned. Kaito beamed an innocent smile.

“Not a heist, that isn’t all that KID does you know. I have other business to attend to and now that I slept for a record 8 hours straight, I’m ready to start investigating again.”

“Investigating? You’re not a detective.”

“No, but nobody else looks into the cases I solve. You should’ve realized by now that I handle special cases, ones that others can’t handle.” I closed my eyes and hummed softly, processing what he had told me.

“You have solved quite a few fraud and counterfeit cases and helped me on some special cases that I wouldn’t have been able to handle on my own… It’s like you’re a hero in disguise.” Kaito laughed a dry, humorless laugh.

“A hero, eh? I’d never refer to myself as that. My motives aren’t quite pure enough for that…” Kaito looked off into the distance towards the window. He always looked towards the window or off into the distance. I wondered if this hinted at Kaito’s internal turmoil. _Sometimes you remind me of a caged bird or a bird with clipped wings…_

“Not pure enough? What motives do you even have?” Kaito looked at me with a small smirk.

“It’s a secret!” Kaito smiled while putting a finger up to his lips. I shook my head and sighed, _you’re as playful as ever…_

“You ought to know by now Kaito that you can tell me anything. I have absolutely no intention of turning you in, in fact I don’t even see the appeal in catching you in action anymore. You’re too human for me to want to hunt. You’re no criminal to me.” Kaito’s eyebrows slanted and he huffed out a small breath; he was mad.

“I wish you hadn’t said that though…” Kaito murmured with a pouting lip. “I just want to go back to those days when I was still just KID. KID was invincible and untouchable. Nobody related to him, so he was happy and could do as he pleased. Now I can’t be the ‘KID’ I used to be… Receiving pity from Division 2 and having my own rival quit on me…” Kaito didn’t look at me and his voice betrayed absolutely nothing.

“A perfect lie,” I commented. Kaito nodded in agreement.

“You’re right. It was the perfect lie, a lie even I could believe. It made my life seem livable and made my occupation noble. Before they broke me apart and threw the truth in my face, I was easily able to mask the pain with a smile. They made me weak and I’m not sure if I can face ‘KID’ the same anymore. Hey Shinichi… If I were to give up ‘me’ for ‘him’ would I still be ‘me’? Could I compromise something like that?” I wasn’t sure what he was asking me, but I was almost afraid of what he was asking me.

“Do you think it would be easier to forget it all and lose all emotional connections to this world? Then a death wouldn’t matter, and pain would be a figment… Life would be monotonous, but I doubt it could be less colorful than what I live now… Hey Shinichi… Do you think it’s a curse? Do you understand?” Kaito was looking at me with no expression in his voice or eyes. It was unnerving to be asked such things while he displayed nothing on his blank slate face.

“I think forgetting everything would be painful…” I started. I wasn’t sure what to say to him nor how to appropriately respond. The feelings he spoke of were not foreign to me. In fact, I thought similarly when being ‘Conan’ was unbearable and becoming ‘Shinichi’ again was incredibly lonely.

“I see… Wouldn’t it be easier if no one knew your name and you were nothing but a face in a forgettable crowd of average people with no true significance in life? A missing face like that wouldn’t be mourned but merely forgotten… Hey Shinichi… Wouldn’t it be easier if…” I didn’t hear the last part of his sentence and he yawned suddenly and shook his head. “I have a lot of work to do today and I believe you have cases to get to, so maybe we should get down to business, right?” I stared Kaito down and decided that he would come clean and say what wanted to say on his own terms. I couldn’t force him to speak.

“Sure, if that’s what you really want Kaito. I’ll be working in my office. Call me if you need anything, ‘kay?” Kaito nodded and I left the room. My eyes fell to the floor as I walked; _I wish he would just be honest with me and tell me what he needs to say… I can’t force him though; I don’t want to push him away…_

I entered my office and began working diligently. Inspector Megure had faxed to me new case reports and I smiled at his submission. Division 1 practically operated under my thumb. That was a comforting feeling.

I worked on autopilot and went through case after case of piecing together evidence, deciphering motives, and finishing off official reports. Case after case was faxed back to Megure. I could hear Kaito in the background. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but it was loud and involved what sounded like fireworks. I couldn’t be bothered, Kaito wanted to be alone anyways. Around an hour and a half later the ‘booms’ stopped, and I assumed Kaito was working on his laptop or in the library.

Around 4 PM, I left my office to retrieve the bento Kaito had made for me. On top of the bento was an envelope addressed to me with a small bouquet of flowers. I took bouquet and smelled it fondly. The arrangement consisted of pink roses, white and lilac hydrangeas, and baby’s breath. _A gratitude arrangement, hmm?_ I took the envelope and gingerly opened it. It read:

_Thank you, Shinichi, for everything. I don’t know how to approach you face to face with this, so I hope a note expresses my sentiments completely, or at least enough so that you understand. Thank you is all I really can say. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for helping me survive through my weaknesses. Thank you for being there even though I know that you don’t handle emotional situations well. I know I’m difficult and I know I’m not the most promising of patients. I’d be lying if I told you I still didn’t look forward to dying and that I didn’t hate myself. I don’t know how to love myself anymore, in fact I can’t remember if I ever did. It hurts, living._

_I’ve been thinking about so many things lately: Why am I here? Why didn’t I die? What is my purpose and why should I keep on living? That’s not all I ask though. I wonder why it’s me who went through that. I wonder what I did to deserve this, what deity did I upset? I don’t understand why, and each day seems to bring new setbacks to me. I’m living in the shadow of someone I never even knew and I’m trying to live up to expectations I can’t even fathom. I suppose we are similar; I just want to prevent the pain and murders of everyone around me._

_Sometimes I wonder if just sacrificing myself to them would lead to guaranteed safety for the ones I love and, with new knowledge I have gained, I realize giving up my soul would probably be the best action for me to take. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, right? I fantasize about death a lot. I often imagine taking my last flight and then tumbling down to earth. Doesn’t that seem nice? A bit dramatic and completely over the top, just like me._

_I won’t lie to you Shinichi, I’m so grateful for you. You, who make my days bearable, give me a reason to wake up, to not sell my soul. Thank you for your efforts… I know I push you away a lot and I hardly give you the full truth but forgive me. I don’t know better than that. I’m too scared to not push you away and I’ve always been too shy to spill the whole truth, from exposing myself completely. You mean so much to me, so much that I’m afraid if you found out the truth to me, that you’d understand it all and that I’d lose you too. Please understand that I want to tell you, but I can’t, physically, emotionally, or mentally…_

_I don’t understand what you want me to feel and I don’t even understand my feelings for you yet. Enemy? Rival? Friend? Lover? Where’s the line, the division? I suppose I’ll come to a decision one day, but you don’t have to wait for me. It’s not like the ‘me’ now would even be able to handle a real relationship. I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe the old KID would have deserved you, but I assure you this is only a shell of who I used to be… Or rather, I’m the broken KID, the unguarded, weak KID. I’m not for you, I assure. I won’t be able to make you happy in the end. No, I keep hurting you and I want to stop. Sometimes I think it would be best if I left you, then you’d get over me and I wouldn’t feel guilty about my life course. You’re so good at that, making me reevaluate my life and see things from a different perspective. It’s because of you I’m even eating whatever I manage to eat in a day. It’s because of you I keep that food down despite how it turns my stomach. I want to help you and I want to love you… Perhaps that why I’m choosing to be selfish. I want to be selfish in love with you._

_Things are getting difficult Shinichi. I can’t tell you particularly much—if I could I swear I would—but nights like last night will be happening much more often. It’s another test for me to endure until the final fight. I have so much to do… I have to protect what means anything to me and I have to do so myself. They want to break me, so I’ll show them how I cracked a long time ago. I fear that if I continue, I really will lose sight of who I used to be. KID never killed people, but then I murdered a whole office of people. You know sometimes I wake up disorientated and the first thing I see is my hands covered in blood. I imagine the blood of not only the people I killed, but all the people who will and have died because of me… KID brought smiles to people’s faces and now I’ve made you cry so many times. I wonder if it’s a curse I live under now. I overused my Lady Luck and now I’m stuck to lose everyone now... I’m scared Shinichi… I’m scared that this is all that’s left of me. That ‘Kaito’ and ‘KID’ are both dead and surrendered to whatever this living shell is… Hah… I really am a failure as a phantom thief and as a magician, but even more so… I’m a failure as Kaito. I don’t know why I find that funny, but I do._

_Shinichi… I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep up this whole ‘living with you’ thing but understand that living with you is the greatest joy in my life right now. I wonder if this letter will be able to express my sentiments correctly. It’s almost five in the morning now, but I’m so tired I can’t even tell what I wrote. I think if I tried, I’d go bleary eyed. I’m surprised I even have the courage to write this and leave this with your lunch. I hope you finally understand what I feel and how I feel. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for loving me when I can’t. Thank you for living and existing and being the best detective in Japan. I’m so glad it’s you._

_-K_

I closed the paper in my hand and a solemn look covered my face. Tear drops had stained the letter and I knew Kaito had been trembling while writing this. _Kaito… thank you for your honesty._

I took the bouquet, found a small vase for it, and set it on my desk in my office. I smiled softly at it and gave up trying to work. I needed to find Kaito. I searched throughout out the house in all the spots I would expect him to be in, the library, his room, the kitchen, the living room, the study. I didn’t find him in any of those spots. _He’s on the roof then, right?_ I stood precariously on the balcony fence and peaked onto the roof. Kaito was there. A cap was tipped over his eyes and his arms were behind his head. I wondered if he was napping.

Then, I awkwardly pulled myself onto the roof and struggled to maintain my balance as I walked on the slanted roof. _How is he so good at moving on these roofs?!_

I walked over to Kaito and towered over him. Kaito moved suddenly and tipped the hat back. He covered his eyes with his hands and peered at me with squinted eyes. “Meitantei? What are you doing here?” he asked me with a small yawn.

“I could ask you the same, KID,” I smiled as he shook his head quickly.

“Just trying to clear my head,” Kaito answered while tipping the hat over his eyes again. “It’s nice out right now.” I nodded my head in agreement before taking a seat next to the thief.

“What’s on your mind right now?” I asked him softly.

“Hm… Nothing much Shinichi… I just have decisions to make, decisions with consequences on either side,” Kaito answered cryptically.

“Wouldn’t you usually go with the decision that kept the most people safe or the one your heart wanted or perhaps the gutsiest one? That seems like you.” Kaito laughed at me, but with the hat over his eyes, I couldn’t read his facial expression.

“Sometimes the best decision is the hardest one to make, yeah? The heart wants what the brain knows it can’t have. Keeping people safe… KID loves to keep people safe, you’re right about that Shinichi… Thanks.” I wanted to know what I had helped him decide, what he was considering.

“So…” I began slowly while hugging my knees to my body. “I read the letter you wrote,” I finished softly. Kaito didn’t answer immediately and I was concerned I had silenced him, brought up something he wasn’t willing to talk about.

“Y-yeah? You did…” Kaito seemed to be fumbling for his words. “D-did you… D-do you understand?” Kaito hadn’t removed the hat from his face. _You’re scared…_

“I did. Thank you for letting me know what’s on your mind.” He seemed to relax a little and he carefully peaked out from under the baseball cap. He wore a mixed expression. I continued. “Please don’t leave me, Kaito. I know you feel like you can’t do this much longer, and I know that just you living here endangers me, but I want to be selfish too.”

“I just want you safe Shinichi… It’s okay if it’s me, but you’re special—”

“Do you know how many lives you’ve affected, Kaito? Do you know how many people call you their hero? Don’t make life seem so expendable. You are loved Kaito, people love you because of your personality and your tricks and your magic.” Kaito frowned and mumbled something inaudible.

“I’m not the same. I’m not the KID people love anymore… My creative artist spirit died when they took me and did away with whatever magic I had left. Innocence… I have none left, KID is no longer a kid… KID grew up and meet reality. This world is cold, and it only wants me dead, yet I can’t find it in me to hate this world…”

“I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear it Kaito… I don’t want to hear something so sad from the person I like… Just know, it’s not true. You still captivate me.” He was blushing now. He was a sucker for my words.

“H-how about we go inside now? It’s getting cold out here.” He was changing the subject, but that was okay. I’d said what I wanted and thanked him for the letter.

I followed him down the rooftop and retreated to the living room’s couch. 

“Hey, Shinichi, why do you like me? How did you start liking me?” Kaito refused to look my way as he asked this question, but I could see the redness that dusted his cheeks. It was a valid question and I pondered it momentarily. 

“It wasn’t a rash decision to fall for you. Well… actually that’s a lie… I’ve known about my feelings for you since I was still Conan.” He raised an eyebrow at that.

“You loved me as an eight-year-old?” Kaito teased and I bit my lip in irritation. “Shinichi I’m really not into that kind of thing…”

“Oh, shut up! You know it’s more than that!” I sighed. “I’ve always liked you to an extent, Kaito… Your mind is brilliant, you’re a clever genius! And your morals… Your heists were an escape for me, you never allowed anyone to get hurt at your heists. Your heists were sacred for me. I finally had a rival who didn’t belittle me and someone who wasn’t a deranged murderer. You let me go all out and use all of my mental abilities, even though I was physically a child. I never had to worry about getting hurt or finding a dead body or even pretending I’m a child around you. You were my source, my outlet to expend all the pent-up emotions in me. I could get rid of them at a heist and for a part… You were the one who allowed ‘Shinichi Kudo’ to not fully die. You let him keep living as he recklessly pursued you in the body of ‘Conan’. Kaito, you were the one let me be who I was, and you never judged. You never had me hold back because of my age. No! You made me go all out and it was exhilarating! I never knew clashing wits with someone as smart or even smarter than me would be so much fun… So, I guess I was first attracted to your mind… I mean, I didn’t have much to go on appearance-wise with you…” A pleasant smile covered my face as I recalled fond memories.

“Then, I became the biggest, closeted KID fan. I tried to attend all of your heists and I obsessed over you. I had already begun to fall for different aspects of you… I mean you’re charming Kaito, and in the worst ways! A chronic flirt and a determined thief. You had this look that would come to your face… A smirk… Yes, that’s the one…” I chuckled as he flashed me a face.

“That expression was so confident and so knowing… You always knew you would win and that no matter who went against you, you were always playing them to your song, your dance. Everything was always under your control at heists…”

“Then you were my hero… more than once… You were always saving me from this and that, but I could tell our relationship was strained. We didn’t get along very well per say… You were so distrustful of me and it made our relationship stagnant… I wish I’d met you outside of heists first… Maybe we’d be normal friends then… Maybe I’d have been able to save you first. I would have understood that people were hunting you actively. That heist was when a new feeling grew in my chest… A yearning, a longing, a regret…”

I licked my lips, “We all thought you had died for real… The blood found at that scene in the alleyway and the blood found where you had been shot… It was a hundred percent match… The amount of blood was so much that we couldn’t see you living… And then you never sent in another heist notice... I was scared, but I ignored those feelings and tried to move on with my life. Then, the whole incident at the Law Office happened and we found your blood everywhere… We found the tapes with you and them and what they did to you… KID, everyone’s hero in one way or another… KID, the unbeatable thief, was being tortured to death and no one had known. It was a cold blow, but it was even worse when you sent in your heist notice as if nothing had happened in your absence… That heist notice directed at me… a cry for help… That heist… you pulled it off flawlessly despite your state physically and emotionally… I almost lost you Kaito that night, you remember? It wasn’t that long ago…”

“Now that you’re with me, I can’t tell if time is going by slow or really fast. I scared now too… I know you’re planning reckless things, things that don’t keep in mind your own safety. I know you found something new regarding your own investigations and it’s weighing heavy on your chest… I wish you would indulge me. Let me help you and in return, we can be a happy couple. You’re the captor of my heart, Kaito, and I have no one else in mind. No one can sweep me of my feet the same way you did when we used to clash together.” I smiled at Kaito’s wide eyes and his pink tinged cheeks. He was smiling too, a softer smile, perhaps one of the first real smiles I had seen in a while.

“Thank you, Shinichi. Thank you…” His eyes fell to the ground in a passive manner. I had managed to seduce the gentleman thief with words. A sense of pride filled my chest. “I can’t let you in on much. Let me do a little bit more research and then I’ll let you in on a secret. As for now… I will stay with you and I will help you and you may do as you please…” I smiled and took his hand. I kissed it. 

“Thank you, Kaito,” I smirked with my lips pressed against his hand. Kaito smiled back lightly.

“Shall we quit work for today then?” Kaito asked me and I nodded already turning on the TV show so we could marathon something until we both passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinichi explaining how he fell for Kaito warms my chilly winter heart (happy belated winter solstice everyone!). I'll be taking a small break for the holidays and will return to posting regular updates on Dec 26th. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. I really love flowers~ Pink roses and hydrangeas represent gratitude and baby's breath represent devotion and love. 
> 
> 2\. I like to think that Inspector Megure has a soft spot for Shinichi and lets him basically get away with murder, haha~ 
> 
> 3\. Kaito is the type of person to go for a walk or run when he wants to clear his head. Shinichi, on the other hand, is the type of person to read a book or take a shower to clear his head. 
> 
> 4\. I like thinking that Kaito and Shinichi are each other's biggest fans. Kaito following Shinichi's cases closely, and Shinichi investigating KID's heists with fervor. I think Kaito was aware of his admiration of Shinichi, but I don't think Shinichi realized how much he admired the thief until after Kaito was captured. 
> 
> 5\. You may have noticed, but Shinichi is learning how to interact with Kaito more, how to push his buttons (in a good way!). Shinichi took note of Kaito's weakness to verbal affirmations and compliments and is using it to his advantage, haha~
> 
> Thank you for reading~ Please comment or leave a kudos if you'd like :) Happy holidays everyone and I'll see you all again on Dec 26th!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Here's chapter 22! Hope you all enjoy~ I'll be posting the next chapter on Monday!
> 
> Chapter warnings: guns, violence 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It’s been a couple weeks now since Kaito’s incident and things have been progressing nicely, I suppose. I learned something new about the thief every day. Kaito had a serious fear of ‘finny things’ (as he put it). He was an insufferable fan of himself and, apparently, me. I realized this as a I found his collection of news clippings from his heists and my cases. Kaito spoke way too many languages, and he used that to his advantage when he didn’t want me snooping into his personal musings.

He was an only child, and if he had a childhood dream career, he said he would have wanted to be a magician. He used to attend Tokyo University and was a top student on top of acting as KID. However, with all the chaos of being a 'technically deceased individual' he wasn't sure about his status at the university anymore. 

Kaito got bored easily and if he was bored, he was a pain in the ass. He needed things to keep him occupied or he fretted over everything. He would clean, laze about, mope, clean some more, work on chemical equations, painfully study something, absently do card tricks, and then clean again. I hated it when I came home on days where he had spent the day bored. He would ask for every little, unimportant detail of my day minute-by-minute and then insisted we do something—or rather anything. One time, that included me sitting on a chair listening to him read from the dictionary in different voices and in different languages. It was entertaining, yes, but still…

He seemed happier now, but I was never sure if that was the truth with him. We ate breakfast and dinner together almost every day, and he was slowly getting better at managing his nausea during meals. His cheeks were no longer so hollow, and he had more energy for his antics. I just hoped that this physical progress mirrored his mental healing.

Speaking of that thief keeping secrets, he’s been heading out more and more while I’m at work and returning during the evening. Of course, he returned at reasonable times, but I couldn't help but worry about him.

_Where is that thief anyways?_ I began wandering through the house and stopped outside of his room. I knocked three times before I heard his voice ring out.

“Come in.” I opened the door to see Kaito getting dressed up. He was adjusting a navy-blue tie and fixing his vest appropriately. He wore a blue suit with a pinstripe vest and a white collared shirt. His hair was chaotically tamed for once. He looked beautiful and I swallowed at his image. “Do I look okay, Meitantei?” he asked me with a smirk. He had contacts in too as his eyes were a truer blue and less violet.

“Okay doesn’t begin to describe it,” I breathed out. Kaito smiled and even chuckled a little.

“Good. Then, I guess I’m all set. I’ll see you this evening Meitantei… I suggest for now, that you turn on the TV.” With that, Kaito winked and threw down a smoke bomb. By the time the smoke cleared, Kaito was gone along with his KID suit. My eyes widened in realization, and I ran down to the living room and flipped on the television to the news:

_“Good evening everyone! It’s Ami Saito here reporting live from just outside the Tokyo Skytree. It’s now 6:00 PM, exactly 4 hours until KID’s latest heist. As you can see, the police have already blocked the whole area off and KID’s fans have gathered. Apparently, KID’s target tonight is from the jewel collection: Jewels of Medieval Europe. The jewel is called Valhalla’s Honor and is a huge garnet jewel encrusting the crown of the first ruler of the Kingdom of Norway: Harald Fairhair. The jewel itself is rumored to glow a deep bloody red in the moonlight. The exhibit was supposed to be a secret known to only a few elites, but once again the Moonlight Magician is proving his infamy. The security for this exhibit is already top notch, but the police are still not backing off. I have Inspector Nakamori from Division 2 here to give us some words on KID. Nakamori san, what do you have to say?”_

_“KID, you better be prepared tonight! We won’t go easy on you just because you haven’t been holding many heists! In fact, we’re ready to take you down! I've been chasing you for so long! Tonight, I will catch you and put you behind bars!”_ Nakamori yelled into the microphone as energetic as ever. The newscast lady even laughed to herself at Nakamori’s outburst.

_“Has the hiatus for the moonlight thief finally ended? Find out in 4 hours as we provide live coverage of the thief’s latest heist. I’m Ami Saito from TokyoNow.”_

_How had I not known about his heist?_ My fists clenched in anger and I scrambled to get myself together. I needed to figure out his heist note, but what heist note? “Dammit!” I cursed. Kaito had played me so I wouldn’t know anything about the heist. I needed information, I needed to get to the heist scene. _The news lady said he’s going to steal Valhalla’s Honor, a garnet jewel atop a crown. It’s from an exhibit at the top of Tokyo Skytree._ I needed to get to Sumida as soon as possible!

I pulled on a coat and packed my devices before grabbing my cell phone. _I’ll get you this time for sure KID!_

I began running down the streets to the subway station while dialing Megure. He picked up and I tried telling him what I wanted while running. “Inspector… M-Megure… need… KID… heist… please…” Megure was listening on the other end and I could practically feel his annoyance.

“What Kudo? I can’t understand you!” I stopped momentarily.

“I need the KID heist notice right now! Please email it to me immediately!” I barked out. I then began running again and squeezing through the crowds of people.

“Seriously Kudo? We’re not in Division 2… Oh whatever… you did finish all those cases for me… I’ll send the notice now. I’m surprised you didn’t get the notice yourself… but KID did only send the notice today… Be careful Kudo… You know about KID.” I sighed and mumbled to myself.

“Yes, yes. I got it, Sir. Thanks for the information. I’ll see you tomorrow!” I hung up just as the walking man showed up and I dashed across the crosswalk and ducked into the subway station. I took the first train to the Sumida district and was practically drowned by the sheer number of people who were also going to Sumida, all KID’s fans.

By the time we made it to Sumida, I was a hot mess of sweat and stress. I never wanted to be close to his otaku fans who didn’t know how to talk about anything decent again. They were crass and despite calling Kaito ‘KID sama’, they treated him with no respect. I would never let any of them touch my precious Kaito.

I began on foot to the base of Tokyo Skytree and bypassed the police tape and jogged up to Inspector Nakamori, who was barking orders to everyone in his vicinity. Nakamori nodded his head in acknowledgement as he saw me, but he finished giving orders before addressing me.

“I need you to fill me in on everything you know about this heist,” I breathed out.

“We suspected you’d be arriving here… Here’s a folder on all we know as of now. We know this is a real KID heist, don’t worry about that. We need to focus on bringing him in for questioning… Remember we are not to harm him Kudo—”

“I know, Nakamori san… I’m going to review this folder and determine his best areas for escape and where he’ll run to… I have some questions for him.” A silent understanding was made between us, and Nakamori nodded.

“Stay safe Kudo… They could be here tonight,” Nakamori leaned forward and mumbled into my ear softly. My eyes narrowed and I stalked off. This was reckless of Kaito, to not tell me anything, to give a heist notice on the day of, and to go alone even though he’s still being hunted, even though they had only been taking advantage of him a couple weeks ago... _What are you fighting for so badly that you won’t give up no matter what? That you can’t tell me or anyone? That you would let yourself get tortured to protect it?_

I sighed and took a seat on a park bench just outside Tokyo Skytree. The streets in all directions had been blocked off by police walls and KID’s fans. I flipped through the folder. All of the information was superficial, things I already knew. I sighed; _they are holding a jewel exhibit after all. Kaito was getting dressed up. He’s going to infiltrate the gem exhibit._ I decided then to pay a visit to the exhibition and see the guests.

* * *

Kaito POV

It was easy enough infiltrating the gem exhibition. “And your identification, Sir?” I flashed a pointed look at the officer who let us into the exhibition.

“I’m surprised you don’t know,” I sighed. “Makoto Kurosawa,” I casually lied while sliding out an authentic ID. It wasn’t like the real Makoto Kurosawa was unconscious in a broom closet and missing most of the clothes I was wearing now. Nor did I frisk his pockets for his ID and other identifying features. I most definitely wasn’t stealing his face as well, with a latex mask glued to my face so hard that no one would be able to pull it off unless they already suspected me. 

The police officer looked surprised at his mistake as he let me enter. Makoto Kurosawa was a well renowned publisher and real estate manager, one of the wealthier people of Tokyo. I casually walked through the exhibition while accepting a glass of wine from one of the waitresses making her rounds. I sipped it thoughtfully while making small talk with some of the other attendees.

Makoto Kurosawa was young, rich, and single; that only made my conversations all the more fun. The ladies couldn’t get enough of me and I knew this would help keep my disguise. I wasn’t stepping out of myself too much. I only had to worry if Shinichi showed up, but then again, I had led him astray by dressing like I had before I left. I looked completely different now and I was surrounded by people, an excellent guard and disguise.

I let the party consume me as I had a few hours to burn. It only became more interesting as my favorite critic arrived and began examining the exhibition for suspicious characters. I wanted to play with him, so I approached him.

“Shinichi Kudo, the famous detective of the East…” I looked him up and down wearing Makoto’s disinterested, yet interested smile. “What would a famous detective like yourself be doing here?” I asked with a new voice, a Makoto Kurosawa voice. Shinichi gave me a baffled look, wondering if I was KID no doubt.

“I’m just managing security,” he mumbled like his normal grumpy self. “And you are…?” He gave me a pointed look, such a little shit. It made my blood course faster in my veins and I had to restrain a KID grin. This felt like the good old days.

“Makoto Kurosawa. I’m sure you’ve heard of me,” I replied with a lightness I had never shown him as KID or Kaito before. I outstretched my hand but did not take his. I waited for his hand to grab mine before pulling his hand in and shaking it. “At least enjoy yourself Kudo san. It is a party, and your face is ruining the mood. If you don’t change it, I’ll find a new detective to replace you.” Shinichi gave me a strange look, before I was pulled away by a lady around Makoto’s age. The little lady was a little bold as she pressed her lips against mine. I didn’t let surprise cross my face, in fact, I embraced her. She was Makoto’s most likely suitor, the famous and pompous Kaori Ueda. She was beautiful and rich, absolutely enthralling.

She was leading me to a side room and naturally I followed suit. I’d just knock her out later. She closed the door to the small side room that we had stepped into. It was empty of everyone except us. Moonlight flooded into the room and I focused on Kaori.

“Kaori,” I began softly. She put a finger to my lips.

“It’s good to see you KID san,” she smiled as she spoke quietly. Her green eyes seemed to glow in the room in an almost mysterious manner.

“How’d you figure out, my lady?” I asked with a small smirk and bow.

“Makoto isn’t as charming as you are, and even under that disguise, I can tell that you’re stronger than he is, well built. Those are contacts too, not the same true blue his eyes are, but close. You’d be able to fool anyone else except those close to Makoto or yourself.”

“You’re very sharp my lady,” I smiled. “Your deductions are on par with a detective, perhaps even better. Are you going to turn me in?” I asked tilting my head wondering how my parade would continue.

“No, not you. I wouldn’t want you caught, KID… I’ll even help you tonight.” I smiled.

“Oh really? And what shall I do for you in return, Ueda san?” She smiled back at me.

“Indulge me a little, KID. Give me a night I won’t forget.”

“Of course, my lady.” With that, she kissed me again and I allowed her. I knew this was part of the deal, give her a little love, the love that only the rich enjoy… Then she would keep my secret and assist me with my night. _So shameless,_ I sighed as she made sure to leave lipstick on my cheeks. By the time she was satisfied, we were both flushed and panting. It was all part of the unspoken deal, though, and I swallowed the nausea that swelled in my throat.

“You know KID… If you ever want a suitor, I wouldn’t mind being the lucky girl. You’re a lot better kisser than Makoto. Oh, don’t let him in on this KID.” I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at that. She would shamelessly cheat on her boyfriend, how horrible.

“I won’t, Ueda san, and I’ll keep that in mind. Though I fear Kurosawa san is a better match for you.” I took a deep bow, “I am nothing but a lowly thief. I am not fit for a lady such as yourself.” With that we took hands and rejoined the party. We began dancing and I took another wine glass, which I shared with my assistant. I could feel a glare boring its way into the back of my head. _Are you jealous, Shinichi? You must know it’s me then…_ I still had some time before the heist and my current date was sure to keep me occupied with dancing and small talk.

We were waltzing together when she began whispering to me. “It’s almost time Makoto kun,” she began softly.

“I suppose it is Kaori chan… Thank you for keeping my secret.”

“Thank you for giving me a night I won’t forget soon. The drag of life has been wearing me down lately, but this has renewed my drive,” she smiled before sighing loudly. “Though I suppose I won’t be able to keep you. Whoever that man is over there has been watching both of us with a glare for the longest time now.” I smiled.

“Let him. He deserves to feel a little jealousy every once in a while. It won’t kill him.” She chuckled softly.

We dipped in the finale of the dance and her lips met mine in another revolting kiss. I didn’t like the way she tasted. She tasted too much like alcohol and other men. She was definitely not my type. Not matter how alluring she was, I had a different target.

As we broke apart, I dropped smoke bombs which fizzled out and obscured everyone’s vision. With the push of a button, I had deactivated their security. I stood on top of a display case and quickly threw off my disguise and allowed my KID regalia to fan out in all its glory. The smoke cleared and there I was. My trademark smirk spread across my face as I admired my crowd. My gaze spread over my audience pausing on Kaori, Shinichi, Nakamori, and the gunman in the audience. My grin only deepened at that. Nakamori looked like he was about to bust a blood vessel, Shinichi look green as hell with envy, Kaori was thoroughly admiring the scene, and the gunman was aiming. _Not in a public place you won’t!_

“I suppose I’ll be taking Valhalla’s Honor with me then!” I smiled while spinning the crown in my right hand and having it disappear in a puff of smoke. I wielded my card gun with my left hand and expertly shot a card into the crowd. The gunman dropped his gun in panic as the barrel of his gun was pierced and destroyed.

The audience was beginning to disperse in fear, and I knew it was time for me to leave. I jumped off the case, and, with an invisible string holding me, I glided through the room towards the glass windows. I shot more razor-tipped cards into the window in a rough circular pattern before crashing through the glass. I burst into the night and released my hang glider. I allowed the wind to carry me up the radio tower to the highest deck. I knew they would be there waiting. I examined the crown as soon as I landed and faced disappointment as it didn’t glow. It disappeared again when voices sounded behind me.

“Heh, look who’s still kicking… KID, we’re surprised you’re still alive.”

I turned to face them, “I do not believe we are acquainted; however, you do work for the Black Organization, no? Either way, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” I tilted my head without betraying my emotions. One man seemed familiar with long silver hair.

“Who else would hunt you, KID? Gin and Vodka,” he responded motioning to himself and his colleague. I smirked a dangerous grin. “Now hand over Pandora, KID!” the taller man barked out.

“Sending in people from another branch in the Organization… My, my… I’m flattered, but I’m afraid that this is not the stone you’re searching for.” I showed them the crown and then it vanished again. They whipped out their guns and I pulled out my card gun.

“We honestly pity you KID,” the shorter man began. _An appeal to me emotionally? I highly doubt that!_ “If we had overseen you, we would have just killed you silently. No… The other branch oversees you and they have plans for you… We saw the tapes… That branch is way too dirty for us. We prefer a cleaner way of silencing those who get in our way…”

“Oh? I demand your pity… I suppose I better start trying harder to avoid that pity then. I know Snake is listening in, so I’ll say this once. My answer is no, Snake; you’ve already sent in Talon and now these bozos... You’ll have to try harder to break me or kill me. I’m not weak. Attack anyone I care for and you’ll never find Pandora.” With that I leapt to the left and dodged the bullet aimed for me. “You hate the anxiety, yes? Not knowing if I have Pandora, if I know where it is, if I’ve already destroyed it. You’ll never know it and you’ll never find it. Torture me, kill me even. I’ll never betray.” Another bullet whizzed by and I barely dodged it. I fired my card gun and the shorter of the two grunted in pain as the card cut into his dominant hand. The taller one glared at me and continued firing.

“We’ll kill you KID!” Gin glared with murderous intent gleaming in his eyes. He stepped in front of his wounded comrade. Vodka was back on his feet quickly, however, and now held a gun in his left hand, _ambidextrous._

“You’re not the first to tell me that,” I smirked and dodged more bullets. I was simply too agile for them and if they hit, oh well. It wasn't like I hadn't been shot before. “Don’t think I don’t know who you two are. You two were the two to attack Meitantei kun. I never forgive anyone who attacks my detectives!” We exchanged shot after shot until this small observatory’s floor was covered in bullet scorches. “I won’t let you escape this time,” I muttered darkly.

“What happened to that philosophy of yours, KID? The one where no one gets hurt…” My eyes narrowed at that. It was my philosophy, but even I had exceptions.

“I’m not the same KID you guys are used to,” I responded with a manic grin covering my face. This night was becoming interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, after driving for 4 hours, I finally made it home to my little family in time for Christmas! It was so great to finally see my baby boy (dog) again~ The break I took was much needed, but I'm glad to be back! 
> 
> As usual, writing heists is tough! Kaito is facing off with Gin and Vodka, hmm... and who is Kaori? (and who does she think she is kissing Kaito like that??) Shinichi is bound to be unhappy with this, haha~ The next chapter will involve the second half of Kaito's encounter with Gin and Vodka and will bring Shinichi back into the picture :)
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. Kaito has a busy brain that needs to be kept occupied or he fidgets and develops 'brain itches'. He vehemently hates being bored and will do anything to keep himself busy. I imagine this is in part due to his anxiety and tendencies to ruminate when he's alone or in a quiet place. With this, I also imagine he's constantly listening to music or humming something to keep his mind active.  
> 2\. Don't forget Kaori, she's actually important to the plot. Makoto has no importance though, haha~ Kaori has bit of a spoiled and entitled personality, and she seems to take life a bit too lightly sometimes, thus agreeing to keep KID's secret if he showed her a good time. Don't worry, there won't be a love triangle between Shinichi, Kaito, and Kaori. Shinichi and Kaito are dedicated to one another, haha~  
> 3\. I modeled some of KID's fans after toxic stan culture... by that I mean fans who forget that their idols or celebrities are also human and have human emotions, fans who treat their celebrities like objects. I imagine KID has a combination of good fans and toxic fans, as does any celebrity.  
> 4\. I imagine Gin and Snake are on similar levels of power within the Black Organization. Vodka is most likely Gin's personal lackey, much like how Talon is Snake's personal lackey. The only difference is that Gin is more ready to get his hands dirty than Snake, who hides in the shadows. 
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone~ Feel free to leave a kudos or a comment if you like :) Happy holidays everyone!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 23! Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: character death, blood, injuries, guns + bullets, dissociation 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I knew who KID was as soon as I arrived at the gem exhibit. Obviously, he was the most popular man in the building, Makoto Kurosawa. This was only affirmed as KID practically bounced up to me to personally greet me. It was so irritating to see that woman pull him away and then proceed to kiss him. I narrowed my eyes and glared at her. If it wasn’t for Kaito’s overwhelming presence, I was pretty sure everyone would have become aware of the tangible hate in the room.

It was even worse as they disappeared from sight into a side room. They disappeared for quite a while and when they both emerged, their faces were flushed and Kaito had lipstick stains on his cheek. I bit my cheek as I watched the party unfold. Kaito was having a great time drinking casually and dancing way too intimately with her. She was having fun kissing on him and whispering probably seductive things into his ears too I bet! It made me so mad that all I could do was pout and bite my tongue. 

I hated it the most though before his heist where he kissed her passionately before letting the smoke screen cover him. I was going to have to talk to him about this back home. 

I watched KID’s performance. I’d seen better, but I knew he wasn’t here to entertain me. He was here for other means and had no interest in me, obviously. I bit my cheek and watched him escape through the window. I took to the maintenance stairs and climbed. With KID's heist, the elevator was out of commission, but I needed to get to the highest point on this tower.

My heart stopped when I heard gun fire. _Are they here?!_ I took the stairs two at a time, but upon arriving at the top, I discovered that the door dividing the roof and the interior of the building was locked. It even had a KID card taped to it addressed to me:

_‘Stay away, Shinichi. I don’t want you caught in the crossfire. This is my business, not yours._

_-K’_

I crumpled the card and began clumsily trying to crack the lock. _If Kaito can pick locks, so can I!_

I heard more and more gunshots and harsh curses. _Kaito could be bleeding out and I’m stuck here trying to open a damn door!_ My hands began to shake, and frustration filled me as I struggled to command my hands. With each gunshot, my hands got shakier and my heart rate increased further. All I could imagine was him bleeding out or being kidnapped again. Finally, the lock gave, and I opened the door and ran out onto the roof.

_Gin?! Vodka?!_ At seeing those two, I stopped and my eyes spread wide with horror. The roof was covered in scorch marks from bullets and razor cards covered the ground. Gin and Vodka were facing off against Kaito, who seemed to be holding his own well enough. But, as Kaito noticed me, his eyes widened and he paused, temporarily looking away from his opponents.

Sensing this moment of weakness, Gin fired a bullet. I wanted to scream his name to warn him, but my throat was tight with fear. Kaito caught on at the last absolute second and dove to the ground. The bullet still struck him across his right cheek and now he was in an even more compromising position. This sent an eerie, malicious smirk across Gin’s face as he raised his gun once more.

I knew this was bad. Kaito was probably exhausted and he had the lower ground against two internationally wanted assassins. So, I reached for my gun. My hands shook. My chest ached. My vision blurred as I ran against the clock and took my aim. _Shoot, Shinichi! God dammit! Shoot!_ Something terrified me, something made it hard to breathe, something made my thoughts race painfully, and yet, I, with the advantage of surprise, fired that gun.

That bullet wiped the smug look off Gin’s face as he stumbled forward before crumpling to the ground. I’d hit him straight in the chest. At that, my trembling legs gave out on me and I fell to my hands and knees. Kaito took the opening and launched himself at Vodka using his glider’s pole as a weapon. Vodka, who was stunned, didn’t even process this until it was too late, and the pole crashed against the back of his head and he fell slack.

I had crawled to Gin’s side and was futilely trying to stop the bleeding, but to no avail. All I could hear was my heart as I felt my thoughts slip away from me. The man who’d almost killed me, who’d made my life a living hell, was dying at my hands. His ruthless blood covered my hand, imbedded into my cuticles and trapped under my fingernails. I couldn’t suppress my gags.

“Shinichi…?” Kaito cautiously released my name as he stood in front of me.

“There’s a flare in my back pocket. Can you release it?” I asked him, without looking up or allowing emotion to enter my voice, without moving my hands from Gin’s chest. He quietly obeyed and fired the flare into the sky. A red glow surrounded us.

“Shinichi… he’s dead,” Kaito informed me softly, but it wasn’t like I didn’t know that already. Those words made me tremble, though, and I applied even more pressure. _Is this justice?_ my mind cruelly asked me.

“Get out of here, the police will be here soon.”

“But Shinichi—” He reached for me.

“Go away!” I screamed. Kaito flinched back, but I assumed he got the message as he ran off the edge of the building and moments later, I saw him gliding across the night sky. Guilt immediately filled me, but I needed to be professional now. I had a job to do.

* * *

I didn’t get home until well after four in the morning. It took a while to give my statement to the police and explain who the two men were. After they realized who they were, we had to work with Interpol to safely transport Vodka to a holding facility. Gin was declared dead on the scene, though we handed him off to Interpol as well for an investigation. I had to clear KID’s connection to the two men while maintaining his identity and our secret relationship. All of this done while I was covered in blood, since no one had the decency to allow me access to a bathroom or a glass or water. 

I stumbled into the house with vacant eyes and faraway thoughts. Kaito had waited up for me at the front door. He sat against the wall, still wearing his KID suit and still covered in his own blood. He stood to greet me and pulled me into a hug that I sunk into. 

“Welcome home,” he murmured into my hair. I merely nodded and clutched onto his suit. I felt weak, empty, conflicted.

“Kaito… I killed him.”

“You saved my life.”

“I’ve dreamed of taking down Gin and Vodka… they almost killed me, put my life on pause, made it a nightmare, and yet…” His grip around me increased and he pressed kisses against my temple.

“It’s okay to have conflicting thoughts, Shinichi.”

“I imagined it would be a lot more glorious than this, haha… I didn’t think I’d shake in my shoes the whole time and barely manage to pull the trigger. The fear I felt…” I shook my head slowly. “My head feels so light right now, I feel like I’m walking with cotton balls in my ears… I feel like I want to cry, but I can’t.”

“How about we go clean up then? I bet you’ll feel a little bit better after a shower and some new clothes.” I nodded and trailed after Kaito, allowing him to start the shower, take off my clothes, and lead me into the hot water.

This was our first time being naked together, but there was nothing sexual about this experience, only gentle comfort. Kaito scrubbed my hair and helped me wash my body. He peppered kisses onto my wet skin.

“What do you think of what happened, Kaito?”

“I’m just happy that we’re both alive and that Gin and Vodka are gone, no longer a threat to you and me. I’m grateful that you saved my life.” I looked down, taking in his words slowly.

“I don’t know why I feel this way…”

“It’s okay to feel conflicted, Shinichi. Fear is powerful and this man was a huge threat to you. He tried to kill you when you were just a high schooler! You’ve been chasing and hiding from him for years and now… it’s over.”

“They didn’t even let me wash up when they arrived… I was covered in his blood for hours!” I exclaimed.

“Really? I might have to punish them with my next heist then. No one mistreats my detectives.” I found myself laughing at that and this brought a bright grin to Kaito’s face.

We finished up our shower and Kaito blow-dried my hair. The warmth made me sleepy and I enjoyed feeling his hands run through my hair. After finishing up in the bathroom, we laid in Kaito’s bed. I hadn’t asked to share a bed with him, but he didn’t say anything when I crawled in next to him.

“Hey, Shinichi…?” he asked, probably checking to see if I was awake. I responded with a ‘hm?’. “If we make it out together in the end and if you don’t find somebody… Let’s get married, legal or not… I don’t care.” A small smile came to my face and my hand found his, squeezing it.

“Sure Kaito… We can get married and I’ll retire from work. No more dead bodies or secret organizations, just peace, just you and me.”

“Hmm... let’s live in the mountains in America or something… Our marriage will be acknowledged there. Let’s make it scenic and let’s get a dog and a cat too. I’ll keep a garden and you can have a huge library.”

“That sounds nice… Let’s also have a nice kitchen for our experimental cooking adventures.” We both chuckled at that. “Maybe we could have a lake too and we could go out on a boat… I’ll make sure there’s no ‘finny things’ in the water first though…” Kaito huffed and I giggled at that.

“We’ll need a fireplace to keep warm and a huge bedroom too. It’ll have to have tons of blankets and pillows… Let’s have a nice French style tub too… That sounds nice.” Kaito rolled over to cuddle me. “During the summer, we could pick berries and have picnics and we could forget about everything except each other. It would be a dream come true…”

“Yeah, it would be…” I breathed out, admiring the mental image we’d painted. My heart ached for a future that simple and sweet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a small (sweet?) chapter~ I really enjoyed showing more of Shinichi's complex emotions. You can't tell me that almost getting killed in high school didn't leave some lasting scars on Shinichi's psyche. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi, though very determined to defeat the Black Organization, faced some hesitation in killing Gin. This is due to trauma and fear. Of course, he was hesitant to attack the man who almost killed him. Also, suddenly being forced into a situation where he was facing Gin and Vodka didn't give him time to mentally prepare for the encounter. 
> 
> 2\. Shinichi started dissociating during and after his encounter with Gin and Vodka. This led to his thoughts feeling faraway, him operating on autopilot, and his glazed eyes. He partially dissociated due to trauma and to protect himself, but this was furthered by his need to do his job. 
> 
> 3\. Kaito helped Shinichi as he was dissociating by being gentle with him and providing him with a pleasant sensory experience (warm shower, comforting hugs and kisses, and hair drying), which helped counteract some of the unpleasant sensory experiences he was undergoing (being covered in blood). Whether Kaito was conscious of his actions or not, he helped ground Shinichi and draw his thoughts back to more pleasant ones. 
> 
> 4\. Will Kaito and Shinichi get married and move to their dream mountain house in America? Hmm... In any case, I've always found it extremely intimate to dream about the future and make up imaginary scenarios, even if they're unlikely. I wanted the second half of this chapter to feel intimate, but not in a sexual way, since that is not their relationship right now. I wanted to highlight some of the things that make their relationship both functional and sweet while dealing with mental illness/hurt and a shitty situation. 
> 
> Thank you for reading~! Feel free to comment or leave a kudos, if you'd like :) The next chapter will be out on Wednesday! Hint: it brings in a character that I really love!   
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~! Here's chapter 24! We finally bring in one of my favorite characters~~ Please read and enjoy~!
> 
> Chapter warnings: none to my knowledge!
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

“Mouri San? Ah, it’s Inspector Megure.”

“What’s wrong Inspector? Do you have a job for my dad?” Ran asked into the phone.

“No, I don’t have a job for your dad I’m afraid… I have a request actually…”

“What is it Inspector?”

“Ah… It’s just that Kudo Shinichi never showed up for work yesterday and he didn’t call in either and he hasn’t shown up today or called in. Two nights ago, we had an emotionally tasking case for Kudo… It was also pretty personal if you know what I mean… I know you and Kudo are not as close as you two used to be, but I don’t know who else to call. We’re short on men or we would go over personally. I’m worried for him… He’s still a bit young to be dealing with so many murder cases… There are also some other concerning things… but I’ll go over them with you at a different time if you so wish.” Ran listened to the Inspector intently. _Shinichi is ditching work? That’s so unlike him…_

“Sure Inspector… I’ll go check on Shinichi. I’ll even report back on what I find and knock some sense into him,” Ran joked, mostly to herself. “I’m sure he’s just sleeping or passed out from working too hard.”

“Thank you Mouri san. We can always count on you!” With that they both disconnected the call and Ran sighed to herself. _It’ll be nice to check in on Shinichi… I really didn’t want our relationship, friendship or not, to end like that. Sure, he was stupid to not tell me that perhaps he had been shrunken and that he was living with me as Conan; Shinichi’s always been dumb like that though… I really don’t want this standing in between us now. I guess I’ll have to be the grownup and come to him first…_

Ran prepared a small late breakfast for Shinichi before heading out from the detective agency her father owned. She now was attending school at Beika University studying marine biology. It was really a spur of the moment decision to not follow in her father’s footsteps, but the crime scene was not where she belonged. She didn’t like the presence of dead bodies, she loved life. She almost considered going into nursing, but her grades were not high enough for that. So now she was working on becoming an environmentalist.

She approached the Kudo mansion and for some reason it appeared different to her. The gardens were no longer overgrown with weeds. Everything was well kept, and she could tell someone had been planting seeds for the upcoming spring. It also looked like the mansion had been painted and primed. There was no longer peeling paint on the mansion. She went up to the front door and admired the clean windows before knocking on the door. No one immediately came to the door, so she tried the handle. It was unlocked. _Shinichi never forgets to lock his door…_

She entered the mansion without permission and took off her shoes by the door. Ran was surprised to see more than one pair of shoes by the door. She continued walking through the mansion and continued to take in the strange differences of this manor. Everything seemed lighter and cleaner, different from how Shinichi usually kept his house.

Ran didn’t have time to react as a hand covered her mouth and she forced against the wall, her arms behind her back. She had no idea where her attacker had come from, but she was surprised and about to attack until her attacker spoke.

“M-Mouri san?! Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I had no idea… I thought you were someone breaking in...” She was released and she turned to face the one who attacked her. He looked a lot like Shinichi, but he definitely wasn’t him.

“W-who are you?” she asked cautiously with narrowed eyes. “And how do you know who I am?”

“Let… me go get Shinichi,” her attacker finally said instead. Ran didn’t say anything as the violet eyed man left her. _Somehow, he looks familiar, like someone I’ve met before…_

From her position in the living room, she could hear yelling.

“Get your lazy butt up Shinichi! You have a guest here!” She assumed the man from before was attempting to wake up Shinichi.

“Go away! I’m sleeping you—” The sound was muffled, and she wondered what Shinichi was going to say. She heard them speaking, but it was fast and low, and she couldn’t understand them. A little while later they both came down the stairs.

“R-Ran?” Shinichi asked suddenly as he noticed the girl standing in the living room. “W-what are you doing here?” he asked, his voice wavering with nerves.

Ran glared at him. “Inspector Megure asked me to drop by because you’re ditching work! I see that you’re just fine and only sleeping in!” she huffed out angrily. “And who is this anyways? And why’s he here? You never have guests over.” Ran asked pointing at Kaito. The two boys met eyes and Shinichi responded.

“This is Itoh Kai… He’s a friend of mine staying over. A pointed glare was thrown at Shinichi from Kaito that seemed to say ‘Really? Itoh Kai? That’s the best you could come up with?’ Shinichi responded with a small eye roll saying ‘I gave myself the name Edogawa Conan… Did you really expect me to be any better at giving fake names?’. Of course, Ran did not catch their small exchange.

“It’s nice to meet Mouri san!” Kaito replied. “Shinichi has told me about you before.”

“How did you know who I was before Itoh san?” Shinichi and Kaito met eyes and both looked cornered. Lying to Ran really wasn’t in anyone’s best interests. She would pick them apart and leave them with no lies.

“Shinichi, you know her better than me… On a scale of ‘I should already be booking it to the next country over’ and ‘we may just get off with two slaps a piece’, how screwed are we?” Shinichi visibly paled.

“Ran you should sit down… We’ll explain everything…” Shinichi murmured out. Ran’s eyes narrowed and she looked suspicious. She took a seat on the single recliner and Shinichi sat on the couch.

“Mouri san, do you take coffee or tea?” Kaito asked.

“I’ll have tea thank you,” she replied curtly looking at Shinichi with her dissecting eyes. Shinichi gulped and they waited until Kaito returned with their drinks, coffee for Shinichi and tea for Ran. Kaito stayed behind the couch and leaned over it.

“Mouri san, I don’t want Shinichi to lie to you and I believe you of all people should know. Please hear me out until the end…” Kaito sighed as if steeling himself. “I am Kaitou KID.” Ran’s face went white and she almost dropped the teacup in her hands.

“Y-you’re Kaitou KID?!” she cried out. “What are you doing here?! Shinichi! That’s a confession! You have to call the police! Arrest him!” Shinichi looked down in defeat.

“I’m not going to arrest him Ran… He’s basically innocent in my eyes… Just listen to him speak Ran… Please… I can assure you he’s not lying… I have the evidence.” Ran’s eyes widened, but she continued to listen.

“Yes, I’m Kaitou KID, Mouri san and yes… I’m living with Shinichi… Shinichi is in a way is taking care of me… I am more or less sick… I can’t live on my own right now and Shinichi is helping me out… I haven’t given up being a thief and I won’t give up on being a thief… I can’t do that regardless of whether or not I want to… I can assure you I never wanted to be a thief originally… I inherited the family business as well as all the family problems associated with it. Shinichi is helping me with my personal and business problems. In return, I’m helping him with his business-related issues, which are ironically tied to my own. I also take care of him and his mansion because he has absolutely no sense of self preservation.” A small grumble came from the detective, however, that statement was ignored as Kaito continued. “I know you’re probably surprised Mouri san, but it is the truth. I wouldn’t deceive my favorite detective like that nor would I dream of lying to the most dangerous girl in Beika.”

Ran looked down with a face full of mixed emotions. “What’s afflicting you KID?” she asked, and Shinichi looked down and KID laughed weakly the smile never leaving his face, though it seemed strained.

“Depression, disordered eating, self-harming tendencies, and I guess suicidal thoughts too,” he said too lightly, anyone could tell he was trying too hard to remain calm. Kaito refused to meet her eyes and Shinichi’s face darkened.

“What happened to you KID? You seem different from every other time I’ve seen you… You’re not as cocky… You seem more reserved…” KID looked up at her meeting her eyes with that cocky smile and those daring eyes. She flinched, that was the attitude, the face.

“I apologize, I must have had my mask down Mouri san. Is this more to your liking? What type of performer would I be if I can’t even maintain my act?” Kaito asked with his normal KID voice and an exaggerated shaking head. She gulped in air.

“Y-yeah… That’s the face… What happened to you KID?” she repeated her question and Kaito flinched, his mask breaking.

“M-Mouri san are you sure you want the answer?” he asked meeting her eyes with a decisively emotionless expression.

“If Shinichi knows the answer, I want it too.” Kaito swallowed and braced himself on the couch.

“I was captured, Mouri san, by the same people who took out the first Kaitou KID. They had their fun with me for more than a year… Torture is probably the best way to describe what they did to me… I won’t go into detail… Just ask Shinichi for the film if you really want to know exactly what they did.” Kaito’s voice had a metal like quality to it. He didn’t give anything away, but Shinichi was reading him, and his eyes were narrowed. “I can assume you can guess what they did. You’re a smart girl…”

“That’s why you seem so skinny and your face seems so hollow… That’s why you had a yearlong hiatus…” Ran mumbled out.

“Bingo!” Kaito cheered trying to lighten the mood. “Anyways… I came to Shinichi not really sure what I needed and here we are now. We’re helping each other bring down the organization that plagues us both and he’s helping me with my own personal issues. And now you’re here Mouri san… I wonder how you’ll fit into the story now,” Kaito spoke with his normal KID voice. His eyes were sharp, and he observed Ran waiting for her answer.

“I won’t tell anyone anything,” she said decisively. “I won’t betray either of you. I’m still suspicious of you KID… but you helped Shinichi catch the men from your last heist and you protected him… I’ll have to trust you. And KID?” Kaito looked at Ran with a curious expression.

“Yes, Mouri san?” Kaito asked.

“Please come with me for a moment.” Ran stood quickly and walked around the couch grabbing the thief by the wrist. Said thief flinched and flashed a look of panic to his detective who was starting to stand up. “You stay there Shinichi!” she commanded. Shinichi looked like he was about to protest, but he quieted up quickly.

Ran dragged Kaito to the first-floor office and shut the door behind them. Kaito had a look of panic and looked like was about to start praying that Ran did not maim or kill him. “KID… I just wanted to thank you,” Ran began. “You’re the reason this mansion is looking so nice, right? You’re the reason it doesn’t feel so dead in here, right? You’ve really helped Shinichi, I can tell…”

“M-Mouri san…?” Kaito asked confusion spreading across his features.

“I don’t care if you’re a thief… You’re making Shinichi happy! I can tell. Shinichi was alone often as a kid and as Conan, I’m pretty sure he felt isolated. Even coming back as Shinichi must have been a shock to him… We’re always worrying that he doesn’t have anyone to confide in, but you’ve been the only constant in his life… As Conan and as Shinichi…” She looked down, “Don’t tell Shinichi I told you this, but when we all thought you had been shot down and killed… Shinichi, still as Conan, went through a depressive episode. He missed you more than I originally thought I suppose. You mean a lot to him and I swear he devoured your supposed murder case as he searched for clues and anything… but everything pointed to a dead end… Thank you KID for doing what I couldn’t do for Shinichi… He’s always been surrounded by death and he’s always isolated… Maybe someone like you is good for him. The exact opposite but almost the same… Shinichi and I aren’t as close as we used to be… I still care for him though, and I’m always worried that he won’t find happiness… I guess I still feel like ‘Ran neechan’,” she laughed.

“I knew before Shinichi even became Conan that our relationship would never work out… I don’t stimulate him the same way you do… I’m not the same mystery… You on the other hand are the perfect mystery for him… You’re just as smart as him… Please continue to care for him, KID.” Ran’s face fell. “I can’t care for him like you’re able to, so please take my place.” Kaito smiled softly, a small blush was on his face as she gave him such high regards.

“That’s not true, Mouri san. Shinichi was talking about you with me a couple weeks ago. He said he regretted how your friendship broke off… He wants to reach out to you, but he doesn’t know how. I may be his challenge Mouri san, but you’re his friend. He’s safe with you, there’s no challenge with you. He can go to you for comfort and unending support. You too are important to his life. Don’t sell yourself short, Mouri san.” Tears began falling from Ran’s eyes and Kaito’s face became concerned. “Mouri san? A-are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” Kaito fretted and Ran laughed, brushing the tears away with a smile. 

“Don’t worry KID. It’s not your fault. I-I just needed to hear that. Thank you.” Ran wrapped her arms around the thief who stumbled back and stiffened in surprise. “Sorry, sorry. I guess I surprised you with that,” she smiled.

“It’s Kaito, Mouri san. Call me Kaito.” She looked up at him and nodded.

“Then call me Ran. It’s nice to meet you Kaito,” she greeted.

“It’s good to officially meet you too, Ran. Shinichi really does think highly of you.” They both turned to the door to leave.

“Oh, one more thing Kaito.” Kaito turned to face her. “If you ever dare kill yourself, I’ll raise you from the grave to kill you again for hurting Shinichi like that. I don’t think he’d ever recover if you die.” Kaito nodded curtly and fearfully, fully understanding her threat.

“I’ll keep that in mind Ran. Thank you for listening to me. I was afraid you wouldn’t, and I’d be running to the next country over to hide,” Kaito admitted.

“I am a sensible girl,” she argued. “I knew that I had to hear you out. Shinichi’s face told me that.” Kaito nodded and opened the door allowing Ran to walk out first. Shinichi was still on the couch, but he jumped to his feet as they both walked out.

“Did she attack you, KID?” he asked suddenly examining us both. Kaito laughed to himself.

“Yes, but only with kind words Shinichi. And since when have you been calling me KID? We’re not at a heist. I don’t like it when you call me KID inside your house. It puts me on edge.” Shinichi blinked and looked at Ran and then back at Kaito.

“So, she does know then…” Shinichi murmured to himself. Kaito nodded and Shinichi visibly relaxed. “What were you two talking about?” Shinichi asked. A ‘KID grin’ spread across Kaito’s face.

“Oh, I don’t know Shinichi… That’s for you to wonder and me to know. It was a very intimate talk though.” Kaito walked over and leaned over to Shinichi’s ears. “Are your ears burning, Mei-tan-tei?” Shinichi shuddered and glared at the smiling thief.

“Oh, shut it Thief! I don’t need that right now,” Shinichi muttered.

“Oh, and by the way I just remembered I’m terribly busy and I’ll be leaving for an hour or three or five, haven’t decided yet. There’s brunch in the kitchen, serve yourselves. My brunch will go perfectly with what Ran brought. I’m sure of it! By the time I get back I expect you and Ran to have talked everything over. Ciao~” A small puff of smoke surrounded Kaito and when it cleared, he was disguised. Kaito wore a business jacket over a solid color sweater. His hair had suddenly changed drastically, and a pair of red glasses covered his eyes. He walked away with a pair of shoes in his right hand and the other two young adults heard the opening and locking of the front door.

* * *

I looked at Ran; she was startled at Kaito’s abrupt disappearance. I knew what Kaito wanted me to do, I just had no clue as to where to begin.

“Shinichi,” she began first. I looked at her, but she didn’t continue.

“Heh, I wonder what Kaito meant by that…” I started without any tact. Ran glared at me and I sighed in defeat. “I think we really need to talk Ran…”

“I think that’s a given,” she sighed out while looking away from me. _When did talking to her become so hard?_

“Ran, I’m sorry,” I began pathetically. _Why can’t I have Kaito’s tact with words? I don’t even know what I’m going to say!_ I wondered what Kaito would say, but I knew he would just tell me to speak from my heart. _As if that’s ever an easy thing to do!_ “Ran… I’m sorry I never told you about me and Conan. I understand that I was compromising your trust and only hurting you more. I did that because if you knew that I was Conan then you would have been in trouble. The people hunting me would have made you a target too and I wouldn’t be able to live knowing that people were trying to hunt you down.” I sighed and dipped my head in shame. “I know that I’m not good with words unless I’m at a crime scene… but I… I know that we’ll never be able to go back to being the way we used to be… We’re both so different now… but I don’t want to let you go, Ran. I want to stay friends with you, I want to be able to talk to you and I want to be present in your life. I want to see you happy; I want to be at your wedding whenever that day is… I know I’m asking a lot, but can we try to be friends again?” Ran looked at me with a solemn expression which morphed into a small smile.

“Shinichi… I’m sorry too… That night you finally confessed… I was just so shocked that I wasn’t thinking rationally, and anger overcame me. I didn’t really mean to slap you as hard as I did… You did deserve a slap though, just not as hard… I understand why you didn’t tell me, and, in a way, I’m touched that you wanted to protect me as much as you did. I’m actually kind of honored. Sure, it was a complete breech of my privacy, but ‘Conan’ was pretty nice, but I still prefer you Shinichi… I’ll always prefer you… You’ve been my best friend for so long… I don’t know how I’d live without you in my life. I understand that whatever love or relationship we could have had between each other will never be fulfilled, but I’m okay with that. I know I’m not the girl for you anyways. I’m not the puzzle you need… You need someone who challenges you as much as they support you, someone who drives you forward… I’m not that girl… but I’m okay with that because I want the best for you.” Ran looked down.

“It’s not only that, but I wouldn’t be the guy for you either… I’m always wrapped in cases and you deserve better than that. I want you happy, and being surrounded by dead bodies won’t be good for you. Some guy who will put you on the pedestal in his heart and not forget anniversaries and birthdays… You need a guy like that… One who will truly appreciate you. Ran I want to be in your life, but I am not the man of your life,” I answered.

“I completely understand Shinichi and I completely agree.” We both started laughing then as if all the tension in the room was slowly dissipating away into nothing.

“Now that I think about it… what we were fighting about was pretty stupid…” I teased.

“Hey, don’t push it Shinichi,” she joked, but with an air of seriousness to it. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something though.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked relaxing into the couch.

“What’s Kaito to you anyways?” she asked looking into my eyes intently.

“Eh? I’m not quite sure I know what you mean…” I responded, trying to avoid her question.

“Fine. Why won’t you turn him in? You have incriminating evidence, and if anyone found out you were housing KID, your reputation would go down the drain! What is Kaito to you?” I looked away as an inevitable blush covered my face.

“Kaito is a friend, I suppose. He’s helped me out on many cases before and even helped me catch the men who poisoned me… He’s a friend,” I settled with that.

“And nothing more than that…?” she asked tilting her head. She was going to pester me until I spilt the truth.

I sighed in defeat. “It’s complicated Ran… It’s not that I can’t tell Kaito I like him. In fact, we’ve confessed to each other! It’s that he… has a lot of mental scars and traumas from his past. While they had him captive, they used various forms of torture including mental and sexual… I want him and he wants me, but I don’t want to trigger him… So, we’re stuck in this pseudo-relationship thing…” Ran listened to my complaints but didn’t say a word until I was done.

“I see,” she mumbled to herself. “I’m not really sure what to say Shinichi… Just continue helping him like you are… It’s obviously helping. Kaito thinks very highly of you, you’re his favorite. Things will change one day, I’m sure of it! Kaito is a better match for you anyways. He’ll challenge you more and he’ll push you forward more. He’s dangerous and you’re attracted to power… I know Kaito likes you too, and he obviously doesn’t have a problem flirting with you openly. One day Kaito will be able to open up to you fully. I’m sure of it!” Though I knew everything she told me, it was reassuring to hear these words from someone else.

“Thanks, Ran… I promise I’ll stay hopeful. I can see the progress we’ve made as a couple and as individuals, so I’m not too concerned.” I sipped my coffee and waited a moment before speaking again. “What about you Ran? Any potential love interests?”

“Well… There’s this guy in my Bio 1A class…” Our conversation carried on naturally as we discussed every moment we missed from each other’s lives over the past half year. Eventually, we went for the food Kaito had prepared, and, as Kaito had said, it fit in perfectly with what Ran had brought. We ate and talked and laughed and caught up. Soon it felt just like the old times. Ran and I were back to being the best of friends and I never wanted to lose her again.

Around eight Kaito finally returned home. He was in the same outfit, except it looked like he had gained an article of clothing, a scarf.

“Hey Kaito,” I greeted as he walked in. “Where have you been all day?” His face spread into a smile as he greeted Ran and me.

“Oh, you know Shinichi… I went to the library to read for a while, got a tea, went for a walk, checked on some KID related things, the usual…” he shrugged while taking the scarf off that was around his neck.

“Is the scarf new? I don’t remember it earlier.” Kaito looked at me.

“Always such a sharp detective Shinichi… I guess in a way it’s new… This guy I met at the tea shop gave it to me along with this.” He handed me a small scrap of paper. It had a phone number on it.

“You leave for six hours and someone already wants to go on a date with you?” I grumbled. KID laughed in response and I glared at him.

“I guess you could consider it a date… Though it’s not really the type of meeting I want to attend. I do believe you’re reading the numbers wrong Shinichi… Look at them from a different perspective.” I looked over them again. _303-845-0125…_

“It’s a date, time, and address,” I concluded. “It’s one of those meetings, eh?” Kaito nodded. “Thanks for telling me ahead of time… I’ll prepare for the aftermath then… Stay strong Kaito.” Kaito rolled his eyes.

“I’ll live Shinichi… In all honesty, you promise to stay strong… You’re the one who has to deal with the aftermath… I feel bad coming home all beat up… I know it makes you sad…” Kaito responded truthfully.

“I’d rather you come home than never come home at all Kaito. I’d probably die if you died.” Kaito smiled softly and I could see a blush trickling throughout his cheeks.

“Aw~ Shinichi you’re so sweet!” I looked away as red tinged my face. Ran laughed as she continued to listen in on our exchange. “More importantly though… Did you two finally work it out or do I have to find a club to go to until about three in the morning? I already have my outfit set.”

“I think we’re fine Kaito,” Ran responded. “Thank you for what you did. Without you, we’d still be awkward with each other.”

“It’s no problem Ran. I just want the best for everyone here and you two were both so miserable not talking to each other. Oh, by the way I have a surprise for everyone!” Kaito went back to the kitchen and when he returned, he brought with him a small cake. It was a cheesecake with strawberry and chocolate decorations and drizzle. “I figured that we needed something sweet to conclude today. Shinichi, don’t say anything; you will eat this despite your completely fake aversion to sweet foods. I know you’re lying, and Ran does too. We’ll accept you for being a chocoholic.” I glared at the thief playfully as he smirked at me.

“Wow! Thanks, Kaito! It looks beautiful! Where did you get if from?” Kaito smiled.

“A new bakery just opened up in Ekoda and I’ve been dying to visit it. The owner and I are close, so it wasn’t difficult spending some time there while we caught up. She was glad to finally see me face to face, though I’m not sure I could second that notion,” Kaito chuckled to himself. “She’s always been a bit too eccentric, even for me…” Somehow, I could tell that Kaito’s conversation with this girl had not gone the way he had wanted it to. Kaito seemed a little crestfallen. “Regardless I sampled some of her cakes and even some of her more questionable flavors and then she gifted me this cake for being a trooper and putting up with her. So, now here we are! We can celebrate the fixing of you two’s friendship.” Kaito seemed to have plates appearing out of nowhere as he set the cake on the coffee table and began cutting the cake.

“Kaito,” I growled. “Shouldn’t we move to the dining room?” Kaito released a small taunting laugh and gave me an interesting look.

“Why would we do that Meitantei? It’s perfectly fine out here, yes?” He served Ran first and made a whole show out of it. Then he acted mock cold as he handed me my plate of cake. He served us tea and coffee respectively. Kaito then sat by himself and nibbled on the cake before him thoughtfully. He looked lost in thought, so Ran and I engaged in small talk. I didn’t even notice when Kaito left, but he returned shortly before Ran left. I gave him a curious look, but he dismissed me saying he’d talk later.

“Bye Shinichi, Kaito,” Ran smiled hugging me and then surprising us all by hugging Kaito. “It was a pleasure to meet you Kaito. Please continue to watch after my detective! And Shinichi,” she growled looking at me. “Make sure you take care of Kaito too. I don’t want to hear about it if you let him slip by because all you do is look at cases and dead bodies!” Ran huffed out before breaking out into another smile. “Take care you two!”

“Oh Ran!” Kaito called out. She turned to face him. “Be careful now! Tell us if anything suspicious happens to you or around you or if you feel a strange presence or anything like that. You shouldn’t come around here often too; they might associate us all together. I don’t want that for you or Shinichi. If you need help for anything, call this number.” Kaito handed Ran a small scrap of paper. “Memorize this number and then destroy it.”

“Is this your number, Kaito?” Kaito shook his head.

“No, but they will take care of you and protect you with their life. Just mention me as Kaito, not as KID. They’ll help you then. If I should ever die, I’d like you to tell this number as well. I’m trusting you Ran.” She nodded at the severity of Kaito’s tone.

“I understand Kaito,” she said firmly. They shared an understanding look and I felt left out. _What do they know that I don’t?_ “Goodbye Shinichi and Kaito!” she called out leaving. “Oh, and by the way Shinichi, call Inspector Megure later to tell him why you never showed up to work. The people at the department are pretty concerned for you right now!” Ran called out again as she left the mansion.

We watched her disappear before retreating inside the mansion. Kaito looked exhausted as he dropped whatever mask he had been wearing. “You alright?” I asked as he collapsed into the couch. His head was thrown back and his eyes were closed. He responded with a small murmur.

“Yeah, just tired… That was stressful,” he commented opening his eyes.

“It was,” I agreed. “Thank you though. Because of you, Ran and I are on speaking terms now. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Shinichi… Didn’t want you to lose someone on bad terms like that… especially if you had unspoken feelings to finally resolve… too many regrets,” he caught his phrases early and closed his eyes again.

I laughed lightly at his voice, “You sure you’re okay? You sound awful.”

“Thanks Shin chan…” he mumbled out in annoyance. “I had a long day and I’m still exhausted from the heist… Keeping up such a precarious mask for so long was difficult too…” He smiled suddenly. “Today was more or less successful, no? I think I’ll turn in early though… Night Shinichi.” Kaito begrudgingly stood up and I heard just about every joint in his body pop and he winced.

“Goodnight Kaito. Sleep well, it looks like you need it,” I responded pulling the thief into a small embrace which he readily collapsed into. I pressed a kiss to his temple, and he returned a sweet smile. I hated that he had spent the day out and about while feeling this tired. I hoped he slept well and that nightmares didn’t plague him.

I went to sleep much later that night, but it was strange not having Kaito’s presence with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I really like Ran~ It makes me happy that Shinichi and Ran are working things out and becoming friends again. Even though they have their own lives, I think that they're incredibly important to each other. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. I think Ran was pissed as hell when Shinichi came clean about 'Conan', but I don't think that would be the 'be all end all' of their friendship. They've known each other since they were children and Ran knows that Shinichi has a tendency to get wrapped up in 'unique' situations and isn't always the best at follow up. I also think she is incredibly sensible and mature, so she would be the bigger person and choose to forgive Shinichi. She is in no means a pushover, though. 
> 
> 2\. On this note, I also think Ran would approach learning that she and Shinichi were not a good match as a couple with grace. Sure, she'd probably cry over it and request Sonoko's help as her bff. But, after the initial sadness, she'd be incredibly supportive of Shinichi's future romantic interests. I think she'd also be a bit protective of him, haha~ 
> 
> 3\. Shinichi felt really bad about the fallout with Ran and really wanted to fix things, but he didn't know where to start or what to say or how Ran could even possibly forgive him. With this, he was going to let things stagnate or fall from memory, unless Ran approached him first. This is kind of selfish, but I think a lot of it stems from social anxiety. Regardless, Shinichi will always support Ran with her future choices. I think this experience has wisened him up too. He knows that sometimes you have to do what makes you uncomfortable in order to keep the people you care about in your life. 
> 
> 4\. A friendship between Kaito and Ran is sadly not really possible with how the canon is currently structured, but I think they would make good friends, especially when it comes to teasing and fussing over Shinichi. I can also see Kaito becoming like Ran's token 'handyman' and helping her with random tasks (especially tasks her dad is ignoring due to his... nature). 
> 
> 5\. Hmm, I wonder who Kaito visited at the bakery... I wonder who's considered 'eccentric' among his friends, haha~
> 
> 6\. I think Ran would enjoy being an environmental scientist (specifically for marine environments). She has a strong sense of justice, but she is scared of dead bodies and not fit for murder scenes (no police work). I think working with the law would weigh her down as well. As for healthcare, it's really hard to get certified in Japan and it poses the same issue of working with gruesome scenes. Thus, I think environmental justice and restoration would fit her best.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or a kudos :) The next chapter will be released on Friday! Happy New Year's Eve everyone~!! Take care and see y'all next year ;)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone~!! Thank you for the past month of support and here's to the next year of writing and sharing my works with you all! I only started posting on AO3 about a month and a half ago, but the support I've received has been amazing and I'm incredibly thankful for you all~ In any case, here's chapter 25! We've entered another act of the story ;)
> 
> I have a mini announcement in the end notes, so please check it out if you'd like :) 
> 
> Chapter warnings: rape (mentioned), murder (mentioned)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It’s been a week and a half since Ran visited us and things have been sort of strange. Kaito still took care of me, but he was never home when I arrived. Instead, he always wandered back home around one in the morning. It didn’t help either of our sleeping patterns, but Kaito refused to explain what he was doing out and about. I worried for him.

As for myself, I was dealing with a huge serial murder and rapist case. Someone had been terrorizing Beika by attacking young women and men and raping them before mutilating them terribly. We didn’t have any substantial evidence on who’s doing this or why. There were no eyewitnesses either. It was beginning to make big news in Tokyo and a fright was passing through the Beika district.

I sighed and continued flipping through images of the relevant crime scenes. So far, the only lead we had was that everyone who was attacked was in between the ages of 18 and 25. The murderer didn’t discriminate against gender, though everyone who was attacked was considered attractive. They all had brown hair and their eye colors were all in the spectrum of blue. Dress didn’t seem to matter and neither did the height or relative weight. The victims were not connected in an obvious way. They weren’t relatives nor did they go to the same university or hang out in the same social group. Some were married, some weren’t. Some were employed while others weren’t. There wasn’t anything I could see that tied them aside from age and hair and eye color. Despite that, it was hard to place murders on someone with a grudge against young adults with brown hair and blue eyes being the only clue. It was ridiculous. I bit the end of my pen and wrote down notes of what to look for next.

Onto the next matter of this case, the murders conducted by the rapist were all brutal. The bodies were all mangled, almost to the point of being unable to identify them. They were bloody and broken. Each of them had looks of horror painted on their faces. However, each victim still had their wallets and none of their money was taken. They were raped and killed, that was it. It didn’t make sense yet… I needed more evidence.

Kaito entered my office at that time, which was odd… I hadn’t been expecting him back until a much later time.

“Hey,” he greeted. “Are you still working on that case? No progress yet?” he asked me while leaning against my desk and folding his arms over his chest.

“Yeah… It’s definitely a tough one… I don’t have any leads on motives, and we don’t have a single suspect yet… I just need more evidence,” I sighed rolling my neck and straightening my back. Kaito smiled but didn’t explain why.

“It’s definitely a tough case… I was walking around and that’s all I hear everyone talking about… They’re even thinking about setting a curfew to keep the people safe… I don’t think it’ll help though. Whoever is raping and murdering doesn’t seem to have a visible motive. They don’t take money and they hardly discriminate… I think they’re trying to prove a point or something like that...” I admired Kaito for his deduction. It made sense, but I needed proof of that.

“You ever considered being a detective?” I asked raising an eyebrow at the horrified look Kaito gave me.

“And ruin all the natural talent I have for becoming a critic?! I don’t think so!” I chuckled at his response and I knew he was trying to lighten my mood. “I’m sure you’ll solve this case soon Shinichi… In fact, I’m positive of it! You are the Great Detective of the East, the Modern-Day Holmes, the KID-Killer,” Kaito smirked and cocked his head to the side. Now I knew he had been looking into the serial murder and rape cases and that he had more information than he let on. It irked me that he had not stopped the murderer, but in a way, I felt like he had already taken care of the problem. I just had to finish cleaning it up.

“By the way, Shinichi, dinner is on the table. Sorry it’s takeout, though I have a feeling you’re used to it. I have to leave soon, but I wanted to make sure you hadn’t collapsed from working too hard. I know this case means a lot to you. Take care, ‘kay? If you collapse, who’s gonna solve the case? …And stay safe too… the people the murderer attacks… Well, you fit the description, so stay safe.” Kaito nodded at me with stern eyes and a small ‘yes Kaito’ escaped my lips. I couldn’t meet the violet slivers of his eyes. He looked so serious and I wondered what he knew about the case that I didn’t.

“Yeah… I used to only eat convenience store food before you came. Thanks to you my diet has improved, but also become a lot more sugary… I swear I’ll go into a sugar induced coma one day.”

“It’s better than dying of eating too much salt,” Kaito shrugged. I yawned and followed him back to the table. He stayed for a while so that I could see him eat a couple bites of dinner before he excused himself to leave.

Kaito returned at a relatively early time and in good spirits. When I asked him about it, he answered with some cheeky-ass answer.

“Aren’t you the detective, Shinichi?” he smirked with a wink. I swear, he was the most annoying person to walk this earth.

After that, Kaito was surprisingly affectionate and I wondered if this was true or a psychological trick of his to distract my mind from thinking about where he had been and what he had been doing. I hated him for being so good at hiding himself and deceiving me. Though I did love his arms being wrapped around me and my head against his chest.

“Kaito… why are you being so good to me?” I asked while leaning my head back. Kaito hummed softly as he thought of an answer.

“I like being good to you. I like treating you and taking care of you… You’re my detective, Shinichi… Naturally, I’d take care of my favorite critic.” Kaito’s answer was what I had more or less expected. I smiled anyways though. I’d enjoyed whatever attention he gave me.

“Don’t do anything stupid Kaito… I know you like to care for me, but I want you to stay with me forever. I don’t want you to die because of something stupid and reckless.” Kaito stopped massaging my head and I imagined he held a thoughtful expression.

“If you wish Shinichi… I’ll be careful. I can’t guarantee against dangerous acts, but that’s just who I am…” He fell silent for a moment, “Hey, Shinichi… How do you feel about Gin and Vodka?” This was a difficult topic for us both and we hadn’t discussed what had happened since that night. Admittedly, I had tried not to think much about what had happened either. In fact, I handed the case off as soon as I could to keep my mind empty of their faces. 

I flinched and Kaito hugged me tighter to his body. “I-I’m glad Kaito… Gin is dead, and Vodka is behind bars without a chance of bail… the men who almost killed me are gone…” I spoke softly and without much confidence. In truth, my emotions were still a mess and I felt conflicted about killing Gin.

“That’s good. Just wanted to check in on you. You’re working really hard right now, and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a form of escapism.” A frown covered my face. Lying wasn’t my forte.

“If I was working hard as a form of escapism, what would you do?” I muttered, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

“I’d remind you that you saved my life and that you helped remove two dangerous murderers from the streets. I’d also say that whatever emotions you’re feeling are valid and that I’m always here if you want to talk about them.”

“How gentlemanly, I’ll keep those words in mind.” Though I spoke in our typical playful fashion, I was touched by his words. Kaito hummed lightly again and went back to rubbing my temples. My true weakness was head massages.

“You enjoying yourself, Meitantei?” he whispered into my ear lowly. I could feel his smirk and his hot breath on my ear.

“Oh, shut it Thief… My number one weakness aside from a good puzzle is a good head massage…” I mumbled with my eyes closed.

“Oh, I know Shinichi… I know that well. It’s the best way to subdue you… Maybe I’ll try this at one of my heists,” Kaito teased.

“Shush Thief,” I moaned leaning against him more. It felt so good to have so much tension relieved at once. Kaito seemed to understand because he stopped talking and continued to indulge me.

As the clock rung 11, Kaito swept me up into his arms and carried me away. He took me to my bedroom and set me down on my bed.

“It’s time to sleep, Shin chan… I want you to rest up, you haven’t been sleeping well. Don’t want you getting sick or collapsing from exhaustion.” He tucked me in and placed a long kiss against my forehead.

“Kaito…” he tilted his head and wore an almost, dare I say, loving smile. “Stay with me,” I demanded. A smirk seemed to spread across Kaito’s features as he didn’t deny me. No, he clamored in beside me and wrapped his arms around me pulling me close.

“Only as long as you plan to sleep tonight,” Kaito murmured into my shoulder and I felt his breath on my neck. I flushed and closed my eyes contently.

“Sure, whatever you want Kaito…” I mumbled. “Goodnight.” Kaito nuzzled his face into my neck and I smiled as a warmth spread through me and sleep overtook me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's chapter 25~ A bit short, but it's setting up the scene for the next chapter. Also, I love writing fluffy Kaito and Shinichi; they need it. 
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:   
> 1\. Shinichi partially works from home. Half of his job is investigating crime scenes and being in the heat of the moment, but a large portion of his job also consists of paperwork, reviewing evidence, and other desk-oriented tasks. In fact, since he's such a well-regarded detective, he spends more time than other detectives reviewing evidence gathered from crime scenes. He doesn't see as much action as his teenage self and Conan saw, sadly. This allows him to work from home on some days, however, which he prefers as it's quieter than his office at the department. 
> 
> 2\. I realize a lot of chapters end with them falling asleep... I like writing them cuddling before bed and I think a lot of deep conversations flow naturally at night. It also adds to some of the slice of life elements of this story, I think. 
> 
> Mini announcement: I made a writing tumblr! It's an easy way to interact with me or see what future works I have planned. I might even release some behind the scenes info ;) Feel free to follow or ignore, hehe~ Here's the link: [linky link](https://hototogisu.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks again for reading~ Feel free to comment or leave a kudos if you'd like :) The next chapter will be released on Sunday!   
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 26! Please read and enjoy~ As a warning, this chapter contains some sexual, mature content. Please take care of yourselves and let me know if you'd like help finding any resources. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: sexual assault, mature content, negative self talk, sexual content 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Shinichi was asleep rather quickly and I smiled as he breathed slowly and evenly. He was adorable like this. I sighed and waited until he was deep asleep before leaving the bed. I knew Shinichi had been worrying about me lately and that this had caused his sleep quality to diminish greatly. I appreciated the sentiment, but I don't think he understood that this was KID’s life.

I had business to attend to as KID, some of which couldn’t involve him. This business meant that I would be busy during the odd hours of the morning and night. I expected Shinichi of all people to understand this, especially with his unusual working hours and how he was always on call, but lately he’d been pushing for earlier and earlier hours and mostly working from home. Shinichi wanted to see me.

_Sometimes I feel like I'm playing him. I'm afraid for the future, afraid that I won’t be able to provide for him in the ways I want to... And, to be honest… I mean, look at us… We’re technically on opposite sides of the law. I’ll only ruin his reputation and it’d be wrong for me to steal the best detective from Japan away. He has the potential to save so many people by stopping murders, I can only save the world by committing murders now. I’ve known this for a while._

_Back when I was in their confinement, I learned that it was kill or be killed. Why hadn’t I realized it earlier? This occupation is either kill or be killed… Will I follow my father to the death? Or will I cause death? KID isn’t the same anymore… I need to commit the crime… That’s what they want anyhow… That want to break me by ruining whatever values I hold onto. I’m prideless, shameful… My life as Kaito will never be the same… My dearest relationships have fallen apart. I really only have Shinichi left… Shinichi and whatever morals I still cling to… They promised to not attack Shinichi as long as I kept him a safe distance away, but they have my morals to destroy… Nobody gets hurt… Heh… That rule changed when they shot me down and ruined whatever dismal future I had left._ I sighed and yawned.

 _A pathetic past and a futile future… What do I have to look forward to in life? I have Shinichi… All I have is Shinichi. I need to protect him at all costs… I’ll take them down and hopefully die in the mix… Shinichi will be free to be happy and to live his life and I’ll receive my final punishment…_ I looked at the sleeping body next to me… _You’ve been plagued by a lot too Shinichi… I’ll make sure you’re happy though… I’ll take care of you and get rid of the group that’s hurt you…_ With that, I sat up quickly and lightly pressed a small kiss to his forehead. _I’m sorry…_ A smile tinged with sadness spread across my face, and I left the bed quietly. 

I stepped into his backyard and pulled out a small disposable phone. The only number in the phone popped up and I called it. That date, time, and address were not for me to receive torture. Lucky me. No, it was for me to pick up this phone and receive vague instructions to call Snake in the span of seven days.

“Hello KID,” the person on the other side replied and, to my surprise, it was Talon, not Snake.

“Good morning Talon,” I spat out through gritted teeth.

“Not an early morning person, KID?” he pressed. “I’m glad you finally called; I was beginning to think I’d need to contact you more directly…”

“I wouldn’t forget something like that,” I hissed out. Talon laughed.

“I assume you’re wondering why I wanted to you to call me. First, I have a request. Before I give you crucial directions, I want you to entertain me.” My eyes widened.

“E-entertain you…?” I stuttered, panic already rising in my chest.

“That’s what I said KID. Entertain me over the phone KID. You know what I mean… You’re not stupid.” I gulped at his demands. “I want to hear everything even if you have to fake it. Entertain me KID. You have no right to say no. Pleasure yourself shamelessly without holding back.” I swallowed at his commands.

“O-okay…” I agreed slowly, my voice barely rasping out. I could hear his laugh as I went into Shinichi’s backyard shed. I wanted privacy; this was so fucking shameful.

“I’m waiting…” he pressed, and I slid down the shed wall and tried to find a comfortable position. The blush on my face was prominent and I began the long process of trying to please the filthy old man. He offered snide encouragement and I could hear him jerking off on his side of the line. It was disgusting. Eventually I couldn’t contain the sounds that left me and my breath left in choppy pants. My vision had become fuzzy and I clamped the phone to my ear with my shoulder. The room seemed to grow hotter and hotter despite the temperature outside and I had worked up a sweat. Talon continued to belittle me, but his breath was ragged on the other line. I hated how I turned him on so. What was even worse was what I had to imagine to get this far along. I really was the worst to think of Shinichi now… Ah…

“Finish it Kaito.” A shiver ran up my spine as he used my first name and I moaned suddenly. Electricity ran through my body and I convulsed. Cum spilled into my hand and the phone fell from my shoulder. I shuffled quickly onto my hands and knees but collapsed to the floor still riding off my orgasm. I was exhausted. I strained for the phone to hear Talon still riding off his orgasm. He was still panting when he addressed me.

“You’re good Kaito… so good. Why purchase a whore when I have you? That felt so good, didn’t it? You enjoyed it… Aren’t you ashamed?” I could feel the lusting smirk on the other side. I was thoroughly humiliated, but I couldn't find it in me to cry. 

“Anyways Kaito… I want to see you soon and you know why. I can already assume how we’ll meet… especially since you’ve been medaling. Be naughty though Kaito… I want to punish you next time we meet. I also want you to add another number to this phone… Add your little detective’s number and don’t ask why, just do it Kaito.” I listened attentively as my heart rate began to slow and the sweat on my body ran cold “I await our next meeting.” With that he hung up and I laid on the floor not moving. There was no way I’d go back to sleep with Shinichi, not after that. I needed a shower and some alcohol to purge my mind.

I wondered what time it was and regretted to see I had another two hours before I would normally be up. _Might as well stay here until I’m composed enough to move…_ My eyes dropped and an emptiness consumed my chest. _A slut, eh? Seems so fitting…_ I didn’t even cry this time, there was just this understanding that I couldn’t escape. _This is just my life now…_

I don’t know how long I laid on the floor or when I lost consciousness, but when I awoke, sunlight was peeking into the room and I leapt to my feet. I regretted that as I lurched forward and nearly collapsed. _Keep it together Kaito!_ I dashed back into the house and took a rapid shower that was not nearly long enough. Then I began to make Shinichi’s lunch. _I still have to iron his suit and wake him up… Damn! I’m running out of time!_

It was then that the Shinichi walked down the stairs already dressed and prepared for work. “Y-you’re up e-early.” I cursed my wavering voice and how weak it sounded. I cursed my racing heart and the fear etched into my face. Shinichi picked up on this and gave me a questioning look.

“Yeah. You didn’t sleep last night, did you?” He approached me directly and I stumbled back.

“N-no…” I responded not meeting his gaze.

“I figured… you left me early… What was up?” He wrapped his arms around my slender waist, and I flinched and wrenched away. I bit my tongue to stop any noises from escaping me, but I couldn’t stop the emotions that my eyes betrayed.

“I see, so that’s why,” he mumbled crestfallen while drawing away from me.

“It’s not that… It’s just…” I stopped speaking, what could I say? _It’s not that Shinichi… It’s not that I didn’t want to sleep with you… I had to talk to Talon and do shameful things and how can I face you now?_

“No Kaito… don’t worry… I understand,” he offered me a small smile that I couldn’t return. “Let me help you this morning. I’m already ready for work,” he said. “Besides, I need to be at least a little more independent. I mean, without you I’m basically useless. You pamper me too much,” Shinichi hummed. He sounded too happy this morning, as if he was trying to mask his disappointment or worry. “But can you still make me my coffee? You make it special somehow and I love the way it tastes.” I was touched at his simple honesty, and we switched places in the kitchen as he made his lunch and I began to brew his coffee.

“How do you make the coffee taste so good?” he asked me while perusing the fridge. I hummed thoughtfully.

“With magic of course,” I answered with a smirk. I could picture his rolling eyes as we worked back-to-back and danced around each other. It was funny how much happiness we both got out of doing such a domestic task. We were both humming, and, even though Shinichi refused to touch me, the number of glances we sent to each other and the tossing of conversation back and forth made me feel so close to him. I loved this and it made me think back to the idle conversation we had earlier about moving to America and living in the countryside. Even more and more, that idea appealed to me. I wanted to have him all to myself and enjoy small moments like this without end.

“I’ll be home late tonight,” Shinichi warned me. “Though I have a feeling you’ll be out too…” I chose to ignore this comment.

“Late? Why? Is something up at the police department?” Shinichi turned to face me.

“No… I’m returning to all the crime scenes today. I’ve got to find at least some type of evidence. Anything… I must have missed something at one of the crime scenes…” Shinichi looked away as a detective-look crossed his face.

“I’m sure you’ll find something, Shinichi. You are the best detective in Japan. I wouldn’t worry too much, just stay safe, okay?” Shinichi nodded slowly, but the inspective look never left his face. “By the way, I’ll be home by the time you return. Today’s a work from home day for me. I have nothing to do out and about.” Shinichi looked up at me in surprise.

“Really? You’ve been going out for weeks now. Does this mean you have a heist planned? I’m too busy to even think of attending one of your petty heists,” Shinichi huffed.

“No, I don’t have a heist planned, though I was planning on finding a new target today…” Shinichi scanned me over for any other indications of what I would be doing today.

“Fine, then, I’ll see you later today, as long as your true to your word that is…” I knew that was a jab at me for withholding information from him, but I nodded and handed him his coffee anyways. He took his lunch and packed it into his bag.

We looked each other in the eyes—a silent goodbye—and he left. I sighed and watched from the window as he traveled to work earlier than ever before. Usually, I made sure he was just on time or a couple minutes earlier. As long as he didn't run into a case on his way to the department, he would arrive around 20 minutes early. That was probably a record for Shinichi.

I laughed. Had I really worked that detective up so much that he actually woke up early to make sure I was okay? He had it bad for me and I felt almost guilty. A dumb smile remained stuck to my face as I thought about him, but it left as I walked away from the window and recalled the night.

An almost sorrowful look crossed my face as I walked back up to my room to retrieve my laptop, charger, and a couple of carefully hidden case-sensitive notes. On top of my laptop, I found a small note scrawled out in Shinichi’s messy, quick handwriting.

_‘Take care of yourself Kaito! I don’t like it when you sneak away at night after playing me. (Don’t deny it, I know you played me) I want you safe, you Idiot! Why can’t you realize that? I know I can’t stop what you do at night or during the day. If I tried, I’m pretty sure you’d leave me and then you’d really get yourself killed. I can only resort to reminding you that I love you and that I would probably cry a lot if you died. Also, eat breakfast today like a normal person would, okay? You make sure that I have coffee and usually some fruit in the morning. If you can do that for me, then you can eat something too. I don’t even care if it’s a thousand-calorie plate of chocolate pancakes covered in powdered sugar and chocolate syrup and whatever god-awful sugary stuff you like. You really need to gain weight Kaito. You're still too thin for your body type and muscle mass! I want more improvement! I guess I’m rambling now… Anyways just stay safe Kaito and I understand if you can’t tell me anything. I trust that one day you’ll tell me everything, so I’ll await that time… Till then… Well, take care and I’ll see you later._

_-Shinichi’_

I smiled as I read the messy note and I wondered exactly when Shinichi woke up this morning. It sure was early though… I sighed and took his note to heart as I went to the kitchen and fetched a pear. Then I went down to the library and started the long task of researching.

I hadn’t completely lied to Shinichi, I was planning on looking up a new jewel to target, but… I hadn’t told the full truth. I was involved in the serial murder and rape cases. What Shinichi hadn’t realized yet was that these cases were meant to draw me out. Snake knew my disdain for rape and murder. He knew that targeting people who looked like Shinichi, and subsequently me, would instantly catch my attention. He was sending a message and I needed to determine where they would attack next. That was what he meant by saying that we would meet soon.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly. _Maybe I should try to sleep some time… After I finish this whole deal with Snake, Talon, and the serial murderer and rapist… I’ll sleep for a day and eat a full meal and a really sweet dessert. I’ll go out and drink too and party and relax for a little while…_

I rolled my neck and continued going over my notes and trying to find anything obscure about the case. I hacked into the Tokyo Police Department again and went through their data banks. One of the most disappointing things I'd gathered from hacking into the police department was how they too knew about the Black Organization, but they ignored them or even covered them up—that is the commissioner of the police department and his direct underlings. The inspectors were clean as well as the normal police system, aside from a few crooked cops. It was disappointing, but the government had no problem experimenting on humans and killing people… So, I wasn’t surprised. It honestly made me feel pretty disillusioned with society to know the groups and organizations we usually trusted had no problem teaming up with an organization that only brought destruction.

I continued to scroll through the information and took notes here and there. Then my eyebrows furrowed as I found something I hadn’t expected. _What’s this?_ I opened the folder marked with a dubious name, _Flightless_. My eyes widened as the contents of the folder spilled open. _This is… about me…?_ The information in this folder was basic at most, things that everyone knew about KID. I was a phantom thief who disappeared for eight years and then returned for three before disappearing for a year and a half. I stole gems and returned them all. I was a magician. It was all basic and some speculation about my appearance. It was deceptively simple. I knew there was more information to dig out of this folder. So, I opened the command box on my computer and began messing with the code. I programmed another firewall breaker and I began digging at the file. I tried every link and looked at all the pictures. I released a withheld breath and ran a frustrated hand through my hair before typing again.

I laughed in success as I pounded my keyboard in frustration and another command box opened. It was prompting me for a password. I knew once I broke this that I would have limited time to access the data before they discovered me, so I promptly set up a system to copy everything to my laptop and to a USB stick. I couldn’t be too cautious.

I began my search for the password. I tried ‘KID’, ‘1412’, ‘Black Organization’, ‘Kuroba’, but none of them worked. I tried other words that came to mind and sighed in frustration. Then I began laughing as I typed in a simple seven letter word and I was suddenly given access to everything I had been searching for: Pandora.

Pictures of me from when I was held captive came up. Every note that damn doctor took came up. Every drug they tried on me popped up. Their plans to break me came up. I gulped and began registering everything I saw as I read it line by line. I began copying and copying everything, mentally, physically, it didn’t matter; this information was so valuable that I wouldn’t let it slide by because I was even a second idle. I had to get everything even if it ruined my laptop.

As soon as the data copy was complete to my USB drive, my laptop crashed. There was no blue screen or black screen of doom. No, the screen went black and when I rebooted it the worst thing happened. Everything was fried. I tried to access anything, but everything was destroyed, and I knew that my laptop was toast. Everything was corrupted and the Black Organization was probably going to override my unapproved access to their data bank on KID. The only thing I had going for me was my memory, as I remembered everything I saw, and the USB stick. I quickly began jotting everything down as I remembered it and gulped as I began piecing it all together.

I had seen the section on the serial rapist murderer. It had announced they would attack in two days around noon in the alleyway between Sunaka St. and Moro Rd. I smirked at this information and sighed wearily. How long had I spent cracking this and absorbing the information? My head was killing me, and my hands were shaking… I wanted to pass out.

I grabbed some bottles of pills and a water bottle. I took three of the pain relievers and my blood thinner as well, as the dull ache in my chest reminded me to take them. I sighed and swallowed down the pills. I debated popping a sleeping pill, but I just left that bottle on the nightstand. I didn’t even put away the pills as my head hit the pillow and sleep overtook me. I prayed to not have the nightmares, but I knew they would come. My mind was still racing and with last night and the pictures I saw; I was bound to be stuck with nightmares.

* * *

I didn’t get home until about ten at night, and, to my surprise, no dinner had been made and Kaito wasn’t waiting for me. It wasn’t that I had been expecting him to greet me, but that was what he usually did, at least when he was home. I began to think that he had broken his promise. I sighed and walked up the stairs and I stopped outside his room. I opened the door and frowned as his desk light was still on even though he was out cold. I went over to turn it off and noticed the array of pills on his nightstand. Two were over the counter, one looked prescribed. Shamefully I took the prescribed pill bottle and read it. _Rivaroxaban? Take once a day, do not skip… do not take on an empty stomach. Report if excess bruising or bleeding occurs or if you vomit up blood or if you have difficulty breathing or swallowing… Do not overdose… Side effects: bruising, bleeding, headaches, muscle spasms… This sounds like a blood thinner…_

I looked at Kaito, he looked like he was in pain. His eyebrows were crunched together, and he was grinding his teeth. He looked so tense and I heard a small whimper escape him as tears slipped from his closed eyes. I could understand why he never wanted to sleep. I sat on the edge of the bed and rested my hand on his forehead. He was burning up and covered in sweat. _Kaito would be like this while reliving his nightmares…_

I ran my hand through his hair until he began to calm down and his breathing stabilized. I sighed and waited till he seemed to be contently asleep before leaving to fix myself a simple dinner. It had been another unsuccessful day looking for anything on the case. I didn’t know what Kaito had meant about me finally finding evidence, but he was wrong.

My dinner was uneventful, but I found it difficult to muster up an appetite as stress and an anxiety overtook me. My mind wouldn’t stop racing over this case, Kaito, and the Black Organization. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, poor Kaito :( The next chapter will include a mini-climax! So please stay tuned! 
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. There isn't anything special about Kaito's coffee. Shinichi just prefers to have his coffee made for him. Love is the best spice, they say~
> 
> 2\. Kaito is slowly falling into acceptance over the way Talon/the Black Organization treat him, which is very sad. He's rationalizing that this is just the way things are as a way to distract from his true emotions. If he accepts what they do or even tells himself that he allows this behavior, he gives himself a fake sense of control and protects himself. This, of course, isn't healthy. 
> 
> 3\. Shinichi's reaction to Kaito is a mixture of instinctive disappointment/hurt and understanding. Something I've personally struggled with is accepting people's boundaries at face value and without considering them "personal attacks". For example, Kaito wouldn't want anyone to touch him; he wasn't personally rejecting Shinichi. Shinichi knows this and respects it, however, he steals feels a tinge of hurt. Some of this hurt comes from Kaito not confiding in him about the night or seeking his comfort. The half of it is fighting the feelings of rejection. This is a point of growth for Shinichi, something he'll develop with experience. 
> 
> 4\. Rivaroxaban (aka Xarelto) is a common blood thinner and blood thinners are commonly prescribed to those with AFib. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter~ Feel free to comment or leave a kudos if you'd life :) I'll be releasing the next chapter on Tuesday! Feel free to connect with me here! [linky link](https://hototogisu.tumblr.com/)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 27~
> 
> Chapter warnings: knife, blood, guns, wounds
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Today was the day and I was hiding out on one of the rooftops near the streets of Sunaka and Moro. I was awaiting my target while wearing my KID suit. It was 11:45 AM. I knew this would not end well for me, but oh well… At least the murders and rapes would end. I watched the situation carefully, taking in every face and memorizing every detail.

I’d already left a note at home telling Shinichi not to worry if I didn’t return for a couple more days. I’d also sent him a letter, which would arrive in two days, with all the information he would need if they really did kill me. I sighed and tried not to think of that. Dying wasn’t an option. I needed to bring down the Black Organization to protect Shinichi and everyone connected to my past. I wasn’t going to die because they wanted me dead. I’d die after they were all dead or behind bars.

I sighed and continued observing. _Oh? What’s this?_ A young lady was being dragged into the alleyway. She was fighting her attacker, but he was pulling her by her ponytail. I stood a while longer to gain sense of the situation but as soon as he pulled out a knife, I leapt into action. I landed behind him neatly and he turned quickly to meet me.

“KID?!” he choked. The girl trembled too as she dangled by her hair in his grasp. She didn’t look like she belonged in this fairly unoccupied area. She was too pretty and young. I could even tell that she was unaccustomed to wearing makeup and it looked awkward upon her childish face. She was crying passively, shocked into silence. I gave her a wink only she would understand, but this only made her tears increase.

“Oh? What do we have here? I thought I’d go for a nice afternoon stroll and I come across this? You do know that I am a gentleman thief, right? I don’t take kindly to anyone who manhandles such a pretty lady. And may I interject, she seems a bit too young for you. I insist you find someone your own age, or should I perhaps call the police to report pedophilia? Better yet, should I turn in Beika’s serial murderer and rapist?” My eyes glinted dangerously while his opened wide with malice. He threw down the poor girl and approached me as I stood casually with my hands in my pockets. The knife gleamed dangerously in his hands. He threw a careless lunge at me and I stepped out of the way expertly.

“You’ll have to do better than that, Mr. Rapist Murderer. I dodge bullets and Inspector Nakamori for a living.” A guttural sound erupted from his throat and lunged again. This time I blocked him with my card gun and then deflected him.

“For being a murderer and a rapist… You’re not that strong… Are you perhaps a stand-in for the normal guy? Can you give me his contact information? I believe we have a long overdue appointment.” He then gave me this strange smile and _shit!_

He launched the blade at the girl who was cowering on the ground. I lunged quickly and intercepted her and consequently caught the knife. It dug into the back of right shoulder as I cradled her from contact. I hissed in pain, but the smile never fell.

“Are you okay?” I asked softly as she clutched at my suit.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry…” she cried out. I offered her a sincere expression. 

“Don’t worry about it,” I whispered back. “I’ve gotten worse than this. As long as you’re fine, I’m alright.” I then motioned for her to stay behind me before facing her assailant. Quite arrogantly, I ripped the knife from my shoulder and threw it down against the ground. The confident smirk never left my face.

“My, my, Mr. Rapist… That was a bit bold for someone who’s afraid to kill people. You almost hurt her. Now, I don’t mind if you harm me, but if you try to harm an innocent bystander and a lady no less… I won’t be taking that lightly.”

With my dark scowl, I charged the small man and hit him across the head with the end of my card gun. He stumbled and took a swoop at me. I dodged it and swept his feet out from under him. My card gun trained on him as he crawled up against the wall desperately. He was terrified and began mumbling nonsense about wanting to live. I sighed and took a small can of sleeping gas from my pocket. He wasn’t a threat anymore and I gave him a dose of the gas before he slumped to the ground.

I kneeled and brought his wrists behind him before giving a pair of zip tie handcuffs. I then pilfered through his pockets for a disposable phone and called the police.

“Hello? I’m Takashi Itoh and I’d like to report an attempted assault of a young girl. I caught an older man attacking a young girl in the alleyway between Moro and Sunaka in Beika. I’m with the girl now and she seems shaken. The man is currently unconscious. Please send the police and an ambulance,” I demanded. The lady on the other end nodded and asked me to stay on the line, but I quickly said my phone was going to die and that I couldn’t be on the line for much longer.

I sighed as the call disconnected before tossing the phone aside and smashing it against the pavement “Can’t have anyone know I used this phone,” I explained while approaching the girl. I held my shoulder and she sobbed into her hands.

“I’m so sorry KID—” she began.

“Save it for later. I’m always happy to save any lady in danger, especially from such a nasty man.” I procured a small white rose and handed it to her. She took it and tried to wipe her tears away.

“You’re hurt, KID,” she mumbled out. I removed my hand from my shoulder. A frown almost crossed my face at the blood staining my glove and the warm, sticky feeling running down my back. Instead, I brought on a neutral face and sighed complacently.

“Yeah, I guess I am… Don’t worry about me though. I’ve had worse and this one is pretty superficial…” _Though the bleeding is a lot more than I’d like… Stupid blood thinners…_

“KID… thank you… Thank you for saving me.” I nodded and brought her right hand to my lips. She blushed at the action and I laughed. 

“What type of gentleman would I be if I let a young lady like yourself be harmed by such an animal of a man? I do suppose I should leave before the police get here… I’m not really planning on getting caught today.” Her eyes widened.

“No! Don’t leave me!” She leapt onto me and wrapped her arms around my torso. “Please KID,” she cried, “don’t leave me all alone…” I couldn’t leave her now, not while she was crying… not when she begged me to stay.

I sighed, “Alright I’ll stay. I suppose I don’t have a choice now,” I spoke lightly but my grip on my shoulder increased. Her guilty face remained, and I tried to comfort her. _Even now… even now you’re trying to play me, eh Snake?_

* * *

“Inspector Megure! We just got word of an attempted assault in Beika! There’s a witness by the name of Takashi Itoh! We think it may be related to the serial cases!” Megure’s and my eyes widened as we listened to our dispatcher speak. “We need you to head out to the alleyway between Sunaka and Moro! Right away!” Megure and I nodded, and a group of police cars followed us as we drove out to the crime scene. I hopped out of the police car and ran to the scene of the crime. My eyes widened at what I saw.

KID was curled up with some sobbing girl while another man was tied up against a brick wall. KID’s eyes met mine and I instantly noticed the blood seeping from his shoulder.

“KID?!” I yelped in surprise. A million questions raced in my mind, but circumstance kept me silent. The other policemen came out and saw exactly what I saw. KID brought on a smirk trademark to his nature.

“Ah~ Meitantei! I’m surprised you’re here. It’s a fancy seeing you though. I guess you’ll all figure out that I sent that phone call. This girl was attacked by that man over there… I stayed with her to make sure she was safe, but she’s a bit shaken… Please take care of her and the man over there.” KID shone a quickly fading smirk as he stood up, lightheaded no doubt.

Nobody knew what to do. Nobody expected KID to be here. “I suppose I’ll be leaving then. Take care, little Miss,” he said bowing lowly to the girl. She cried even harder and KID tried to offer her a final smile, but as he started to walk away, a strangled cry left him, and he stumbled many steps forward.

Suddenly, before our eyes, KID’s chest grew red and it grew red fast. I’m not even sure I registered the sound of gun; I just knew he had been shot. He made another choking sound before throwing down a pink smoke bomb and disappearing. All that remained was a small puddle of blood and the shrieking girl against the wall.

I collapsed to my knees. _Kaito…? Kaito… Why the hell were you here? What happened? Kaito… So much blood… Did he go home? I need to go home! I need to find him!_ Megure rested his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him with haunted eyes.

“Kudo are you alright?” he asked me softly. “I know KID means a lot to you,” he spoke lowly, almost accusingly, and my eyes widened.

“I’m alright Inspector Megure,” I mumbled out standing up, regaining my composure. I approached the girl who was crying, but she received to acknowledge my presence. 

“Hey are you okay?” I asked softly. She smiled sadly as tears fell from her eyes.

“K-Kudo san… I’m so, so sorry… I need to talk to you…” she mumbled out My eyes widened with realization.

“You! You played him! You’re a part of them! You wanted to lure KID out!” I lashed out angrily. She flinched back but did not deny a word.

“You’re right… I did help draw him out Kudo san… But I had too! They threatened to kill my younger siblings if I didn’t! KID knew that too… He told me he knew all along that I was just playing him…” she cried. “I didn’t want that to happen to KID! I like KID… He’s always so nice and he takes care of everyone…” _Wait, what do you mean by that?_

She sighed and sunk further to the ground onto her hands and knees. “KID saved me and my family… That guy almost stabbed me, but KID took the knife for me… KID protected me, and he saved me from having to work under them… I know what I did was dirty, and I even stalled KID here to wait for the sniper who shot him… I’m the worst kind of person and I’ll never be able to go home… I should be arrested too…” She laughed as tears continued to fall from her eyes. “I’ve betrayed the person who saved my life,” she whispered out with her hollow eyes glued to the floor. “And now KID’s gonna die!” she cried out battering her fists against the ground as tears seeped from her eyes.

I looked away as I held back the tears rising to my own eyes. “KID would have wanted it to be that way,” I reminded her with a small smile. “He always wants everyone to be safe around him… He wanted this,” I tried to smile. _How does Kaito smile all the time? How can I smile when all I want to do is cry?_ “I don’t think KID will die, he’s pretty tough.” _But the blood thinners he’s on…_

“They’re planning on killing him Kudo san… He’s gonna torture KID till he breaks or dies… KID… He knew that! But he still went with it… Why? Kudo san… why?! Why’s he so stupid?!” She buried her face in her hands and cried bitterly.

“I don’t know…” was the only answer I could mutter bitterly as my head dipped. The tears were bubbling in my eyes. _How do you always wear a smile?_

“You might as well turn me in, Kudo san… I’m technically an accomplice to that guy… We wanted to catch KID…” I turned to Megure. He had his lips pursed together in attempt to hide his emotions, but I knew he was as dazed as I was. I had no idea how to address him.

“We need to talk Kudo…” he said simply. I turned away from the girl unable to watch the handcuffs being placed around her wrists. _A crime is still a crime, no matter the motive._ That phrase resonated in my head and I wondered what made Kaito special.

“Yeah, we do Inspector Megure, but for now you have to listen to me. This girl needs to be put into protective custody immediately. Snipers and assassins will be targeting her effective immediately. This area needs to be scoured for Kaitou KID or any blood drops. The thief is in a lot of trouble. That gunshot no doubt hit one of his lungs and the blood thinner he’s on will only make him bleed out faster. We need him alive preferably, but even his dead body will do… W-we can’t let the group going after him get away with KID. KID is being targeted by a very dangerous organization.” The officers looked at me and blinked as they were unsure of what to do. Megure groaned and bit his tongue before sighing defeat.

“You heard him! Get a move on it! Protect this girl and escort her on the ambulance! Seal off this area and find KID! We need to get him alive!” They nodded and ran off as Megure ordered them to. Then Megure turned to me and my shoulders fell. “Tell me everything Kudo,” he growled.

“Where do I even begin…” I wondered to myself. “KID is not a criminal… He’s a hero of sorts I guess… with unconventional tactics…” I mumbled as Megure stared me down. “KID steals because he has to… he won’t tell me why, but he has to find a special gem… An organization is trying to get him for reasons that I don’t entirely know… Either to make him help them or to kill him… KID is working to fight against that and them… They’re… they’re the same organization that shrunk me and made me Conan,” I confessed in a hushed voice. Megure’s eyes widened.

“Are you sure Kudo? Then that means…”

“Yes, the people who captured him the first time are back at it again. They want to catch KID and break him… They caught him the first time with that intention, but they failed… KID’s back at it again, trying to foil them… KID has been working relentlessly against them, I would know… I-I…” I took in a deep breath.

“He’s… He’s living with me right now. KID is in a lot of trouble… not just by the organization, but he’s suffering, Inspector… They’re doing things to him that he can’t prevent a-and I’m afraid he’ll actually break or die or even kill himself,” my voice broke. “He hardly tells me anything Inspector… He doesn’t want me or anyone interfering because he’s paranoid of one of us being killed.”

“How do you know we can trust him?” Megure asked me and I met his eyes evenly.

“How can you not? You saw what they did to him… You know what KID has done for us… KID takes care of us… of me… You know he’s saved Conan and other police members multiple times and he’s turned in many criminals along the way… KID is not a bad guy and I will stand by that. Whether you believe me is up to you, but my hunches are usually right.” I narrowed my eyes dangerously. “If that makes me his accomplice then… turn me in. Arrest me right now, but I guarantee that you will not be able to contain me for long and that my loyalty to KID will not waver.” Megure chuckled at this. 

“You’re so determined Kudo. I haven’t seen you like this for a while. I suppose I won’t arrest you because I truly am curious about KID and his motives and why a heinous crime group would be after a phantom thief. Might I also add, I’m happy with how he’s helping you. Your boyfriend is really helpful when it comes to you.” A blush rose to my cheeks and painted my ear tips.

“I-Inspector?! It’s not like that! K-KID doesn’t want a relationship because…” I stopped speaking as Megure eyes implored mine. My face lit up an even brighter red and he coughed awkwardly.

“I… take it you know KID’s real name?” he asked.

“Sort of… I only have a first name… He won’t share anything more with me… I won’t tell you his first name without permission though.” Megure nodded as he accepted what I had said. Then the radio he carried beeped and one of the police officers asked to speak to him.

“Sir we found a lot of blood a couple alleys away, but there’s no sign of KID anywhere. It’s like he disappeared…” Megure clenched his teeth.

“Continue looking. KID can’t have gone far with a wound like that… Unless they found him…” I frowned as I heard that news. What could I do? What should I do? I was practically useless in this situation.

“Kudo,” Megure said addressing me, “Maybe you should turn in early… You seem distressed and I highly doubt you’ll be able to work effectively like this. You might turn reckless… Go home and rest, we’ll keep you updated.” I nodded slowly but didn’t look up from the ground.

“Okay, Inspector. Please tell me everything…” He slapped me on the back, and I winced.

“Lighten up Kudo, we’ll find him and KID’s not going to die. He’s survived getting shot before and he’ll do it again.” I forced a weak smile on my face. _But Inspector that’s not exactly what I’m fearing…_

With that, I walked away as if in a daze. I didn’t want to return home, but what else could I do? Sure, I could try to find Kaito, who I already knew was in the custody of the Black Organization, but even if I found him, I would only make rash decisions.

As I walked into my house, I noticed a small note scrawled out on the kitchen counter:

_‘ **Shinichi** , _

**_I’m sorry_ ** _I left so abruptly. A thing came up at work and it looks like **I** am headed to China for a small business trip. **Don’t** worry about me, okay? I know you’re an anxious person who always think something bad is going to happen, but I’m an adult and I’ll be alright. Instead, please focus on yourself and your cases. Being with a rascal like me all the time can’t be too healthy for you, haha~ I want you to **think** about what you want from our relationship and **I’ll** do the same while I’m gone. We need to figure out what our next steps are. I’ll **be** calling you every night, I promise. I’ll let you know when I’m **coming home** so that we can have a small celebration! Remember, **don’t** worry about me! **Look** Shinichi, I swear I will come back in a couple days and when I’m back I’ll take you out **for** ice cream or something like that—my treat! I better cut this off here before you start crying over **me**. **I** would hate for your pretty face to be all red with tears. I miss you and **Love you** ~_

_-K.K.’_

I crumpled the note up in my hands as I read it. To any normal person, it would seem to be a very poorly written love letter telling how Kaito was going on some business trip. To me, I could pick out the slight increases in pressure as he wrote leaving some words darker.

The real message was: ‘Shinichi I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll be coming home. Don’t look for me. I love you.’ This was a goodbye letter, and I knew that. Kaito knew that whatever was coming upon us both would separate us for a long time, perhaps forever. I didn’t understand anything though; I didn’t know what or why this had happened. Kaito knew everything though and I was always ten steps behind him. I hated it, so all I could do was fall to my knees and cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, this chapter... Poor Kaito and poor Shinichi. They need a vacation :( 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. The reason Shinichi complied with going home instead of running off and blindly looking for Kaito was because a.) he figured Kaito would leave some evidence at his house and b.) he knew deep down that it was already too late, that Kaito had been recaptured. 
> 
> 2\. Megure's not entirely stupid and is slowly unraveling Shinichi's relationship with Kaito. Will he be supportive in the end even though Kaito is KID? Well, we'll see~ 
> 
> 3\. The Black Organization staged all the murders in Beika using their own men. However, for this last case, they hired an outsider to do their dirty work to avoid having one of their members being caught. The victim was also an outsider whose family was taken hostage in exchange for her acting. 
> 
> 4\. Shinichi being "ten steps behind" Kaito won't continue for much longer.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you'd like! The next chapter will be posted on Thursday! Feel free to connect with me here! [linky link](https://hototogisu.tumblr.com/) Take care everyone!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ Here's chapter 28! It's a bit shorter than the previous ones, but that's okay. I started working again and everything happening in the US has me weary. Thus, the end notes for this chapter may come off a bit short or sleepy. In any case, please read and enjoy~
> 
> Chapter warnings: sexual assault, unwanted physical contact, physical assault, blood 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It didn’t take long for Snake to find me in my weakened state, and the last thing I remembered was him taking me roughly and jabbing a needle into my arm. It was the liquid that healed me quickly. I was well accustomed to it by now; they used it on me all the time back with my first stay with the organization. I promptly went limp in Snake’s arms and I knew my nightmares were going to become, once again, a reality.

When I awoke, I was handcuffed to a chair, a familiar experience. I scanned my surroundings till my eyes landed on him in the corner of this small room. The room was dank and not much light fluttered out from the single fluorescent light bulb. I assumed I was in some type of storage area or basement or something of that sort.

Snake approached me and I kept a cool smile. He smiled back in his creepy manner and ran a hand under my chin lifting my face. I was still in my KID suit, but my hat and monocle were missing.

“How do you feel KID?” he sneered.

“I’ve felt better in all honesty, but then again, I can’t complain,” I challenged. Snake met my gaze and the dangerous air it created was palpable.

“Oh really? Would you like us to shoot you again? Can’t have you getting too comfortable KID.” He removed a pistol from his side holster.

“If that’s what you want,” I growled. Snake pressed the gun against my shoulder, but it didn’t faze me as our deadly stare down continued. “What’s another bullet wound to me anyways?” I asked cocking my head.

With that, Snake lowered his gun and stepped back allowing Talon to come forward. He grabbed both sides of my face and forced his lips against mine. I struggled in my bindings and quickly wrenched my head away.

“Don’t touch me!” I spat out angrily, but Talon merely grinned as if he was pleased with his actions. “Y-you’re fucking sick!” I snarled, trying to suppress the blush rising to my cheeks. He laughed.

“You’re so cute KID, adorable. I love you,” he purred out. A shudder ran through my body and I fought the nausea and fear brimming in my stomach.

“Love? I highly doubt you know the meaning of that word,” I scoffed. Snake merely watched our exchange.

“I highly doubt you know the meaning of the word too KID. If I recall, you lost your father at a young age and your mother was never at home. You lie to everyone around you and can’t form lasting relationships. If anyone doesn’t know love, it’s you. You are unloved KID. Nobody cares for a dishonest thief. That’s why we’d be perfect together. I kill people, you deceive people. Arguably we’re both murderers.” My eyes flashed to him in shock; I’d fallen for his bait. 

“Oh, don’t even deny it KID. Don’t deny that you haven’t hurt Nakamori chan or Inspector Nakamori, or Koizumi chan or even Hakuba kun… They cared about you, KID, but you cut them out. You’re never honest with them and they’ve moved on without you. The world will forget about you… Even your dearest Kudo kun.” At the mention of Shinichi’s name, I writhed in my restraints, but had to settle with giving him a harsh glare.

He gleamed at this and frisked through my jackets pockets before pulling out the disposable cell phone. “You’ll only hurt him in the end, like you’ve done everyone else,” he jeered.

I hung my head not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting to be assaulted by his words, but he roughly grabbed my chin and forced me to look up. “Giving up already? But the fun is just beginning~ How about we send your detective a proof of life picture? Wouldn’t he enjoy that?” Talon stepped back into line behind Snake, who stepped forward and lifted me by my hair.

I whimpered as several strands of hair were ripped out, but I cursed the sound. He gave me a predatory grin and I struggled to keep a strong face as I dangled by my hair.

“I think I’ll give you the welcome treatment first and then we’ll see how your detective responds.” The next thing I knew, a fist collided with my temple and my head lulled for a second as I tried to gain my bearings. He then grabbed me by the throat until I was purple and struggled with garbled words and desperate squirms.

He released my throat and I gasped for air so hard it hurt. His assault continued without reprieve until I didn’t know up from down and saw nothing but stars. I vaguely remembered my mouth tasting metallic, but I couldn’t pinpoint which injury filled my mouth with blood before I passed out. I did recall the sound of a click and a small flash before I lost all consciousness though. I knew that Snake had sent Shinichi his first of many graphic pictures.

* * *

I remember distinctly how it all began. It was the first day Kaito had disappeared and it was now late at night. I couldn’t sleep, but I was barred from work. I was in my library on what Megure called ‘spouse leave’, though a better term probably existed for it. A sort of grief had overtaken me; I was Kaito-less. I felt as though a big part of my life had suddenly been stripped away without my wanting or consenting of it… and I had watched. I had watched as my Kaito was shot down and disappeared with the clearing of smoke. I had no clue where he was and that note he left me offered no sense of consolation. Kaito knew he was going to leave me again and he didn’t say a word to me, he just let it happen. Was that really justice for him or me?

My phone laid on the table by the chair I was lounging in. I was wearing a blanket around me and I had a cup of poorly made coffee in my hands. Suddenly, my phone chimed, and I lazily grabbed it to just see who the contact was. It was no one I recognized, but then the phone chimed again from the same contact. This time I had received a picture. I unlocked my phone and opened the message. The picture was still loading so all I initially saw was the text:

_‘Hey Tantei kun~ How are you doing? Hope everything’s okay with you. Everything’s just fine with me, just look~’_

_This text… Only Kaito calls me Tantei kun… Could…?_ Then the picture finally loaded, and I choked on my breath. It was Kaito in his KID suit covered in drying blood. Blood trailed down his face from a deep cut on his forehead and his lip was totally busted. His eyes had that glazed look in them telling me he was fading fast.

I tried to swallow, but I couldn’t. I tried to find the thoughts, the words, but I couldn’t. My brain was frozen, stuck on that image. _You’re just fine… Liar…_ That was the only thing that crossed my mind in that moment, and I laughed piteously. I couldn’t think of whether he was okay or how I was going to save him. No, my mind took the selfish route.

_‘Who are you?’_ was all I could type out before setting the phone down again.

_‘Tantei kun :c_ ’ was the response I received. Then another picture arrived, this time Kaito was unconscious and his head lulled pathetically to the side. _The Black Organization…_

_‘I know you’re a member of the Black Organization. Stop it. Release KID now.’_ My commands were weak considering I was asking this through the safety of a cellphone, but it was my only form of threat. 

_‘You really are a great detective Shinichi. I can see why the thief is so obsessed with you, but I’m afraid he’s mine now and I will break him. If you attempt anything, I will tell KID and we both know how that will end. He’ll take your punishment for you as he usually does.’_ I clenched my teeth and didn’t respond. How could I? They had Kaito and I right where they wanted us. They could manipulate either of us now.

_‘I don’t want anything to do with you Shinichi. In fact, stay out of the business I have with KID and I will leave you and everyone you care about alone. KID asked me for one favor, and I decided to indulge him. I won’t bother you as long as you leave me alone. However, nowhere did KID say I couldn’t send you pictures of your favorite thief. Feel free to be a passive onlooker. Just watch as everything comes crashing down Shinichi.’_

I gripped my phone so tightly that it shook in my hands. _Think Shinichi, think!_ My teeth grinded against each other, what could I do? Kaito was playing me too, he made sure I was safe and then cut me out. I was trapped!

_‘You won’t break KID, he’s stronger than that,’_ I shot back with narrowed eyes. I had to wait a bit for the next text.

_‘Oh? And how are you so sure? We both know KID is unstable and could break with a small push in the right direction. Being deceptive and abused… Makes a person think they have no one left to turn to. KID is stuck at that point and he’ll never escape. The darkness is already swallowing him. He’s writhing in pain as he fights the imminent death and rebirth of himself and I’m savoring every moment of it.’_

I narrowed my eyes. _KID’s not hopeless… He has me and his fans and Ran and the Tokyo PD. He’s not alone… He may feel alone, but I’ll show him the truth._

_‘Oh, and Shinichi, do not text this number unless I message you first. If you do, I’ll take it out on your precious thief.’_ I bit my lip and let the conversation die. There was nothing left to say and my thoughts screamed at me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I bet Kaito wishes he'd placed a fake number in that cell phone. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi is definitely the type to have a teeth grinding problem. Kaito would compulsively crack his fingers. I think both of them would fiddle with their clothes. 
> 
> 2\. Why doesn't the Black Organization want anything to do with Shinichi? Well, for starters, they believe Shinichi is a lot more connected to the world than Kaito so it would be a lot more bothersome to remove him or try to convert him to their side. And, to an extent, they're not wrong. They stole Kaito as KID while he was a college student. College students tend to have some of the most fragile support networks. Shinichi has a career, no longer has a secret identity, and is surrounded by law enforcement for a living. He's not an easy target. Also, having both Kaito and Shinichi in their possession spells trouble; they're dangerous when they're together. 
> 
> 3\. On that note, having them separate with conditions is an excellent way to keep Shinichi at bay. If he was younger and immature, he probably would've rushed in to save Kaito. However, after his time as Conan, he's a lot more cautious. 
> 
> Thank you for reading~! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you'd like :) Next chapter release will be on Saturday! Connect with me [here!](https://hototogisu.tumblr.com/) Stay safe everyone and see you next chapter~  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 29! We're almost at chapter 30, wow~ This chapter contains some disturbing content, so please take care of yourselves. If you'd like help finding support resources, I'd gladly help. Otherwise, please enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Chapter warnings: rape, sexual assault, unwanted physical contact, blood, body fluids
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke sometime later. I had lost my KID jacket and my face had been cleaned. My stomach growled dully, but I ignored the urge and settled with thoroughly examining the room I was in for any weaknesses. I noted a small security camera in the corner.

I laughed to myself in an almost hysterical manner. Even though I’d promised myself I’d never wind up in their arms, but here I was again, stuck in their hands. I was back to being a toy. _This really is where I belong, yeah?_

“What are you laughing at KID?” I cocked my head to meet Talon’s eyes shining in the dark.

“Good morning or evening or night! I’m not really sure what time it is…” I hummed out in fake cheer. Talon seemed to like my play because he approached me.

“It’s late, KID, late at night. So perhaps we could indulge in the cover of the night,” he seemed to purr out. I knew what he was implying, so I carefully wiped everything from my face and kept a neutral expression, though my heart painfully thudded in my chest. Talon tilted my head back to get a better look at me before dipping himself into stealing a kiss. I squirmed, but he held me firmly in place. I knew not to bite his prodding tongue and to not whine when he bit me. Instead, I waited until we parted before glaring harshly. He smirked and took me again deepening the kiss and intensifying the tension between us.

“You’re not going to kiss back, Kaito?” he panted meeting my glare. 

“No, I don’t usually indulge in things like this,” I spat out. “I’m only acting under your order."

“Then what if I order you to act like you enjoy it?” he asked smugly. My face went white and I swallowed painfully. I'd walked myself into a trap and I'd pay the consequences. 

“Then be a good boy Kaito and go with whatever I do to you,” he said before roughly ripping open my dress shirt. A blush covered my face as he admired me with a carnal look in his eyes. There isn’t much left to say. I was raped until he was satisfied, and I was left to sniffle feebly. Those two seem to go hand and hand. At least I wasn’t in that chair anymore. No, now I was on the ground, the disgustingly cold and wet ground, the ground that would soon become a home to me and covered in all sorts of bodily fluids. _Ah…_

I wondered if he was satisfied with the picture he took and sent to Shinichi. If I knew he was going to be doing this, I probably would have put a fake number into the phone and let all the blame be taken out on me. It must have been torturous for Shinichi to receive these pictures.

I had vomited up the cum he made me swallow and it trailed from my lips to pooling under my cheek. It was revolting, but I didn’t have it in me to move yet. Perhaps I deserved this position.

A bitter taste filled my mouth again and I resisted the urge to vomit again. All I could imagine was the foul taste mixed with a metallic one. My throat hurt and I knew speaking would be futile. Talon was a lot rougher than the other men who took out their desires and were then spent. Talon took his desires out and reveled in making me suffer. _God, I'm so_ _pathetic…_

Someone came in later to clean me up. She gave me an almost sympathetic smile as she wiped up the mess he had made of me. She tried to mutter comforting words, but I ignored them all. I just wanted to disappear and forget the experience. A hand ran through my hair and I flinched back quickly. I finally looked at her closely. She seemed familiar with green eyes that seemed almost too kind. They were eyes I recognized, but I wasn’t sure from where.

“KID san…” she mumbled out. “I’m sorry that you’re stuck here again. I’m sorry that they’re doing this to you again,” she whispered out.

“Who are you?” my voice scratched out painfully.

“I’m not surprised you don’t remember me, I’m not anyone important to you… I took care of you last time as well as—” I continued to study her curious features. She was a very pretty lady; I could tell that. She seemed to be rich and well off. I wondered what her connection to the Organization was.

“Ueda Kaori,” I responded, and she looked surprised momentarily before her lips formed an almost Cheshire-like grin.

“So, you do remember me KID?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’d never be able to forget those eyes,” I responded narrowing my eyes at her. “I can hardly believe that such a pretty face as yourself is working for the Organization, though I shouldn’t be surprised by anything anymore.” She laughed at that.

“We’re not all that bad KID,” she replied. “The 'Organization', as you put it, is full of decent people too. We just want change and peace for all of Japan. The Organization will bring that KID.” Anger flashed through me, but I subdued it from becoming apparent on my face.

“How can you say that Kaori?” I asked with an exasperated tone. “How does killing people and lying and stealing change anything or even bring peace?!” I seethed.

“Collateral loss for a bigger vision… Our actions are getting results.” I rolled my eyes. “We’re run by the government you know. The new prime minister funds and supports us. He wants the change we want. The police commissioner of Japan is on our side. That party we attended was partially for the elite who support our cause. KID join us! You’d fit in here more than you think. You’d be a helpful asset to us. You’re smart, agile, and you have a mind fit to help others. We admire your traits.”

“Then why send the snipers and murder my father?! It sends a better message if you don’t kill my family and torture me!” I spat out.

“I understand KID… Perhaps the methods taken were a bit harsh but try to see things from our point of view. Your father, the first KID, fought against us vehemently in more ways than one. He didn’t just try to find Pandora… he interfered with us and regularly stole information from our Organization. We had to kill him… We were afraid another asset would become like Kuroba Toichi, so the Animal unit was assigned to first assure that Kuroba Toichi was dead and to make sure that you turned out nothing like him. Is it all beginning to make sense Kaito chan?” She moved a hand under my chin, and I was forced to meet her calculating, forest eyes. 

“You’ll never break me Kaori. I don’t care how hard you try; you’ll have to kill me. I can’t be defeated.”

“That fake confidence of yours is attractive. Keep it up. I like someone who fights. It makes it more interesting when I win.” Realization furrowed my brows.

“I never would have guessed it’d be someone like you Kaori,” I growled.

“Oh? I’m not quite sure I know what you mean KID,” she shot back deflecting my accusation.

“I thought the mastermind for the Organization would be someone more… well I’m not really sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t you. It’s good to finally meet you though. It fuels my rage and fight.” She smiled with her pretty mouth.

“Of course I’m the mastermind, KID! Don’t be silly~” she teased me. “It’s why we’re drawn to each other. We’re both mysterious and powerful. Complete opposites though. We’re practically perfect for each other. You know I wouldn’t mind if you became my suitor. We could stop the torture sessions KID.” I snorted and offered a smirk.

“You wouldn’t marry for love Kaori—”

“I’d marry for power,” she finished. “See? We already understand each other.” She pressed her luscious lips against mine and I let her finish the kiss as she pleased. She smiled and nodded her head to me slightly, breaking away.

“I’ll see you later KID,” she promised. I watched her disappear and placed a finger to my tingling lips, feeling them. She was very attractive, but her personality was terrible. She was demanding and aggressive and her first impression was all wrong. Somehow, though, I knew she would be the reason I would survive my stay here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was one of those days where I woke up at 2pm and was genuinely surprised that it was that late. I'd wanted to run some errands today, but sleeping got the best of me, oops~ This chapter was a bit short too, but the next will be much longer and full of important information! So, stay tuned!
> 
> I told you that Kaori would come back as an important character~ 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Yep, Kaori is the leader of my rendition of the Black Organization. Renya Karasuma is hella cool and all, but he wouldn't fit as the leader in my story. I won't give much of her backstory now, as it will be revealed with time, but I think she fits the role. She's quite charming and very beautiful, but she's greedy and manipulative. The Organization wasn't originally hers, but she fulfills her role well enough. 
> 
> 2\. You may have noticed that I don't flesh out sexually violent scenes as much as I could. This is an intentional choice. I don't want this story to be a torture fic and I want to turn more of the focus on the character's internal thoughts and feelings as well as aspects of the story that involve growth and healing. 
> 
> 3\. Kaori fits as a good foil for Kaito. You'll see as the story progresses that they're quite similar, but very different. I quite enjoy having characters reflect and bounce of each other. In this story, Shinichi and Kaito are the dynamic duo, Kaito and Kaori are foils, and Shinichi and Ran are the older sister younger brother pair. There are other pairs to reveal, but they'll be covered later in the story.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to comment or leave a kudos if you'd like~ The next chapter will be posted on Monday! Feel free to connect with me on [tumblr](https://hototogisu.tumblr.com/) and [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/hototogisu_cuckoo/)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo~! Chapter 30!! We've hit another milestone! Thanks for sticking with me so far~ I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope that y'all enjoy it as well! 
> 
> Chapter warnings: rape (mention), vomit (mention), blood (mention), torture, ketamine (mention)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It had only been… two days since Kaito was taken from me, but I couldn’t take it anymore. The pictures were killing me! Kaito was raped earlier and I received the aftermath. He must have been in so much pain, but his expression settled for a blank, defeated look. His cheek rested in his own vomit and his body was covered in red marks and small trails of blood, saliva, sweat, semen… His eyes were hazy and glassed over in pain or shock or just pure numbness. He looked so dead. I vomited into my hands as soon as I saw that picture. It was just too much for me to handle. It was disgusting what they were doing to my Kaito.

I wanted to tell Megure everything, but I knew this was for my eyes only. This left me guilty though. How was I to find Kaito? I couldn’t save him the first time or the second time… I was a bringer of misfortune; I didn’t have the luck needed to just find Kaito.

While moping my lame existence, I fetched the mail and to my utter surprise, I found something from Kaito. It was a letter signed ‘K.K.’ and I wondered if that was from his real name or from ‘Kaitou KID’. I walked inside as if in a daze before sinking into the couch with the weighty letter in hand.

I opened the letter very carefully, still in disbelief at receiving this letter. Fear filled me as I removed two envelopes and a single sheet of printer paper from the letter. The printer paper read:

_‘Shinichi,_

_I’m so sorry that you’re receiving this letter. I guess it means I didn’t escape the Organization or I’m dead. I’m sorry for that. This letter will serve to help you with the blanks I left you out of cowardice and a need-to-remain-silent basis._

_First of all, I suppose I owe you some information on what happened to me. The serial rapist and murder case was meant for me. The Black Organization attacked women and men who had features similar to yours to coax me out of my hiding. I figured this out early and was forced to remain silent so that you would not become a target too. I did research on the side and eventually found their ‘next target’. This girl is not actually a target; she is my bait. She is being forced to act as a victim or her family will be killed. I know she is not a bad person, but she got tangled up with the wrong people. I know she will mislead and betray me, but I can’t be mad. I want you to take care of her and make sure that her family is safe too. She is not a bad person._

_Given that you received this letter, I was probably shot or something like that and the Black Organization has me in their possession. Don’t worry for me, I will be fine, or I won’t. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m not scared. As long as you’re safe, I will be fine. Speaking of you, they will have your phone number. I had to keep it in a phone at their request. I’m sorry for invading your privacy like that. They’ll probably find ways to annoy or hurt you emotionally. Snake promised not to touch you or anyone I know physically in any manner. I want you all safe._

_I don’t know how long I’ll be gone or if I’ll return the same again. I don’t want you to wait for me if you can’t. I’ll understand. Don’t hold back in your life if it’s just for me. I might be dead, I don’t know. I just want you to be happy. I love you Shinichi and I always will love you. I want you to take care and live well. If I come back and you’re underweight, I will personally make you eat three meals a day with a generous dessert portion._

_Now onto why there are two envelopes. One is for if I was captured and the other is if you found my dead body. I’ll save the explaining to the contents in those envelopes. Please do not open one if I do not meet the criteria for it. It’s complicated… I’ll leave the rest to you my great detective and please take care. You will never understand how sorry I am to do this to you again, but I must do this._

_Love,_

_Kaito’_

I frowned as I finished reading the letter and my eyes fell upon the other two envelopes. They both looked worn and I wondered if Kaito had had these letters in his possession for a while now. The two letters were labeled accordingly with ‘Dead’ and ‘Captured’. The brutal honesty was a bit painful to read.

I cautiously set the ‘Dead’ one aside despite my burning curiosity, and instead opened up the ‘Captured’ one. The letter inside was long and full of Kaito’s meticulous handwriting. I could tell at some places he had pushed down harder than usual or even bled the ink through the page. The letter also came with a set of directions for who knows what. I began reading the letter:

_‘Kudo san,_

_I don’t know what right I have to give this to you. I don’t know what makes me feel like I should burden you with anything regarding me—a lowly thief. I suppose you already know who this letter is from. I don’t want people to know openly so I guess I’ll give you my name. It’s Kaito, just Kaito. Perhaps I’m just assuming things, but you are being pursued by the Black Organization, right? You know who and what they are, hmm? If not, I’ll properly explain._

_The Black Organization is a ~~criminal~~ government organization that will do anything to turn this country of Japan into their ideal country. They have infiltrated the government system, the police system, and the education system. I don’t know how much the prime minister knows about this, but I assume he’s either blind to it or a secret supporter. I know they support a lot of research into creating superior humans and they use animals and humans as unlawful test subjects. (All the evidence you need is enclosed). I’d like to add that my first stay with them consisted of drug tests and other lab tests. I suppose I should mention how I’m connected to them too…_

_The Black Organization has been hunting me for years with snipers during my nighttime excursions… You know what I mean. They’ve been hunting the same thing I’ve been hunting, and they think I’m a problem or nuisance and want to end me. I suppose that I’ve been captured again, and I have no clue as to what they’ll do to me this time. I just know that death would probably be a relief.’_

At this point the ink looked fresher as if Kaito had picked up writing again at a different time:

_‘I know this is a lot to ask of you Shinichi, but if I ever waver… If I’m on their side for whatever reason, please don’t hesitate to kill me. I don’t want to hurt anyone, so please end me before I do._

_I have enclosed the directions to find everything you need to know about the Black Organization and how I’m tied into the mix. Please be careful Shinichi, I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything about the rapist/murder case. I couldn’t, I was sworn to secrecy… They really have me wrapped around their finger you see… If I don’t play my cards well, I’ll become their personal slave. Please understand this Shinichi. It may look like I’m just a prisoner with no control over my situation, but I personally chose this. It’s easier to be trapped by them than to be hunted with you constantly around me. I want you of all people safe. They’ll probably send you pictures of me, but don’t be unnerved. That’s what they want. They want you to act up, so they have all the permission in the world to take you out. Behave yourself and take care. I will escape or I will fail. Wish me luck, I guess… On second thought… your luck is always bad so don’t do that. Heh… just kidding~_

_I really hope I’ll see you again Shinichi, but if you confirm that I have died, well… that’s the other letter. I guess I should be happy, if you’re reading this one then I’m alive. Though I don’t feel that happy right now, just a bit uneasy. There’s only a few more hours until I have to go take care of this murder/rapist case… Honestly, I’m perturbed and a bit anxious. I didn’t properly say goodbye to you this morning and that unnerves me. What if I die? I never said goodbye and now I’m just going to disappear on you. I prefer that though, over you seeing me give up and go with them willingly… I don’t want you to see how weak I am… how much power they have over me… Keep that image of me in your mind Shinichi… the one where we first met as Conan and KID. Don’t think of the ‘me’ that the Black Organization made._

_I’ll probably get shot today or maybe beaten up… I hate getting shot, it really hurts, you know? I suppose you know that though, ‘Mr. I Run Towards Guns Cuz I Love Pain’. I just hate the uncertainty of death. Kill me or let me live, don’t leave me in this limbo state of an impossible recovery. Heh… I guess I’m sorta rambling now… Sorry, sorry…_

_Shinichi, I’m scared, I’m really scared. I’m scared I’ll die; I’m scared I won’t. I don’t know why but I’m crying… I’m so terrified and I don’t want to leave you. I want to be with you forever, but I suppose that can’t be… I’m scared you’ll forget about me or that you’ll find another. I’m scared one day I’ll come back and someone will have my spot beside you. God dammit Shinichi! I love you!’_

Tears fell from my eyes as I read his letter. The letter had tear stains and now I was crumpling it as I held it too tight. _Kaito I’d never leave you! You know that! I love you too… Don’t be scared and come back to me!_

_‘I know I’m not the best lover. I have issues with physical contact, and I assure you that they are only getting worse… I never mean to hurt you, but I always do so unintentionally, and I hate myself for doing so, but I promise I will love you and never stop loving and falling in love with you. I’m not perfect and I’m not as strong as everyone seems to think. I too can die and cry and bleed and hate… I can’t promise I’ll keep you safe and my night job isn’t ideal. I’m a prankster at best and I sort of dropped out of college, but I will love you and I will offer whatever is left of me to you. I’ll love you with all my heart and I will never stop watching over you. Move on Shinichi, if that’s what you want, but I will always protect you even from afar. I love you and you are my courage, the reason I’m steeling myself for this encounter. The reason I will survive and the reason I will one day come home. You’re the reason I can still fight and the reason I will never give up. Always stay my light Shinichi, give me my drive and courage and I will fight until I can one-day rest beside you worry free._

_With Love Always,_

_Kaito K.’_

I tried to wipe away the tears that came to my eyes away quickly, but I could barely manage to do so without provoking more tears.

“Since when did you become the emotional type, Shinichi?” I scolded myself as a small, fake smile made its way to my face.

I took the instructions and followed them throughout my house until I made it to the library. Then I walked to the ‘farthest corner to the left by the mahogany table where the rug ends’ and pushed up the rug a bit. Sure enough, I could see that someone—Kaito—had cut into my carpet and sewn it back together to hide something. I retrieved a box cutter and sliced through the stitching carefully. I pulled the carpet apart with slight irritation that Kaito had defiled my house and apparently hid things all throughout it without my knowledge or permission. I fished my hand around under the carpet until I felt a small bump and I pulled it out.

It was a flash drive. I then had to defile a book, by tearing into the cover to retrieve the password required to use the flash drive. Those instructions were heavily guarded with code of which I spent an hour decoding. Kaito was going to great extents to protect this information, which, of course, filled me with a morbid curiosity. Though, caution and reservation also pooled in my stomach as I knew whatever he showed me would not be pleasant.

By the time I had finally sat down with my laptop, the sun was already sinking beneath the horizon and my nerves were shot. I had yet to receive another picture of Kaito and, in a sick way, I relied on that to know that he was still alive.

I loaded the flash drive and pulled the information up. A password box popped up and I typed in the password Kaito provided for me: Pandora. The password for the information was the name of the cursed object that made Kaito KID, a cursed shiny stone that Kaito would die to have and destroy… Honestly, I had no idea why Pandora was so desirable that many people had died for its existence.

I began reading the information with my eyes scanning over each line. It was about Kaito and KID. They had so much information on him, all his abilities, allergies, his family, his friends, his grades, detailed information on all his heists. It was scary to have this much information on just Kaito. Though I noticed that the information had been edited by Kaito. His parents weren’t mentioned, and his last name wasn’t provided. Kaito still didn’t trust me with everything.

I scrolled through the information and noticed a subfolder called ‘Lab Results’ and one labeled ‘Flightless’. I clicked on ‘Lab Results’ first and I saw exactly what I expected. There were some pictures and videos of how Kaito reacted to many of their drugs and poisons. There were explanations of what each drug did and what the side effects were.

One particular drug made me extremely angry. It was derived from the chemical Ketamine and was apparently used to induce memory loss and hallucinations. This drug would be typically used as an anesthetic, but they used it to induce a trance like state and cause hallucinations. They called it the ‘easy rape’ drug. Apparently, in low doses, it made Kaito impaired enough to not fight back and helped them rape him. In higher doses, Kaito hallucinated, so they would tie him to a chair. Memory loss only made it worse as Ketamine mostly affected short term memory. So Kaito would know that they had harmed him, but he wouldn’t have a recollection of what had fully happened, and the hallucinations only let his mind imagine what happened. It must have been horrible to not completely know what happened. No wonder towards the end of his first stay he looked so broken. If Kaito hadn’t have left when he did, they would have without a doubt broken and shattered him into a husk of what he used to be.

As I continued reading about Ketamine, I began looking at the other complications of the drug. Apparently, it was the main cause of Kaito’s heart problems, his irregular heartbeat. Anger bubbled in me. Not only had this drug been used to hurt him, but in the end, it left more than lasting mental scars.

I continued reading the rest of the drugs and toxins tested on him… It was horrible. Kaito went through acid, gas, pills, syringes, IVs and so many other ways of having the chemicals administered to him. They would test how much pain he could take before he passed out, how much electricity he could handle without fainting, how long he could hold his breath before almost drowning… They tested his physical and mental abilities with rigorous tests. He had experimental drugs used on him that they would use after inflicting the disease or condition in him. If the disease or condition proved to be too much and Kaito was on the verge of dying, they would inject this green liquid into him which would induce cell regeneration. I hadn’t a clue about the chemical makeup, but Haibara would probably know something about it. I would take this information to her later.

After studying all these tests on Kaito, I went back and clicked on the file called ‘Flightless’. I thought the name was a bit odd, but it all made sense when I clicked on it. The first thing to load were the pictures, all of them. There was so much blood, vomit, semen, pain…

‘Flightless’ referred to the plots and plans to break Kaito using any means possible. Apparently, the best plans were to water board him and rape him. Hallucinations were equally as good as they completely unnerved and unmasked Kaito. Making him go without sleep and food was effective as it made him desperate and more honest. Physical beatings did not work well as Kaito only smiled his way through and egged his aggressors on. Apparently emotional torture was very effective as it made Kaito subdued and weak. There were incidences were Kaito would be finished with emotional torture and he would vomit or collapse sobbing. According to this information, Kaito once attempted suicide after a session of emotional abuse and almost succeeded.

I gulped as I continued reading. It was so messed up what they did to him and anger boiled in me as I bit my lip. They purposely made sure he never knew the time of day or year to throw him off. They would let him escape at first just to electrocute him. They wanted his hopes to be shattered. They would rip off nails and break fingers and his wrists. They once dipped his hands in acid to see how he would react. Apparently, it was one of the most successful tests they had as Kaito lost his voice as he screamed. Apparently, it also proved the effectiveness of the green drug as his hands regenerated. As they put it, ‘KID has a fear of anything happening to his hands, which are his most important assets as a magician and thief,’. They would blind him too and overstimulate his nerves so he would have a breakdown.

Kaito was nothing more than their sick plaything. I felt sick to my stomach as I saw things that no human should view. It was almost like seeing all of my most brutal murder cases strung together and inflicted upon one person. Kaito should be dead and now I understand his rambling on hating the uncertainty of barely surviving. _You should be dead, death would be a blessing to you, no?_ I prayed they wouldn’t be so violent this time or Kaito would soon escape.

When I finally reached the bottom of the page, I saw a note added by Kaito:

_‘Sorry Shinichi, I’m sorry you had to see this. This is the truth we have both been needing to see though. I’m kinda of glad I know exactly what happened to me. You know my memories were a little blurry on what happened. Now, I’m sure of what they did. Do what you want with this information Shinichi but be careful of who you share it with. Some people may not be as safe as you think. I hope this hasn’t set you off too much and please be rational, no thoughtless actions! You have a brain, use it!’_

_I’m not planning anything dumb you, thief! You don’t have to worry about me…_ I knew why Kaito gave me this information. It was in case he really did die, and he needed someone he could trust this information—or rather legacy—to. Kaito knew if he died it would not be incomplete vain. I knew he didn’t want me to hunt Pandora like he did, but he wanted the Black Organization to be taken out and who better to trust this to than someone who’s already had bad encounters with them. It was flattering that he would do this and trust me with this.

Of course, I would start digging into this information myself now. It would be interesting to finally be in step with Kaito and not at least ten steps behind. Kaito encountered the Black Organization a whole year before I did. Granted, he had a whole bank of knowledge which I just now finally had at my fingertips.

If only Kaito was here with me, then we’d both be ready to knock the Black Organization out. Him with his skills at athleticism and planning… me with my connections to the FBI and my deduction skills… both of our intelligence… We could stage a heist at their headquarters and take—instead of a jewel—their boss. We would just need to be prime.

Kaito was kind enough to leave a secondary file filled with just information on the Organization, from where they operated to a number of their members and other connections. With the gears turning in my head, I was making quite a few deductions. I needed some secondary advice and I shut off my computer and took the USB.

I grabbed a cold cup of coffee and quickly downed it. It was about time I paid the Doctor and Haibara a visit. Kaito and I didn’t visit them often. Kaito saw them once as KID to formally thank them, but he and Haibara didn’t get along well. I wasn’t really sure why, but it was probably a trust issue. Haibara had worked for the Organization and Kaito was an international thief. I only visited them when I had the time and with Kaito here, it has been a rollercoaster of work and Kaito. I’d just been too tired or busy to see them. They deserved an update though and I needed them both.

I walked to the doctor’s front door and I knocked softly and a bit tensely. After waiting a few moments and noticing that the blinds had been pulled back slightly, Haibara opened the door.

“Shinichi? What do you want?” she asked in her usual voice which I knew masked her surprise in my appearance.

“I came to see the doctor and you. May I come in? I have something you two might want to see.” She narrowed her eyes but nodded and stepped aside letting me in. I removed my shoes and took one of their guest slippers.

“Follow me, I’ll show you where the doctor is,” she said quietly. I mumbled a small thank you and followed her to Agasa’s work room. The doctor was busy at work looking over some probably outrageous blueprints. I smiled fondly at that.

“Agasa Hakase,” Haibara called out, “Shinichi’s here to see you!” The doctor removed his reading glasses and looked up at me.

“Shinichi!” he cried out happily. “We haven’t seen you in forever! How have you been?” I smiled softly.

“So-so, I suppose. Every day brings its own challenges,” I answered truthfully. “What about you too? I’m sorry I never drop by anymore.”

“We’ve been fine here, right Ai? It’s been a little quiet since we don’t have a ‘Conan’ anymore, but that’s okay. And don’t worry about it, Shinichi, we know you have your own life now.”

The doctor walked up to me. “You’ve grown taller, hmm Shinichi? I know I was never your parents or anything… but I can’t not say that I’m not proud of how you’ve grown up. How’s work been?” I smiled a familiar smile.

“It’s been busy, but mostly due to having KID with me… I can’t really let him go…” They both eyed me suspiciously and I assumed that some emotion had been betrayed by my face.

“What did the KID do?” Haibara asked narrowing her eyes. I took a step back at her ferocious glare.

“Nothing… KID’s actually been the best thing to happen to me in a long time, except… except… KID’s in trouble again,” I admitted. “They have him… the organization.” Agasa and Haibara flinched, but they shared a knowing look. I looked at them both and sighed pathetically. “He already told you about this, right?” Haibara was the one to speak.

“Yes, actually… KID actually visited us often while you were at work and whatnot. He often helped Agasa Hakase with his inventions and offered him advice. He gave me more intel about the organization too… and helped with information I needed… In return, KID asked of us a single favor…” she cut off there and looked at Agasa expectantly. I waited patiently as Agasa picked where Haibara left off.

“KID asked us to take care of you if and when he dies,” Agasa murmured softly with his eyes on the floor. “He explained to us that he was in a very tight situation with some very dangerous people and in order to keep everyone safe, he would have to obey them to an extent… which means KID would go with them and willing undergo torture and perhaps even risk losing his identity to keep the people he cares about safe. He told us this and we deduced he was going against the organization—or rather Haibara figured that out. KID told us he feared you’d do something stupid if you learned what happened to him, so he asked us to watch out for you. KID is protecting us and you and many other people from them… We owe him greatly for that… So that’s why…” Agasa took a deep breath, “Ai and I won’t let you try to save him in any way.”

I looked at him and then directed my gaze back to Haibara. _So, you did cross me again Kaito… Can’t you trust me with anything without waiting until you’re captured by them? Trusting Haibara and the doctor before me… That hurts you know! Do you really think I’m that reckless? I can fend for myself too..._ I began laughing softly, but those laughs morphed into full blown cackles and they looked at me piteously. 

“Would you like to sit down, Shinichi?” Haibara asked me. I raised my hand to silence her though.

“I-it’s just so damn funny…” I stopped to catch my breath. “It’s just so damn funny that KID would do this to me! Why the hell didn’t he tell me anything?!” I raged. “And why the hell did he trust you two over me?! Ai, I thought you hated KID! And Hakase, I thought you would at least tell me!” They looked away and down. They were guilty. “Why can’t anyone tell me anything?! What’s it to me if people are out for my head?!”

“What’s it to KID if people are out for your head?” Haibara countered back.

“It’s the same difference Haibara!” I argued pathetically. “You’re all being unreasonable!”

“You’re the unreasonable one Shinichi. KID’s sacrifice should be something you honor. KID is protecting all of us. Something that you cannot do. Be grateful. KID has the best chance of taking them down and we best remain here unaware so to not disturb him. KID knows what he’s doing,” Haibara responded. Her words hit me like a bucket of ice. I knew her words had merit, but my heart hurt.

“How can you say that? You know what they’re doing to him! He’s being tortured and killed slowly! The things they’ve done to him… How can you be so heartless?” They shifted uncomfortably at my outburst. “No… don’t answer that… I don’t need your answer! I don’t need some dumb reasoning as to how one life is nothing compared to many. Every life matters to me and I won’t have KID throwing his life away for his dumb ideal of ‘nobody gets hurt except me’. KID means something to me and he’s an idiot to think I’d give up on him and you’re all fools to think you can deter me from him!” I flashed them both a dangerous glare.

“It’s just as KID said, Doctor… Sometimes I wonder who the real detective is here…” Agasa nodded as well and I stared dumbfounded. 

“What?” was my very intelligent response. Haibara smirked.

“I guess we’ll have to tell him Doctor. KID was right and we can’t keep this from him.” Agasa nodded and continued.

“That wasn’t all KID told us, Shinichi,” Agasa responded. I cocked my head. “KID said he knew you’d be persistent and wouldn’t let him go until he was proven dead AND the people after him were put behind bars. KID explained your complicated relationship with him as well.” I couldn’t help but blush slightly. “KID said you would bring us some information that would be helpful to all of us, and in return, we would give you a message from KID.” I nodded, honestly both peeved and surprised. They had all played me and played me well.

“Damn you guys…” I muttered. They smiled—well Haibara gave this smirk that somehow resembled a smile. “I do have some information pertaining to the organization and KID.” Haibara’s eyes narrowed and she grabbed her laptop as I pulled out a USB. I plugged the flash drive into the port and opened the file on the organization.

“You never told me the organization was run by the government Haibara,” I growled. She hummed. 

“I didn’t even know that. The Organization is very careful on who knows what. This is a whole bank of knowledge that I didn’t even have. Remember, I was only a slave scientist, they only had me working for them. KID has provided us with a lot of knowledge that I didn’t even know. She took her laptop back and began scrolling through the information, digesting it. “Damn… I didn’t even realize their extent of influence…” 

“What’s the other file Shinichi?” Agasa asked me.

“It’s the one they have on KID… B-be careful when you open it… and this one has a password lock too, so let me see it first.” I opened the second file, which looked so innocent at first. I knew that was deceiving though, and I watched the doctor’s and Haibara’s facial cues as they looked through the information.

“S-Shinichi…” Agasa said first.

“Yeah, it’s bad… I know… That’s what they did to KID and that’s what they’re doing to him now. I’m scared for KID; you know… I love him Hakase, Haibara… KID means the world to me,” I clenched my hands at this confession. 

“We’re sorry Shinichi, but this is necessary… KID will escape though, they won’t kill him. He’s too important to them. Based off what I can see, KID is someone they want as their ally. KID is ideal as a leader, or rather a puppet leader. Break him down to a husk but keep his skills and he’d be a deadly weapon,” Haibara explained.

“That makes sense… but how can we be sure that KID will escape and not break first?” Haibara’s piercing eyes met mine.

“He promised you he’d come back, no? I’d put stock in what KID told you. Have faith Shinichi.” I admired Haibara’s small blush as she gave me meaningful advice.

“I guess you’re right Haibara. I’ll just have to do my best on this side and trust that KID will come back to me one day.” I smiled softly.

“Aren’t I always right, Shinichi? Now come sit down with us. We have some things to discuss about KID and the organization.” I nodded and took my seat next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I really enjoyed writing this chapter~ Kaito's letters to Shinichi are both very sad and heartfelt and I really love Haibara as a character. Also, Shinichi is finally in step with Kaito in terms of knowledge~
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Important note, the first letter Shinichi read was written a while back, hence the formal tone and usage of Kudo san. The next letter was started a while back, but then was picked up again by Kaito, which leads to a tone shift. Kaito always has contingencies planned, so of course he's had these letters made just in case. 
> 
> 2\. Ketamine really is a controversial drug. From pain relief, to date-rape, to a potentially promising treatment for BPD and depression, there's a lot left to learn about this drug and its effects on the brain. 
> 
> 3\. Haibara and Kaito's friendship gives me life. They would revel in teasing Shinichi, geeking out over the sciences, and otherwise discussing fashion and pop media. I don't like the "gay best friend" trope too much, but I think their friendship would be something like this. 
> 
> 4\. On a similar note, I like thinking that Kaito and Agasa work together to build Agasa's wild inventions. 
> 
> 5\. I like thinking that Kaito is seen as the good, eccentric boy, well loved by Shinichi's friends and family, but Shinichi keeps thinking to himself how much of a trickster Kaito is and how he's sometimes cruel, lol. 
> 
> 6\. Yes, the title of the book is based on a filename by the Black Organization. Maybe it's not the most descriptive title, but it sets the story up nicely if I decide to write a sequel ;)
> 
> Thank you again for reading~ Feel free to leave a comment below. I love getting comments and responding and I'm always willing to explain more on the story or answer questions~ Well, the next chapter will be out on Wednesday. Connect with me here: [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu) Take care everyone!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 31! I'm actually posting this a bit earlier than usual due to ~ c a f f e i n e ~. I don't usually drink caffeinated beverages, but it's the middle of the week and I'm already hella tired. (I also have plans for the evening hehe~). 
> 
> Chapter warnings: physical assault, sexual assault, blood, doppelganger, drugs 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It had been two weeks since Kaito disappeared. I’d been receiving sporadic updates on him, but they were only becoming more and more spaced out. I visited Agasa and Haibara often now to talk about the organization, distract myself from Kaito absence, and to plan for the future. 

It had been three days since I last received a proof of life image from them. This made me nervous and my mind raced with potential outcomes. Had Kaito escaped? Died? Was he in trouble? Was my phone broken?

As if to answer my questions, a notification buzzed across my phone screen. It was from the Black Organization.

_‘Hey detective. How’re you doing? Want a pic of your thief? Too bad, no pic today. Just a video.’_

I gulped; I’d never been sent a video before and I wasn’t sure if my heart could take it.

_‘Enjoy the video. It’s live feed too. We’ve never seen KID like this before.’_

Per his words, a link appeared on my phone and I hesitantly clicked it. Nothing could’ve prepared me for what I saw. Kaito was stark naked and covered in scratches, bites, and bruises. He was bleeding rather heavily from his shoulder from what appeared to a knife wound. That wasn’t unusual though. What was unusual was his position and what he was saying.

Kaito hugged his knees to himself and he was violently shaking back and forth. He was sobbing bitterly. “Not Shinichi, not Shinichi…” was what he kept repeating over and over again. His nails dug into his bare arms and small lines of red ran down his arms. Suddenly, Kaito broke out in hysterics and his nails viciously tore up and down his arms.

“Why don’t you kill me now?! I’ll do it myself! Give me a gun! I’ll do it myself! Dammit! Snake! Snake…” Kaito’s voice grated out so roughly that his voice cracked and broke with emotions.

He fell onto the ground with his forehead touching the dirty floor. His fists slammed against the ground over and over. “Not Shinichi… not Shinichi… no, no, no… not Shinichi… It wasn’t Shinichi! Shinichi would never hurt me… he’d never…” A man approached Kaito and lifted him by his hair. Kaito yelped and this change in view gave a full view of his manic expression. The man slapped Kaito across the face and slammed him against the wall.

“What’s it to you if your detective boyfriend raped you?! You should be happy that someone raped you for him!” he yelled out. “Just shut the fuck up! No one wants to hear you scream! Just kill yourself already!” He threw down his gun to Kaito who lay limp against the wall. I saw Kaito’s hand reached out to the weapon and my blood ran cold.

Kaito raised the gun and removed the safety before aiming carefully. His aim was accurate as the gun fired and the bullet hit its mark. The man taunting Kaito fell dead with a bullet lodged in his head. The gun clattered to the ground as Kaito’s hands flew to his face and covered his eyes and he broke out into another giggling fit. 

“Ah… Shinichi what have I gotten myself into?” he asked as the laughing subsided and the guilty tears took over. “Ah… are you even real Shinichi? I can’t remember…”

I swallowed. _Kaito… What did they do to you? Kaito…_

_‘What the hell did you do to Kaito?!’_ I angrily typed.

_‘Just some new drugs. They work well on him. The abuse and the drugs blur his memory. Just like with his first stay, we want him to struggle to tell fact from fiction.’_

_‘Put me on the phone with Kaito now! Snake let me talk to him now! I need to talk to him!’_ It was a desperate wish, an uncalled-for cry. I had no upper hand to make a request like this, but I didn’t want to lose Kaito this way. I couldn’t imagine the pain he was going to through with a muck of memories and fantasies threatening to overtake his understanding of reality.

_‘Fat chance detective,’_ Snake responded.

_‘Kaito’s not going to break that easily! He’s stronger than that! I swear! He won’t forget me and he won’t give into you!’_ I seethed unable to do anything but watch as the live feed continued.

Kaito was in trouble; he had fallen silent. Then I saw it, the ‘me’ that Kaito had been referring to. It knelt by Kaito and used a thumb to make him look up.

“Kaito? What’s wrong? You can tell me, let me help.” The fear that morphed in Kaito’s eyes broke my heart. Kaito cried and fell backwards.

“Get away from me! You’re not him! Don’t you even pretend!” Kaito yelled out in a hoarse voice. The gun that had been on the ground was now back in Kaito’s shaky hands.

“You wouldn’t shoot me, would you Kaito? I’m your boyfriend, Shinichi. We love each other.” Kaito’s eyes were wide with fear and anger and doubt.

“You are not Shinichi,” he repeated. “Shinichi wouldn’t rape me or beat me… You can’t be him!” The other ‘Shinichi’ smirked. Kaito trained the quivering gun on the imposter.

“Where’s your evidence Thief?” The gun clattered to the ground again and the imposter took Kaito in a passionate kiss. Kaito tried to fight it, but he lost as he fell into the kiss.

“See Kaito? Your mind may fight you on how I’m not Shinichi, but your body responds to my call. You’re weak against me. You’re practically mine. You can’t fight your attraction to me… Thoughts versus animalistic desire, your pick.” The fraud smirked an evil smirk before trailing kisses down the silent Kaito’s cheek and chin, down his neck, and to his chest.

My eyes widened as I watched. Kaito was crying quiet tears that slid down in large drops, but he didn’t make a sound or attempt to fight back. He allowed everything to happen. He allowed that filthy mouth to grace his skin and make him shudder in pleasure or surprise or perhaps even horror. Kaito’s eyes were dark, dull, lightless. Was this an acceptance of fate? Was he giving up?

On impulse, I called the number Snake texted me by. He picked up probably ready to tell me off, but I didn’t give him a chance. Snake was in the room where they kept Kaito, perhaps I could yell loud enough to get his attention, to keep a spark in those eyes.

“Kaito! Don’t give up! Kaito I promise I’ll save you!” I yelled as loudly as I could, and it must have been loud because Snake dropped the phone and it clattered to the ground. I didn’t know if Kaito heard me, but I prayed to every god that had ever existed that he had. I didn’t want to lose him. I didn’t want him to think that the imposter was me, that I’d ever hurt him like that.

I overheard cursing in the background and shuffling or possibly scuffling. Then I heard him.

“Shinichi! Shinichi!” The voice was desperate, winded, and scratchy, but it was definitely Kaito’s. “Shinichi…” he couldn’t say anything more than my name.

“Kaito, I love you, stay strong, we will figure this out! Don’t give up, I love you!” I spoke quickly, my time limited. 

“I love you too, Shin—” A loud thud sounded and Kaito didn’t respond.

“My… my… Kudo… Aren’t you bold? You know KID will pay for your mistake, right? He’ll wish he never spoke to you in the first place. I’ll send you one more picture of the aftermath of KID’s punishment, but no more after until… I don’t know… Until I feel like indulging you again, heh.” I listened carefully to his words and a sinking feeling filled me. Had I done the right thing? Or I had made Kaito’s life unspeakably worse?

The call disconnected and I stared down at the phone screen until it faded black. _What do I do now? I hate waiting…_

I ran a stressed hand through my hair and bit my lip pensively. I wanted to fight, I needed to. I couldn’t just sit back and watch… I needed to at least feel like I was doing something productive. Should I bury myself in other cases? Probably not. Megure wasn’t even assigning much to me lately. He thought I was emotionally compromised, which yes, I was, I’d admit to that, but I wanted—needed—a distraction.

I could go over to see Agasa and Haibara, but… I wanted something else. I didn’t need people telling me to wait or plan for later. I thought of everyone else I knew. I could talk to Hattori, but not now. He was even more reckless than me, and despite how he originally felt about Kaito, all that would change if he knew Kaito was being held captive again.

I sighed. My only option left was Ran. I knew that she was who I wanted too; I could always count on her for my emotional problems. She never probed too much, but she always made sure I got what I needed off my chest. I was apprehensive to contact her though.

It wasn’t exactly public knowledge that Kaito had been taken hostage, but people knew that KID had saved another life, ended the serial rapist and murder case and supposedly disappeared again.

This new involvement with KID had garnered quite a bit of public attention. Everyone was a KID lover, nobody hated him. He was a good guy, no one could deny that. KID was special and suddenly I was debating whether taking my chances and making his captivity public would actually cause a positive outcry. People loved KID and they would be opposed to him being held captive and tortured. Perhaps we could save him. However, I had to respect Kaito’s wishes of keeping ‘KID’ and ‘Kaito’ separate. Nobody could know, as the secrecy protected many lives. I just needed to wait for the right, cataclysmic moment. 

So now, I was back to staring at a black screen. _Call her Shinichi! You need someone to talk to… Call her!_ I unlocked my phone and brought up her contact information. I pressed her number, and the call began. It rang two times before she picked up.

“Shinichi? What’s up? Is everything okay?” I frowned slightly.

“Ran? I-if it’s okay with you, could you please come visit me? I-I just want to talk.” I wondered if I sounded kind of pathetic or desperate.

“I’ll be over in ten,” she said quickly, and I pondered why she sounded so spooked. I sighed as she hung up first and lounged on the small couch in my library, curling up in a blanket.

I scrolled through all the pictures Snake sent me and an ache filled my chest. Each picture showed Kaito after a torture session. Sometimes he was unconscious, other times he hung onto his consciousness by a mere thread. Sometimes he was beaten, or raped, or even both. Kaito always looked bloody and covered in bruises, cuts, semen, or sweat. Sometimes his bones jutted out of his body or his limbs hung limply or at the wrong angle. His eyes were always spooked or hollow. Sometimes he was crying, other times he had a blank, numb look. Kaito looked so pale in these pictures, so skinny, so emaciated.

I wanted my Kaito back. I wanted to protect him. They were hurting him, killing him, using me against him, tarnishing my face… Kaito wasn’t a toy for them to use! Kaito was mine and I couldn’t stand seeing him like this… It physically pained me to these horrible acts inflicted upon him.

_I just want to save you, but you’re so selfish… Always working by yourself and sacrificing yourself…_ My arm draped over my eyes and I put my phone down. _I just want you to be here with me. I just want you Kaito._ Tears brimmed my eyes and my fists clenched. I was so useless, so fucking weak. There was nothing I could do.

“Shinichi!” the sudden yelling of my name caused me to look up and I saw her. Ran was out of breath and she stood in front of me with her hands on her thighs. Her face morphed as she caught my teary-eyed face into something I could only describe as someone who had witnessed a tragedy. I didn’t bother moving and she collapsed by my side.

“What’s wrong Shinichi?!” she asked me quickly. I didn’t answer immediately. Instead, tears pricked at my eyes. “What happened to Kaito?” I flinched.

“How do you know something happened to Kaito?” I asked gruffly.

“I’ve only seen you like this once before. It was when you were still Conan… You acted like this after KID disappeared, when we all assumed he was dead. You have that same dead look in your eyes from back then... Something happened to Kaito. This house isn’t the same anymore. It’s dusty, all the flowers are dead, and the light has disappeared from it. So, tell me, what happened?” I smiled weakly and covered my eyes.

“They took him again Ran, I lost him.” I could feel Ran’s concern and she wrapped an arm around me.

“How long has he been gone?” she asked me softly.

“Two weeks now,” I murmured. She hummed to herself as if in thought.

“Do… do you know anything about his condition?” she asked me. I removed the arm covering my eyes before unlocking my phone and handing it to her. She looked confused at first but then began scrolling through the conversation. Her eyes morphed into ones full of horror and her hand stifled small noises. “S-Shinichi!”

“I know Ran!” I snapped out quickly while sitting up. My blue eyes flared dangerously, and an irrational anger filled me. However, her look and my overall mood won over and I flopped back onto the couch.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what to do Ran… I can’t do anything!” I sat up again. “I’m useless! I know the crime’s happening, but I can’t do anything! Kaito set this all up so that if I acted out in anyway, they would take it out on Kaito. Kaito’s covering for me so that I’m completely safe and I hate it! I can’t go to the police anymore… I can’t trust the government anymore… Is there anything to believe in anymore?” My eyes met the floor and my shoulders fell. “There isn’t anything I can do anymore…” I whispered. Ran waited a moment, as if gathering her own thoughts, before carefully speaking.

“I don’t completely understand Shinichi, but you can believe in me and Kaito and Agasa and Haibara and your parents and all your friends. We have your back.” She inhaled and released a shaky breath before continuing; she was nervous.

“Kaito made the decision to protect you; this was his conscious decision. Honor what he did for you, Shinichi. Kaito’s suffering too, just as you are. You two will get through this though, right? They won’t kill Kaito, right? Isn’t he too important for them to kill? They want Kaito on their side because he’s smart and skilled, right? They can’t kill him.” Though Ran was trying to convince to me of this, she sounded unconvinced herself.

“Yeah… but the emotional trauma… How much more can Kaito take? He’s already been at his breaking point… They’re killing him emotionally. He can take a beating, but how much emotional trauma before he finally breaks or snaps? He’ll revert to a ghost of who he was, an empty husk, or he’ll become the exact opposite of who he is today. He’ll be violent and vengeful… Ran… what about Kaito?” I sighed. “He’s so selfish in the most selfless way… He says I have no sense of self preservation, but maybe he should consider himself first…”

“Kaito’s just a better actor. He can act his way to happiness, pretend he has a reason to live. You can’t lie to yourself like that Shinichi,” Ran responded.

“I don’t want him to live a lie Ran!”

“Well maybe he’ll have to live a lie until he comes to terms with what happened and he finds a reason to keep on fighting,” she reasoned with me.

“What if Kaito would be happier dead rather than living this hellish life? What right do I have to tell him to live when I can’t even help him? I can’t even stop the people ruining his life…”

“Shinichi! Don’t be such a pessimist! Kaito will decide the validity of his life for himself. Obviously, despite the pain, he finds it worth something. He’s protecting you! He’s living to keep you safe. His life does mean something… Maybe Kaito finds it hard to live for himself right now, but he’s alive, and for now that’s all we need, that’s what he needs. Instead of moping around, shouldn’t you be preparing for Kaito? He will escape again, I’m sure of it. Are you ready to help him again? Are you going to be there for him when he comes home a complete wreck? He’ll be emaciated, weak, a total mess. Are you ready to see him at his worst and still love him?” Her words hit me like stones and rattled around in my brain leaving me wide-eyed and with a breath stuck in my throat.

“If you hurt Kaito because you can’t handle him in so much pain, then you’ll have a world of hurt coming for you and not just from me. If you really do love him, then be ready for him. Don’t lose him because you’re weak, because when Kaito comes home, you’ll have to be strong enough for the both of you. So, stop moping around, stop avoiding meals, stop not answering your calls from Inspector Megure and Hattori kun. Pull yourself together Shinichi!” She met my tired eyes with her fiery ones, and I gulped. She made sense; I was being pathetic.

My face flicked away from her strong expression and focused on the floor. I was moping. “Look, Shinichi,” she gave me a softer approach, “it’s okay to be sad. In fact, I expect you to be devastated. The person you love the most is being tortured and there is nothing you can do about this. But like you said, Kaito chose this. He has his reasons. Through his love for you and his own ambitions, he’s willing to sacrifice himself to protect those around him. Are you willing to sacrifice too? Kaito may not be here, but he needs you most right now. He needs to have someone to come back to one day. Will you wait for him?” _Like you waited for me? Like you waited for me who never came back?_

“What if he never comes back?” I muttered.

“What if, Shinichi? That’s the risk that Kaito’s taking and that you’re consequently taking. Kaito… Kaito’s staking a lot here and when he gets back, I’ll give him an earful for hurting you like that but trust him. I know he loves you despite his emotional shortcomings. Why would he purposely protect you if he didn’t? Kaito’s asking a lot of you Shinichi… You may not think staying here and not interfering is uneventful or that Kaito is purposely keeping you out of his business. And maybe he is, but you have an important job. Kaito’s going to come home one day and he’s counting on you to be here for him when he returns. He’ll need you to help patch up his physical and emotional wounds. He’ll need you strong Shinichi. I know you understand what I’m saying, don’t play dumb.” I tucked my knees into me.

“I hate this uncertainty… I hate waiting, not acting…”

“I know Shinichi but be patient and resilient. Kaito’s a miracle worker. He’s KID for crying out loud! He’ll come home one day. Just be ready, I swear by it.” I smiled faintly and Ran let out a small sigh of relief. “Finally, I’m getting through your thick skull. I was beginning to fear you were beyond saving, especially with how you sounded on the phone.”

“Was I really that bad?”

“Yeah, you really had me scared Shinichi. I thought Kaito had died.” We sat quietly for a moment before Ran spoke again.

“Hey Shinichi, when was the last time you ate a real meal?”

“Um… A day and a half maybe? I’m not really sure; it depends on what you consider a meal…” She sighed and shook her head.

“I’ll cook for you today. You get off your lazy butt and go clean this house up. Kaito wouldn’t be happy with what it looks like right now. Oh, and don’t expect this treatment every day. I’m your best friend, not your wife. Honestly, Kaito’s too good to you! You’ll never be independent with how he treats you.” I smiled and actually laughed at that. Then we went our respective ways, and I heard her grumbling to me about how poor my diet was and how I ‘literally had nothing’ in my fridge.

Ran promised that she would be dropping by often to check on me and that she was praying for me and Kaito. She hoped he would escape soon and that whatever gamble he was taking went well. I hoped the same. She bid me farewell around 11 PM and I walked her to the street. Then a guy I had never met before picked her up.

She introduced him as her boyfriend, Seo-Jun Kim. He was a Korean foreign exchange student studying in her same field. They had been progressively growing closer and closer. Seo-Jun and I exchanged words briefly and I tried to judge whether or not I found him fit for Ran.

“Seo-Jun, this is Kudo Shinichi, my childhood friend. Shinichi, this is Kim Seo-Jun, my boyfriend.” We bowed to each other, but he looked at me a bit cautiously.

“Kudo Shinichi san… As in the famous detective?” he inquired curiously.

“Yes, that’s me, though I’m not sure about that famous part,” I mumbled out partially in embarrassment. I still wasn’t quite comfortable with my name being called out in the open, even if Kaito guaranteed my safety.

“Don’t be too humble Kudo san,” he smiled lightly. “Ran’s told me about you. You two go way back, yeah?” I nodded.

“Yeah, Shinichi and I have been friends since we were young. He’s kind of always been there for me, through thick and thin… I’m kind of glad you two are finally meeting, even if it’s under these conditions.”

“What do you mean Ran?” he asked, and my head whipped to her, nervously wondering what she would reveal.

“Shinichi’s kind of going through a crisis right now… He and his boyfriend are going through some tough times right now—”

“You make it sound like Kaito and I are fighting!” I interjected quickly not wanting her boyfriend to think we were having a petty fight. Seo-Jun laughed lightly.

“It’s not something you can talk about, is it Kudo san? I understand if it’s related to a case or something.” We met eyes and my face paled. _He read me like I read people!_

“Are you sure he’s not a detective, Ran?” I muttered to her with a hint of accusation.

“I studied forensic science in Seoul, but it was too gory for me. Now I’m here learning about marine biology,” I nodded. “Plus, you’re a detective. You’re probably dating someone tied to your field. If you can’t talk about it, said boyfriend isn’t here, and you say you’re not fighting, it must be tied to a case,” he deducted smoothly. 

“Crime and law are gory fields, not for everyone… I’m surprised at your deduction, pleasantly surprised. I think you may have passed my ‘boyfriend for Ran’ test. So, I approve of this relationship. But Ran, you need to follow curfew and don’t be staying over at each other’s places. Remember no sleeping together until you’re married too.” I smirked again and Ran blushed. She smacked me on my arm lightly.

“Shinichi!” she yelled in a reproaching manner. “Keep talking and I won’t be dropping by to make sure you’re eating and taking care of yourself! And while I’m on this topic, should I bring up Kaito? You two have been sleeping together. Kazuha told me.” I turned away, now realizing that my friends probably gossiped about me behind my back.

“Hattori…” I growled. “And it’s for completely therapeutic reasons! You know how Kaito is…” She smiled.

“Sure Shinichi, sure…” She patted my arm and I glared at her playfully.

“I can tell you two are close,” Seo-Jun smiled slightly. I felt bad for him; he was out of the loop on a lot of things.

“Sorry, Seo-Jun,” Ran apologized with a small, sheepish smile. “I guess we’ll be leaving now Shinichi. Make sure you take care of yourself! I’ll drop by again when I can.” I nodded slightly.

“It was a pleasure meeting you Seo-Jun. Please continue to take care of Ran. Thank you again, Ran, for everything. I can’t promise everything you told me, but I’ll give it my best effort. I just need faith.”

“Good luck Kudo san. Please take care of yourself, you do look a little pale. Thank you for accepting me and hopefully we’ll see each other around.” We exchanged a humble bow, and Ran and Seo-Jun left. I went back into my house and promptly went to sleep. Perhaps I’d show up to work tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading~ I love Ran~ and how much she cares for Shinichi. This chapter exudes wise older sister Ran~ 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. The 'fake' Shinichi is not a clone, don't worry. He's simply another Shinichi lookalike (since the DCMK universe is full of them...). Fake!Shinichi was used in tandem with hallucinogenic drugs to give Kaito a bad time :( 
> 
> 2\. Why could Kaito hear Shinichi over the phone? Snake is the type of old man to always speak on speaker (and yell at the microphone even though they can hear him loud and clear). Shinichi's call was hella loud and startled the hell out of Snake. Kaito heard Shinichi's voice and desperately wrenched away to inquire. Just hearing Shinichi's voice gave Kaito hope. 
> 
> 3\. Ran was the perfect choice for Shinichi to call. She's the only other character that understands him and how his brain, while marvelous, is prone to anxiety and catastrophizing. She knows how to both comfort him but also get him back onto his feet. Shinichi is the type to mope while stressing about all the tasks he's not doing, which only adds to his anxiety. He becomes paralyzed physically, even though his brain is running a thousand miles an hour. 
> 
> 4\. I love the friend dynamic between Shinichi and Ran. I feel as though it's demonstrated quite well in this chapter. Ran was willing to drop everything to go check on her friend who was in the middle of a crisis. I love that there's platonic touch between Ran and Shinichi too. I am a firm believer in platonic touch between friends (if they're both comfy with it). Shinichi definitely needed that platonic love. She's such a good friend too, offering to come by more often and make sure he's not just wallowing and withering away. 
> 
> 5\. Seo-Jun is Ran's new boyfriend. He's just a normal foreign exchange college student who shares some of Ran's classes. I wanted Ran to date someone not related to the police force, since she's had to deal with so much bullshit from her dad, mom, and Shinichi. She needs someone stable and not constantly dealing with death/gruesome scenes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading~ Feel free to leave comments or kudos~ The next chapter will be released on Friday! Connect with me: linktree  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go, you masochists! (Jk, I love you all) Here's chapter 32! It has some potentially triggering content, so please read safely and let me know if you'd like help finding any resources. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: sexual assault/rape, physical assault, wounds, blood
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I’d lost track of time again. I had absolutely no clue how long I’d been here, what time of day it was, or even what season it was. Everything hurt, but in an almost numbing way. What could they do to me that they hadn’t already done before? Rape me? Nope, that’d been done before. False memories? Hah, been there, done that. Beat me? That was getting old. Water board? Electricity? Mutilation? Nope, nope, nope. Hallucinogens? How many more could they try on me before they got bored?

My body was propped carelessly against the wall. I had a vague feeling of stickiness on the back of my head. I’d probably passed out against this wall after getting my head bashed in. I didn’t even attempt moving; my head was spinning too much.

I wondered when someone would visit me, Snake, the Shinichi lookalike, or perhaps even Kaori—yes, we were on a first name basis now. I wondered how long I’d been out. I wondered what to expect next…

I still thought of eventually leaving this place, though it was hard to imagine life after this. I was stuck in that sick cycle again. The only thing grounding me right now was the thought of Shinichi. I remembered and desperately clung to that one time he called me. I lived for those few moments. Even if that was a fake memory, honestly, I was hard to differentiate, I would still hang on to it with every fiber of my being. I just needed something—anything—to keep me living. Shinichi was my lifeline, and I knew they wouldn’t hurt him as long as I was here. So, here I was living—dying—for him.

I often thought of the casual promise we made to create our own little slice of paradise in a country far from Japan. That was the one thing that kept me going and believing that I would escape one day. I yearned to finish my business with the Black Organization and return to my Shinichi. I just needed to hold out a bit longer; I just needed to crack her.

Kaori Ueda, the leader of the Black Organization, would snap to my beat soon, I was sure of it. I just needed to expose her weaknesses and outwit her. Then I would finish off the Black Organization without killing them all. _Cut off the leader and watch the rats scramble!_

I sighed weakly and let my eyes fall shut. The emptiness was coming to me again. I wanted to cry for some reason. I wanted to yell and shout and shriek. I wanted to proclaim my pain to the world. These feelings had no place in this world, though. _Time for a well-planned mask._

A smirk replaced my breaking mask, and I began laughing a dull sound which caused an increasingly sharp pain to fill my chest. Physiological or emotional, I didn’t know. My hand grasped at my chest and my laughs fell to weak heaves and small noises of pain. _Shinichi… my thoughts always wander to you… Do you still think of me too? Am I still important to you? Do you still love me?_

That was honestly my biggest fear. It wasn’t if they were going to kill me or if I was stuck here forever. No, it was whether I still meant something to Shinichi, whether I was still an integral part of his mind. I didn’t want to hold him back, but I didn’t want anyone else to be with him. Only I could love him, no one else could have my detective beauty. Was I selfish to expect him to wait for me?

“You fantasizing about your boyfriend over there, Kaito?” My eyes flickered open and they landed on Kaori with her trademark sweet face and devilish smile.

“No, not really. Just resting my eyes Kaori,” I responded lounging back against the wall.

“You don’t look so hot Kaito—”

“Thanks. I don’t feel too hot either. I’m not sure if it’s the constant drugs or the smashing in of my head. Perhaps both?” I threw her a glare and she pouted.

“You know it’s your fault Kaito. If you’d just give in to us and let us use you, then we’d stop this treatment.” She walked up to me and crouched next to me. In her hand, she had a small bag of who knows what.

“Maybe you don’t go about it the right way. Perhaps torturing people isn’t how you should gain followers,” I grumbled.

“You misunderstand Kaito. We don’t want you as a follower, we want you as our loyal servant. With someone as free-spirited as you, we have no choice but to break you. However, it’s taking longer than we expected.”

“You did order me off that drug that made me forget who I was. The damage from it was actually minimal.” She sighed and tipped her head back.

“Well… I stopped you from taking it… I didn’t want you to become a mindless zombie… I want you strong Kaito… not mindless. Your mind is beautiful and you’re remarkably intelligent. I didn’t want to make you a goon.” I smirked and dipped my head to look up at her eyes.

“Thanks for that Kaori. I would have hated losing everything. My memories mean a lot to me and there are some things I would kill to retain. I know that you’re really not that bad a person. You had compassion for me, a lowly thief.” I gave her my warm eyes and she blushed under them. It took a moment for her to compose herself. I loved this game.

“It’s not really like that Kaito—”

“Oh? And you won’t let me believe it is?” She laughed lightly.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand you, Kaito,” she smiled while shaking her head.

“I could say the same. You’re such a sweet girl… The masks you wear are on par with mine. Why hide the jewel you contain when you could display it to the whole world? I know you want to. Why else would you let me talk sweet to you and attempt to escape? Why would you protect me in a roundabout way?” She looked away.

“It’s my duty Kaito… you know that… Besides I’m an Ueda and you’re a Kuroba…”

“I am neither my father nor am I your enemy, and you are not your father. Past affairs can be forgotten, and we can start with a clean slate. Why lead an organization you secretly hate? Where your underlings aren’t constantly planning on undermining you for being a ‘weak leader’… This isn’t what you want Kaori… Why don’t you join me instead in taking this evil organization down? Don’t betray yourself anymore!” She guarded her expression from me.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand!” she yelled out suddenly. Her hand slammed onto the ground and she pushed up to a standing position. “I won Kuroba! My organization beat you and I will fulfil my parents’ legacy! You could just die—”

“Then kill me. You have a gun on you at all times. Why don’t you shoot me right through the head and just let me bleed out? Nobody would hold it against you because I supposedly ‘attacked you’, hmm?” Her eyes widened and she stepped back.

“You’ve never killed anyone, have you? You can’t pull the trigger. You have your goons and lackeys pull the trigger and commit all the dirty work, hmm? You really are the cruel figurehead queen of the Black Organization. Your own people will overthrow you as soon as they sense this weakness. I know for a fact that they dislike you. So, will you pull the trigger, be overthrown, join me, or perhaps kill yourself? That’s all you have left now.” Firm eyes met her shattering ones. _What will you do Kaori?_

“I really do hate you, KID.” _Reverting back to that stage name? Saying a blatant lie?_ “Prolonging this empty life only causes you to suffer more so I won’t kill you. Why give you an easy way out?” _Weak, so weak…_ “I don’t want you to ever talk to me like that again KID. Remember the position you’re in and what we can do to those you love.” My eyes narrowed dangerously, and she applied another mask to her face. With that she turned away and left me behind in the dark room.

_How much longer can you deny yourself Kaori before you lose yourself?_

* * *

“May I ask what KID did to warrant this type of abuse Ueda sama?” Ferocious green eyes met Snake’s dreary brown ones.

“Do I have to explain myself to you?!” she spat out angrily.

“N-no… Of course not! But even this is extreme… Will KID even survive this?” Snake spoke looking at the screen showing a livestream of KID’s room.

The security cameras hid nothing as KID was begging now for his life. Blood spattered the floor and KID was coughing up more blood than words at this point. Snake swore that the thief had every bone in both his arms shattered and his ribs had all been cracked or snapped. KID had been defiled, tortured, and mentally abused in the last couple of hours in this ‘Torture KID’ fest. Snake gulped as KID screamed again.

He looked towards Ueda; her eyes were steely and untouched. Nothing about this scene threw her off. He could fatigue growing in KID’s abusers as even they were becoming weary. It was hard not to… When KID was acting tauntingly, when he had the suit on, when he was on top the of world, it was hard to not consider ripping that arrogant smirk off his face. Now though, KID was little more than a teenager it seemed, a teenager who allowed people to torture him for the assured safety of those around him.

Now, KID was almost reduced to a child crying weakly and begging for it to stop, for them to stop, for them to kill him… Ueda had promised that if KID fainted too soon or fell into numbness too quickly, she would go after his friends and family. Even now KID was acting, fighting, struggling. He had to please her with his suffering while not falling unconscious or straight up dying. How much more could he endure? _What the hell is worth this much fighting KID?_

The reason Snake was never present for KID’s first torture session when they initially captured him was because he honestly couldn’t handle the thief being reduced to this… Snake wasn’t that strong, though he wouldn’t admit it, couldn’t admit it.

“You’re sending this to the young detective, aren’t you?” Snake asked softly, unable to tear his eyes from the screen.

“Not just the detective, but also Inspector Nakamori and his daughter. Do you think they’ll enjoy it? He’s been calling out to them again, we might as well address the video to them.” Snake looked down. There was no way to go against Ueda. Many people called her weak, but if this wasn’t evidence of her power, then what was?

Snake turned away from the screen and proceeded to leave. He didn’t want to see it anymore. He didn’t want to see KID having his arm pulled out of its socket or watch them rape him brutally again. He didn’t want to see his biggest rival reduced to nothing but a crying mess begging for death.

Kaori remained behind as Snake left and the first thing she did was begin crying. She sobbed bitterly as she watched the treatment they gave KID, the treatment she ordered them to give Kaito.

“It’s your fault Kaito… I had to do something to make them think I wasn’t weak… It’s your fault…” she cried and cried as it continued. Kaito suddenly fell silent. He was detaching himself, succumbing to shock. The tears didn’t stop as the husk of Kaito was pulled closer and closer into an embrace, as they slammed into him over and over, until he fell to unconsciousness and the green liquid was injected in multiple rounds. Then Kaito’s body hit the floor and did not move. She couldn’t even see the desperate or weak rise and fall off his chest.

Quickly Kaori composed herself as the head abuser came in and reported what had happened. She nodded and gave them all high remarks on their performance and execution. She stroked their egos and then dismissed them. Then the media manager came in and said she had finished processing the footage; they could send it now if she ordered. Kaori regained her steely gaze.

“Send it off to Kudo Shinichi and Nakamori Ginzo and Aoko. They are to receive the film with the proper labeling of it promising to show them Kuroba Kaito or Kaitou KID. Use his real name for the Nakamori family and use Kaitou KID for Kudo. Address it as if it is from KID himself. I want this done immediately. Make sure I can see their reactions. This is the end of the war between our organization and the only roadblock it has ever truly faced!” The woman she was addressing nodded and promptly left to fulfill Kaori’s commands. After that, Kaori slumped into her chair and tried to think of anything but Kaito’s face. He had worn no masks.

She curled into herself more as the sound of screams penetrated her ears over and over with increasing strength. On the tape, she could see his body convulsing with the effects of the green liquid. His screams increased in volume until she desperately covered her ears to try and escape their assault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kaito... (and poor future Shinichi, Aoko, and Nakamori san). I promise future chapters will be a bit lighter or kinder and next chapter will involve some found family dynamics. 
> 
> In other news, I start classes next week bleh :p
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. Kaori works as a foil to Kaito in that she also lost her parents at a youngish age and was handed the mantle of her parents' affairs. Unlike Kaito, she never wanted the organization; she wasn't as naive as he was. Instead, she was groomed to take over the organization, but she's not entirely fit for the job. She's afraid of dirtying her own hands and leaves the dirty work to her goons. 
> 
> 2\. Kaito calls her sweet and tries to appeal to her better nature, but she doesn't fall for it due to parental pressures. Like Kaito, she has A LOT of daddy and mommy issues and suffers from trying to please people who are already dead. 
> 
> 3\. In response to Kaito calling out her weaknesses, she has him overly punished, to such an extent that it spooks the other members of the organization. This is how she maintains her power. 
> 
> 4\. Snake once again reveals that he's a coward. He'll get some more character growth in a bit ;) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment (I'll respond~). The next chapter will be out on Sunday! Connect with me here! [Link Tree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ this chapter goes out to my light masochists, those who like to read things that are a bit painful, but not too much ;) Hopefully this chapter is not as heart wrenching as the prior.
> 
> Chapter warnings: alcohol, self-harm, blood, knives
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I hadn’t been expecting anything in the mail recently, aside from normal spam or something from a store I shopped at often enough to join their mailing list, let alone was I expecting something from Kaito. I hadn’t received a letter from him in forever, by dove or another measure. I figured he was busy again or being careless about me! He really was the worst! Always ignoring me and leaving for long amounts of time and never telling me or Dad. We both worried about him!

So, I took that precious letter into my hands carefully and debated telling Dad. Of course, Kaito made me swear to secrecy saying that he was wrapped up in something big, so I quickly dismissed that idea and opened the letter up. It was odd that he did not attach a flower to the letter as he would usually, but I cast my worries aside for now.

The weighty letter contained only a single disk, a computer disk. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but I took the disk and grabbed my laptop. I slide the disk in and loaded it; a long video popped up. A lady appeared on the screen with a blurred-out face and she began speaking.

_“Good day Nakamori Aoko! I suppose you’re already suspicious on how this pertains to Kuroba Kaito but let the video itself explain. Let me leave you to the video with just these words, Kuroba san is doing this for you, to protect you. Break the silence we have about his situation and Kuroba san will… Well, why ruin the surprise? Enjoy the video Kuroba san and the rest of us enjoyed putting together!”_ The video went black and my heart raced for some reason. I had this foreboding feeling that I didn’t want to believe.

The screen suddenly cut to a dim room and I saw who I believed was Kaito on the floor and slumped against the wall. Kaito was dressed scantly and his face was covered in fading bruises and the floor seemed to be a dull red around him. Men entered the picture suddenly and they exchanged words with Kaito, who had a scratchy, weak voice. Then the first man took Kaito by his hair and lifted him up. The first punch hit him square in face and he fell to the ground.

_“Heichou sama orders that we teach you a lesson KID. She’s tired of your funny business, so we’re here to show you your place. There are only two rules. You can’t pass out till you’ve learned your lesson and you’re not allowed to succumb to shock. She wants to see it all. If you break a rule, then she’ll go after the people you care for… Inspector Nakamori, Aoko chan, or perhaps even Tantei kun.”_ The man wore a wicked smile Kaito’s eyes widened in fear.

I’d never seen anything so graphic. In fact, I’d never even seen a rated R movie in my life. Tears slid down my face, but I couldn’t turn away. This was Kaito, this was my friend! Kaito! The boy who lived next door!

So many truths came forward at once. Kaito really was wrapped up in something bigger than himself and he was working to protect us… And Kaito wasn’t just Kaito… He was KID… The phantom thief! Perhaps, if he had come forward to me with that truth, I would have been mad. Now, I could only cry to myself as he endured everything I had never hoped to witness. I broke completely when he started calling out for help, when he started to beg for them to kill him. This was Kaito! He was supposed to be strong! He was supposed to be able to endure everything but fish! He was supposed to be my strong person! _Kaito! Why?! WHY?!_

Just then, Dad came home, and I tried to quell my tears, but he wrapped his arms around me. He was crying too. Neither of us spoke, but instead acknowledged that we had both seen something nobody should have to endure.

After my tears had dried and Dad had murmured whatever comfort he could to me, he pulled away. “Aoko… There’s someone else who would have received this video… I have to contact him too… He’s probably all alone right now.” I nodded and Dad went to the other room to use the phone.

“Kudo san? Kudo san are you home? Kudo san please pick up the phone! We got the video too…” My dad continued to hold the line open before suddenly Kudo san responded.

“Kudo san! Are you okay? …Don’t do anything reckless! We’ll be right over! Don’t hang up on us!” My dad turned to me and I could tell he was worried; his forehead was all wrinkled and his jaw was taut.

“Aoko we’re leaving now! Carry the phone, but don’t hang up! Kudo san is in danger right now! He’s not in his right mind and I think he’s drunk…” I nodded and ran after my dad as we got into his police car. He turned the sirens on, and we began our reckless drive to whoever this ‘Kudo san’ is.

“Dad, who is Kudo san? Do you know him from work?” I asked softly not quite sure if he would answer me.

“Kudo Shinichi, Detective of the West, Modern Day Holmes… I’m sure you’ve heard of him.” I nodded.

“Yeah, but what does he have to do with Kaito?” I asked a bit louder. Kudo was a detective; I didn’t want him to know that Kaito is KID and to try and catch him.

“It’s complicated Aoko and even I don’t know everything. Kudo san works for another division, but I’ve worked with him on many KID cases… He and Kaito are… close more or less… but I can’t say their real relationship… most of it is just speculation and some information garnered by police department gossip. I don’t know what to believe anymore… I just know that Kudo san’s been sick lately and he hasn’t been working much at the department… Apparently, it’s related to KID or Kaito… I just know on the phone that Kudo san was drunk and saying things I didn’t want to believe. We have to check on him at least!” I looked out the window. I had met Kudo before at the department while bringing lunch for Dad. He seemed nice and inquisitive, just like a detective should be. I told him a lot about Kaito then too…

Dad pulled up to the dreary looking manor and we ran out of the car. In seconds, Dad had broken through the door as Kudo had not come to answer it. We ran through the house and found him in the confides of a large bedroom in the corner. He was sobbing bitterly. Next to him was a nearly drained bottle of whiskey. What shocked me the most was the trail of blood leading down his arms; he had a sharpened kitchen knife.

I fell to my knees in shock while Dad instantly went to wrangling the knife out of Kudo’s hands and trying to talk some sense into him.

“What’s the point anymore?! Kaito’s suffering and I’m here doing nothing! I couldn’t save him… I couldn’t save him! It’s all my fault! If I had only—” Kudo stopped talking as he tried to calm his breathing.

“Aoko, go get us a glass of water. Kudo san looks like he needs it.” I nodded and ran off to find a glass. Kudo san’s kitchen was neatly organized, and it appeared untouched, at least for a while. Dust covered almost everything. Something seemed strange about the organization of this kitchen though… It seemed a lot like how Kaito organized his kitchen and even mine. I tried to shake that thought as I washed a glass and filled it with water.

I went back upstairs and saw Dad with Kudo. Dad was wrapping Kudo’s arms where he had dug the knife into his flesh, and Kudo was mumbling many apologies while silent tears fell from his eyes. I handed the water glass to Kudo and he took it with shaking hands. He drank slowly but still managed to dribble water all over himself.

“Kudo san… I don’t feel comfortable leaving you here alone right now… Can I take you to the hospital?” Kudo began freaking out and struggling. “No! No… no hospitals…”

“Is there anyone else you know who could take care of you tonight?” Kudo didn’t respond and was limp as Dad supported him. “I guess not… Should I call Inspector Megure?” Kudo flinched and Dad sighed. “That’s right your work life is suffering right now due to this whole thing with Kaito… Inspector Megure must know something about it though… I won’t call him because I respect you and your work though… Can we take you home for tonight?” Kudo looked down and didn’t respond. “I’ll take that as a yes then...”

“Aoko… Try to gather up some of Kudo san’s belongings… Try to find clothes, shoes, his toiletries, and his cellphone. We’ll have to keep him tonight. He’s not safe by himself. Don’t be too invasive!” he added as an afterthought. “We’ll take some of Kaito’s old things if we need to… they have the same build and are roughly the same height.” I nodded and left the room.

I began wandering the halls trying to find Kudo’s room. I opened a door and it led into a bedroom. This room was the only clean room in the house as far as I could tell. It was as if Kudo dusted the room every day. I stopped by a bookshelf and something stuck out to me. It was a picture frame turned down on a dresser. I flipped it up and my eyes widened in surprise. The photo was of me and my dad with Kaito. I remembered the picture distinctly. It was on our first day of third grade. Kaito and I were in the same class and he had gifted every girl in the class a flower. He’d always been a flirt.

I began looking through the contents of this room more closely. _These books are Kaito’s right? I remember some of these… They’re in the foreign languages he speaks too._ I took one that I knew he had written in and flipped through the pages. _This is his handwriting, and these are his notes…_ I looked around the room and swallowed nervously. _This is Kaito’s room… Everything here matches his exact organization methods… Kaito was living with Kudo san…_

I quickly put the book back and ran out of the room. Things were getting weird. I raced through the rooms and found Kudo’s before quickly grabbing clothes from his room and shoving them into a bag I’d found. I took some toiletries too and tossed them into another bag. Kudo had a lot of explaining to do and I needed answers.

I found Dad with Kudo san in his arms. Kudo had passed out and looked troubled in his sleep. “Let’s go Aoko…” I nodded and I followed Dad outside of Kudo’s house. Dad made a tsk-ing sound and put Kudo down temporarily to fix the door. Luckily the door had not collapsed, only the lock had given. He set up the door again and wondered how to handle security. Dad went back inside and found the keys to the house and took them. He relocked the door and I prayed no one would attempt to rob his house tonight. We then went back to the car and Dad drove us all home.

He carried the unconscious detective into the house, and I helped set up the couch. We didn’t have an extra bedroom where he could stay, so this would have to do. Besides, Dad said Kudo was only staying for the night.

I looked down at Kudo as we finished setting him up. He looked miserable in his sleep, completely troubled and I wondered what his relationship with Kaito was. How did Kaito—KID—get along with Kudo—detective? Did Kudo know the truth? I imagined he already knew or at least had a clue.

I sighed and left to get ready for bed myself, though I knew sleep would not come easy. Seeing Kaito like that wasn’t what I had been expecting. Part of me still wished that this was some cruel prank of his, that Kaito was only being a cruel tease and everyone was in on this prank. The rational part of me denied this wishful thinking and an even smaller part of me figured Kaito had been going through shit for a while now, even before he disappeared.

Kaito had changed a long time ago and I suppose it all started with the death of his father. His father died when we were both seven and I knew it hit Kaito hard. I didn’t remember Kaito crying and I remembered people talking bad about Kaito at his dad’s funeral since he didn’t cry. Kaito’s mom wasn’t even present for the memorial ceremony. I remember Kaito being alone dressed in black with disturbingly empty eyes. He didn’t show any emotion. Kaito gave a speech; he was the only one representing the Kuroba family. It was weird to see Kaito using a stool to reach the microphone on the podium. It was a beautiful speech, but Kaito’s lack of emotion made it hard to enjoy. After the service, Kaito didn’t even stay for the reception afterwards. He left by himself taking a black car with a chauffeur.

After that Kaito was different. He still seemed happy; I mean he smiled all the time. He still pranked people and he still teased me relentlessly. But he was always alone… he had people around him, but nobody could crack his enigma, not even me.

His mother was always traveling, and he was always looking after himself. When my dad found that out, we started inviting him over and, for a moment, he seemed happier. This was in middle school. Then we hit high school and Kaito became the absolute worst. He was top of the class easily and the top of most girls’ dream guy list.

Things changed around the time KID came back from the dead though. Suddenly, Kaito became jumpy. Sometimes he looked to be in pain, or if I touched him, he would flinch just ever so slightly. Sometimes he walked with a slight limp or too stiff a shoulder. I knew he probably thought I completely overlooked those injuries as everyone else did, and because of that, I kept silent. I figured if Kaito wanted to talk he would, but he never did and that hurt.

Right before Kaito disappeared, things had been especially hectic. Kaito was wearing makeup to university classes—well blended and hidden makeup—to hide the circles under his eyes. He stopped hanging out with me with the excuse of needing to study or work. He stopped coming by my house for meals.

I honestly—and selfishly—thought he was seeing someone, and jealousy sparked in me. At that time, I thought—or rather expected—that Kaito was for me and I was for him. Now I know that what I felt for Kaito was merely a result of peer pressure. Everyone expected us to get together, so I felt obliged to it. Now, I can safely say I wouldn’t date him. Rather, I view Kaito as my older, goofy brother. Now, I just wanted to know this was for real. Now, I just wanted answers. Now, I just wanted confirmation that he was alive. Now, I just wanted Kaito.

I fell asleep with tears rolling steadily from my eyes and my hands gripping at the sheets a bit too tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will include some Shinichi/Nakamori family bonding, which will be wholesome~ I really love the Nakamori family and I wish we saw more of their interactions. Nakamori san's love for Aoko AND Kaito is really palpable and they just seem like a sweet (albeit eccentric) family :)
> 
> On another note, I went hiking today and my legs feel like jelly.
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. Aoko is protective of Kaito, consciously or not, and therefore immediately distrusts Shinichi. She took Kaito being revealed as KID in stride and immediately focused on his safety (keeping him safe from Shinichi/detectives). 
> 
> 2\. The Nakamori family is the "ride or die" family. If Kaito had told them about KID before he was caught, I believe they would need a moment to process it, but when then decide to support him unrelentlessly. Nakamori san would fake chasing KID at heists and spend a lot of his time looking out for the Black Organization and snipers. Aoko would offer Kaito food, comfort, and a shoulder to lean on. They would all break the law because it supported a family member and that's how the Nakamori's roll. 
> 
> 3\. I imagine Kaito has a lot of organizational rituals and quirks that set him apart from others. This is how Aoko could recognize his organization systems. 
> 
> 4\. Shinichi's house has fallen into disrepair because he's a sad boy :( Much like parents who are grieving a lost child, Shinichi keeps Kaito's room immaculate so it'll be ready for when he returns. It's a way for him to deal with his own grief and trauma. 
> 
> 5\. Shinichi is not a good drunk. He's the type to gravitate to bad thoughts and 'what-ifs'. He should NOT drink alone. 
> 
> Thank you for reading~ I'll be posting the next chapter on Tuesday! Feel free to leave a comment or chat with me, hehe~ Connect with me here: [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu) Take care everyone~!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Here's chapter 34! As a commenter said, we're slowing building the "protect Kaito" club, haha~ This chapter will show more bonding between Shinichi and Nakamori san and Aoko.
> 
> Chapter warnings: hangovers, cursing, Nakamori san talking about cringey things 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke with my head throbbing and to the smell of something nice. I blinked my eyes and tried to sit up. My head spun, and I tossed a blanket off of me. _Mhmm… smells nice… Did Kaito make breakfast or something?_ Nothing was clicking in my mind and I wondered why I fell asleep on the couch… a couch I didn’t even own…

My eyes widened quickly, and I looked around frantically. This was not my house; this was not a house I recognized. I leapt to my feet, which is bad for someone with a hangover, and I swayed back and forth trying to catch my bearings. Nothing in this house was familiar, I’d never been here before. _Just what happened when I was drunk?! Kidnapped? Unlikely… I’m not restrained. Picked up off the streets by some Samaritan who found me passed out on the streets? Maybe… I just hope they have good intentions… Oh god! Please don’t tell me I slept with someone!_

“Oh, Kudo san, are you awake?” I turned quickly and saw her, the Ran lookalike, the one I had met earlier at the police department, the daughter of Inspector Nakamori, Nakamori Aoko. I stared dumbfounded for a second trying to piece together why I was here and what had happened the day before.

“Kudo san… Do… A-are you okay?” My eyes widened as everything came rushing back to me. I fell back onto the couch and brought a hand over my forehead. _Kaito… that video… Dammit! I got drunk last night, real drunk… I was distraught… where did I even get that knife from again? Inspector Nakamori called, and he was scared… He came and wrapped my arms and then I must have passed out leading me to here…_ I couldn’t resist smiling and laughing at my situation. This had to be a new low. A man I hardly knew had to save me from myself because I was emotionally compromised and drunk. Oh, well… I probably won’t ever be able to top that. I looked back up at Aoko; she wore a disturbed expression.

“I’m fine Nakamori san, just a bit hungover and a bit confused. I’m assuming you or your father will fill me in though. I apologize for being a bother last night, and if it doesn’t bother you, do you have water or perhaps some aspirin?” I asked through squinted eyes. It was too damn bright in this room, hell, this whole house!

“Right!” she said quickly running off and bringing back a glass of water. I drank it slowly and took the two pills she handed me.

“Breakfast is done Kudo san… You could join my father and me. I made enough for three…” She had this temporarily sad look in her eyes before she returned to a small smile.

“Are you alright, Nakamori chan?” I asked referring to her changing expressions.

“Sorry… I just remembered something… We just haven’t had another person eating with us since Kaito first disappeared. I just remembered how lonely meals have become.”

“Kaito?” I asked raising a brow. “Are you referring to KID?” I was curious as to what she knew.

“So… you do know that Kaito’s KID… And yeah, Kuroba Kaito, my next-door neighbor, best friend, and practically my older brother…” I nodded taking in this semi-new information. _Kuroba eh? Interesting last name meaning black feathers… Black Feathered Thief? Somehow that doesn’t fit Kaito at all…_

“Kaito spoke fondly of you,” I responded. “I suppose I’ll join you and Inspector Nakamori for breakfast. I still have to thank him too.”

“Okay… I have a question if you don’t mind… How are you related to Kaito?” My eyes widened at that question, though I should have been expecting it.

“I’ll explain at the table,” I responded while following Aoko to the dining room. Her dad was already at the table and I took a seat farthest from Aoko and her dad. I didn’t want to seem like I was intruding more than I already was.

“Good morning Kudo san,” Inspector Nakamori greeted. “How are you feeling today?” I looked down.

“The hangover is a killer, and my arms are sore, but otherwise I feel… I-I… I’ve been better,” I provided them both a strained smile which they both returned. “Thank you, Inspector Nakamori, and Nakamori san… You both completely overstepped your boundaries, but I’m so grateful for that…” I stood and bowed to both of them.

“Don’t act so formal Kudo san, we’re all connected here.” I nodded and sat back down.

“Then call me Shinichi. Only Inspector Megure calls me Kudo.”

“Then I’m Aoko and my dad is just Nakamori san. We’re both informal too,” Aoko instructed me.

“Well, Shinichi… I don’t mean to be frank, but can you fill us both in on how you know Kaito? We’re both curious and even concerned as to what your relationship is and how much we can trust you,” Nakamori said with a steady voice.

“Dad! That’s a bit forward,” Aoko scolded. She reminded me a lot of Ran.

“N-no, it’s fine Aoko. I knew this question had to be answered and you two both deserve to know for yours and Kaito’s sakes. I know Kaito values you two very much. Kaito is… I’m… I… er… How do I say this without sounding bad? Um… I love Kaito.” They looked at me and I looked back at them. I wasn’t sure if I was being judged or not, but I’d created an uncomfortable atmosphere regardless. Nakamori san swallowed many times and Aoko opened her mouth to talk and then closed again, choosing instead to bite her lip.

“I-I mean it! I’m not joking! I do love Kaito! Kaito’s been living with me since he escaped his first captivity… I’ve been taking care of him and trying to offer him whatever type of consolation I can…” I looked down and bit my tongue.

"Um… okay Shinichi… That definitely wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but you still seem sincere… I'm sorry we're acting like this, but I don’t think Dad or myself had imagined that to be your excuse… I mean you're a detective, how could you love a thief?" I looked down with a disheartened face.

"Aoko, I really do love Kaito though. Kaito is more or less my boyfriend. He does return my feelings… It's hard to believe that a detective could love a thief, but Kaito… Kaito understands me and what I've been through… he's always been there for me even as KID. Now I want to return the favor. Kaito means the world to me. He's so lively and I love the way he gets under people's skin, but also makes them fond of him at the same time. He's so caring and his acts of selflessness will never stop astounding me. He's so intelligent, so stupidly intelligent, and he's so charming yet a complete prankster. I've fallen hard for him and there's no way I'm letting a petty division such as 'thief' and 'detective' divide us. Besides, I don't even view Kaito as a criminal. He’s my hero!” My blushing red face, heightened pitch, and defensive stance must have won them all over as they both sighed and shook their heads.

“I guess the police department rumors are true then…” I looked to Nakamori san and my blush deepened. “You know how department rumors spread Shinichi.” He offered me a small smirk.

“Please don’t put stock in half of those rumors Nakamori san… I’ve heard some of them…” I begged while suddenly not having an appetite as Aoko served me. Nakamori san laughed a loud laugh and I wished to be smaller. Nothing was worse than being the subject of police department gossip.

“What type of rumors are they Dad?” Aoko asked with a curious face. Nakamori san gave me this small look, one that told me this was my payment for them taking me in. I had to be the butt of their fun.

“Well, Aoko… At lot of people at the department think that Shinichi over there landed himself a babe. They thought he had some real hottie at home making him bentos and helping him get ready for work each day. The supposed girl was even leaving notes in his lunches. It became even worse since Shinichi has been having an irregular work schedule where sometimes he doesn’t even show up for work for one reason or another… It’s all quite suspicious.” I looked down at the food in front of me… This wasn’t even the worst of the gossip. It all got worse after I lost Kaito again.

“That’s not even the best of it Aoko! It’s when the secret shippers came to light in the police department. Apparently, a lot of people shipped Shinichi and KID… I mean once the department knew of your time as the ‘KID Killer’, it was hard not to see it as a plausible pairing. When you broke down after Kaito was taken again, it was hard not to imagine the relationship you two actually share. You’ve been missing work or showing up at odd hours, Shinichi; you’re completely missing the books and doujinshis people have made of you and Kaito! KIDShin, as they call the pairing, is actually pretty popular, especially among KID fans. And I’m sure you know how crazy Kaito’s fans are.” My face paled as I recalled the nightmare of traveling with them.

“None of them are ever coming close to my Kaito,” I said affirmatively. Nakamori san cackled and Aoko nodded her head almost approvingly.

“You’ve passed the test for now, Shinichi,” Aoko informed me. “I think you’re okay for Kaito as of now, but don’t you dare screw up. Kaito’s means a lot to me and Dad and we won’t let you break his heart. He’s had too many disappointments in his life already.”

“Make sure you take care of him Shinichi… especially now. What those people are doing to him… Kaito… I highly doubt he’ll be the same… He’ll need all of us to help bring him back from the dark hole that they are shoving him into…” Nakamori san told me this with a firm look in his eyes, one that reminded me that I couldn’t back out now, even if I was nervous or didn’t think I could handle it. 

“Aoko… you mentioned disappointments… If you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean?” I asked trying not to be insensitive.

She looked down before replying, “Well… Shinichi… It’s not easy to explain, but I suppose telling you is something Kaito and we owe to you… I’m pretty sure you know that Kaito’s dad died when he was really young, yeah?” I nodded affirmatively and she continued.

“Well… Kaito really admired his dad and his dad was his first magic teacher. Sometimes the admiration wasn’t a father-son admiration, but rather an idol-fan or a god-subject type of admiration. Kaito learned all of the basics of magic from his dad. Kaito’s dad died when we were seven and under very suspicious circumstances. Kaito’s mom left almost immediately after for a trip of sorts. Kaito went to the funeral alone. Kaito didn’t cry, no… he never dropped that numb face of his. He was bullied for a while after that for being too emotionless … It was around that time that Kaito picked up that smile we all know. Kaito started smiling a lot and not using the expressionless face with dead eyes. Even if the light never met his eyes, his smile was blinding enough to give us the illusion.”

“Kaito’s mom never returned… Well, I mean she still comes home now and then, but she’s always traveling away, as Kaito puts it, ‘wasting all the money his father ever earned’. Kaito still loves his mom and they talk, but sometimes I wish she would have been there for him more. At seven Kaito lived alone… My dad and I sort of took him in as friends and concerned onlookers. It was weird to always be receiving that smile, to never have seen him grieve before… Kaito’s been denying himself emotionally for years… It’s almost as if he’s punishing himself. It doesn’t matter how many times people disappoint him, leave him, or abuse him… He’s always still there with that smile…” Aoko ended her explanation while looking down and gripping onto her skirt as if it would comfort her.

“How much longer can he keep up the façade before it all just shatters?” I asked mostly to myself while carefully keeping my emotions shielded. I needed to mull over this information.

“Kaito cried when he was with me and he cried, I guess, for himself a lot. He let out a lot but gave away practically nothing. He has trust issues… When I first met him, I assumed it was because he was a thief, but now I realize it was probably losing both his parents…” I sighed and ran a hand through my messy bed hair. “Nakamori san… what are we supposed to do? You now know of Kaito’s situation, so what now?”

Nakamori put down the cup of coffee he was drinking. “You won’t like this answer Shinichi… I would normally say we find the place they’re holding Kaito and we beat the shit out of the people who even would dare hurt him, but I can’t calculate a risk like that. Too many factors are involved for me to act on impulse… This isn’t a heist; no one is dancing to KID’s rhythm... Deaths will occur if we jump into their hands… Kaito knows something we don’t, or he’s calculated this risk and weighed the pros and cons. Naturally, he saw it more fitting to give himself in than to risk others getting injured. Kaito knows everything while we’re here clawing at whatever he left us... We need more information, or we need to wait… I’m sorry Shinichi…” I shielded my miffed eyes from them and gave a small smile. _Am I becoming like Kaito in a sense? Hiding my true emotions all the time like this…_

“No, I understand Nakamori san… I expected that answer. I hate being idle, but I suppose I just need to hold out a bit longer—”

“Kudo san! Pardon this scolding but… I fucking swear if you charge into their base alone regardless of whether or not it is to save Kaito, I will personally kill you! I will have Inspector Megure put you under 24/7 watch if I so suspect that you are going to do something stupid! Kaito rolled his own dice, don’t you dare take his sacrifice lightly! And if you ever try to kill yourself again, I’ll personally resurrect you and give you a ‘Nakamori lecture’ on how you hurt everyone around you and how fucking idiotic your decision was!” I gulped nervously and tried not to meet Nakamori’s eyes. This guy could really be scary sometimes.

“Yes Sir!” I slurred out quickly clutching my now aching head. A hangover and a Nakamori lecture weren’t really a good combination.

“Don’t get that drunk ever again too. You could poison yourself or harm your brain,” he huffed out. I nodded and drank more water.

“You know Shinichi…” he said sounding more sympathetic. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose a loved one the way you are, but I do know what it’s like to only be able to watch while your loved one is dying. My wife was kidnapped and tortured slowly. It was only after she died that we started the raid to capture the sick bastard. He raped her and brutally disfigured her body… I was still a young detective, but I couldn’t do anything… My inspector wouldn’t let my emotions take over me and ruin the raid…” he sighed while trying to blink away old, painful memories.

“I’m… I’m sorry for your loss…”

“Don’t be, Shinichi… this was way before your time as a detective and I have Aoko… It was an important lesson that I learned from that time…” he trailed off and I waited curiously.

“And what was that lesson Nakamori san?” I asked.

“I learned that I would never let another bastard take anyone precious from me! And that if any other sorry person found himself in my shoes, that I would never let him feel the pain of being unable to do anything! That I would save them and their loved one… Nothing is worse than losing the one you love and knowing that you might have been able to save them… Regrets are the worst and you’re too young to start having them.” I smiled at Nakamori san and he offered me an acknowledging nod.

The rest of the morning and afternoon we spent talking about this and that, mostly about Kaito. It was surprisingly calming, and it was a good way to diffuse the whole Kaito torture video we were all sent. Nakamori san drove me back to my house. Lucky for him and me, it was Sunday, so neither of us needed an excuse for work since Sunday was our day off.

I sighed as I entered my house and leaned against the door. It was going to be another long, lonely night, but I was planning on showing up to the office tomorrow. I had some rumors to put to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hopefully this chapter was a bit lighter and shows that Shinichi is NOT alone. He's slowly forming his support group of Ran, Agasa and Haibara, and the Nakamoris. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi's thought process runs in a bottom-up fashion, presenting facts and details before coming to a conclusion. This is seen when he identifies Aoko. He names all these details about her (in order of relevancy to him) before sharing her name. I think Kaito would be a mixture of bottom-up and top-down, with a tendency towards the latter. He tends to start with big pictures and work his way to the smaller details. This makes sense for both of them as a detective uncovers the truth and a magician works to make illusions reality. 
> 
> 2\. Inspector Nakamori and Aoko have similar personalities, haha. They can both be pretty abrasive and forward, with Aoko being a bit more muted than her father. You can see how scary they both are when they're interrogating Shinichi and his relations to Kaito. 
> 
> 3\. I wanted Aoko to be a bit more mature in this series. She's a few years older and A LOT has happened (such as losing her best friend and going to college). I think a lot of her antics and playfulness comes out due to Kaito's personality and teasings, so, around others, she a lot more reserved. I also wanted to change her communication quirks a bit. Instead of speaking in third person, I wanted her to utilize pauses and be frank. She was raised by a rough, police inspector; I don't think 'dainty' is a way to describe her, haha. On this note, I tried not to make her conversation too flowery. 
> 
> 4\. Nakamori san doesn't have a canon wife, so I created one (and killed her off). I'm thinking this is why he works in thievery and not homicide. 
> 
> 5\. Why does Nakamori san know about shipping and the KIDShin slash at the department...? Well, I guess he does a lot of thorough research on KID on the internet. IDK, I just thought it would be funny
> 
> 6\. Shinichi is capable of loving Kaito and in many ways very forward, but he can't, for the life of him, unawkwardly announce his feelings for Kaito to anyone else. I take this trait from his past with Ran. He loved her, showed said affection, but was dismissive when others butted their heads in, haha~
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! Leave a comment if you'd like :) I'll be posting the next chapter on Thursday! Feel free to connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu) Take care everyone~!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are lucky today~ I'm posting TWO updates! Why you ask? Well, I felt like being kind today (and am procrastinating some assignments haha...)
> 
> Forgot to celebrate it with the last chapter, but we hit 100K words~!! That's a lot! and we're still going strong! Thank you everyone for your support so far~ 
> 
> Chapter warnings: fighting, guns 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

“My… my Kaito… It looks like I got the best of you, hmm? What? You’re not even going to acknowledge I’m here? Heh… You really are nothing more than a doll now; the rumors are true.” Kaori grabbed Kaito by the chin forcing him to look up at her, but all she received was a dull gaze and no verbal response. Kaito held no emotions in those lifeless eyes. “You’ve finally became numb to the pain, to your emotions… You’ve been broken by me and I won the battle, no, the war!”

“I suppose I’ll only have one-sided conversations with you from now on, hmm Kaito?” She laughed and narrowed her eyes at the broken thief. “The best part of this arrangement is I have power over you and you still have your intelligence and wits. I’ll build you back up Kaito. I’ll be unstoppable with you under my belt. Now… now Kaito. I have a request of you. It’s really easy, a job that caters to your personal skills. You will steal a jewel of my choice to check for Pandora. I’ll let you train and build up your stamina again, Kaito… no… Your real name is KID now!” Kaori laughed to herself, but the lack of a response irritated her and she slapped Kaito across the face. Kaito didn’t react and only the sound of the slap resonated through the dim room.

Kaori glared at the thief one more time before leaving Kaito alone in the room.

* * *

Almost immediately after, the Organization started a rough regimen for the phantom thief. Kaito—or rather KID—was put through strict diet and exercise habits to help build him back up again. The only dangerous part of this plan was they had to be careful to not empower the thief and give him the will to fight on.

It had been almost six months since Kaito was kidnapped and he’d had two months of training. It was hard to break down the thief, but not so hard to build him back up. KID was a born and raised phantom thief; he was meant for acrobatic tricks and athletic feats impossible for the normal human. Under Kaori’s orders, KID started using a real gun and real human targets, though none of this phased the numb thief. KID practiced martial arts and even worked on his hacking skills. He was becoming more and more multi-faceted.

Nothing phased the thief as he was further and further corrupted. The worse and worse KID became, the more and more Kaori twisted the blade of guilt in her gut. She had jabbed that blade into herself by breaking KID, but this only spread her pain. Sure, this had earned her respect amongst her underlings—if it could be called respect—but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she had tainted something that should never be touched. _You don’t take an already crazy person and make them insane,_ a voice inside scolded her. _I’m relying on the fragile bonds I have over him… Have I created a monster out of him? If he gains the will or even a sense of vengeance… We’ll all be dead… KID’s a killing machine, even before this training. He’s so skilled and intelligent… only his sense of justice and preservation of others kept us all safe… Without that guard… is KID even safe?_

Kaori’s eyes narrowed as she watched the progression of KID’s fighting for the day. KID took out guard after guard, but he had been ordered to not hurt anyone seriously. In this manner, he only knocked them to the ground and proceeded to the next. He was loyal in his own dangerous way. _He’s like a dog… It doesn’t matter what we do to him anymore… He just takes it and keeps that blank expression. Even now, he’s emotionless as he brings them down and doesn’t say a thing to anyone…_

“KID, that’s enough,” Kaori said speaking into the intercom microphone. KID stopped fighting immediately.

“KID I want to talk to you for a moment. Come see me.” Obediently, KID stepped around the fallen bodies and walked to the room that Kaori remained in.

“KID,” she said addressing him from her swivel chair, “your training has been going smoothly. You’re quick to learn and, frankly, there isn’t much to teach you. I think you’re ready for the heist, at least the heist debriefing.” KID didn’t give her a facial cue, but she knew he was listening.

“This is the target KID. Take it in and remember it well. This gem is a large opal doublet from Mexico. It’s called a dragon’s breath opal. This particular opal was fitted onto a ring and used in an engagement. According to legend, the ring was supposed to be the ring between a Spaniard and an Aztec girl. She denied the man and the man took out his anger on that girl. He brutally murdered her, and the ring was covered in blood. The opal, originally blue, turned red with the blood. The girl was supposedly murdered under a full moon, and under the full natural light of the full moon, the jewel glows red and helps carry out the greediest of all desires: immortality. His lust and desire led to the death of someone innocent… sounds tantalizing… just like a Pandora worthy stone, hmm?” Kaori’s smirk had no effect on KID’s blank face. Though she noted the small dip in his eyebrows; he was thinking. He was already making mental notes and considering what to do with this and that detail.

“Go back to your quarters, KID, and I’ll bring by more information later. Take care and prepare. I left a file in your cell, read through the information.” KID stood up again and nodded his head slightly before leaving with his guards—though they were more like escorts making sure he made it from point A to point B.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first update of 2~ This chapter is hella short, but very important as it pushes us to the next plot point in this tale~ I think we can all agree that Kaori is unredeemable. I wonder who y'all think is worse, Talon or Kaori? 
> 
> Well, I started classes again and they're relentless! I'm taking two Japanese classes (another language course and one on literature) and a class on Black QTs in media. Doesn't sound like much, but it's a lot to balance with work, hehe... I don't plan on pausing updates though! 
> 
> Thank you for reading~ Headcanons and author notes will be in the next chapter (since the next chapter is related to this one and provides a bit more context). I'll release another chapter on Saturday! Connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Here's the second update for the day~ Wooh~ Enjoy this chapter of Dad Nakamori becoming everyone's dad. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: none(?)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I heard a knock on my door and my head tilted. Nobody knocked on my door; if they needed me, they just entered. The knock was also hesitant and a bit quiet. This visitor already intrigued me.

“Come in!” I called out not leaving the mountain of paperwork on my desk. Today was not a field day for me and I was stuck behind a desk wrapping up cases and other matters.

The door opened and Inspector Nakamori entered. “Ah, hello Nakamori san!” I greeted standing up to meet him. My back crackled in response and I winced as my body protested every movement. Perhaps I had been sitting for too long.

“Good afternoon Shinichi,” he said with a slight nod, an almost nervous nod. “Have you been especially busy today?” he asked me while glancing over at the impressive stack of papers on my desk.

“No more so than usual Nakamori san,” I responded. “Crime never stops in Tokyo, so I’ve got to do my best. Admittedly, I prefer field work to this though,” I mumbled out annoyed. He laughed lightly.

“I used to work for Division 1, but I went to Division 2 because of the field work. The sight of corpses really struck me after a while… and after the incident…” I nodded in understanding.

“So… What brings you here Nakamori san? I don’t think you came here just to chat.”

“Actually Shinichi… Here, read this and don’t say anything yet, not until I explain things…” With that Nakamori gave me an envelope and went to lock my office door and close the blinds. Whatever this was, it was confidential.

I opened the envelope carefully and found a small card inside, a KID card:

_‘I will steal the tlaezicuilolli when the strawberry shines reflecting crimson through the streets._

_-Kaitou KID’_

I looked up at Nakamori who was busy looking down in thought. “What does this mean Nakamori san? Is it real?”

“It’s real as far as I’m concerned… The KID insignia is there, the writing is the same… it even mirrors his pre-capture notices back in his hay day… This is from KID, but we don’t know if it is from KID alone… The people who captured him—”

“Could be forcing him to hold heists?” I guessed with narrowed eyes.

“Yes… KID could be more dangerous with this heist or not even be the same thief as before. This heist must under all circumstances remain a private affair. The public will not be made aware of this. We can’t risk injury for the sake of the public and for the sake of KID…” I looked away.

“Does the department know?”

“No… just you and me… I need your help putting together a special list of officers who will help us intercept KID… We need to catch him… Who knows what kind of emotional state KID is in right now?”

“Alright… what about the heist notice? What can you decipher from it? What even is the gem?” I asked looking the name of the gem over again.

“It’s a Mexican fire opal doublet on a golden band. It’s going on display tomorrow. The language we see is Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs… The ring has a complicated history which makes the heist note a bit eerie…” I frowned.

“What do you mean by that Nakamori san?” He sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair.

“The ring being displayed is supposedly cursed… It was going to be used as an engagement ring, but the lady it was for denied the marriage and was brutally murdered. Apparently, the opal was originally blue, but once it was covered in blood, it became red. Legend says that under the full moon the gem glows red and grants someone their greatest desire. That folk myth has been passed done for centuries and many people have been killed trying to gain possession of the stone.” Nakamori’s eyebrows creased together tightly from stress. “If my assumptions are correct, and they usually are for KID, then I believe the people who captured KID are going to use him not only as a thief but also as a weapon… The note did reference that the streets would be bloody…”

“Do you already have an idea as to when the heist will occur?”

“No, not yet… I’m trying to figure out that and what the strawberry refers to.” I nodded.

“Well, I have an idea as to what both mean… KID’s note referenced an Aztec legend… I don’t know the Aztecs well, but I’ve studied a bit of the Algonquin culture and the novel names surrounding moons. Strawberry could refer to the strawberry moon, which does not reference an eclipse, but rather the last full moon before the summer solstice. That would give us a date as well as a time. KID is going to steal the gem when the moon is at its highest on June 20, the next full moon.” Nakamori san nodded and hummed to himself.

“In other words, KID will steal the opal ring on June 20 around midnight after the streets are bloody…”

“Yeah, I guess that’s the closest translation of the note… Damn, I really hope that KID isn’t the one carrying out the murders… It would mean they finally broke him or that he’s not himself at the moment… I’ve completely stopped receiving any updates on KID… in fact they stopped sending me pictures a while back… I-I just assumed the worst Nakamori san…” I laughed slightly and ran a hand through my hair.

“I thought I could just move on by submerging myself in work and push him to the back of my mind… But now this… Dammit!” My fist rained down on my desk causing a dull sound and making everything on it shake.

“Calm down Shinichi,” Nakamori said resting his hand on my shoulder. “We’ll take care of everything. We’ll catch KID and save him. He means a lot to me too and I feel guilty for his initial capture… I’m just as angry as you are, but we have to control our emotions. No one is to know that KID sent in a notice. We have to act normal and you know how hard it is for me to control my emotions…”

“Y-yeah I know… Nakamori san… I-I just need a couple minutes by myself…” Nakamori nodded and squeezed my shoulder.

“Take your time… And Shinichi? Drop by for dinner tonight. It’s almost Kaito’s birthday and Aoko could use some cheering up.” I nodded and Nakamori san left my office. I knew that was his way of saying ‘let me watch over you, I’m scared you’ll try something again’.

I went over to the door and locked it again. Then I slid down the door and laid my head against the wood. Silent tears of relief and pain surfaced and fell wetting my jacket. I bit into my jacket sleeve to conceal my whimpers. My hands balled into fists and beat into my thighs. It wasn’t fair to me or Kaito or anyone. _How long has it been? How long now? How long have I been without Kaito?! And now… he’s suddenly alive again…?_ I didn’t know what to feel, how to act, nor what to do.

“Kaito, how much longer do we have to endure this?” My head fell onto my knees and I just sat like that for a while trying to weed through the thoughts mulling through my head.

* * *

I knocked on the door a couple times before Aoko came and opened it. “S-Shinichi?” she asked as soon as she recognized me. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know we were expecting you…”

“Hello Aoko… Sorry about that. Your dad asked me to drop by tonight for dinner, I’m surprised he didn’t tell you… If I’m imposing, I’ll leave…”

“N-no! Don’t worry about it, Shinichi, Aoko is flexible!” she said pointing a thumb to herself with a small smile. “We have more than enough food for everyone; I still try to cook for three.” She let me in and showed me my guest slippers.

I followed her to the kitchen where Nakamori san was waiting with his own dinner.

“Ah, Shinichi! You made it! I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up or not.” I nodded and Aoko showed me my seat. I sat almost awkwardly; I didn’t have a reason to be here other than Nakamori asked me to be here. Aoko didn’t know why I was here, and it must be awkward for her… I look a lot like Kaito, but Aoko and I are not close. It’s complicated…

“So Nakamori san… I’m wondering why you invited me here?” I asked hoping he would provide the reason for myself as well as Aoko.

“Yes Shinichi… I just wanted to see how you’re holding up; it’s been a while since we’ve all been together. You know Kaito’s birthday is coming up, right?” My eyes quickly flicked to Aoko and I noticed her tightened grip on her chopsticks.

“No, I didn’t know that. Kaito was pretty secretive about his personal life outside of KID, which is understandable. He didn’t want to endanger anyone, especially not you two. If I knew his birthday, I could possibly figure out his true identity from a birth certificate.” A small chuckle escaped me suddenly.

“I think Kaito thought that I knew his real identity half the time. I think he thought I’d actually look into him and try to figure him out. I respect his privacy though; I know what it’s like having a secret identity and a civilian one. It’s hard to not blur the lines and to protect everyone around you…” I looked down at the food in front of me with a light smile. Nakamori san was watching me intently and Aoko was seemingly distracted as she tried to guard her emotions. She was worse than me at hiding what she was feeling, though.

“Are you okay Aoko?” She looked up quickly with wide eyes and a bewildered expression. My own expression faltered.

“Sorry, Shinichi,” she responded at my failing expression, “you just surprised me… that’s all…” I knew Aoko was trying to hide her feelings and I now understood one of the reasons why Nakamori san wanted me here.

“Aoko, it’s okay to voice your feelings for Kaito.” _Shit! I phrased that wrong!_ Our eyes locked and Aoko burst out laughing. “No-no! I voiced that wrong!” I spoke quickly shaking my hands quickly as if it would clear that phrase from our minds. If Kaito was here, he’d never let me live that down.

“I-it’s okay Shinichi,” she tried to speak while wiping tears from her eyes. “But don’t ever get that idea about me and Kaito again! I’d never date that flamboyant self-absorbed idiot!” she huffed out with a playful gleam in her eyes. I laughed remembering a previous time when Kaito had said something along the same line about Aoko.

“You two really are like siblings sometimes. I’d love to see you two together,” I smiled as Aoko sat back in her chair.

“I’d love to see Kaito again too,” Aoko sighed regaining her dreary expression.

“Hey, don’t give up on Kaito coming back! Kaito will escape again and Nakamori san, Kaito, and myself will catch the people who dared to hurt Kaito! Things will return to how they should be,” _I hope…_

“Kaito knows how important he is to all of us. He’ll be back again one day.” _One day soon, I hope._ “So, don’t give in Aoko and don’t give up. Kaito wouldn’t want that and…” I stopped talking and bit my lip; this wasn’t my strong point after all.

Aoko laughed softly at first, but the laughing increased until she was crying and Nakamori san and I tensed up. She waved us off though. “No, no… I’m fine I swear. Thank you, Shinichi.” She wiped the tears from her eyes, but there was a sincere smile stuck to her face.

“I know that Kaito will come back one day… It takes a lot to kill him, I would know.” I tilted my head slightly wondering what she meant by that phrase. “Thank you, Shinichi, Dad… Don’t worry about me though… Jeez, Kaito’s the one who needs us most!” With that, Aoko took a small drink of tea as if it would hide her blushing face. “You didn’t need to bring Shinichi here Dad. I’m fine!”

I chuckled and grabbed the back of my neck as a blush rose to my own cheeks. Nobody knew what to say now.

“Well, this is awkward…” Nakamori san interjected and we all cringed inwardly.

“It is Dad… Maybe you should try talking to me before bringing Shinichi in like this. He’s not responsible for me. On the other hand, because Shinichi’s here, something happened with Kaito, yeah?” Nakamori san and I flinched and locked eyes. She had read us so well.

“Well yes… actually,” I responded quietly waiting to see Nakamori san’s reaction. He nodded and I continued.

“We received a heist notice that we believe is authentic. We don’t know if it will be KID carrying out the heist, but we do know we have to keep this quiet. If KID pulls of the heist… he may be working for the people who caught him… He may even be dead… we know nothing about his situation or what will happen. We have to be prepared for anything.” Aoko nodded and she looked down as if processing my information.

“So, KID might become active again and he may be a bad guy now… Okay…” she sighed and frowned. “Okay… I’ll be counting on you two to take care of what happens regardless of whether or not it’s good. Save KID, his name, or even both. Don’t let them tarnish the last thing Kaito has left of that legacy. Save that mask please, save him please. Even if he’s dead, don’t let them ruin this mask.” I nodded solemnly and motioned to Nakamori san.

“Aoko, nobody in the department knows about this aside from us. The department is corrupted, do not trust them blindly. We will try our best to save KID, but if he is corrupted, if he tries to kill someone… I’ll… we’ll have to… end him.” Nakamori san tensed his jaw waiting for Aoko’s response.

“I understand and I agree. I want Kaito to be saved, even if it’s from himself. If he’s no longer himself, then what must be done must be done.” She spoke using an uncharacteristically steely voice and I gulped as that information sunk into my brain. Would I be strong enough to pull the trigger on Kaito if I needed to? I liked to think so for Kaito’s sake, but I knew that I would hesitate. I would see Kaito beneath the new face they gave him, and I wouldn’t be able to kill him. I prayed that Kaito was still there, that it would never be me or him.

“Shinichi, you understand that too, right?” Nakamori san asked me and I gulped.

“Y-yes Sir. I don’t like it, but I have no choice but to accept it.” Nakamori san nodded approvingly and I hid the frown that threatened to show itself.

“Remember both of you,” Nakamori san began, “I’m here for both of you, so don’t become disillusioned. Kaito is strong and he loves all of us… We all know that, right?” Somehow, as Aoko and I nodded our heads, I felt like he was saying that to reassure himself.

“And the same is true for you too, Nakamori san. This isn’t your fault, none of it.” I offered the inspector a steady gaze and he tipped his head slightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh... Reason I'm posting these chapters relatively late is because halfway through my final edits I decided to make a cake. Cake's in the oven right now and I'm here typing up my last notes. 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter~ 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Props to anyone who can say 'tlaezicuilolli'~ It's in Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs (and half of my ancestors). Tlaezicuilolli means blood by the way~ 
> 
> 2\. I've heard that the Strawberry moon is sometimes called the Honeymead moon or Honey moon in Europe (may be wrong), but the term was coined by the Algonquian people, who are native to Northeastern America (from Ontario, Quebec to Virginia, USA). It's a term relevant to strawberry harvesting. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed two updates in one day~ The next chapter will be released on Saturday! Take care everyone~ (Connect with me here: [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu))  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.  
> 


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ Here's chapter 37! Please read and enjoy~ 
> 
> Chapter warnings: physical abuse (mention), blood, injury 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Snake’s eyes fell to the floor; things had changed for him. It was different when KID fought back. It was at least satisfying to attempt to wipe the arrogant grin off a thief who had caused him so much grief, but now he found no entertainment in the thief. That day was the worst he had seen so far. KID was wronged in so many ways and he didn’t even fight back. KID was broken and now he was nothing more than a toy for his boss. KID had gone from being the moral stone in Snake’s life to a doll. KID did what was asked of him, even if it meant killing someone. Snake missed the KID who never hurt anyone, who his kids looked up to and admired.

Yes, his children… He had three and a lovely wife who he loved and missed terribly. He would never reveal his identity to them; they thought he was a traveling businessman. No, he would never endanger them. Part of his loyalty to the organization was that Ueda sama threatened his family and would kill them without notice if she thought he was slacking off or planning a betrayal. 

Snake hated himself more than he hated the lady who dangled the lives of his loved ones over his head. More than anyone else, Snake should relate to KID, who fought on a daily basis to save the ones he loved. However, he could only wish for the courage to fight incessantly for the people he loved.

_KID’s gone…._ He tried to remind himself. _And_ _I helped kill him…_ With that, Snake tried to steel himself. Ueda sama was preparing for something big, the first trial of a KID working for the organization.

Ueda sama had terrible plans for KID. She planned on using his good image to attract people to her organization and then use his skills to eliminate any obstacle that stood in her way. KID was good, he could kill, steal, face torture… KID was good…

_I can’t let him shame his public image… that may be all he has left…_ Snake never hated KID. In a way, he admired KID for attracting his kids, for doing something he couldn’t. Snake honestly wished he was more like KID, but he knew that could never happen. Snake had wronged so many people and the sins he committed, he did so willingly. Snake had so many regrets; he wondered if KID had regrets too. 

_What’s the point of my life now? My kids don’t even know me, and my wife is in constant pain because I’m never home, and when I am, I’m a terrible person to her and them. I need to do something for KID… It doesn’t matter what happens to me in the end. All that matters is that the better man in this world lives and provides a world that my kids can live in. KID will make a positive change in this world. He’ll stop this organization that plagues the world with lies and false hopes. KID will save us all and I will choose to believe in that._

Having collected his thoughts, Snake took in a deep breath and pushed open the door that led to the room where KID stayed. The dank smell and bad atmosphere led to chills running up and down his spine. He gulped and approached the husk of KID the phantom thief.

KID didn’t look physically bad. The bruises were gone, and he was of a normal weight, but the mental scars ran deep. As a protective measure, KID had shut himself away from the world and now he was a doll ready to do as anyone pleased in order to avoid the pain and suffering that put him here. His eyes were blank, empty, emotionless… KID wasn’t living, he was barely scraping by on factory settings. Even as Snake approached him, KID did not look up or even acknowledge him.

“KID… I don’t know if you can understand me and hell… I don’t even know if you can hear me, but even if you’ve shut yourself away from the world to protect yourself… Goddammit! Come back to me KID, just for this one moment!” KID’s facial expression did not change at all.

“During the heist… You have to escape! I don’t care what you have to do, but you have to escape this place! Don’t let the organization tarnish your name! You can’t kill in public and you can’t become the bad guy! You need to escape!” KID didn’t look up.

Snake sighed and his head fell. “I know that we’re not close KID… I know that I’ve been an aggressor and that I have no right to do this… I shouldn’t be looking for pity, especially not from you… You’ve sacrificed everything to keep those around you safe… I’ve given up everything to keep myself safe… I couldn’t fight the way you do to keep my family safe… I only hurt them… KID… my kids love you more than they love me. They idolize you! I can’t protect them and I can’t even love my wife… You made the ultimate sacrifice… You’re the people’s hero! Please… K-Kaito… come back… take down the Organization… be our savior…” Snake wasn’t sure if he only imagined it, but he thought he saw some light, a spark, enter the thief’s eyes.

“This is going to get me killed and I bet Ueda sama is already sending in guards to kill me now… I never thought I’d be able to stand up to that lady… guess that makes me a dissenter now…”

“I-I have no right to request this KID… but please forgive me one day. You opened my eyes to how bad of a person I’ve been. I thought I was protecting my family, but I was just being a coward. Shit, you made me realize how messed up this whole situation is and that my life doesn’t have worth until I give it worth. Maybe you’re already long gone, but if not and if you took maybe a grain of my words then… Then I’ve added a bit of worth to this miserable life… Never got to say goodbye to my family… guess that amounts to the type of person I am.” Snake shut his eyes as he heard the opening of the door behind him and the click back of a handgun’s safety. A small smile covered his face; he knew that in the worst way, this was the end.

He didn’t expect to be roughly pushed to the ground as a bullet narrowly missed him and then shoved away again. He didn’t expect KID to tackle the attacking guard and promptly knock him out.

“KID?!” Snake gaped unable to move from his spot, paralyzed by shock.

“O-oi! Move it! Snake! Unless you want the rest of his buddies to come! You need to get out of here!” KID was pulling Snake to his feet and looking over his shoulder for more guards at the same time. His voice sounded rusty and unused, but Snake was merely awestruck at the sound.

“Wh-what…?” KID sighed at the dumbfounded expression of the man he was trying to save.

“Don’t ask questions now. We’ve gotta book it or we’ll both end up in deep shit! Come on!” KID growled trying to hide the anxious look overcoming his features.

“Th-thank you!” was all Snake managed.

“They won’t kill me, so I’m not scared about that, but you’re a different story, mister dissenter.” KID tried to chuckle to himself quietly, but he broke out laughing.

“D-do you have a map of this place? I’ll plan your escape right now.” KID panted while wiping imaginary tears from his eyes. Snake nodded and pulled up a virtual map of the base. KID studied it quickly and nodded. “It won’t be easy, but I think I can smuggle you out. We’ll—”

“What’s wrong?” KID waved Snake off before scaling the wall easily and breaking off a security camera.

“Can’t have them spying on us… Our best bet is following this path and having you travel through the vent system here. I don’t know what the vent system here is like, but this one leads to the outside… We’re on an island…? Didn’t know that… Hm… escape here and go for the water… they won’t be able to follow you well in the water… So, I hope you can swim or your desire to live outweighs the slim chance you have of actually making it to the mainland.” Snake suddenly bowed before KID, who only flinched back.

“Thank you, KID san!” Snake cried out. “I’ll never be able to repay you—”

“I’m not doing this for you Snake,” KID snapped back with frosty eyes. “I’m not doing this because I’m some angel in white who saves and forgives everyone. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for what you did to me, what you let happen to me… But you have a family to apologize to, to say goodbye to. I only care about your kids and wife. They need someone in their life and you need to be that someone. I won’t ever forget what you did to me.” KID nodded curtly before turning away and leaving the closet they had been hiding in. The message was clear in KID’s words: _I won’t let them do to you what you did to me._

“Follow me closely, I’ll get you out of here.” Snake said nothing but obeyed the younger of the two and ran after KID who seemed to expertly navigate the halls.

Guilt panged at Snake’s heart. KID’s response was expected, and he knew he could never demand forgiveness from him. He didn’t deserve forgiveness; his actions were unforgiveable.

Alarms were now blaring over the speakers and KID had picked up the pace. Snake wheezed as he chased after the extremely athletic thief. “Hurry up old man! We’re runnin’ out of time!” KID cried out.

KID was bleeding just above the eyebrow from a stray punch and the blood obscured his eyesight. He wiped at his eye futilely but did not stop moving.

They were almost at the room which contained the vent of interest. The number of men and firepower had been upped meaning that they knew KID’s plan. Snake wished he could help KID, but he was not skilled in man-to-man combat and KID single handedly took out anyone who crossed them. KID really was a fighting machine and now he understood why Ueda sama saw KID as such an asset to the Organization. KID was his own army.

KID pushed his way through the door forcefully and quickly ran to the vent wrenching it off despite how it cut at his hands. Snake flinched as he saw the thief’s hands shaking and how his body swayed from side to side. Blood dripped from his fingertips; the tips of his fingers had been sliced off. KID was no doubt in pain from fighting guard after guard without a break. The adrenaline was probably wearing off for the thief too.

“KID—”

“S-save your breath old man… You have a lot of water to tread… You’ll need all your strength.” KID smirked a smile that Snake at one point would have hated to see. Now it only proved that life still existed in the abused thief that stood before him. Despite his panting and the blood dripping down the thief’s skin, he looked regal, he stood erectly. Everything was almost right in this picture. Snake’s eyes widened and a desperate thought rose to his lips.

“Come with me! Escape! Now’s your chance too!” KID shook his head. “Please! Don’t stay here! Don’t let them break you again! KID!” KID gained another smile, a more neutral one, a mysterious one.

“I’m not done here, Snake. I have a mission to complete here. Don’t even try to tell me what they will do to me now. I-I don’t need to know, honestly… I know that I will face torture again, torture until they break me again, this time perhaps forever… but you of all people managed to wake me up, s-so I suppose I’m not a complete lost cause… or perhaps my standards are just slipping…” KID smirked.

“Now get going! I opened the vent on this side, but you’ll need to wrangle the other side open. Good luck and get out of here!” Snake nodded and wedged himself into the small vent whilst grunting. “If you ever need me, I suppose you’ll find a way to contact me, yeah?”

“Thank you Kaito!” Snake called out to which KID flinched, as if his own name scared him. But as he digested Snake’s words, a content smile crossed his lips.

“Oi, if you’re going to call me by my first name without any honorifics, t-then can I at least know your real name?” KID said turning to the door.

“Nakahara Ren!” Snake called. That was the last exchange the two had as Snake disappeared from the base and KID met a taser and a very long day full of humiliation and abuse of every sort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm curious to hear what y'all think of this chapter and how Snake's character developed. Please read the author notes below for more context and info. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:
> 
> 1\. This chapter really shows how Kaito is fundamentally a good person. However, I think this chapter also shows how he's not a pushover. He helps Snake because that's the right thing to, but he doesn't necessarily forgive him or promise him allyship. This was important to me as I don't believe that abuse survivors must forgive those who wronged them. 
> 
> 2\. The reason Kaito seems emotionless and cold (like a robot) is a mixture of autopilot dissociation and the fawn trauma response. Textbook dissociation is where you somehow feel disconnected from yourself or your surroundings. It is generally a protective response to trauma. For some people, this manifests as a loss of identity and going through your life in a daze. For others, it may cause your surroundings to look funny or distant, like you're in a movie. There's no real 'textbook' way to experience dissociation though. Kaito's dissociation manifests as emotional disconnect, the inability to focus his eyes, and dulled sensations (operating on default). 
> 
> 3\. As for the fawn response, this is where someone complies with the abuser or source of trauma in order to lessen the harm inflicted. Kaito, of course, complies with Kaori and obeys her to keep himself safe. 
> 
> 4\. Why did Kaito snap out of dissociation when Snake confronted him? Dissociation is a trauma response generally reserved for when we're in danger. Snake and his pleas were deemed not a threat and this allowed Kaito to resurface as his authentic self. Of course, in many ways, this is a dramatization of dissociation and trauma responses. Also, please understand that this is no way connected to diagnosable disorders (such as dissociative identity disorder or borderline personality disorder). I am completely unqualified to write a thoughtful and accurate account of these personality disorders. 
> 
> 5\. Why did I develop Snake's character like this? Mm, I wanted to provide some nuance to what it means to be "good" or "bad" in this story. Snake is NOT a good person, but he still has a family that he needs to take care of and even he can feel bad for his actions. Kaito is a good person, even though he finds himself unable to forgive Snake. 
> 
> Thank you for reading~ I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to comment below! The next chapter will have Shinichi and Kaito meeting again ;)   
> Connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ Here's chapter 38! The reunion of Shinichi and Kaito! If you can't tell by the chapter warnings, this reunion might not be happy/cheery...
> 
> Chapter warnings: explosions, blood, knives, guns, wounds, self-harm, cursing
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It was finally the day of the heist and Kaori didn’t know how she felt at all. Her underlings were running in circles, she had a headache, and KID seemed to be ready, but she could never tell with him nowadays.

Her plan for bringing in the public had been a success. She had released a new version of the KID heist notice to the newspapers and they spread it like wildfire. There was now a craze of individuals gathering in the streets by the masses.

Now she just had to survive the next couple of hours and pray that everything worked out accordingly.

* * *

“Fuck!” the offensive word rang through the police department as Nakamori slammed his phone down, hanging up on the other line. KID’s heist had become public and now he had to lead a true squad. This heist was going to be bloody and KID’s name was going to be dragged through the mud. _Who the hell tipped off KID’s heist?! Only Aoko and Shinichi knew! Dammit!_

“Kudo Shinichi! Get your ass into my office right now!” Nakamori screamed out into his phone. He didn’t let Shinichi respond before abruptly hanging up. He waved off the people of his task force who tried to talk to him and promptly sent them away. Shinichi ran into his office, his hair sticking up in every direction and his jacket’s sleeves half on and half off. 

“N-Nakamori san!” he reported while panting. If the situation had been something less heavy, then perhaps he would have laughed.

“Sit down Shinichi, y-you’ll need to sit for this…” Shinichi’s eyes widened, and he promptly took a seat.

“Today is the day of the h—”

“Don’t interrupt me! Let me speak Shinichi.” Shinichi promptly shut his mouth and worked his lip between his teeth nervously. Nakamori ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“I’m surprised you haven’t heard this yet, but word of KID’s heist was released to the public and people are already storming the streets. Shinichi, it’s going to be bloody… we don’t have a choice on what’s going to happen tonight. They played us into a trap… Fuck!” Shinichi’s eyes went wide with realization and he leapt up from his seat as Nakamori only stared at his desk with furrowed eyes.

“We have to clear the streets! They can’t be there! Nakamori san—”

“I know! I’m trying! You know what his fans are like! Dammit! You have to catch him tonight! You’re the only whoever gets close to catching him, so you have the best chance of saving him. KID… I’m placing him in your hands tonight Shinichi. I’ll handle crowd control and whatever bloodshed and chaos we’ll witness tonight. You… You save my son.” The passion in his voice and the desperation in his eyes made Shinichi stumble back slightly as he bowed and vowed to complete the task he was given.

“We don’t have much time, but I know you completed your research already. I assume you already have an idea on the plan they will use for KID tonight, so I want to place my stakes on your brain. Find him.”

“I understand Nakamori san. I will find KID tonight and I will intercept him.” Shinichi closed and opened his sweaty palms as he made an impossible promise.

“Thank you. You’re dismissed. And don’t worry about Inspector Megure, I’ll handle him. He owes me big.” A small smile formed on Nakamori’s face that quickly disappeared. It left Shinichi puzzled as to what Nakamori san had done to have Megure owe him, but he couldn’t dwell on something so trivial.

With that Shinichi left the room and clocked out for the day. He needed to pick up a few inventions and supplies and cram a bit more research in. Then he would go to the location he assumed KID would go to after the heist. Surely, he didn’t know for one hundred percent that KID would be there, but he had a hunch, and his hunches were usually right.

* * *

It all started around 10 PM with the first explosion. KID was luckily nowhere in sight, but rows and rows of KID fans were faced with fiery deaths and shrapnel hits. This was before the KID heist and it finally clicked in my mind as to what they were doing. They were using KID’s name to draw people together so they—the organization—could kill so many people. They didn’t just want to ruin KID’s name; they had an ulterior motive. KID was nowhere to be seen, however, and I wondered where he hid.

For some reason, I didn’t want to see KID. I was afraid as to what I would see. Would he even recognize me? Would he think of me as the enemy now? Had they changed him? I was scared. My heart was beating practically out of my chest and I couldn’t help the tightening of my throat.

I hadn’t seen KID in around half a year, I think. Things weren’t going to be the same, things were never going to be the same. Was I ready to either capture or kill KID? Was I ready to save him? Could I save KID? _Dammit? Why can’t I at least think of him as Kaito? Kaito is still here! Kaito is KID… Kaito… Kaito is the one I have to save. KID is just a mask._

My hands clenched and unclenched, and I released my breath uneasily. Things weren’t going to be the same and I think that was what scared me the most. Whatever fragile relationship I liked to imagine we had before this… it wouldn’t exist anymore, would it? I was selfish and I hated this part about me, but I didn’t want to see KID—Kaito—again because I was afraid of what was left of him. _God, I’m the worst._

“Shinichi? Are you there? KID has the opal, and he’s escaping. Don’t worry about the situation on the ground for now. Remember your mission.” _As if I could forget…_

“Got it, thank you.” I shook my head clearing it and focused on the skyline. If my hunch was correct, this spot was far enough from the heist location to be considered safe and it had the most perfect view of the moonlight. The building wasn’t especially tall, but it was rather isolated and right by a canal full of water. Something about his spot just made it perfect for KID—Kaito. He could fly here and then escape to the streets where the organization would pick him up. This neighborhood was poorer, so nobody would take notice or care if KID was picked up.

My eyes strained and I turned on my night vision glasses. Just as I thought, KID was approaching. I hid in the shadows of a tall satellite on top of the building and awaited his arrival.

KID landed on the rooftop and I stepped out of the shadows. He turned to face me, sensing my presence. Our eyes locked. My heart stopped. He stumbled back.

His form was perfect. KID looked like he did in his hay day with a proud stance and a frame that fit his suit too well. The moonlight seemed to enhance his image and I swallowed. Something was different, though, and I could see that when his eyes steeled harshly against me. He raised a gun—a real gun, not just his card gun—and I sprang away, continuing to fight to stay ahead of his fire.

He didn’t speak to me and all facial expression was gone from his face. KID was like a robot with pre-programmed actions. The only thing that I could differentiate from him was his eyes. His violet eyes shone with a sort of malice that I had only seen a couple of times before in the thief. He looked like a true villain, a murderer. This was not my KID, and I was in trouble as it seemed I was on his kill list.

When he ran out of bullets, KID threw the gun down and grabbed a knife. I reached for my own gun and held it in shaking hands. Could I really do it? Was it really my life or his?

Sweat trickled down my neck and my heart beat furiously against my ribcage as if it threatened to leave out of fear itself. KID lunged towards me and I scrambled away. I couldn’t do this. This was KID… This is KID! He didn’t hurt, he never killed. This was Kaito…

My eyes narrowed and I released a feral scream as I charged impulsively at KID and grabbed his wrist. I wanted to wrestle that blade from him. KID outclassed me easily with his athletic form and strength and I was thrown to the ground. He grabbed me by the arm roughly and yanked me into the air, forcing a yelp out of me.

His venomous eyes pierced my soul and I struggled in his grip. He no longer had the knife, but I could see the sick thoughts formulating in his eyes. I’d be a dead man at this rate.

My eyes cast to my side quickly and I saw my forsaken gun. There was no way I’d be able to retrieve it and even if I could, it wasn’t like I could use it. I swallowed and did the only thing I could think of.

“K-KID… Hi… it’s me Kudo Shinichi, detective. I don’t know what you reme—” KID threw me down roughly and pinned me to the floor.

“I know who you are Detective,” KID hissed out with malice. This was the first thing he had said to me and it provoked many questions.

“I know what you’ve done. Do you think I could forget what you did to me?!” KID threw that out maliciously and I knew that this was in regard to my doppelganger. I knew now that KID had been broken from his eerie composure and was on the verge of rage. My face and words had awakened the side in him that they had created.

“You know that’s not me KID,” I calmly said, holding back a wince as his nails dug into my shoulders. My head ached dully, but I kept my gaze firm. “You know I would never hurt you. I love you.” _I could never stop loving you, even in this form…_

“Shut up!” KID slammed my body against the rooftop, and I saw stars. “I know it was you! Dammit! They told me so!” KID was shaking, near hysteria, with wild eyes. He was so confused. He was in so much pain. “He told me he loved me too and then he would…” KID’s fist drew back and clenched before it collided with my jaw.

“I-I won’t hurt you KID…” I decided upon. “I know who you are, and I know you’re in pain. So, do whatever you want to me, I can take it. Share some pain with me; let’s shoulder the burden together.” KID looked like he was about to punch me again, but he drew back. He released me and stumbled backwards to his feet. He turned away from me. He was trembling. His hands went up to cover his eyes and he released a scream of agony. His arms wrapped around his sides and he fell to his knees. He began laughing and laughing and laughing. He was going mad. I saw his hand curl around the blade next to him and I feared that he would mutilate himself.

My guess was wrong though as KID lunged at me when I approached, and the knife narrowly missed my chest and hit my shoulder. I bit through my lip and air hissed through my lips as he pulled the blade out. The sick grin on his face, the maniacal laughter, had KID finally lost it?

“K-KID…” I began through gritted teeth as I gripped at my shoulder. He only smiled at me. “Is that all you got? I-I can take more.” I tried to offer a smile back, but I’m sure a bloody grin didn’t look too inviting.

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say because KID was now straddling me with his fingers crushing my neck. I clawed weakly at his hands, but he seemed ready to kill me. For some reason this didn’t bother me as much as it should have. Kaito was dead, killed by the organization. Why would I want to live in a world like that? _Kaito… Kaito!_ The tears gathering in my eyes only contributed to my final desperate plea.

“K-Kaito… l-love you…” My struggles subsided and almost instantly KID stopped applying force to my neck. He just stared at me for a couple seconds in complete shock and blinked. He began trembling over me and the heaviness that had previously controlled him seemed to be lifted away. Light returned to his eyes.

“S-Shinichi…” his voice cracked out. “What have I done?” he asked suddenly jumping off me. His legs failed him, and he collapsed to his knees. “What did I do Shinichi? What was I doing?! What have I done?!” KID was near hysteria again, but I crawled over to him cradling my shoulder.

“Nothing is your fault Kaito… nobody will blame you for what they did to you, forced you to do,” I rasped out.

“Your shoulder… I did that… I almost killed you!” he choked out trembling. Suddenly he seemed so small, so hurt. _This is Kaito right now… I need to comfort him._

“I-it’s fine Kaito. I’m just glad I got you back. You really gave me a scare back there… W-we have to get away though… I bet they’re coming.” I looked at Kaito and he seemed to have fallen into a submissive shock or silence. He was shaking and his hands were clenched at his chest. I needed help.

I pulled out my cell phone and quickly dialed a number I knew by heart. The ringer rang a couple times before the call was connected.

“Shinichi! Thank God! I was praying that you weren’t injured in the bombings! Is everything okay?! What’s wrong?!” Ran’s voice on the other end was reassuring and it helped calm my rapid, shallow breaths, even though she was practically screaming on the other end.

“Ran I need you to call that number, the one Kaito gave to you. You know which one. Tell him that I need him at the top of Fuwasaki’s Repair Shop by Ekoda canal.”

“Shinichi—”

“Everything will be explained later, I promise Ran. I just need this, please.”

“I understand Shinichi. Please take care.” With that she hung up the call and I focused my attention back to Kaito. He was fumbling through his chest pocket. His actions were getting shakier and shakier and I wondered if they had him on a drug or if he was going into shock. He grasped the opal from his pocket and held it up to the moonlight. Nothing happened and his face fell even more. He was mumbling to himself, but I couldn’t understand.

Next thing I knew, Kaito had me propped against a huge antennae tower and he was wrapping my wound with as much pressure and accuracy as he could muster. The guilt in his face never faded and every time I moaned in pain or grit my teeth, he would flinch. I still hadn’t told him about the bombings, but I knew if I did, Kaito would jump into the canal and disappear for good.

“I’m sorry,” Kaito mumbled to me with his head bowed. “I never wanted to hurt people, especially not you of all people.” I smiled weakly. At this point, everything was getting a bit fuzzy and my hearing was starting to fail me. I just wanted to rest my tired eyes. Kaito was settled beside me. I could only vaguely tell that his suit sleeves were turning red. It didn’t occur to me that the glint of silver I saw was a knife and that the color red was blood.

Right before I lost all consciousness, I noticed Kaito slumping against the floor and I had the vague feeling of wanting to join him. I barely noticed the arrival of a helicopter that landed on the roof. I fell unconscious as a shadow loomed in front of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's chapter 38. (Shinichi and Kaito really need a calming, relaxing vacation....)
> 
> I had so many classes today that I accidentally took a nap while reading. I'm so ready to graduate lol. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:
> 
> 1\. I feel really bad for Shinichi. He's had ~6 months without contact with Kaito and their reunion presented a lot of unknowns. Was Kaito the bad guy? Did Kaito still like him? Was Kaito beyond saving? How hurt was Kaito? Uncertainties like this are extremely stressful to Shinichi. He likes having access to information and if he doesn't know something, then he finds out the truth. However, with Kaito, he had no hints, no access to information. He only had himself and all the scenarios his mind could conjure. 
> 
> 2\. This created a lot of mixed feelings for Shinichi. In spite of his feelings for Kaito, he didn't want to see him again. He was scared of the truth. He, of course, felt guilty for these feelings. He has so much expectation on his shoulders. Nakamori san, Aoko, Ran... they all expect him to save and bring Kaito back. He's not one to disappoint, so he took on the impossible task of promising to save Kaito, though it's unfair to him. 
> 
> 3\. Shinichi had Ran call the special number Kaito had given her. This number belongs to... Well, that'll be revealed next chapter! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! We're entering the next arc in this story, so thank you for sticking with me thus far~ The next chapter will be released on Wednesday! Feel free to connect with me here: [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> See y'all next chapter!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 39! Hope y'all enjoy~
> 
> Chapter warnings: none to my knowledge 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke somewhere that I did not know. It seemed to be a game room or lounge or as I was on a really nice leather couch surrounded by billiards. My right shoulder was terribly stiff with bandages and my right arm was in a sling. Somebody had stopped the bleeding and patched me up.

I sat up carefully and looked around with bleary eyes. I rubbed them with my left hand and tried to determine anything from the clues I was presented with. _What’s today’s date? How long have I been out? Where’s Kaito? What happened?_

The door behind me creaked open and my head whipped to see who it was a bit too quickly. I blinked away the dizziness and tried to identify the man who approached me. He seemed familiar, but not someone I had personally met.

“Kudo san,” he began, “how are you feeling? Do you need any pain relievers? Do the stitches feel tight enough?”

“Who are you?” I asked narrowing my eyes. “And where’s KID?”

“I’m KID’s assistant and the young master… I’m not sure where he went. I just know that he is visiting every family that lost someone in the explosions during his heist. Are you hungry, Kudo san?”

“How long have I been out and when did KID awake?” I asked ignoring his previous question.

“A day and a half. KID woke up early yesterday and has been working since then. The killings did not sit well with him.”

“What’s my condition and his condition?”

“Your shoulder sustained a decent stab wound, luckily all major arteries and veins were avoided. You have bruises along your face, neck, and shoulders. You may have a concussion from trauma to the back of your head. KID’s wrists were torn open and major bleeding occurred, but his blood vessels stitched themselves together and I only had to bandage his wrists and administer a pint of blood. I think he is suffering from shock more than anything else. He won’t eat or sleep or even talk to me.”

“Why are you telling me all this if you’re KID’s assistant?” I asked, my voice losing its edge.

“KID told me to accommodate you well and that you were to be trusted. Let me ask again, are you hungry Kudo san? You need to replenish the blood and plasma you lost.” I nodded in defeat and I tried to get to my feet. I wobbled terribly and used the couch to brace myself.

“Okay, thank you. One last question… where am I?”

“You’re at my bar the Blue Parrot, also known as KID’s secret base… at least one of them.” I nodded and KID’s assistant motioned for me to follow him. I followed him into the main room and to the bar counter. “I closed my bar for a few days so that you and the young master can recover.”

“Thank you, honestly. KID and I would both be dead if it weren’t for you. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay here until KID comes back, I’d like to talk to him.”

“Of course, Kudo san, I did say the place was closed down for a couple of days. My master should be here soon, at least I’d think so. He’s been out since early morning visiting anyone who would see him.” KID’s assistant handed me a cup of coffee and a plate of eggs and toast.

“On that note, how many people died in the bombings?” I asked sipping the hot liquid slowly.

“77 dead as of now and 23 in critical condition. Scores of others received injuries. KID is visiting the families of the ones who died first and then moving onto the rest I believe.” I nodded and looked up at the clock; it was 5:26pm.

“That’s kind of you to feed me breakfast at 5:30 in the afternoon. Is there a name for me to call you by? Or do you want to be simply referred to as KID’s assistant?” I asked smiling softly. The older man blinked at me as if surprised.

“Konosuke Jii, the Kuroba family butler and loyal KID assistant,” he said extending his hand to me. I took it.

“Kudo Shinichi, detective. Now we’ve officially met and I’m not relying on the creepy knowledge KID has on me and probably relayed to you.” Konosuke san laughed and shook his head.

“He didn’t tell me much about you aside from ordering that I take care of you. Everything I know on you is from private research. Bocchama isn’t the only dangerous one. I played KID for a bit too,” Konosuke san informed me with an almost cheeky grin.

I laughed in response and we fell into a silence as Konosuke san washed dishes and I finished my meal.

About as soon as I was done, the bar door opened and KID—Kaito—walked in. He was wearing all-black with long sleeves and a baseball cap covering his eyes. He was miserable from what I could pick out. As soon as he entered, he removed the cap. The dark circles around his eyes and stress from his furrowed brows became evident, bringing a small frown to lips.

He looked me over as if assessing my condition before giving me a small node and glancing over at Konosuke san.

“Bocchama, are you hungry? I’ll prepare anything. You need to eat and sleep. Take a break for a little.” Konosuke san received a wicked glare that made the old man flinch back.

“I’m busy, leave me alone,” he said dismissively. “I’m going to KID’s room tonight. Take care of Shinichi until he’s ready to leave.” KID’s tone was harsh, and it seemed like he didn’t want anyone to question him.

“You’re going to collapse of exhaustion,” I said standing and facing the thief. KID ignored me and I clicked my tongue disdainfully. “You haven’t even said a word to me KID. Do you really think that I wouldn’t notice how you’re purposely ignoring me? You leave for six months and when I finally get you back, all you are is be rude to Konosuke san. He patched both of us up. At least be polite enough to fill him in. I bet Konosuke san knows nothing, hmm? About you, me, what’s happened.” I motioned to him, myself, and our surroundings. The bitter mask KID was trying to maintain shattered at my harsh look and a strained smile tried to replace it.

“Could you give us a moment Konosuke san. I need to talk to our thief here. Alone.” Konosuke nodded and left the room. I looked at KID—no, Kaito.

“Talk to me Kaito. Tell me what’s up.” His shoulders slumped and the mask he had previously shown disintegrated completely.

“I’m sorry,” was the only phrase he managed to get out. I approached him and he shrunk back as if I would scold or punish him.

“I won’t hurt you, Kaito… I saw what they did to you,” I mumbled out, barely audible. My hands grasped his and Kaito fought that until he gave in to my wishes.

“I-I almost killed you! I’m responsible for the deaths of all those people… Shinichi… I… I don’t know what to do! I’m hurting everyone I care about and I can’t stop, I won’t stop… I am going crazy… It’s not worth it anymore…” Kaito pulled his hands back and the smile returned.

“Look at me being selfish again… Haha… How have you been anyways Shinichi? Work been well? Anyone catch your eye?” Even though he wore a smile, I could see the pain welling in his eyes. He trembled.

“Work has been work, Kaito. You know how much it means to me to stop crimes. I was planning on running my own agency by now, but things have been complicated. And no one could ever replace you in my eyes. Don’t even worry about that. Now back to you, talk to me. Tell me whatever you want to.”

“Is it odd? To see me, I mean… Seems like a dream to be here right now, but also like a nightmare… What if I disappear again? This is probably all fake, isn’t it, Shinichi? Another fantasy of mine… Ahh, shut up already Kaito… you’ll scare him away or something…” With that Kaito turned away from me to continue his one-sided conversation. I lifted my hand to reach out to him, but he spoke again.

“I haven’t told Jii chan anything, Shinichi… When I disappeared the first time… that was the last time he saw me… I always wanted to approach him, but I couldn’t find the courage to tell him that another KID was killed. My father was murdered, and I lost my soul, whatever innocence remained in me. How can I tell Jii chan what I’ve been through a-and what I’ve done…? I should just release him to his own life… I wouldn’t want to work as a personal butler for such a fucked-up thief.”

“You should tell him something Kaito, anything. He must be hurting seeing you like this and not knowing what happened to you.” A sinking feeling filled the pit of my stomach and I clenched my fists. I needed to tell him something, though the thought filled me with apprehension.

“Kaito… Please stay calm… but I feel as though I must tell you this. The organization sent me videos and photos of you during your stay… t-they also sent Nakamori san and Aoko a video of you… It was a really brutal one showing you getting… well… yeah… Aoko knows, Nakamori san knows, I know…”

Kaito’s eyes went wide and he began coughing and coughing. He strained to cover his mouth as if he was about to vomit. He then rushed to the bar sink and vomited up only bile. Kaito grasped at the sink edges as if the action had exhausted him to the point where he could barely stand. He cupped water to his mouth and water dribbled down his chin.

I ran a hand over his back soothingly as he tried to calm his breathing. “You need to rest. You’re stressing out way too much right now. You’ll only kill yourself at this point.”

“W-would that be so bad?”

“If you give up now, you’ll never stop the organization or find Pandora. You can’t give up. You have me and Konosuke san and Nakamori san and Aoko and Ran and I’m sure even Hattori would side with you. People will follow you Kaito and we will support you. Don’t give up now. You’ve sacrificed so much; let’s all make it worthwhile.” Kaito leaned into me and I felt the exhaustion coming off of him in waves.

“I know Shinichi, I know. I won’t stop until I’ve finally settled everything with the organization. I will avenge everyone who they hurt even if it kills me.” Kaito pushed himself up and straightened his shoulders.

“I have so much information on them now… so much. When we go home… I’ll tell you everything. But right now, I need to speak to the families of all those who died. You know how important this is to me… I-I won’t be able to move on without at least trying to apologize…” I looked down; I understood him perfectly. Had this happened to me, I would’ve done the same thing.

“I only came back to pick up more cards and flowers. I’ll return here probably late tonight. Please tell Jii that. Take care for now, Shinichi, b-be careful with that shoulder.” My good arm suddenly pulled him close and I stood on my tip toes to reach his ear.

“I missed you Kaito. Please don’t ever leave me like that again, I don’t think my heart could take it.” Though he flinched at first and I knew he wasn’t entirely comfortable, Kaito returned the act.

“I won’t leave you if I don’t have to, but please remain strong for yourself too, Shinichi. Thank you for never losing hope in me.” We parted and Kaito offered me his best attempt at a smile, a sincere one.

He retrieved what he needed, and I went to fetch Konosuke san. Kaito bid me farewell and disappeared from the bar, still avoiding Konosuke san’s gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, this chapter~ I wrote and rewrote this chapter multiple times trying to figure out how I wanted to display and portray Kaito's and Shinichi's emotions. There was a lot to keep in mind and to balance.
> 
> Headcanons/Author comments:   
> 1\. I wanted Kaito's emotions to be kind of confusing and harsh. We might expect that Kaito would be overjoyed to be back with Shinichi and to reconnect with Konosuke. However, he's harboring a lot of feelings and emotions, such as guilt, shame, fear, and anxiety. He feels guilty for his actions (intentional or not), he feels shame for what happened to him, he's afraid to inform Konosuke, and he anxious about everything. He lost another 6 months; he doesn't know how Shinichi feels about him. He doesn't know if Shinichi hates him, is scared of him, or if he's moved on. He doesn't know where he fits in the world anymore. He doesn't want to hurt anyone else, so he tries to remain distant, though it's a cheap cover for his desperation to understand Shinichi and his feelings. As for Konosuke, he cannot bear to face him like this. He doesn't feel worthy, he feels like he's tarnished the Kuroba family name, and he's scared to expose Konosuke to what's happened over the past few years. He doesn't want to hurt Konosuke like that. 
> 
> 2\. On top of these emotions, Kaito feels an extreme sense of responsibility for the people who died or were hurt during his heist. He's feels so much guilt he must visit each family and attempt to offer up his condolences. He cannot even begin to imagine moving forward without seeing the faces of those he's hurt. Is this self-harming? Perhaps, but he can't not do this and Shinichi ultimately respects this, as this is the side of Kaito that proves he's still human. 
> 
> 3\. I struggled a lot with piecing together what type of emotions Shinichi would feel as well. I settled with him subtly showing some of his internal struggles, such as still referring to Kaito as KID. Kaito is profoundly good and human. KID, however, is distant and less human. It's a way for Shinichi to isolate his perception of Kaito from his previous actions. Shinichi--even if he denies it--is a bit wary of Kaito. 
> 
> 4\. I also wanted Shinichi to not be too happy to see Kaito again. A lot of shit has gone down and Shinichi has a lot of work ahead of him. Shinichi is also mindful of how Kaito is feeling and what he's working through. 
> 
> 5\. Konosuke really gets the short end of the stick as he doesn't know what's going on and Kaito is treating him poorly. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please comment if you'd like~ The next chapter will be released on Friday! Take care everyone~ Feel free to connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 40! We get some more insights on how Kaito is feeling and coping with the aftermath of that disaster of a heist. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: loss of consciousness, self-harm (mention), anger, negative self-talk
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I knew my actions were self-harming and that in the long run, they’d probably cause me more pain than necessary, but I needed to see the grieving families. I needed to apologize, and nobody could stop me from trying.

So many people had already denied me from talking to them. I had doors slammed in my face, threats to call the police, and others tried to physically assault me. I’d let them attack me if they really wanted to though; I deserved it.

So now I was headed to the Tanaka residence to show my own respects to Tanaka Inori. I never knew her personally, but I knew from research that she was a huge fan of mine. She consistently posted messages on the KID Fan forum. Her messages were always treats to read, so I felt doubly obliged to show my respects and appreciation for her.

I pressed the bell on the outside of their gate announcing that they had a visitor.

“Who’s there?” a voice asked on the other side.

I gulped down a huge breath and tried to calm my racing heart. How would they react to me? “Kaitou KID, I’m KID… May I request to pay respects to your daughter, Tanaka Inori san?” I hoped I sounded sincere.

“K-KID san? I-I’ll let you in… P-please wait by the gate…” My eyes flickered to the ground and I stayed in place. True to her word, the lady of the house came out to greet me. Her eyes were obviously red and puffy, and her hair was askew. “Please don’t mind my appearance KID san… It’s been tough lately.”

“I understand Tanaka sama,” I said falling into a bow. “I’m not here to judge, not that I minded in the first place.” She looked down and sniffled slightly.

“Please follow me, my husband is in as well.” I followed her to the main room. She sat with her husband and I sat across from them both. I glanced over them, two grief-stricken parents, and for a moment, jealousy crossed me. _Could my parents ever miss me this much? I haven’t seen Okasan in years and Otousan…_ A poker face concealed it all.

The lady of the house spoke first. “I bet you’re wondering why we let you in KID san, so I-I guess I should say that neither of us blame you for h-her de—” She choked on her words and her husband held her.

“Based on how you’re visiting every family personally, we can’t believe that you had planned that or expected it to happen,” her husband finished. I swallowed nervously.

“KID san… You may have never known Inori chan, but she loved you… We can never thank you enough for what you did for her… Inori chan… she had trouble with interacting with people her whole life and she used to take pills to treat her anxiety. She was a shut in who didn’t care about her life. We always feared that she would try to end it all prematurely. Years ago, it got really bad and she started self-harming and we feared we’d have to take her to a special facility. That was around the same time you first reappeared… Everything changed after that KID san! She took to you for some reason and, at first, we didn’t approve, but you saved her… The first time she left the house in months, and of her own accord, was to attend one of your heists. She started eating again and no longer harmed herself. She made friends with other people, granted they were fans of you, but she made friends! You gave our daughter a second chance at life.” The mother looked down and clutched her skirt; tears streamed down her face.

“You gave me the opportunity to see my daughter smile, I can never thank you enough for that… When you disappeared… Inori slipped into depression again and I wondered why… Why did you have to disappear when you were the only one who could help my daughter? I look at you now, and I realize you’ve been through a lot, haven’t you, KID san?”

My cheeks were dusted pink and I couldn’t raise my eyes from the floor. “My job isn’t the easiest of jobs, nor is it the safest. I’m not even paid a single yen but hearing about Tanaka san makes it all worth it. Being able to help one person makes it all worth it.” I looked up and removed the cap that obscured my face from them. They both gasped and I showed them an honest expression, no masks.

“Thank you, KID san… even now you still impress me. You’re unpredictable…” she laughed singularly. “I don’t know if you’d remember such a trivial thing… but when you threw your big Christmas heist, Inori chan was the girl you danced with.” I thought back to that night and of course I could remember her. She had such a shy face at my heist; she looked scared, hurt. As with any other heist, I felt obliged to cheer her up, so I did.

“That’s when everything turned around for her. She wrote in her personal journal that you told her to take care of herself. From that moment on, Inori fought to become the girl she was up to her death. Let me show you a picture of her days before the…” The mother looked down and pulled out her phone. After a couple of seconds of searching, she pulled up a picture of a girl, probably 19 or 20. She was wearing a white dress with a yellow scarf and matching heels. Her hair was a light brown and she had soft looking pink lip gloss on. The most striking feature was her smile, which challenged the brightness of the yellow she wore. “Thank you, KID san,” she said with a bittersweet smile. “This picture was taken after she secured her first job… You gave my daughter a chance at life, thank you…”

I couldn’t say anything. I mean, what could I say? You’re welcome? I try? None of those would work… “I-I’m sorry,” I managed to choke out finally. Their faces morphed into those of concern as the tears welled behind my eyes. _Poker face, poker face, poker face…_

I desperately tried to hold them back, but… I felt so weak, humbled even… These people knew nothing about my involvement with the attack, yet they automatically believed I was innocent. Then they had the audacity to tell me that I saved the life of one of my fans. It was too much. My head began to shake back and forth as the tears fell in big drops. _Crying in front of strangers, how weak. I’m sick of you Kaito…_

“I-I’m sorry… I-I should have stopped it… I-I should have saved her… I-I should have done more!” When did it become so hot in here? When did my heart start beating so fast? “I-I could have done more! I know I should have! N-nobody gets hurt at my heists and this! A-and this! A-And I… I… should… I…” When had my voice raised an octave? When did I start breathing so hard?

By now, they were both on their feet unsure of how to approach a thief undergoing a meltdown. I knew I probably wore a manic expression with laughs and smiles while tears streamed down my cheeks. I was finally breaking down. This was the first time I’d cried for those I’d killed. I thought my streak was going well, but then here I was breaking down in front of strangers. How unsightly.

I tried to stand, I wanted to excuse myself. But then my world swirled dangerously, and my sight abandoned me as I met a met the ground.

* * *

When I awoke, a cup of tea was basically thrust into my hands and I struggled to recall what had happened. Tanaka san was staring at me with a tight face. I blinked many times trying to adjust my vision.

“KID san? Are you alright?” I looked down at the tea in my hands. _Alright? Alright… Alright…?_

“KID san, when was the last time you slept or ate?” she asked me slowly.

“…Dunno,” was my intelligent answer as I continued to watch the steam rise from my cup. She sighed and seemed to look sad for a moment. I was confused.

“Please drink KID san, it’ll make you feel better and think clearer.” I eyed the tea suspiciously but brought it to my lips. The warm liquid coated my throat as I took modest sips. She was watching me carefully and I only blinked in confusion. Everything just seemed fuzzy and irrelevant, I guess.

“How about I make you a light meal KID san?” My eyes suddenly widened, and the sickening feeling filled me again. She took note of this and I tried to shield my eyes.

“N-no,” my weak voice protested. “I don’t think I could handle that,” I whispered out trying not to meet her eyes.

“KID san… I was the mother of a clinically depressed daughter, I know when something is wrong mentally, emotionally… Please talk to me. You’ve done so much for me, let me hear you.”

“No, I can’t say… No one can know why…” I said looking straight ahead with decidedly numb eyes. “Please,” I begged. _I don’t want to relive anything, please don’t make me. It hurts too much to speak._

“I won’t force you to do anything KID san, but at least drink your tea. I understand how hard this is for you. I lost my daughter, you lost so many fans, and from what I can tell, you’re the type to sacrifice yourself for others.” A dead laugh escaped my lips, and she gave me a sympathetic look. “Don’t hold everything inside KID san. People love you and they want to help you.”

“I’m sorry for being a burden Tanaka san… never meant to impose like this…” My eyes fell to the floor as I regained my focus and realized what had happened.

“KID san… It’s okay, I understand. Sometimes we just need to let our emotions out…” She looked away suddenly. “Did you give the world so much hope that you ran out of hope for yourself?” I looked down and smiled to myself.

“At least then it’s not wasted,” I mumbled out darkly and mostly to myself.

“I hope that one day that opinion changes KID san… Please don’t hurt yourself anymore… I saw your wrists…” I closed my eyes and swallowed.

“If you don’t mind Tanaka san, I must get going. I’m sorry to intrude like this and I have flowers for your lovely daughter.” I pushed myself to my feet, procured the flowers, and bowed before her.

“Please take care and you can call me anytime you need to… You’ll know how.” With that I disappeared in a puff of smoke and she was left standing with a sad smile. I heard her last words as I left.

“You’re driving yourself into a corner KID. You’ll only become more and more lonely. Let us help you before it’s too late.” I couldn’t help but smile at that and dip my hat more over my face. _So? It’s not like I can be saved anymore anyways…_

* * *

It was late as I left the Tanaka residence, maybe around 9 or 10 at night. I sighed and pushed on. I needed to get to the Blue Parrot. I had more cards to make and flowers to arrange and addresses to look up. I knew Shinichi would be mad at me, he was probably worried sick. I knew I had to come clean to Jii chan eventually.

My eyes fell to the sidewalk and the murky puddles of water beneath my feet. Another car whizzed by me and the headlights temporarily blinded me. _It’d be so easy to just walk out there and wait for a careless driver to hit me. Even if they tried to stop, they would slip on the pools of water… but then I’d place my death in someone else’s hands… so dishonorable._

_Aoko and Nakamori san know… I wonder what they think… I wonder if I can ever face them again. Shinichi will probably force me too… I’m scared… I just want to hide away from everything and forget about my life for a while, forever… I can’t lose sight though… I can’t stop fighting even if I want…_

Sometimes I wondered if I even had a reason to fight or if I was just making everything up as I went. A thought like that just made me laugh, though. A reason… did I even have one in the first place?

I kicked a small pebble and watched it skip ahead of me and roll to a stop. People only traveled in pairs or groups now. I was receiving weird looks. It must have been my black attire and the fact that I was alone. _I must be scaring them…_

I pulled my hat down further over my eyes as a self-conscious streak crossed me. I didn’t like being watched; I didn’t want people to know this was me. People would know it was me. They would just know. My heart began to race, and my eyes darted around. _What if they’re here? What if they recognize me?_ My hands clenched at the fabric of my sweater and I started walking faster. This paranoia instilled in me was another aftereffect of being trapped and abused.

I was out of breath when I arrived at the Blue Parrot and swung the bar’s door open. Shinichi and Jii chan looked up at me, no doubt catching the ‘deer caught in headlights’ look that I wore. Their expressions morphed and they were on their feet and by my side immediately.

“Bocchama! Kaito! Are you okay?” they both asked me in unison. My eyes darted to each of their concerned faces and bile rose in my throat. _You’re not worth this…_

“Y-yeah… I’m fine.” I turned away from them as the voice continued in my head. _You just lie to them and they still worry about you… You’re not worth it._ I swallowed nervously as I felt their eyes burning into me. I knew Shinichi’s brain was piecing together all the evidence I spilled and presented.

“No, you’re not Kaito. What happened out there?” Suddenly, the self-directed anger in me bubbled over and I turned to face Shinichi aggressively.

“Oh? And what makes you the expert of that?! I’m fine! Just because you think you know everything doesn’t mean you do! You don’t know anything about me! You don’t understand at all! So, don’t you say a thing when all you can do is tell me ‘I’m here for you’. You don’t know how much it hurts every day that I’m like this! That I can’t walk outside without paranoia taking over or how I can’t even talk to people without breaking down. I’m a fucking wreck! And don’t you dare say a thing! Don’t even ask me how I’m doing! If you think you’re so smart, then you should already know the answer! I’m fucking fantastic Shinichi!” My explosion of anger shocked myself and I stepped back. Shinichi’s expression hadn’t changed, but Jii chan looked mortified.

“I-I’m sorry,” the words fell out like mechanized lead. My expression had fallen to a default one and my voice barely scratched above audible. “I-I’m sorry…” this time the quiet phrase was directed to Jii chan. “I haven’t been myself lately…” My dazed reply left me laughing slightly to myself as if it would help diffuse the situation.

“I should probably leave, yeah? Got work to do, yep.” I stumbled away while still chuckling to myself. My gait was forced, and I struggled to keep my posture right. As soon as I found the safety of my work room, I locked the door and cried bitterly to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, Kaito! You desperately need a therapist, just saying... 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:
> 
> 1\. Kaito's decision to visit every family is both soothing and harming. He needs to apologize because that's the type of person he is, but seeing the pain present in every family hurts him and solidifies his guilt and self-blame. 
> 
> 2\. Inori chan is from the Christmas heist! She came back~ (though she's dead now...). As for the Tanaka family, I wanted to show a family that didn't blame Kaito and actually saw him as a hero. Right now, of course, Kaito is unable to accept their praise, but I wanted to give emphasis to the people Kaito has helped rather than the families that wrongly accuse him of being the person behind the murders. This was a very intentional choice to show Kaito how he is a good person with a good heart (though he is unable to recognize this right now). 
> 
> 3\. While fainting is generally rare with panic attacks, it can happen. For Kaito, he fainted due to hyperventilating mixed and having low blood sugar (from not eating). 
> 
> 4\. Kaito's walk back to the Blue Parrot is very personal to me. I used to suffer from pretty crippling anxiety and walking from one place to another would be filled with self-loathing and an irrational fear that others were judging or staring at me. Kaito's paranoia is a result of low self-esteem, self-loathing, and trauma from his stay with the Black Organization. 
> 
> 5\. His outburst at the Blue Parrot is the result of holding back too many emotions. His anger was wrong and misguided--he was actually with himself. Shinichi, being perceptive, understands this from the beginning, but Konosuke is surprised at Kaito's rage. Then again, Konosuke is still in the dark over what happened and hasn't seen Kaito in years. 
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone~ The next chapter will be posted on Sunday and will include Shinichi confronting Kaito about his outburst. Feel free to comment or chat~ or connect with me! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> Take care everyone!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 41! Please enjoy~ 
> 
> Chapter warnings: teeth-rotting fluff 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

“Kudo san… Could you please tell me what’s wrong with the young master?” I shook my head.

“I’m sorry Konosuke san… Kaito will have to tell you himself. I have no business sharing that news. I’ll just say that Kaito’s not okay right now, but he owes you an explanation. I’ll see if I can get him to talk to me.” Just as I turned to follow Kaito, Konosuke san called out to me.

“Wait! Answer me this please Kudo san. What are you to the young master? Why do you want to help him so much? Why do you care?” I tilted my head and smiled lightly. It was no doubt a mysterious expression.

“Well, Konosuke san… I love him. Don’t ask about my status as a detective because I don’t think Kaito is a criminal in any way.” I left on that phrase and went to the back room and hovered outside the room. This was the workroom where Kaito had barricaded himself away.

I sighed softly and knocked on the door. “Kaito… I know you’re in there and I know you’re crying, so could you let me in?” A direct approach, I hoped that would work. He didn’t acknowledge my voice nor was the click of the lock was not heard. So instead, I sat against the door and patiently waited. I thought back on his words.

“Hey Kaito… I know it hurts, but I’ll never know how it feels… This pain may be unique to you, but I’d say you’re doing a fantastic job handling it! You never want to be a bother to anyone, do you? Well… just between you and me, I’ll never mind you confiding in me. I won’t ever know this pain, at least I pray I never will, but I don’t mind being there for you to lean against…” I pulled my legs tightly against my chest.

“Even if you block me out or try to push me away, I’m always here, always waiting for you to need me.” I looked down wondering if that was too cheesy even for the phantom thief.

Suddenly my weight shifted as the door was opened and I fell backwards. My head was tilted up against the door and my back was flat on the floor. My blue eyes squinted in pain met Kaito’s surprised red puffy eyes. He burst out into laughter and didn’t stop until he was crying again. He tried to cover his mouth with his hand, but he couldn’t stop cackling at my predicament.

His trills were contagious, and I joined in. My laughs caused me to drum my head against the door and, in spite of how it hurt, I only laughed more. Our laughs gradually faded to small chuckles and Kaito offered me a hand bringing me to my feet. I rubbed the back of my head and a smile I always pleaded to see snuck its way onto Kaito’s face.

I followed Kaito into his workroom and we took a seat against the wall. His head drooped onto my shoulder and his smile fell into a sullen line.

“Do you think it’s dumb that I’m visiting every family that lost someone?” he asked me softly.

“I…” I pondered his question for a moment not quite sure how to answer. “I think I would do the same thing if I was in your situation Kaito.” He hummed slightly and we fell into another silence.

“I met a lot of people today and the day before Shinichi… A lot of good people who are in a lot of pain… I heard so many stories…” He sighed and sat up before letting his chin rest on one of his fists. His face was contorted into a neutral expression I’d never seen on him before.

“One family said that their daughter had been depressed before she learned of me… then, after discovering me, she got her life together… She died a couple days after securing her first job… How many more of the victims were just starting their lives Shinichi?”

“It’s not your fault Kaito—”

“That doesn’t stop the guilt.”

“I know, Kaito.” We fell into another silence. I begged for him to speak, to share some of the pain, to let me in. I didn’t know what to say.

“It’s been hard…”

“What has?”

“Assimilating back into society… more so than last time…”

“It’ll get easier with time,” I promised, though it was something I had no right to promise.

“I hope you’re right…”

His head fell against my shoulder again and our hands connected. “You know Shinichi… I’ve been quite cruel to you lately, I’m sorry. I-I… I shouldn’t be making excuses, but I haven’t really been feeling like myself lately… It’s been hard,” his voice cracked, so I shushed him with a small hand squeeze. He returned the gesture and released a shaky breath before continuing.

“I-I just want you to know that I’m glad it’s you… t-that I’m so grateful to have you in my life. You waited for me… I can’t believe it… j-just… thank you.” My thief, usually so graceful with his words, was plainly, shakily, honest with me. It simultaneously broke and warmed my heart.

“I understand Kaito. You don’t have to explain it further to me. I’m just so happy to have you back. It’s hard without you here. I felt like a piece—no, a chunk of me was missing.” Kaito’s head ducked and he offered me a shy smile dusted red. 

“I’m glad to be back too Shinichi. I’m glad to be with you.” He chuckled to himself softly. “You know I thought of you… when things got tough, I thought of you. I wanted to be back with you, and I fantasized about our future.” Suddenly, Kaito titled his head and his lips met my cheek.

I was shocked that he would do something so sincere for me even with his fears, but I appreciated the sentiment more than I could voice with words. So, I turned to face him and our eyes met. He adjusted himself and swallowed as if mentally steeling himself. I leaned forward and he met me in the middle. We shared our first kiss.

It was neither chaste nor overindulgent. Most people describe their first kiss as messy or desperate. Ours was almost tragic. I could feel Kaito trembling against me as we moved our lips, but he refrained from pulling away from me, so I pulled away first. Of course, I had wanted to deepen the kiss and push Kaito to the ground, and move my tongue over… yeah… But I wanted Kaito to be comfortable. I wasn’t going to force him to do anything he didn’t quite want to.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me as tears gathered in his eyes.

“You tell me,” I murmured back kissing either side of his face. “You know I want you to be comfortable with it Kaito.” I brushed tears from his cheek and returned to my position against the wall. I took his hand and ran circles over it with my thumb. We were both lost in thought, processing the kiss.

“You’re a good kisser Shinichi, have a lot of practice?” he teased me trying to lighten the mood. I blushed red.

“I got it all when I was seven-year-old,” I shot back and this time Kaito went red. We both settled on laughing again. Something about this was just comfortable. I loved being with him.

“I really do love you Kaito,” I blurted out. He looked surprised at first—as surprised as I did—but settled on giving me a funny look, an accusing look.

“You’re not just saying that because you finally got a kiss out of me, right?” he asked puffing out his bottom lip a little.

“E-eh? Of course not! I think I actually do love you! I just get this feeling around you that makes me want to push you into the nearest firm object or cuddle with you… there isn’t an in-between really…” Kaito’s face was enough of a reaction to make me laugh.

“You know Shinichi, I may internalize everything, but you could do with not sharing some things as well,” he grumbled trying to hide his red face with both of his hands.

“Why would I do that when it makes you look so cute?” I teased tapping him on the forehead. Kaito glared at me and I quieted up. We fell into another silence, until Kaito grabbed me and pulled me down into his lap. My head nestled in his lap and I was confused as hell. Kaito wasn’t looking at me, but I was sure he’d laugh if he saw me with my eyes so wide and my face tomato red.

Suddenly his hand began running through my hair and I looked up to see a faraway look in his eyes. He was smiling though.

“You know, Shinichi, I think I love you too. Please bear with me even if I’m struggling to find myself, even if I lose sight of myself. I have faith that you can and will always bring me back. Let me be selfish and keep you, let me be the thief I am and steal you. Let my one and only crime be that I stole your heart and never returned it, okay?” I didn’t know how to respond to such a blatant confession, to such a heartfelt revelation.

“Don’t be so sentimental Kaitou san,” I mumbled unable to respond with such a straight-faced answer.

“Hai, hai, Meitantei san, whatever you say. Your wish is my command.” The stubborn blush never left my face, but the smile on Kaito’s face was enough to make it worthwhile. I savored his hand running through my hair and held his other. I could feel my eyes slipping shut and it dawned on me; I would be able to sleep with Kaito again. My nights wouldn’t be lonely anymore. The ends of my lips curved up as I slipped into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, but picture this... Tsundere Kaito. (specifically type b tsundere, because type a tsunderes are kinda annoying)
> 
> I love blushy-blush characters, so both Kaito and Shinichi are blushy-blush. I just really love the awkwardness that comes with a new relationship~ Of course comfortable relationships are great too.
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Shinichi really respects secrets and consent when it comes to sharing someone else's news. This is why he's so adamant to not tell Konosuke about Kaito. He also believes the information needs to come from Kaito in order to patch-up their relationship.
> 
> 2\. Kaito has always valued Shinichi's opinion. Even when they were just KID and Detective, Kaito trusted Shinichi's judgements. Thus, Kaito seeks validation from Shinichi as the only person who understands him and has opinions he trusts. 
> 
> 3\. It may seem that Kaito didn't reveal much in this chapter, that he didn't really open to Shinichi, but just him admitting that it's been hard and he's not feeling well is huge progress for Kaito. Also, he released some subtle hints about his condition, such as it being more difficult for him than last time and how he's aware that he's been cold to Shinichi. 
> 
> 4\. Shinichi catches this. He's observant, good at utilizing context clues and reading between the lines (skills he would need as a detective after all). Shinichi, being the kind person he is, tells Kaito that he understands and doesn't force him to reveal more than he's ready to. 
> 
> 5\. Ahh, their first kiss~ It finally happened! More than 40 chapters in and it finally happened! I thought a lot about how I wanted their first kiss to turn out. I didn't want it to precede a sex scene as that wouldn't fit their progress nor this story. I also didn't want it to be meaningless or too tragic. A kiss is a sign of progression in their relationship. I wanted Shinichi to be kind and gentle, but I also didn't want to completely dull out his desires. I wanted Kaito to want the kiss, but still face some setbacks. But I also wanted them to be a little awkward, yet tender, as it was their first kiss. It was a complicated scene! 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Thank you for reading everyone~ comment if you'd like (or connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu))  
> The next chapter will be posted on Tuesday! See ya next chapter~  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Here's chapter 42! This chapter is a bit short, but please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: physical abuse (mention), emotional abuse (mention), rape (mention)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Shinichi was especially cute when he slept, I’d known that for a while. He lost his scowl, and all the stress melted from his face. This might sound creepy, but I could watch his sleeping face forever, especially now. He had a really cute smile on his face.

When I was sure Shinichi was deep enough asleep that me moving him would not wake him, I slowly got to my feet and carried him to the lounge. There I set him on the couch and tucked him in. I wanted to continue sitting on the couch, watching him, running my hand through his thick hair…

I felt bad, I honestly felt bad that I couldn’t have a sexual relationship with him. I wanted one too, but the imprints in my mind evoked fear and only fear. Yeah, my body responded appropriately, but psychologically I remembered the abuse, the rape. Even now, I was still trembling, and my throat was tight.

I hated this, I hated how I couldn’t be that for Shinichi… I hated how he considered me over himself. I knew he had his own needs and I hated not being able to satisfy them, for him to push his needs aside because I couldn’t stomach a sexual relationship. For once, I wanted to give Shinichi everything, even if I didn’t get pleasure out of it, even if it hurt me. I knew that he would never do that to me, though…

“You’re too good for me, hmm Shinichi…” I pushed myself up from the couch and went to find Jii chan. It was late, very late, but I needed to apologize. Shinichi was right; Jii chan deserved better. I needed to push these fears aside and face the truth. _Hah… that’s not an easy thing to do…_

I opened and closed the door softly and saw Jii chan at the bar cleaning. Our eyes met and he looked surprised to see such a determined look in mine.

“Bocchama?” he asked setting down the glass he was drying.

“We need to talk Jii chan.” He nodded and came around the bar before taking a seat on one of the stools. I didn’t want to sit, that would only sap the rest of my dwindling resolve.

“What is it Bocchama?” I released a shaky breath and clenched my fists.

“First of all, I owe you an apology.” I raised my hand as he opened his mouth to speak. “And second of all, I ask that you don’t say a thing while I explain everything.” He nodded and his face steeled.

“I’ll explain that night first… So…” I swallowed and prayed for strength. Talking to Jii chan would feel almost as bad as explaining my failure of a life to Otou-sama.

“That night I saved the small detective o-or Shinichi from getting shot. In turn, while trying to flee, I was shot in the side. I tried to escape through the crowd, but more of them were hiding in the audience and I was hit in the shoulder and ankle. My fans saved me by letting Inspector Nakamori take my attacker down and sheltering me from further abuse. I took off to some alley I didn’t recognize. I knew I was going to die—or at least I thought I was going to die… Nakamori san found me and I explained who I was to him and apologized… And then I told him to leave… They were there, Jii chan, and they took me in… I should have died, but they kept me alive.” I swallowed again and popped my fingers. I took a shaky breath and tried my best to keep a straight face.

“They tortured me for information regarding Pandora… t-they used whatever method was most effective, s-so… emotional and psychological laced with physical torture… I-I was sleep deprived, starved, water boarded, had my nails ripped off, beaten, electrocuted, given drugs and hallucinogens, a-and r-raped…” My voice barely cracked out and the tears were evident now. _Dammit Kaito! Poker face! Poker face…_

“Everything hurt, Jii chan, and I wanted to die… I begged for them to let me die, but they would never let me! They broke me to the point where I was just glassy eyed and unable to fight back…”

“I only broke free when they threatened Nakamori san, Aoko, and Shinichi… I snapped and killed so many people. I lit the place on fire and destroyed everything I could!” I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. “You should have seen their faces when I snapped, they were so scared of the monster they had created…”

“I escaped and went home… I had to plan for my next heist, which was on Christmas Eve… I held the heist on Christmas Eve, and it was a success, but you’d know that… This was when I connected with Shinichi again… He saved me from the effects of being captured… I was so weak… Shinichi saved my life over and over and I’ll never be able to repay him for that…” I tried to read Jii chan’s expression, but he decidedly kept it blank. His lack of expression shook me to my core and I nervously continued.

“Somewhere along the line, they found me again… and I would have to meet with them for torture sessions so that I could keep Shinichi safe… Then I was captured again… the mass rape and serial murder case was a direct attack against me saying that if I didn’t turn myself in, more people would be attacked including Shinichi. So… I turned myself in and faced round two of hell… It was basically the same as the first one except I broke a lot faster… this time they trained me to be a soldier of mass destruction… The heist was something they set up to attract a large crowd so that they could kill scores of people… Shinichi intercepted me and we fought… One of their torture tactics was to use someone who looked just like Shinichi to torture me… Ahh… I almost killed him, but he brought me back and I attempted to kill myself again… You saved us and I guess that’s the best recap I can give right now… I’m sorry I never came back, I was too scared to do this, too embarrassed…” I looked down and Jii chan stood. He opened his arms and I flinched back before he closed them around me. Numbness filled my body and I wondered if this was a defense mechanism. _A real sentiment from someone who should be raging mad at you and you can’t even accept it well…_

“It’s okay to cry Bocchama… You’ll only hurt more if you keep it all inside.” He clutched me tighter. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you Kaito.” _My real name…?_ “I promised your mom, I promised your dad that I would protect you and this is what happens… I’m so sorry… I am no longer worthy to serve the Kuroba family name!” I felt my arms moving around Jii chan and guilt stabbed my heart. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Jii chan had been feeling in my absence.

“Don’t say that Jii chan! Don’t say that… not when this is my fault. I chose this for myself Jii chan! I chose to fight, and I’ll continue fighting! My father was the same, I believe… Jii chan, you’re just unfortunate for serving a family who won’t stop walking the edge of death until everyone we love is safe, the organization has fallen, and Pandora has been destroyed…” I yawned suddenly and Jii chan ruffled my hair. I frowned slightly.

“I still remember when you were nothing more than a boy Kaito… you grew up too fast, way too fast…” He had this faraway look in his eye.

“Nah… the world just has plans for me Jii chan… regardless of whether or not I want them…” I grumbled. We broke the hug and I tried to smile, though it was probably a pathetic attempt.

“Thank you for sharing this with me,” Jii chan said while bowing.

“H-hey, Jii chan… have you heard anything from my mom?” I asked the question while making sure not to betray my emotions, but honestly, this was something I had been worrying about for a while.

“No, I’m sorry. I haven’t heard anything from her. I tried contacting her when you first disappeared, but she never responded to me and we’ve been out of touch ever since.” I looked down.

“I-I see… Jii chan, if it’s not asking too much… Can you confirm if my mother is alive or not? I don’t need to speak to her if she wishes not to speak to me. I just want to know if they got to her.” Jii chan looked down, he probably understood what pain I was feeling.

“Of course, Bocchama. I will do my best to find her… In the meantime, what will you be doing?”

“The bombing victims first… I need to finish visiting them and then I’ll focus on my recovery… I need to work on assimilating back into society… I-I’m a nervous wreck to be honest… I need to complete some more research, plan a huge thing, and yeah… I’m working on it… I may need your help Jii chan… but only if you’re still willing to serve the Kuroba family. I completely understand if you don’t want to.” His eyes lit up as if I had restored his mood completely.

“Of course! I’ll help with anything!” I smiled.

“Good, then let’s start with sleep. You look exhausted. Go to sleep Jii chan and I’ll do the same… We can speak some more tomorrow…” Jii chan nodded and bid me a good night. He disappeared to his own quarters and I went back into the lounge. The small smile my face had maintained faded and I went back to my side room and straight back to work. I’d work until I literally collapsed from exhaustion. I owed them this at least.

With another pain filling my heart, I made another promise that I would bend over backwards to fulfill. Even if it killed me, I would make it right for these people who were murdered and everyone who loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading~ Kaito finally opened up to Konosuke~ This chapter is a bit short, but I promise future chapters will be longer! Side note, I'm planning on releasing a KaiShin one-shot on Valentine's Day~
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Konosuke would also have a good handle of the poker face, given that he worked under Toichi. Konosuke's poker face threw Kaito off, though. In many ways, during his teenage years, Konosuke acted as a stand-in for his father alongside Nakamori san. Kaito admitting all of these horrible things would usually elicit an emotional reaction from a parent or adult figure, but Konosuke's reaction was a reflection of Kaito's, so it startles him. 
> 
> 2\. Receiving a hug from Konosuke also startles Kaito as he's not accustomed to receiving pity or kindness from adults much older than him. Over the past few years, Kaito would have benefited from having a real adult tell him it's okay and that the world isn't his responsibility, that it was okay for him to feel hurt, overwhelmed, or scared. Kaito needed these adult figures, yet it was adults who hurt him the most. 
> 
> 3\. Kaito bringing up his mother and asking about her starts an important side plotline, please remember this. Kaito still cares about his mother and wants to know if she's okay, which makes sense. We tend to honor and love our parents, even if they hurt us or aren't the best of people. 
> 
> 4\. Kaito lying to Konosuke and going straight back to work demonstrates the overwhelming responsibility he feels for the bombing incident. It's also a type of self-harm. Purposely depriving oneself of sleep is a form of self-harm and one that Kaito employs. In other words, he doesn't view himself as worthy enough of being well-rested, even though, logically, being rested will lead to more productive work. 
> 
> I know this chapter was mostly exposition, but I hope y'all enjoyed it~ The next chapter will be posted on Thursday! Feel free to comment below (I'll answer almost any question ;) or connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> Take care everyone~  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the late-ish post, but here's chapter 43~ 
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm (mention/implied), sexual abuse
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke on the couch and the first thing I noticed was that I was Kaito-less. I frowned and sat up. I didn’t see Kaito anywhere and I had no gauge of time. My phone had died a while ago and I hadn’t bothered going home to grab my charger.

I stood and went to Kaito’s workroom. I had a feeling he was in there or already out visiting families. Luckily, the door wasn’t locked, and I entered the room. Sure enough, Kaito was knocked out at his desk. All around him was discarded paper and I could plainly see his frustration throughout the night in the form of thin red lines on his fingers. _Kaito…_

I didn’t want to wake him up, but the position he was in couldn’t be comfortable, so I rested my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. He jumped awake; his head flipped back so fast that I was sure he made himself nauseous. I could see tear stains on his cheeks and as he blinked, more tears tumbled down from them. He looked up at me confused at first and then he took note of the tears leaving his eyes and he began ferociously wiping at his eyes as if that would help.

“H-hey are you okay?” I asked Kaito as the tears only increased and he tried to hide his face with his hands. His shoulders began shaking as soundless sobs racked his body. I stood in silence with my hand on his back as Kaito cried and cried. He was trembling so hard that he appeared fragile, like a single breeze would scatter him everywhere.

He eventually calmed down and his hands left his face. The dark circles were evident against his unnaturally pale skin and I tried to hide my concern. “S-sorry…” he muttered, “d-don’t know what overcame me… I-I just…” That smile I hated to see covered his face and he laughed lightly as if that would just blow everything off. A frown covered my face as Kaito ignored his condition. Kaito tried to stand but I had to steady him on his feet.

“Kaito…” I pressed gently. “How about you try to eat something today? If you don’t eat, you’ll only get weaker… y-you know that… You need your strength.” The slump of his shoulders suggested defeat, but the smile never failed.

“Okay, okay… Jeez Shinichi, if it’ll get you off my case, I’ll try some food,” he said in an almost teasing tone, a frustratingly teasing, light tone. “I want the most chocolatey thing you can fin—”

“You’re eating real food Kaito!” I snapped back not playing along with his deflection tactics. The light seemed to fade from his face a little and that fake smile faltered for a few moments teetering between a frown and an apologetic smile. He didn’t respond for many seconds.

“Y-you know it’s hard…” he finally responded in a weak voice. “I-I… flashbacks…” his voice cracked out. I bit my tongue unable to say anything in response. What was I supposed to say? Just eat it and get over yourself? No, that was insensitive and wouldn’t promote his health at all. Sometimes I wished he could just forget everything they did to him, but I knew that Kaito would be driven insane by the phantom feelings of being abused.

“I know Kaito… but please for your sake a-and mine…” He looked down and held his hands together as if he was already steeling himself for the task at hand. I could see him swallowing as if the mere thought of food sent him into flashbacks.

“I-if you don’t mind me asking… what does food make you remember?” I cracked my fingers nervously. I wasn’t sure how Kaito was going to take this question nor how he would answer. I didn’t even know if I wanted to know the answer. Kaito looked up at me as if the question didn’t even phase him.

“I think of their semen running down my throat as they forced me to swallow,” he answered not missing a beat. His expression never changed. “I think of how they told me that I liked it. I think of the bitter taste and how they would hold my mouth closed so that when I did throw up, it ran back down my throat into my airways causing me to choke. I think of the feeling of being unable to breathe or move as they kept me tied down. I think of the burning feeling in my throat and of when they finally removed the cover, how the vile liquid would tumble out from my lips and cover my body. I think of all the blood and semen I’ve vomited up trying just to fucking breathe.” I gulped at the intense look Kaito was giving me, and cowered back, frightened that the Kaito I had seen just a few nights ago was coming back.

“I’m sorry that was a bit intense…” he muttered breaking his piercing glare. He stood straight and purposely moved away from me turning to hide his expression.

“I-I should start working, I have a long day ahead of me… Please leave me alone until I at least get this part over with Shinichi. Please wait until I’m done with this… and then we can go back to your place and work on recovery. I don’t want to deal with that now, not while I have these lives haunting me… not when I’m to blame. I-I really shouldn’t be complaining, should I? Because I deserve what I got, y-yeah? I’m sorry I’m acting like this… I-I’m being selfish… S-sorry…” I tried to say something back, but Kaito threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared from me. I had definitely asked the wrong question.

“K-Kudo san?!” Konosuke san ran into the work room as I stood still, not moving from my spot. “Bocchama just ran out of the bar, is everything okay?” I bit my lip.

“I don’t think anything is ever okay nowadays Konosuke san…” I muttered bitterly. I blinked and tried to read his expression; it was guarded. _Has everyone in the Kuroba family mastered the poker face?_

“Kaito just left to finish his work in visiting everyone who lost someone. I have a feeling he’ll be gone all day working again. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go back to my house to pick up a couple things before coming back here. I really need to give Nakamori Keibu—and Megure Keibu for that matter—an update on how I’m doing… Nakamori san knows I intercepted KID and that I was stabbed, Megure Keibu only knows that I was stabbed and am currently resting. I have the next couple days off, but I feel like I should at least look at a few cold cases, you know?” Konosuke san nodded his head slowly.

“Of course, Kudo san. I’ll tell the young master that you’re out if he returns before you do. Take care Kudo san and stay safe.” I wanted to roll my eyes and say, ‘oh please, I can take care of myself!’, but I knew that I had to take at least a grain of salt from his words. Technically, I wasn’t safe anymore. Kaito was out of their custody, so that made me fair game.

“Okay, thank you, Konosuke san. I’ll try to stay inconspicuous and I’ll be quick.” He narrowed his eyes, and I nodded my head slightly. With those two gestures, we exchanged a whole slew of phrases. He wished me luck and that I would stay safe, while I promised him that I would come back and that he had to promise to take care of Kaito if he came back earlier than I imagined.

I turned and left as Konosuke san went back to his work in the bar. I walked out the bar and sighed. _Where the hell am I anyways? I’ve never been in this part of the city before…_ I decided on a whim to go right because, for some reason, I felt like Kaito would choose to go right over going left, saying that ‘going right has to be the right way’ with a cheeky grin. Honestly, that was a dumb reason to choose a direction, but I couldn’t be bothered with something like that right now. I ran my hand through my disgustingly greasy hair. I needed a shower badly.

Eventually, I ran into a main street and I was able to orientate myself in regard to the city and I began my long walk home. Ekoda and Beika, despite being neighboring boroughs, were pretty far apart; I’d kill to have a hang glider right now.

By the time I made it to my house, I was starved and sweaty from the heat and humidity that was starting to build in the city. I had given up in the last leg of trip home and called a taxi. The summertime in Tokyo was brutal.

I glanced at my door and suddenly wondered where my keys were. I didn’t have them on me, and I never took them out at Konosuke san’s bar... So, that only meant that I either left them inside the house or lost them at the heist. Either way, I’d probably never see my keys again. I frowned and moved around to the side of my house and prodded at the various bricks trying to find the loose one. After I found the loose one, I retrieved my spare key and opened the door.

My house had this eerie feel to it, sort of like when I first returned to it as Kudo Shinichi. I took off my shoes and walked through the dark house turning the lights on as I went. I went to my room and found my phone charger to charge my phone. Then I took a rather long shower and allowed the steam to wipe every worry from my mind.

I had to be careful with the stab wound, which I honestly thought was an exaggeration. Sure, it hurt like hell when I moved my shoulder or put weight on it, but with pain pills it was nothing. Plus, Konosuke san had done a fine job patching me up. The stitches were very neat and, according to him, nothing major had been hit.

After my shower, I walked around my house collecting what I thought I might need in the remainder of my stay at Konosuke san’s bar. I absently walked into Kaito’s room and a melancholic feeling filled me. Even with Kaito’s absence, I had kept his room in pristine condition. I didn’t move anything he had set in place, but I washed and changed the sheets out and kept the room dust free. The rest of my house had fallen to waste again; Kaito was going to be mad.

I didn’t really understand his obsession with keeping a place looking pristine, especially since my house was always so empty. Somehow, I felt like that was another part of his history that I had yet to uncover. Maybe I would try to confront him on his past soon. I knew his full name. _Kuroba Kaito…_ The name made me want to laugh; his parents were humorous that’s for sure. _Kaito is a character short of Kaitou and Kuroba... Kuroba… black feathers… no that would be ironic… Kuroba… clover?_ I chuckled to myself. That explained his good luck charm.

I finished my work at home, collecting a few things in a small bag and grabbing my laptop and its charger. I then made instant cup noodles in my kitchen, something Kaito would kill me for. I ate the noodles while listening to the messages on my answering machine lazily. Some people from the department were calling me to ask if I was okay; I’d call them back later. Heiji had called and said if I didn’t call him back soon—which was immediately by his standards—he’d come straight to Tokyo to find me. Apparently, he had also learned of my overrated stabbing and of the bombing during the KID heist. I laughed to myself knowing that he was probably on his way to Tokyo now.

I finished eating and closed the house down, making sure that my key was, in fact, in my possession. Then I called another taxi and made sure they dropped me a ways off from Konosuke’s bar, just in case someone was tailing me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, classes and work are a lot! It's only week three, but we're already in midterm season (and I have a pretty big exam tomorrow in Japanese rip...) 
> 
> In other words, here's the new chapter! Some more exposition and Kaito being very bad at taking care of himself, which hints at the content for the next chapter. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Konosuke initially gained medical knowledge from working under Toichi. Being a magician and KID leads to a lot of minor (or major) injuries. Konosuke gradually learned more and more medical knowledge from needing to take care of Toichi (KID can't go to the ER of course). This knowledge continued to grow when Kaito took over as KID. 
> 
> 2\. Stress, trauma, and a lack of restful sleep and food lead Kaito to being more snappy and emotional. (He's just a bit hangry, haha).
> 
> 3\. Now that Kaito is no longer within the Black Organization's grasp, the people they swore not to hurt are no longer safe from the Black Organization. Keep this in mind. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'll add notes tomorrow and post the next chapter on Saturday! Feel free to comment (or make speculations about what headcanons or author notes I might tack on, haha~).  
> Connect with me here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 44~ I woke up early today, so I'm posting this chapter a bit earlier than usual! 
> 
> Chapter warnings: negative introspection
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

_Maybe I should have listened to Shinichi and just tried to eat something, anything… I feel like I’m going to pass out and be sick at the same time… Maybe wearing all black and long sleeves was not a good idea too… It’s too hot for me…_

I had finished visiting all the people who would see me and let me listen to them. Still, I didn’t want to return. That dumb stubborn streak in me would probably be the death of me quite literally, but oh well…

Instead, I found myself back at the Tanaka residence without a reason to stay or go, so I pressed the button on the call box and didn’t say anything as they asked for my name. Seconds later, the door was opened by Mrs. Tanaka and her eyes widened, perhaps at my defeated look, a look that she probably knew well. She ran out to me without her shoes and braced me. She didn’t ask questions, nor did she hesitate to help me inside.

“K-KID san? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” _How many days has it been now?_

“C-could I have some w-water please?” my voice cracked out in my desperate plea. She nodded quickly and ran off to fetch me a glass. I stood awkwardly in the entrance bracing against the wall unsure about entering or not. My brain was too foggy to think about anything aside from water and food. I was having an internal battle that I was bound to lose either way. Tanaka san returned with the glass and I thanked her. She led me to the main room and let me collapse on the couch without even removing my shoes. I didn’t stop her from removing the cap from my head nor did I resist the cool towel that she placed on my forehead.

“K-KID san… I know that I have no jurisdiction over what you do, but please take better care of yourself! Going out in this heat in your condition will kill you! You haven’t eaten, I can tell, and you went out in all long sleeves and in dark colors! Please forgive my nagging, but I don’t want you to die.” I removed the towel from my face and looked at her studying her features with a blank face.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled not betraying a thing yet again.

“Stop!” she ordered, and I blinked in surprise, my mask faltering and betraying a pained look. 

“I’m sorry…?” I tried again not meeting her gaze while wondering how to react in a situation like this one.

“Don’t… apologize…” I looked away while taking another drink from the glass of water. She stood and left me alone and I wondered if I should bolt now while she wasn’t looking. I decided against it, I still wasn’t feeling strong enough to stand yet.

She came back a few minutes later with a small plate with a single slice of toast on it. “Please KID san…” I looked up at her face and guilt filled me, so I reluctantly took the plate. She watched me intently as I took my first bite which went down my throat like sandpaper and hit my stomach like lead.

Her face fell as she watched me struggle to eat, but she wouldn’t give up in her resolve and I ate the whole slice of bread. I drowned it with water hoping that the burning pain—the phantom pain—would be washed away, but I just felt nauseous.

“If you don’t mind me asking… have you always been like this KID san?” A question like that prompted a laugh and her expression fell even more.

“I don’t know any more Tanaka san,” I answered breezily with a small smile.

“What happened to you KID san...?” I flinched at that question. _What does she mean by that? …What had happened to me? Considering the fact that KID is just a persona… does that mean that only Kaito has changed, or is KID more than a persona now? Am I both? Where does the lie end? Who changed?_

_Obviously the weaker of the two was the one who broke._ My eyes widened as the voice spoke to me. _You’re pathetic Kaito, giving into weakness like this. KID lives within you, yet you abuse his body as your own without a thought to him. Kaito, don’t you think that is a bit messed up?_ I swallowed trying to remove the lump in my throat.

_Are you giving up Kaito? You are, aren’t you? You’re so weak, I can’t believe you tried to save others but only hurt yourself in the end. What did you think you were? A hero?_ The voice persisted and I hoped that my poker face wasn’t betraying me now.

_Who is KID anyways? Without Kaito, who is KID? A better question… without KID, who is Kaito? Without KID, would Kaito even be alive? KID gives Kaito strength, so what if KID just disappeared? Kaito would just be husk, am I wrong?_

_Am I even anyone anymore without KID? Could I stop masquerading at night and still live? I’ve already proven I can stop living for the sake of surviving, but can I survive while purely living? I’m so confused as to who the hell I am! Am I even anyone without KID or has he taken over my life? Or is it vice versa? Did I take over KID’s life? Can I coexist as Kaito and KID, but have both be me? Who am I? Who am I…?_

“K-KID san?” I blinked my eyes awaking from my daze and I tilted my head at Tanaka san. “You just dazed off suddenly… are you okay?” I shook my head slowly still gaining my bearings and trying to slow my racing heart.

“S-sorry. Just have a lot on my mind right now. Didn’t mean to scare you,” I tried a sincere smile and hoped it was a good disguise. She seemed to calm down and even released a sigh.

“Okay… Is there anything else I can get you?” I shook my head for no. “Then tell me something about yourself. It doesn’t have to be too personal, just something so I know you didn’t have a heat stroke or something.

I hummed to myself in thought. “My best friend is the inspector’s daughter, and my boyfriend is a detective.” I hoped this answer would shock her and that it did.

“You live a dangerous life KID san,” she scolded, and I laughed lightly until a coughing fit took over. I clutched at my chest until the fit subsided and tried to catch my breath still maintaining that smile.

“I’m an adrenaline junkie with a death wish and insanely good luck,” I tossed back, panting slightly. “Both of them already know who I am anyways… if they wanted to turn me in, I would have hoped they’d have done so by now.”

“I suppose so… So, you really aren’t going to tell me anything about you, are you KID san?” I looked down.

“There isn’t much to say Tanaka san… I-I’m… only doing what I must to keep everyone I love safe and… someone has to do that job and I guess that someone is me…” I said with a shrug.

“People typically pin me as the attention seeker, and maybe I do like the bright lights, but I don’t prance around in white for an audience’s attention… at least not their attention… Honestly at this point, I want to give it all up, I never want to perform another magic trick or put on that suit and hat again… It’s too painful… but such is life, hmm?” I smiled as a sad, almost reminiscent, look crossed my face. _What was it like when I used to enjoy magic? Who was I like back then?_

“Someone has to keep everyone safe, even if the world hates me and abuses me… Even if the people turn against me, I won’t betray them… because there are people out there like Inori chan, who just need a push in the right direction and there are people out there like you who are fundamentally good, both worth protecting and dying for…” Her face fell.

“It’s what I thought… you are fighting to protect us… I knew you didn’t just steal for the sake of stealing… I knew you had a reason… So, in your absences—”

“Please, let’s not talk about what happened, I don’t think I can handle remembering anything right now…” my voice cracked out softly. She nodded politely.

“I may not know who you’re fighting KID san, but I’m with you KID san. Thank you for everything you do.” I nodded my head slowly and tried not to let a small blush tinge my cheeks.

“It’s ah…” I looked away trying to find something to say. “I’m not used to being thanked for what I do…” I admitted. She chuckled to herself lightly.

“I hope that one day you feel gratitude from everyone whoever doubted you KID.” I couldn’t think of how to act, it was strange. I was a thief accustomed to wearing masks, but now I couldn’t think of the appropriate face to put forward. “Don’t fret about it, KID, I know you have a hard time showing emotions that aren’t preprogrammed… Perhaps you don’t even know what to feel…” I looked down and bit the inside of my cheek trying to respond to that in a deflective way. She shook her head sadly and stood up from her seat.

“How about another piece of toast and a cup of tea, KID san?” I didn’t say anything, but she took that as a yes and I resorted to staring ahead in a miserable daze. She came back a little later with another plate and a new cup. I took both and nibbled slightly at the bread. There was no point in resisting or fighting. She didn’t need to see me being a mess.

Sipping from the tea, my violet eyes met hers as tried to decipher her reason for being so kind and trying to accommodate me.

“I don’t have selfish motives KID and I do not mean you harm.” _Such a strange thing to reassure me of…_ “I just want you to realize that you are worth more than you think and that I hope you never collapse on my couch again because of your own doings...” _Funny my eyes are starting to droop… I feel really sleepy…_ “Please forgive me, but I can’t let you kill yourself.” I tried to speak or move, but everything was too difficult. I didn’t even register dropping the cup of tea or hitting the couch as I lost account of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! What happened to Kaito? Hmm... 
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. I think Kaito feels imposter syndrome towards his own life. Imposter syndrome is where someone doesn't believe they're as competent or capable as others believe them to be. Kaito views KID as perfect, capable, and better than his civilian self. Kaito's beliefs are confirmed by the general public, as they also tend to view KID as inhuman and perfect. This leads to Kaito viewing his civilian self as useless or just dead weight to KID. Kaito separates himself from the ideal of KID and thinks that it would be better if he disappeared and KID remained. 
> 
> 2\. Tokyo summers are hot and humid. Wearing all black and not drinking enough water or eating food could definitely lead to heatstroke. Heatstroke is generally caused by physical exertion in hot temperatures and can lead to headaches, nausea, a fever of up to 104 degrees fahrenheit, and confusion or slurred speech. Kaito did not have heatstroke, but he is undergoing heat exhaustion symptoms. 
> 
> 3\. Tanaka san is distressed by Kaito's mental state as it reminds her of her daughter. She keeps trying to engage Kaito to make him feel more human and connected, but he keeps dismissing or dodging her questions. Her reaction to apologizing was a direct response to her memories of her daughter. It hurt her to see Kaito acting like this and thinking so lowly of himself. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading~ The next chapter will go up on Monday! Feel free to comment or follow me on social media (link here! [linktree](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)). Take care everyone and I'll see you next chapter~  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Y'all are lucky today because I'm posting two chapters~ Why you ask? Because I took a nap today and was more productive than usual~
> 
> Chapter warnings: illness, fevers, IVs, blood 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke completely unaware of my location and without any of my bearings. I registered a slight pain in my upper left arm, but I couldn’t process anything else with my throbbing head. My mouth was uncharacteristically dry, and I tried to swallow weakly. The light was too bright, and I groaned as I was unable to lift my arm to block out the light. They just felt too heavy. I tilted my head to the side and stared at the wall next to me. It was a pale blue. A window let in the light through the curtains, it was probably high noon. My head moved to the other side. I had an IV in my right arm dripping who-knows-what. My memories still failed me, and I couldn’t find the fight in me to wake up properly, so I let sleep wash over me again.

The second time I awoke wasn’t much better than the first. The sheen of sweat on my forehead made me feel sick and I felt worse than the first time. It seemed to be the evening or morning; I couldn’t tell. I still had the IV and my limbs still felt like lead. This time my thoughts went to Shinichi as I wondered if he knew where I was or if he even knew I was gone. _What day is it? How long…?_ Sleep claimed me before I could attempt to move or finish my thoughts.

The third time I awoke was due to a terrible nightmare in which I thrashed around enough to mess up the IV. Sitting up with wild eyes and grasping at my bleeding arm in the dark was not how I had planned to come to. Tanaka san and her husband burst into my room and tried to calm me from my panic attack and stop the bleeding. She injected a syringe filled with an anesthetic and I went under again.

The fourth time I awoke naturally and was able to move. The IV was gone and I felt substantially better, though not well enough to attempt walking. For some reason, I felt sick to my stomach and my head was still too foggy for me to decipher how I got here. After a while, Tanaka san came in and watched me silently. I blinked slowly and many times before she finally began speaking.

“K-KID san? How are you feeling?” I grit my teeth and strained to sit up. She helped me up and set pillows behind my back to keep me up.

“I-I… what…” the unused quality of my voice and the dryness of my throat caused each sound to leave painfully and I winced at the sound.

“I suppose you’re confused… I’ll fill you in, though I’m not sure how mentally aware you are right now…” She looked down. “Please don’t be mad at me KID san… I drugged you so that I could treat you… You see, I am a private nurse, and I couldn’t stand the condition you were in… I’ve been giving you fluids and treating your fever. Everything I’ve done was to stabilize your body and counteract your heat exhaustion.” My lips were pursed together as I listened carefully to her information. What she had done was definitely wrong, but I knew she had the right intentions, at least I hoped they were just intentions.

“I-I see… How long…?” I squinted my eyes trying to focus on her shape as the brightness of the room was messing with my eyes.

“Three days.” My eyes widened and I began coughing as I moved too fast and tried to stand.

“T-three days?! S-Shinichi!” My vision swirled dangerously, and I braced myself on the bed.

“Take it easy KID!” she shouted out not caring to use formalities. I stopped straining myself and my piercing eyes met hers in a look of betrayal and distrust. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t want you to die… I couldn’t save Inori, but I won’t lose you too! You meant too much to Inori and therefore you mean the world to me…”

“I need a phone,” I responded simply. “I need one now.” She nodded and walked away briskly. I sighed and ran a nervous hand through my hair. _Three days… I have so much work to do, dammit Shinichi… Jii chan… dammit… I need to get in contact!_

She came in with a cell phone and I promptly typed in Shinichi’s number; it went straight to voice mail. “S-Shinichi… it’s me… Please pick up…” Just as I was about to hang up, Shinichi answered, and I quickly spilled out a phrase saying who I was and asking that he hear me out.

“K-Kaito?” he asked as if he was not sure it was really me.

“I-it’s me Shinichi…” I rasped out. My hands trembled and I tried to swallow with my dry throat.

“You don’t sound good,” was the first thing he said to me and I laughed lightly at that, however it probably sounded more like nails on a chalkboard. “Where are you? I won’t ask why; I’ll get the details later… But seriously are you okay? Kaito…” I looked down.

“I’m okay, I think. I just don’t think I’m ready to walk or move anywhere fast yet… I’m at a friend’s house, yeah? Yeah… a friend’s house… I don’t remember the address right now so trace the call if you must… I kind of need you to pick me up… Can’t walk well… At least I think I can go home? I’m not quite sure about anything about everything yet… I think…?”

“Kaito, you’re not making any sense… Are you okay? I’m tracing the call.”

“Mhm fine ‘nichi… Wanna go home…” My brain was getting all foggy again and the stress of the call was making me feel so sick. I just wanted to vomit.

“Kaito I’m going to get you now; I know where you are. Please sit tight for now.” I sighed as he ended the call. I cursed my inability to speak coherently and I bit my tongue. Tanaka san came up to me and took the phone.

Tanaka san caught me gagging and she rushed me to the bathroom. She gave me privacy as I emptied my stomach’s contents—or lack of. The bile burned my throat until blood came up in bright pink dots and I smiled a sick smile at the contents. Tears ran from my eyes and my nose ran as another bout of nausea hit me and I couldn’t stop the attack. Nothing but bile came up and my throat felt raw, I don’t think I could make a sound if I tried. I pushed myself up while wiping the trailing bile from my chin. I washed my face and tried to wash the taste out of my mouth. I drank some of the cold water to cool my burning throat, but it only stung more.

I heard the buzz at the front gate and I knew that Shinichi had arrived. _How long have I been in here?_ I moved from the sink and grasped a towel to dry my face with before leaving the bathroom. I heard three concerned voices, one belonging to Tanaka san, another to Shinichi, and the last to Jii chan. _I don’t need this stress in my life…_

The went to my room and we all met eyes. I was braced against the wall breathless and wobbling. Shinichi quickly came to support me and Jii chan began interrogating Tanaka chan.

“Who are you and why is the young master here?” he asked immediately with narrowed eyes. The hardened look on his face was something I had never seen before; perhaps it was the outcome of losing too many people dear to him—including me on multiple occasions.

“Tanaka, Tanaka Isami. I’ve been taking care of KID san for the past few days; I’m a trained house nurse,” she answered calmly. She held her own against Jii chan and I could sense the fight brewing between them both.

“J-Jii chan… it’s okay…” my voice scratched out roughly and I winced. Shinichi’s grip on me tightened and I could tell he was bristling.

“Explain yourself, Tanaka san,” Jii chan spat out.

“There’s nothing to explain. KID san came to me and collapsed on my couch. I may have drugged him, but it was in his best intentions. He was experiencing heat stress and needed to be rehydrated. I don’t regret what I did.”

“You drugged him?!” Shinichi interjected suddenly and rather angrily. “What else have you been doing to him? He sounds awful and he’s weak despite your apparent ‘help’.”

“He’s just been receiving fluids and something to keep his fever under control. I have done nothing invasive. KID san is just extremely sensitive to—”

“Or you just don’t know how to take care of him,” Shinichi retorted.

“Oh, and do you know better? I’d like to say not. Though I still do not know your relation to KID.” His eyes narrowed at her response.

“I could say the same for you, Tanaka san. How do I know you’re not harming KID and forcing him to say he’s okay?”

“And how do I know that you’re who you say you are? How do I know that KID is not lying to protect me?” They just kept going back and forth and it was killing my head to hear all their yelling. It was making me nauseous and dizzy at the same time.

“H-hey…” I tried to interject softly while holding down whatever threatened to come up. I was ignored and I began fighting against Shinichi, wrenching away from him. I wobbled on my feet, but I had their attention.

“Can’t we be a little quieter,” I mumbled out while swirling dangerously. “Y-you all are giving me a headache… Makin’ me sick…” Shinichi caught me again and this time he faced Tanaka san with decency. Perhaps they could work things out without me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the first chapter update of two. You all can let out a breath of relief as Tanaka is not evil. I didn't want her to evil as I wanted a kind, older motherly figure for Kaito. This doesn't replace Chikage of course. No, she still has a role to play in this tale. Plus, Tanaka and Chikage are very different mothers. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. KID was given valium when he woke up from the nightmare. Valium is often used as a sedative and as an anti-anxiety, so it was my first choice for calming Kaito down. 
> 
> 2\. Tanaka just gave Kaito fluids to rehydrate him and anti-fever meds to help calm his fever down. The anti-fever meds cause drowsiness, so these meds and his condition kept him sleeping. 
> 
> 3\. Kaito was obviously a bit irked at being kept at Tanaka's place for three days without being able to notify Shinichi or Konosuke. I think he gives a bit of leeway to Tanaka, however, because he knows where she's coming from. Having just lost her daughter, Tanaka is of course cautious with Kaito. 
> 
> 4\. The stress Kaito faces upon waking up and realizing how long he's been out mixed with his illness leads his fever to suddenly spike again and for him to feel nauseous. This is why he starts slurring his words and vomits. 
> 
> 5\. Shinichi and Konosuke are wary of Tanaka and Tanaka is wary of them. This makes sense as Shinichi and Konosuke have no clue who Tanaka is and Tanaka assumes that they contributed to Kaito's poor condition. No one was at fault here, but they were all being suspicious of each other. 
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone~ The next update will be on Thursday (not Wednesday!) as I'm a bit busy on Wednesday. Feel free to comment or connect with me on [social media](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)! Take care everyone (and go check out the next chapter!)  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone~ Here's chapter 46! The second chapter I uploaded today! Please read and enjoy~
> 
> Chapter warnings: none to my knowledge!
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I distinctly recalled the feeling of a hand in mine and it brought my eyes, blinking and straining, open. My eyes were hazy, and the light caused everything to look fuzzy. I took a few long blinks trying to clear up the fog. I heard a voice and my head lulled to focus on the source. _Shinichi…?_ I opened my mouth to respond but I couldn’t find the words.

“K-Kaito?” he seemed to whisper out. “Thank God, I was beginning to get worried,” he sighed, laughing to himself in an almost nervous manner. “You’re going to be the reason I die young; you stress me out too much…” With my now focusing vision I could see tears gathering in his sapphire eyes. I didn’t know if they were tears of relief or something else. The dark circles around his eyes that made him resemble a raccoon were evident too.

“What happened?” my dry voice croaked out. Shinichi helped me to a sitting position and handed me a glass of water. I sipped from it slowly. I was still in Tanaka san’s house.

“You passed out on us. We had been fighting, Tanaka san, Konosuke san, and myself… You suddenly pushed away from me and chastised us all and then you collapsed. You had a fever of 43 degrees… I should have noticed that… You’ve been out for a few hours. Konosuke san is still here as well. We were worried that we’d have to take you to the hospital.” A shuddering breath escaped his lips.

“Who would have guessed that the time you spent starving yourself and harming yourself and the… other times… would have weakened your immune system so much… You caught a simple cold and it almost killed you…” His hand squeezed mine.

“Shinichi… it’s not just that… The drugs I’ve been on and the ones I was forced to take back then fried my immune system for now… I’ll make a comeback though… The great KID can’t take sick leave… Besides I’ve never been good at getting sick, except on Valentine’s day,” I chuckled to myself.

“Stupid thief,” he growled at my carefree attitude. “That’s not how it works, and you know it…”

“So? Isn’t it easier to believe my way? It makes you happier, hmm?” I smiled softly and Shinichi finally returned it.

“You make me worry too much Kaito… I swear… when you didn’t come back… I-I worried that I had set you off and that you had relived something or that you had killed yourself or something like that. I couldn’t sleep and I just searched and searched for you without a single lead. I thought you had escaped me again. Haa, I’m just so glad to have you again, even if you’re sick. I’m just glad I have you Kaito…” I was touched by him and I squeezed his hand with whatever strength I had.

“I want to go home with you Shinichi… When can we go home?” Shinichi chuckled to himself.

“As soon as Tanaka san lets you, Kaitou kun,” he smiled showing his teeth in a pure toothy grin. Shinichi suddenly leaned forward, and I bowed my head as he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “I love you Kaito,” he whispered.

“I… I love you too Meitantei kun.” He noted my almost reluctant response, and he looked a little downtrodden, but I squeezed his hand, and the dark cloud left his face. He understood me and he knew I loved him even if I didn’t know how to express it verbally sometimes.

Sometimes I wondered about my use of the word ‘love’. They threw it around so easily and they used it as a way to torture me. And ‘I love you’ meant ‘great sex’ or ‘I love beating you, it brings me pleasure’. With Shinichi it meant, ‘I appreciate and respect you; your happiness is mine’. A meaning like that is beautiful, but it’s hard for me to spell out such commitment even if I mean it. I get choked up with memory and internalized fear. I’d work on that for Shinichi’s sake though.

Moments later, Tanaka san walked in. Her eyes widened as she saw me, and she quickly walked over to my bed. She rested her cool hand against my forehead while studying me closely with her narrowed, mysterious eyes. She stepped back and shared a look with Shinichi that I couldn’t decipher.

“Your fever seems to finally be over KID san… hopefully for good too. If you don’t mind Kudo san, I’d like for KID san to stay one additional night to make sure that his fever does not come back.” Shinichi nodded in agreement.

“If that’s what you recommend Tanaka san.”

“Shouldn’t I be deciding whether or not I stay here another night?” my annoyed voice cut into their conversation.

“No,” they answered in union causing me to pout childishly.

“You have absolutely no say in this KID san. Since you never watch your health you would only exacerbate your condition. Your husband agrees with me and has assumed responsibility over you.” I eyed Shinichi suspiciously and due to his lack of being able to uphold a good poker face, I could see the devilish smile pulling at his lips as he tried to avoid meeting my eyes. I’d get him back for sure.

“Fine whatever…” I slumped back into the bed and blocked out the light with my hand. “Just swear that I can go home tomorrow… I’m tired of not being there…” I moved my hand to study Tanaka san.

“Of course, KID san, as long as your condition doesn’t worsen suddenly.”

“Okay,” I yawned. _How can I still be sleepy?_ “I have to get home as soon as possible… You see, Shinichi is terrible with keeping a place clean. I bet our house looks abandoned and ransacked…” I looked off into the distance. “And I had spent so much time making that rickety mansion an actual home…” Tanaka san chuckled to herself and looked at Shinichi.

“So, you’re the homemaker, KID san?” I blushed at that question for some reason.

“Well… I guess… I mean I can’t exactly be the breadwinner, my err… job doesn’t pay very well… And with how things have been with Shinichi working during the day and my condition, I’ve been able to devote some time to our home… though I suppose it was all for naught now. Shinichi is incapable of keeping anything looking nice—”

“That’s not true!” Shinichi interjected. “Your room is spotless and clean. I kept it up even though you were gone. I didn’t want it to fall into disarray! I knew you’d be unhappy if it did…” I stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes, but that disappeared as I began to laugh a pathetic laugh that sounded more like I was choking.

“You amaze me, you know that right, Shinichi?” He looked away from me as I smiled.

“Well, I’ll give you two some privacy since you seem fine KID san. I’ll be back later with both of your dinners, which I expect both of you to eat.” She gave us both a sharp stare and we both squirmed uneasily.

As soon as she left Shinichi turned to face me with a serious look. “I believe I’m owed an explanation.” I looked down and sighed knowing full well that he did.

“I know, I know… I didn’t intend for this to happen. I was feeling ill, like I was going to collapse or something… Tanaka san is the mother of one my fans that was killed, I went to visit her, and she was pretty understanding of the whole situation and her story of her daughter Inori chan was actually so touching to me that I… I passed out…” I laughed nervously knowing that Shinichi knew what I meant; his mouth tightened into an even thinner line.

“She took care of me until I awoke a little later. I promptly left not wanting to deal with her knowing about my c-condition. Like I said before, I returned because I needed somewhere close and safe to crash. She took care of me again until I awoke and then she forced me to eat and drink… My drink was spiked with sleeping meds and I passed out. As far as I know, I’d developed a fever and was dehydrated, so I received fluids and some other things I don’t even care to know about… When I finally awoke, I contacted you immediately… what I didn’t realize was that in the window of returning here, I caught a strain of the flu, which is pretty bad for my already shot immune system. That’s why I was so nauseous and fainted from my fever when you arrived. I feel a lot better now, just really sore and tired; that’s kind of ironic though considering how much I’ve been sleeping…” I shut my eyes as Shinichi began to run his hand through my hair.

“Scoot over,” he commanded. I did as I was told, and he climbed in next to me. “I’ve missed this,” he admitted.

“You’re going to catch the same thing I have,” I chastised, but he merely ignored me. I closed my eyes and curled in on myself. The bed wasn’t especially large, and I hoped that this would deter him from laying so close to me and exposing himself to illness.

For now, I just wanted to focus on the beating of my own heart, which seemed to be pounding in my ears, and Shinichi’s steady breathing. It was calming. My mind was especially active, and I couldn’t help but focus on the differences between Shinichi and myself. I often wondered if I changed, like if my personality had altered so much that I was no longer Kaito or KID. I also wondered if this was the real Shinichi or the new Shinichi or something else… Had he always been so childish but hid it with the façade of constantly dealing with death and his shrunken body? Honestly, I wondered if Shinichi would have enjoyed my old self more than my current self. Would we have been pranksters together? Best friends?

Occasionally I dabbled with renaming myself and dying my hair a new color because I find it so hard to believe that I am still ‘Kaito’, the real Kaito… _They killed Kaito, didn’t they? Then who remains?_ Stubborn tears pricked at the back of my eyes as I thought of what Kaito had lost. _You really lost it all, hm Kaito? As soon as KID moved in you began losing everything and as soon as they entered the picture Kaito died. He had his life stolen from him._

I tried to stop my thoughts before they consumed me, and I settled with napping instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone~ I had some fun writing this chapter (as I do anytime Shinichi and Kaito are being fluffy).
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Constant stress, inadequate nutrients, and certain drugs severely stress out the immune system and can lead to impaired immune functioning. Hence, Kaito is more susceptible to illness. (This reminds me of Cells at Work: Code Black...) 
> 
> 2\. Shinichi is ecstatic in this chapter. I hope y'all can tell. He was completely touched by Kaito wanting to go home with him. I'm not sure how to fully explain this, but it's really touching when someone considers being with you 'home'.
> 
> 3\. Did Shinichi tell Tanaka that he was Kaito's husband? Maybe ;) Also, once again, I assert how Kaito would make an amazing househusband, with his attention to detail and neatness. 
> 
> 4\. Dissociation and trauma can lead to a lot of self questioning, such as wondering if this is the real you, if the world around you is real, or if you've changed so much that you're no longer the real you. This type of introspection is common in trauma survivors who feel as though their trauma marred or diminished themselves, which is true of Kaito. This also plays into his desire to start anew and wipe away his old existence. 
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone~ As I said in the last chapter, the next update will be on Thursday. I look forward to seeing y'all then~ Take care everyone!  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 47~ my favorite number~ This chapter gets a major content warning, so please read the content warnings and take care of yourselves. Otherwise, please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm, blades, blood, negative self-talk, PTSD-esque symptoms, nightmares, fighting
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I’ve been in Shinichi’s manor for a couple weeks now and my life has started to slow down again. Shinichi went to the department every day and I spent my time restoring the house and trying to get back into this whole living thing… I tended to hide away on the roof or other hidden places in the house just thinking. I didn’t feel like myself anymore, whatever that meant anyways…

Right now, I was in one the larger closets sitting by myself in the dark with my legs curled into me. I didn’t want to go out; I wasn’t ready to embrace the outside world. I just wanted to mull over my thoughts.

_That voice in my head… who is it? It sounds so much like Oyagi-sama… but at the same time…_

_Who am I you ask? I am your voice of reason and truth, your ego and guilt conscious… I make you understand what you normally would not._

My hands clenched as my overactive mind went into overdrive. _So? What does this all mean then? Kaito is dead right? They killed him because he was too weak, so therefore only KID is left, right? Or am I wrong? Why won’t you answer me? All you ever say is ‘Kaito’ was too weak, so is he finally dead? Should this husk give up on that identity? Am I just KID?_

My clenched hands went to my hair pulling at it feebly. _H-hey, am I even KID anymore? Did I break KID’s morals or were those Kaito’s morals? I’ve killed people, you know… I’ve killed in complete cold blood… So many people… so many innocent people._

I bit my lip tightly until the taste of metal filled my mouth. _I’ve killed so many people… damn… All I wanted was to protect and I just proved that I’m just like them! I’m such a fucked-up person!_

_I have no morals now… I’ve stained my hands too many times. To have ‘morals’ would just make me a hypocrite now… Ah, I’m so screwed up. I should probably disappear and kill myself. There’s nothing I can do to make up for the deaths I’ve caused._ A small voice I always ignored tried to justify my actions by bringing into play what the Organization had done to me, but I couldn’t be swayed. The hatred I felt was genuine. 

_Ah, I hate myself… I’m so weak and pathetic. I seriously want to cut myself right now but that would make Shinichi sad, so I can’t do that… and I promised not to leave him for an extended amount of time without warning. Haha, my wrists are itching really bad…_

Shinichi wouldn’t be back from work for a couple more hours and Jii chan wasn’t planning on visiting us tonight… I could sneak in a cut or two and hide it from him…

The guilt remained even as I set down the blade and held the towel to my right wrist. Shaky tears left me, and I felt the strong desire to curl up and fade away. The shame was overbearing, and it was always there, whether I cut or not, and I hated it. It was as if my existence itself made me guilty and at times, I could believe that was true.

The smile never left, though, and it never faltered. The tears could be raining down, my body could be trembling, and my eyes could be wide with fear, but that smile never left. It was one of the only constants I maintained now, and I was desperate to cling to it.

“B-better make Shinichi dinner, yeah…” I shakily stood and stashed the bloody towel away in a lazy manner that Shinichi would easily find if he suspected something was wrong. I couldn’t be bothered by that though.

I stumbled my way downstairs and began making something for dinner. The long sleeves hid my wrists, but they burned, and in a sick, masochistic way I enjoyed it. This secret pleasure of mine, of feeling something real, of reminding myself that I was alive by working myself dead… It was a dangerous game that I lived off of now.

I set the table and made a show out of what I did. _This must be KID… KID lives off adrenaline, a stage full of people, his meaning is tied to how much people love him… but at the same time KID is to be feared; he doesn’t have a moral background. KID can do what he wants whenever he wants._ I brought out one of Shinichi’s favorite bottles of wine, one only used for special occasions. I set the silverware and china out precisely, polishing a fork here and a knife there.

Shinichi eventually arrived just as I had finished the flower arrangement. “What’s the special occasion Kaito?” he asked me with a smile that faltered as it saw my face. _You’ve always been bad at hiding your true feelings Detective..._

“Y-you might as well come clean Kaito… How many was it and how long ago? Did you wrap them and use disinfectant?” _Time to lie as usual, being truthful is too hard._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Shinichi. I was just trying to finally celebrate my return and our reunion. I think more of this than you may think… I really missed living with you, even if I’m not good at expressing it right now. I wanted to thank you somehow, so I made your favorite dish and set the place up nice. Aren’t you happy?” I hoped my pleading eyes would let him know that I did not want to discuss this farther.

“No, I’m not happy Kuroba.” _Wow, not even using my first name? He’s upset..._ My eyes hid all that I could, and the eerie smile never left.

“I thought I could at least please you with—”

“I don’t care about food! I care about you and this… You think you can hide your self-harming behind a ‘special dinner’?! I’m not stupid and I’m not going to fall for that! You know that… So why even give a half-assed attempt at hiding something when you knew that I would figure out anyways… I saw your face and I knew… I know you better than you think Kaito…” Behind the mask, my minded was whirring with thoughts and ways to speak back at him. I swallowed discreetly and opened my mouth to respond.

“It wasn’t so much as hiding as it was not addressing. ‘If you can’t cover something up properly, then you distract and draw attention away from what you don’t want the audience to see.’ That’s basic magician code.” He sighed and ran a hand through his windblown hair.

“That doesn’t make it any better Kaito… The whole point is to not cut at all… And if you ever feel the urge to do anything like that, you’re supposed to call me. We went over this before I returned to work… We’re supposed to work on helping you, but if you don’t reach out to me, then I can’t help you.”

“You can’t fix what’s already broken,” my voice ominously sounded. His eyes widened at that and I saw the frown form.

“You’re not ‘broken beyond repair’,” he scolded.

“Do you even believe that or this a cheap trick to try and convince me of that?” I spat back.

* * *

His piercing indigo eyes struck me angrily. A question like that, how would I answer it?

“I-I—”

“Riiight, I see the truth now. You don’t believe it, that hesitation proves it.” I gulped, had he caught me red-handed? Did I really think that I could help Kaito? Why was he acting like this again? “Don’t even try to defend yourself, I don’t want to hear you attempt to lie. You have no experience, and you can’t fool me.” I bit my lip.

“Kai—”

“I said shut it! I don’t want to hear that name right now…” Something was wrong, something had to be wrong. He didn’t want me to call his name, but why?

“Look Shi-ni-chi…” each syllable left his tongue venomously. “You try too hard for something that you can’t achieve… I can’t be helped, it’s not your fault, ‘kay? I’ve been defiled too many times, it’s not worth dirtying yourself over me… Besides I-I…” He was starting to shut down, stop talking. Now I would make my move.

“Kaito, please, tell me what this is about. I can’t do anything until you tell me what’s wrong.” I approached him and he flinched back as if I would strike out.

“P-please don’t call me by that name… it’s too painful…” he was shaking his head back and forth and his breath was quickening at an alarming rate.

“Fine, KID, please tell me, what’s wrong?” He sunk down slowly to his hands and knees as he continued to tremble. I was about to crouch next to him, but he looked up at me with desperate eyes.

“S-Shinichi… Am I evil?” The mask was gone, and his tears flowed freely.

“W-what?” I croaked out in confusion not quite understanding the question.

“I-I think I may be evil, y-yeah? I don’t even remember how many people I’ve killed now and the things I’ve done… Haha… Ah… You know, I don’t even have an excuse for some of the murders... Some were out of self-defense, but a good deal were because I was mad or they told me too… Hah… pretty good, hmm? I know what it’s like to have blood running down my hands. I’ve shot people point blank. I held their throats ‘til they stopped moving and then continued the hold ‘til I heard that beautiful crack. Oh yes, that beautiful sound, the sound that meant I would get food and sleep.” His eyes were wide with an expression I had hoped to never see again: desperate manic.

“H-hey, Shinichi… Do you know how many I killed? You investigated the building that exploded, and you know about the bombing at the heist. I killed everyone in the building, and you know what’s even worse? I set up all the bombs that went off. I killed them all! This is a confession dammit! Arrest me! Kill me! Do something!” His fists pounded against the ground as I could do nothing but watch.

“Do something please… it hurts too much…” His hand clenched at his chest ripping at the cloth so much that I knew he was leaving nail marks. “It hurts so much that I can’t breathe, I can’t swallow…” He silenced for a moment; all I could hear were his unsteady breaths as he tried to regain control over himself.

“They did horrible things to me Shinichi, but what’s worse than being tortured physically, sexually, and even mentally…it’s being killed spiritually… I broke my one rule so many times… I still remember the first ones… He threatened you and everyone else… I killed his guards without hesitation… Then I snapped his neck… I still remember sobbing and crying hysterically… It was an adrenaline rush; one I’ve never felt before. I felt on top of the world but at the same time I felt like the world was trying to strangle me. I went on a killing spree, no one escaped… Not everyone had injured me you know… I didn’t even know all of them… I had murdered innocence that night…” I didn’t know if he meant his own innocence or others, but I didn’t think it mattered.”

“I don’t mean anything to myself… I assume you already know, but my self-esteem is non-existent, and I couldn’t care less if I just died. My mother basically abandoned me, and my father is someone I’ll never be able to live up to. The only thing that matters is the people I love. I live for them… even if they hate me...”

“Perhaps the torture they gave me I enjoyed in the slightest of manners because I felt like I deserved it. That spiritual torture though… They killed him! They killed Kaito because Kaito was too weak… Kaito believed in morals and a world that was full of love, a world I can’t exist in anymore! Kaito died while KID survived…”

“It’s a sorry thing for both of us though. I carry Kaito’s memories, but not his life, and Kaito lost a life that, in my state, I can’t carry on. I was built to do damage in more ways than one. I’m a weapon, a thief, a liar… Kaito was a human capable of loving… Am I just trying to fill those shoes and is that giving me sorrow? Perhaps I should give up and become who I truly am? I could take out the Organization quickly and swiftly. I could give up on emotions because KID has no real emotions… Yes, becoming numb would be so much easier… The pain and the memories would disappear then…” The tears had stopped falling from his face, but the grim expression remained.

“Some time ago you promised to prove every fucked-up thing I said wrong, but… they may be fucked-up, but is anything I’m saying wrong Shinichi?” His voice cracks and that desperate look he gave me were too much. How could I respond to that?

I sunk to my knees. “I don’t know anything Kaito… I’m sorry, but I don’t know anything.” I embraced him, and like a child, Kaito latched onto me sobbing and gripping the fabric of my shirt. He trembled as I ran a hand through his hair and rubbed circles on his back. He cried until his voice was hoarse and his eyes so red that they probably stung, but even that did not stop his dry sobs and hiccups.

Kaito couldn’t decipher whether or not what he did was justified in his actions or if they were even his actions. His moral standards, the ones he compared people to, had been broken by himself and he wasn’t sure who he was anymore. ‘Kaito’, his moral compass, was dead, while ‘KID’, his persona without morals, lived, but in the shadow of the former. What I saw before me was neither of the two though. All I saw was a damaged human trying to find anything to cling to. He was so fragile right now.

“H-hey, Shinichi… Am I the villain?” he didn’t look up at me but rather smiled. He smiled a bright smile that I had previously only seen during heists when he performed a trick that made the audience giddy with joy. Now I would forever doubt the smile I saw on his face. In fact, I might even grow to hate it. Seeing it on his face now only made me realize how fake it really was. “Ah… I guess I see the truth now.”

Kaito suddenly pushed himself up and swayed before steadying himself. “Y-your dinner will get cold. You might as well eat.” His voice was cold and distant, albeit a bit shaky. He then left me, and I did not follow. I didn’t know what to say or how to defend him; I was so damn weak.

At least this time he didn’t storm away recklessly and go out into the night. He stayed at my mansion cleaning and working. I knew he was crying bitterly, sometimes a hiccup or choked sob escaped his lips.

I cursed myself as I ate, or rather pushed around, dinner. I couldn’t—didn’t—defend Kaito like I should have. He was so vulnerable, and I just affirmed every insecurity he had about himself. I needed to make this right, but I was scared. I didn’t want to say his argument was compelling, but I didn’t know how to fight it. Any rational person who didn’t know Kaito’s story would call him a psychopath. I knew his story. I knew he was a victim of circumstance, but how would I convince him that everyone he’d killed was within good reason or not his fault? I didn’t believe in murder. He knew I openly hated murder, but now he was the murderer… He was the very thing we both despised. Not only did he have to deal with insecurities about being not good enough, now he dealt with insecurities about not being good at all.

I went to bed early trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t sleep as I lay awake tossing and turning as Kaito filled my mind. He would kill himself just out of self-hate if I didn’t fix things. He needed to know that I still loved him and that I didn’t see him as a murderer or someone evil. Moreover, he needed to realize that he and KID were one the same. I wasn’t sure where the idea originated that KID and Kaito were different, but identity issues plagued Kaito. Finally, I needed to help him get past ‘not being good enough’ for his father. I didn’t know the man, nor would I ever understand why Kaito idolized him, but I did know that being alone at such a young age and inheriting the role of KID led to him being in a constant fight to prove himself to others. I needed him to know that I loved him as he was.

I tossed and turned throwing idea after idea around until sleep claimed me.

* * *

I didn’t sleep long as an ear-piercing scream shot me out of bed. I dashed down the halls and skid into Kaito’s room. He sat straight up in his bed ripping at his throat viciously while screaming his head off. He was tangled in his blankets and completely lost in his delusion. I couldn’t talk him out of this one as he lunged at me with his other arm swinging wildly. His eyes were wild and filled with pain. Thin beads of blood began to form at the areas where he tore at his neck and another shriek left him. Sweat trailed down his face as he fell back onto the bed, still whimpering and thrashing about trying to fight and win an invisible battle.

When he was like this, there was nothing I could do to stop him until he came to his senses and back to reality. Minutes went by before Kaito stopped and curled on his side whimpering and trembling. He didn’t react to my presence at all. I sat on his bed and tried to run my hand through his hair, but he only curled more in on himself and away from my touch.

“G-go away Sh-Shinichi… I-I want to be a-alone,” he shuddered out in a dry, cracking voice. His trembling only continued, but I knew the delusion was over for now. I tried to fight his words and comfort him, but he sat up suddenly and physically pushed me away. “I said go away! I want to be alone!” Tears filled his eyes as well as a look of betrayal and distrust as he dismissed me. “I don’t need you here…” The raw emotion in his voice and the look in his eyes sent me away. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to be there for him, but I had done enough damage already. I needed to let him find his right mindset again before I tried to talk to him. _Who am I kidding? In all honesty, I’m too scared to confront him right now…_

I returned to my room unable to sleep as another scream of pain left the room two doors to the right from mine. I heard him bash something against the walls and the sobs, which morphed into laughs and then coughs. Then all went silent and sleep won me over before I could go check on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, what can I say about this chapter? Well, things will get better, I promise. 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. First up, why is Kaito 'acting' like this? Well, his whole identity has been fully rocked and I don't think he's handling that grief well at all. He feels incredibly guilty for the deaths of his fans. I headcanon Kaito has having the 'no one gets hurt' stance as well as having a strong notion of right and wrong. Even though he's a thief, he firmly believes that there is a line that should not be crossed. Now, he's crossed that line multiple times and doesn't even regret some of his actions. This leads to a huge disjunction in his mind and causes him to try to find something within himself to blame. Due to KID's proximity to his father, Kaito blames himself as being 'too weak'. This despair and discomfort lead him to lashing out at Shinichi. 
> 
> 2\. As for Shinichi, of course he's upset that Kaito cut, especially since they had a plan in place if Kaito felt urges. This upset does not equal mad though. It's more of a cross-concerned emotion. Shinichi is caught off guard by Kaito's question. This is because Shinichi has some conflicting thoughts as well. Shinichi abhors murder and chases after murderers for a living. Now, his lover is a murderer. There's bound to be some conflicting feelings there. Alongside this, Kaito is asking complicated questions while in emotional distress. Shinichi is not the best at dealing with emotions and he can be clumsy with his words when high stake emotions are in play. This isn't a crime scene or his occupation, where he feels at home; these are emotions that actively act on him and have direct consequences on his life. So, he freezes up and Kaito misinterprets this. 
> 
> 3\. Kaito takes Shinichi's silence as a 'yes' and that hurt him. He, of course, wanted Shinichi to defend him and promise that he wasn't evil or the bad guy, that it was okay for him to keep living. With this hurt, Kaito walks away and cries to himself, while trying to do menial tasks to distract himself. 
> 
> 4\. This makes Shinichi feel like a heel and he spends the rest of his time glum and guilty. This guilt is furthered when Kaito has a nightmare and turns Shinichi's comfort away. 
> 
> 5\. Ultimately, this is a very complicated situation with both sides being hurt and not knowing what to do. We may need outside help... hmmm... (Hint: there's a reunion next chapter). 
> 
> 6\. However, I wanted to show how complicated things can be. These emotions aren't easy and both parties are overwhelmed with guilt. Shinichi doesn't know how to apologize. Kaito doesn't know what to do with his identity crisis and emotional distress. 
> 
> Well, I hope y'all enjoyed reading (haha). I'll post the next chapter on Saturday! Feel free to ask any questions related to Flightless or my writing process~ [Social media](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu) Take care everyone~  
> ~ hototogisu ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Lunar New Year and Happy Valentine's Day! Here's chapter 48! Our surprise reunion character makes an appearance today!
> 
> Chapter warnings: self-harm, blood
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

An alarm I didn’t remember setting went off and woke me for work. I leapt out of bed in surprise while looking for my phone, which was on my bedside table, though I couldn’t recall putting it there. From what I remembered from the night before, I had fallen asleep browsing on my phone.

I found my clothes already laid out and ironed for me. It all clicked as I saw a small note on my bedside table. It read:

_‘I’m sorry, I never meant to yell or lash out at you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I’ve just been a little stressed out lately and I’ve had a lot on my mind. I understand if you’re mad at me or if you ask me to leave. I’ll oblige with whatever you say._

_I’m sorry,_

_K.K.’_

I dressed quickly and searched my house for Kaito, when I found him, I almost screamed. He looked normal, though a bit ruffled. He smiled at me as if nothing had happened the night before, but I could see the thin red lines peaking from under his sleeves.

“Good morning, I made you lunch. It’s in the kitchen along with your coffee. Please have a nice day at work Sh-Kudo san… I-I’ll just be cleaning until you get back…” He turned away from me trying to hide his face. I grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face me. Then, I pushed his sleeves up to admire the damage.

“You should wrap these before they get infected.” I said nothing more and he didn’t acknowledge my existence, aside from pulling away and pushing down his sleeves again.

Right before I left, I checked on him one more time. He had glassy eyes and was seated against the wall in his room. I don’t think he noticed me as I watched him. He seemed caught in a daze or a daydream. He wasn’t screaming or crying though. He just wasn’t moving, save the occasional blink. I did notice bandages and a pair of scissors at his feet, though. At least he finally wrapped them.

I left for work almost guiltily. I knew I was doing the wrong thing; I knew there was something else I probably should have been doing, but I didn’t know what it was.

I walked into the department and felt everyone’s eyes on me at once. I must have looked miserable. By now, most of my trusted friends at the department knew that I somehow involved with KID, but I don’t think anyone knew the extent of my situation.

Regardless, Takagi san pulled me aside and into a private office. “K-Kudo kun, is everything okay? You look like you’re the walking dead.” He leaned close to my ear, “Is it KID?” I flinched and his look sharpened as he picked up on it. Of course, as a detective, he wouldn’t let that go unnoticed. “I see… If you need anything—”

“I’m an idiot,” I blurted out suddenly. “I can’t handle anything right… I don’t know what to do… I don’t want to talk about it!” He was taken aback by my conflicting words, but a knowing smile came to his face before he spoke.

“Just be honest and prove your love through actions not words. Sometimes people need to feel loved more than they need to be told their loved.” He squeezed my shoulder and offered a small smile before we left the office and parted ways. 

“Hey! Takagi san! What’s up with Kudo san?” One of the other officers I didn’t know well asked. 

“Oh, you know… He just needs some advice for a special friend he upset.” The wink Takagi san gave him was what spurred the laughter and gossip around the department later. Thus, I ate lunch alone in the safety of my locked office.

Kaito had left a pretty depressing apology note in my bento today, and it made me feel guiltier and guiltier to the point where I could barely stomach the wonderful lunch he had prepared. It was filled with all my favorites.

I looked down at my food, pushing it around and eating a little before a small knock sounded on my door. I went to it fully prepared to shut it on whatever gossiping officer came to harass me. To my surprise Aoko was at the door shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot.

“A-Aoko?” She smiled sheepishly.

“Hi Shinichi… Um… My dad told me to see you and Inspector Megure sent me here… Neither of them mentioned why I needed to see you though…” My hand went to the back of my neck. Boy this was sad, I guess the ‘news’ had traveled to Division 2 as well.

“You can step in if you’d like, I have an idea on what they’re going on about…” She stepped in and I shut the door to keep any spying ears away. She took and seat and so did I.

“Well… um… how have you been Aoko?”

“I’ve been okay, busy with school, but okay.” I nodded. “How about you?”

“I’ve just been going through case after case whether they be cold or new… Work has kept me busy here.”

“You just came back from medical leave, right?”

“Yes, actually. I was stabbed in the right shoulder not too long ago, but it was nothing serious. I’m doing double the work to compensate for my medical leave though… they ended up giving me more days than I probably needed for other reasons…” I trailed off wondering how much she knew about Kaito right now.

“This is about Kaito, isn’t it?” she asked while narrowing her eyes.

“How did you know?”

“I may not be a detective, but why else would you need me specifically? What’s wrong? Is he with you?” I took a deep breath and steeled myself, she would probably kill me.

“Yes, Kaito’s at my house right now. We managed to get him back a couple weeks ago… right after the last KID heist…” She looked down wearing an unreadable expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Did Dad know?” She looked betrayed and I flinched remembering the same look Kaito had given me.

“Yes, Nakamori san knew… He helped me make a good cover up story after Kaito s-stabbed me. He’s also been defending Kaito in the accusation of KID setting off those bombs… Konosuke san, I assume you know him, also helped us kidnap Kaito back…” She seemed to be containing her anger for now and instead asked another question.

“Why do you need me now then?” I sighed and looked down while folding my hands.

“Kaito isn’t okay right now—not that I expected him to be okay or anything! But I don’t know what to do... He’s worse than when he first escaped, and I’m scared he’s going to seriously hurt himself. B-but… Kaito refuses to speak to me right now… I said, or rather didn’t say something, and he’s mad within good reason. I… screwed up Aoko. I need your help, please.” I looked up at her and saw her features softening at my plea.

“A-alright, I’ll help… Jeez… Shinichi, you’re so useless,” she scolded. “Though Kaito doesn’t always act that way and he’s good at hiding it, he’s really sensitive to others and how they perceive him. You’re someone he trusts and respects probably more than anyone else. If you hurt him, of course he’s acting this way.” I nodded in agreement and angled my eyes towards the floor guiltily.

“Honestly Shinichi… I’m surprised that you left Kaito all by himself… The last thing he needs right now is space. Kaito pushes people away, and in his absence, I learned that that’s the worst thing for him to do. Now that I think back on in, back in high school shortly after Kaitou KID made his reappearance, Kaito started pushing me and everyone else away. He was always busy, always alone… He stayed out late and somehow still attended classes. I swear he lived off energy drinks to stay awake in class and yet, somehow, he still managed to be at the top of the class… He still found time to hang out with me so I wouldn’t worry. I’m glad he did too, because otherwise, I would’ve had no clue how he was doing… No, Kaito needs people, he can’t keep pushing us away. We can’t let him.”

“Thank you Aoko. If you don’t mind… honestly this is asking a lot of you, but could you go to my house and check up on him, please? With what you said I’m just so nervous as to what he’s doing and how he’s holding up…” She gave me a hard stare.

“With what you just told me, I believe you should be the one running to comfort Kaito, but I’ll go. I’ve been needing to see him for a while, and I’m worried too. You’ll owe not only me, but also Kaito, okay? You hurt him and I can’t fix that.” I looked down and she sighed.

“Does Kaito even know that I know he’s still alive?”

“Yeah, he knows that you know and that freaked him out. He doesn’t want you to see him in his current state. It’s not pretty… Kaito will probably freak out when you see him… Please be careful, he’s not in his right state of mind right now and he might lash out.” She nodded and I could detect a small smile tugging at her lips as if she remembered a fond memory.

“You know, Kaito and I used to fight all the time, not out of hatred, but it was a kind of a game we enjoyed. He would say something I didn’t agree with and we would fight. It always ended in a tie, except for the few times he let me win,” she smiled as she recalled a fond memory. I handed her my keys. 

“You can have one of the officers take you over. Just say I sent you and show them the keys. I’m sure you’ll have no problem though; you are an inspector’s daughter after all.”

“Oh, and Aoko… I’m sorry…” At her confused look, I elaborated. “Kaito… he’s not the same anymore… the change is stark, and I understand if you get scared or back out at the last second. I’m sure Kaito will understand too… He’s been afraid to see you and I think a big part of it is that he doesn’t want you to see him as he is and to only remember him as he used to be.” She steeled her gaze and took on a stubborn expression.

“Kaito’s my best friend. His appearance or state of mind aren’t going to stop me from seeing and helping him. I care too much for him.” With that she turned her back and left confidently. I wondered if she would be alright alone with Kaito in his current state. I had to trust that she was strong enough to handle herself though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the chapter! The next chapter will have Aoko and Kaito meeting again~ I bet a lot of us have been waiting for that!
> 
> Random note, I celebrated Valentine's Day early this year and had a wonderful cake~ Cream and strawberries are too tasty~
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. I really like Takagi san~ I've mentioned that there are some rotten members in the department; Takagi is definitely not one of them. I think he kind of acts like an older cousin or senpai to Shinichi. In other words, he invests himself in Shinichi's life and relationships. I think because he places so much importance and faith in Shinichi, he wouldn't mind and would support Shinichi dating KID. Also, because Takagi acts as an older mentor figure to Shinichi, he would definitely tease him. 
> 
> 2\. Aoko is very confident and determined. I like to imagine that she's the kind of person who can pull anyone out of the dumps and hype them up so they feel better. I won't explain how she helps Kaito, because that's not chapter~
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! The next update will be released on Monday! See you all next chapter~  
> Happy Lunar New Year and (early) Valentine's Day~!  
> ~ [hototogisu](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu) ~
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Here's chapter 49! We're almost at 50! Please read and enjoy~
> 
> Chapter warnings: blood, broken glass
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

All my confidence seemed to fade away as the officer drove me further and further away from the department and closer and closer to Shinichi’s house. I was almost shaking in fear when the officer stopped outside of Shinichi’s manor.

“Well, we’re here Nakamori chan, I never realized that you and Kudo san were close, but I guess you must be if he trusts you to go into his house without him. Rumor has it that every year the police chief asks if they can use his mansion to throw the company Christmas party, but he consistently and rather vehemently denies him. I wish I had Kudo san’s guts to defy the police chief...” I barely paid attention to the officer as I gathered my things and left the vehicle. I murmured a small thank you and waved him off. Then, approaching the large house, I mustered whatever remained of my courage and wits and took a shaky breath to stave off the fear bubbling in my stomach. I hadn’t seen Kaito in years and for all I knew, these past years have been intense and full of pain and abuse for Kaito. From what Shinichi told me, Kaito had changed, but how much and would it affect our relationship?

I twisted the key in the door slowly and crept into the house quietly as if something or someone would jump at me at any moment. The house was spectacular, I noted, as I took in the beautifully polished floors and intricate paintings that donned that walls. The fireplace was real stone, and the furniture was true leather. Shinichi’s family must have been extremely wealthy.

I peeked into the dining room and took in the real china and the mahogany table with upholstered chairs. Silk curtains covered the window, but they were thin enough so that sunlight pooled in and illuminated the room. The chandelier caught the light and fractured it sending small rainbows and patches of light throughout the room. The tablecloth was precisely set on the table almost to the point of being a science and it was so white, it shown with the curtains and the chandelier giving the whole room a godly feel, it was almost surreal.

I moved throughout the house taking in every detail of this heavenly place. Everything here seemed different from the house I had originally seen when we saved Shinichi from himself. Back then the house was dark, filled with an overbearing darkness, almost like a miasma. I realized that the appearance of the house was the fault of Kaito; Kaito brought light back to Shinichi’s life.

I opened doors with ease as I embraced the beauty and grandeur of this mansion. It was beautiful and it pushed my fears and even Kaito from my mind. Then it all changed, the bright illusion disappeared, and I was faced with a nightmare, something I couldn’t bear to see. A chill ran through my body and the keys I had been holding my hands fell to the ground as my mouth fell agape in shock, horror.

I couldn’t describe it as I tried to back out and shut the door, deny what I was seeing, but I couldn’t deny the truth. I couldn’t unsee the form in front of me which resembled something of my old friend. I don’t think he noticed me immediately as he cradled a bloody arm to his chest. Then a sound left him, a laugh perhaps, but it was grating and painful to hear.

Then he looked up and his eyes focused for a slight moment and everything shattered around him as panic filled his eyes and his mouth fell into an ‘o’ which then became a smile, a screwed, anxious smile.

“K-Kaito…” I tried but my voice failed me as the look on Kaito’s face morphed into one of genuine terror. He began trembling under my stare and I stood still unable to move from my spot. “K-Kaito?!” my voice raised an octave and he flinched at it drawing back a little.

“A-Ao…” his voice cut off as he pressed himself against the wall. A laugh escaped his dry lips and echoed sadly in the room as the smile spread more and more until it looked painful. I saw the tears welling within his indigo eyes. I could see, as if in slow motion, the drip of blood from his arm as it fell onto the carpet staining it a muddy brown. The sheen of sweat on his forehead contrasted terribly with the pale white of his skin until he looked absolutely ill and akin to a ghost. I could see dried blood in streaks along his neck, and the dark circles around his eyes suggested nights without sleep. This room was a wreck, I noted, as I saw the shredded papers and torn pictures. I saw books strewn everywhere and a broken mirror covered in blood. I noted that his right hand was bleeding at the knuckles.

“Kaito… Talk to me.” I breathed, trying to finally take charge of the situation.

“T-that’s not my name…” he whimpered out and I flinched in surprise. “I-I’m KID not Kaito…” He held a defeated look as he bowed his head before me bracing his arms against the floor. It was almost complete submission as if he expected me to reprimand him.

I crouched down still keeping my distance while observing him. He was like a kid, unable to face me or act against me. “Look up at me,” I commanded and reluctantly Kaito turned his head up as I studied his face until a splash of red covered his cheeks and his trembling increased.

“Your eyes are the same no matter what you say. Your eyes are the same shade of indigo and they carry the same amount pain that his eyes did when Kaito’s dad died. The way you’re trembling is the same as when I found Kaito collapsed in his room sobbing and trembling, cutting everyone out from his life… So, I ask again, Kaito, will you talk to me?”

He tried to form words with his mouth, but his mouth opened dry, unable to make a single sound. His eyes narrowed and he sat back against the wall. He licked his lips nervously and his eyes met mine in an almost inferior way.

“N-Nakamori san,” his voice rasped, “i-it might be best if you just left…” He looked down bowing his head again. “F-for my sake and yours…”

“Kaito…” He was sending me away, choosing to be alone in the end. He didn’t want anyone to see him and suddenly I understood what he had done to Shinichi. Sure, Shinichi had hurt his feelings, but it was really Kaito pushing him away. He wanted to be alone, but why?

“I won’t leave even if you tell me to,” I said firmly without hesitation or a doubt. “You can’t push me away so easily Kaito.” I crouched closer and he tried drawing himself away, but my hand stopped him as it rested on his shoulder. He flinched as if my touched wounded him and his lip trembled as if he longed to say something.

“N-Nakamori… Please don’t touch me.” My grip tightened on his shoulder.

“Why Kaito? Talk to me please! I know what happened to you… I’ve seen the videos… Please…” The look on his face slowly began to drain of any emotion as Kaito composed himself almost excellently. The only discerning factor was how he was covered in blood. He removed my hand from his shoulder and gave me an eerily similar look to the one Kaito used to give me all the time, when he thought I was acting childish or too motherly. The smile fell easily upon his face, but it all looked so wrong. He laughed lightly and stood up, standing straight and wearing that arrogant smirk.

“Ahoko,” he teased emphasizing the ‘Aho’ part, “a magician never tells his secrets.” With that his tongue stuck out teasingly and he walked away without giving me another look.

I remained on the floor in a daze, bewildered as what to do. Sometime later Kaito came back looking at me with a small pout. He was in a new set of clothes, long sleeves I noted, and his hair was messy, but in a put together way. His face looked a lot brighter and not as drained of color.

“Are you just going to stay on the floor or am I allowed to treat you to tea?” he deadpanned. I rose to my feet slowly and he led the way through the mansion. We eventually made it to the entertainment room, and he asked me to stay here while he made tea. He came back a little while later with tea and some sweets. He seemed to smile at me as if remembering something fondly.

“Here you go~” I took the small cup and he sat across from me sipping from his cup too. Neither of us spoke and the awkward atmosphere just grew as I crossed and uncrossed my legs nervously. I was with my childhood best friend, but I wasn’t comfortable. What happened to us?

“I see you’ve changed quite a bit Aoko,” he commented softly. “What are you even up to nowadays?” I looked down, at least he was engaging with me, he didn’t hate me.

“School mostly… I graduate this spring Kaito… I study criminal psychology… I was planning on joining the force as an apprentice to my dad… Like him, I just can’t stop chasing KID,” I laughed to myself slightly. “I still find it hard to think I’ll be joining Dad soon on the force.” He nodded putting down his tea.

“Yeah, it’s hard to imagine a flake like you being a match against a thief, much less the great Kaitou KID!” he teased lightly using his hands vividly. Suddenly his eyes flicked away landing on the clock behind me. “Shinichi will be here in a couple hours and I haven’t even started dinner yet…” he sighed. “Would you like to help me, Aoko? I haven’t had your cooking in forever so I’m kinda curious as to how your skills have progressed or regressed.” I started snickering to myself.

“Your cooking? Shinichi must be taste blind then, we both know you suck at cooking!”

“Only Japanese food Ahoko… I can do western foods well enough though…” he grumbled. I stuck my tongue out at him childishly.

“Maybe I should tell Shinichi about the last time I witnessed you trying to prepare rice,” I smirked. He flinched and jumped to his feet as the memory came to mind. His face grew extremely red and I laughed to myself contently with my arms folded. He was glaring at me, but the red that tinted his face ruined the effect.

He turned abruptly and stormed away to the kitchen. I sighed before joining him. “Kaitooo,” I said emphasizing his name, “let’s make a Japanese meal tonight, I bet Shinichi would like some real, traditional food.” He nodded and for the first time in forever I spent quality time with him cooking—or rather trying to stop him from dishonoring the Japanese culture with his horrid skills.

It was hard to imagine that Kaito was KID and that I’d witnessed Kaito cutting himself. I hated how good of an actor he was and how much I wanted to believe his lie. After we had finished making udon and stir-fried vegetables, Kaito brewed the tea. 

“He’s late… must be the office over working him or he ran into a new case…” Kaito commented mostly to himself. He looked troubled again as his brows pursed together and he hunched over in worry.

“H-hey Aoko…” his voice had changed to a really serious, almost nervous one. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for missing these past few years in your life. Y-you’ve grown so much, really… And I’m really proud of you… I-I guess you know everything about me already so what’s the point of me explaining anything…? Haha…” I looked expectantly at him and he continued.

“I suppose you are owed a proper explanation though… You of all people… S-so Aoko… I’m KID, I’m the phantom thief that your father was pursuing… There’s my confession, I’m sorry that I lied to you all these years. I’m sorry I couldn’t come clean before I… I-I… disappeared…” His bowed head refused to look up and the sound of tears became heavy in his voice.

“You’ve seen the video… I don’t know what you saw… but I can assume you know what’s happened to me all this time… Haha… these people are so sick… A-Aoko…” I saw a tear drop fall from his chin and his voice became extremely unsteady. “They made me kill too Aoko… I’ve killed so many people, good and bad… Sometimes just because they told me to… T-that bombing… I set up the bomb and I-I helped make it Aoko… all those people, it’s my fault!” He shook in his seat tears falling from his eyes. His fists were clenched tightly, and his chest heaved in silent sobs.

“A-Aoko… Does this make me evil?” his voice shivered out the words and he brought his hands against his cheeks as if the pain would stop his tears.

I moved over to him and wrapped my arms around him. “Kaito… I don’t think you’re evil, because I don’t think an evil person would be beating themselves up over their past actions as much, especially if they were forced murders. If anything, Kaito, I think that whatever you’re fighting against is a noble deed fit for a hero. In my eyes, you’re a hero and I think the world is cruel for treating you like it does… I’ll always be on your side Kaito because you’ve always been there for me and you’re my best friend. Don’t be afraid of me and don’t feel like you need to constantly hide things from me. I’m not going to betray you; I love you too much to do so.”

Somewhere during my speech Kaito had latched onto me sobbing bitterly. His tears soaked into my shirt and his hands grasped at the back of my shirt. I tried to comfort him, but I was at a loss for this side of Kaito. I’d never seen him so emotional. Eventually he calmed down enough to start taking deep, desperate breaths and start wiping his tears. He pulled away from me and apologized in a pitiful murmur. Then he tried saying something else, but I couldn’t hear him.

“What was that Kaito?” He looked up at me with puffy eyes and a completely red face. He looked like a kicked puppy and I couldn’t but feel my heartstrings get tugged.

“You’re still as flat as a board.” My eyes widened and then narrowed in anger.

“Bakaito!” I screamed out as an embarrassed, angry blush dusted my cheeks. He smiled and laughed to himself lightly and the sound stopped my rage as it just sounded so pure, so real. I couldn’t help but be touched by it.

We rested in silence, I had Kaito’s head in my lap and I was running my fingers through his hair. I watched secretly as his eyes started to close and then flicker open and close again for a longer period before he fought the sleep again. Finally, his eyes fell shut and didn’t reopen. A smile covered my face as his face finally softened and he finally got the sleep he’s been needing.

I heard a door open and close and the shuffle of shoes along the floor. Moments later, Shinichi entered the entertainment room. I raised my finger to my lips, and he tilted his head in confusion.

“Shh! He just finally went to sleep, don’t wake him up!” I hissed out. Shinichi nodded and took a seat next to me carefully.

“Gotcha, so, you mind telling me how your afternoon was?” I sighed and looked down at Kaito’s sleeping face.

“Well, it wasn’t pretty when I got here Shinichi… He didn’t want to look at me or talk to me, he wanted to deny that he was Kaito. He eventually came back to me and we made you dinner and he finally came clean afterwards. Now he’s asleep. I don’t think you’ll have any problems with him now Shinichi, he was just in a lot of pain and he needed to get it all out. Which I hope he did right now.” We both admired Kaito sleeping in silence. Shinichi laughed softly to himself and I glanced at him.

“He just looks so calm when he sleeps… Lately all Kaito has been wearing is this overbearing frown or a warped smile, right now he looks so at peace. I wish he could savor this feeling forever.” I smiled at his words.

“Do you have a room he can sleep in? His room isn’t fit for him right now?” He nodded.

“He can have my room tonight. All of the other rooms don’t have fresh bedding or they’re pretty bare and dusty.”

“Good, we might as well put him to bed before he gets too comfortable.” He nodded and stood. I helped hoist Kaito up by supporting his head, while Shinichi carried his body. I followed after Shinichi as he carried the Kaito up the stairs. Kaito didn’t stir as we finished climbing the stairs, but as we stood outside Shinichi’s door, Kaito awoke.

“’nichi…” Kaito asked blearily as he looked up at Shinichi. I opened the bedroom door for them both and Shinichi rested Kaito on his bed and took a seat on the side of the bed. “I’m sorry,” Kaito mumbled out and I caught a very tender smile coming from Shinichi. I saw Shinichi leaning over to meet Kaito’s lips, so I decided that it was best that I gave them a bit of privacy.

I waited downstairs patiently as Shinichi said good night to Kaito. It was hard to imagine that Kaito had a relationship like that with Shinichi. Actually, it was just hard for me to imagine Kaito with anyone. During high school he was such a free soul and the few people who got up the courage to ask him out or confess their affections were turned down from what I knew.

Shinichi came down a little while later and he almost gave me this shameful look as we met eyes.

“Why do you look like you want to apologize?” I asked.

“Why are you giving me such an intense glare?” he countered. I bit my tongue in thought.

“It’s just weird that you’re dating Kaito, I find it hard to imagine Kaito with anyone. He’s turned everyone before you down.” Shinichi blinked as if processing what I said.

“I see…” Shinichi laughed. “I feel even more lucky that he chose me then. People might consider him undatable due to this trauma, but I really do like him, Aoko. He’s so perfect, perfect for me at least.” He was so fond of Kaito and I could respect that, in fact, I could even admire it. I hummed in approval.

“You’ve passed my test Shinichi!”

“T-Test?!”

“I think you’re fit for Kaito.” Shinichi was blushing and I grinned madly at him.

“Stop it, that smile doesn’t fit your face, it reminds me too much of Kaito,” he grumbled. I laughed an evil laugh to myself invoking a shiver in Shinichi.

“By the way, you might want to eat your dinner before it spoils. Kaito and I made you some udon and vegetables. I would have thrown in some sushi, but Kaito wouldn’t stand for that. He was pretty proud of the result so you should try some and tell him what you think tomorrow.” Shinichi nodded and he motioned for me to join him. We had a relatively quiet dinner as we didn’t want to wake up Kaito as he slept.

“This is actually pretty good Aoko,” Shinichi smiled as he ate. “Kaito sometimes makes Japanese style food, but this is the first time it tastes authenticate enough to challenge a five-star restaurant.” I laughed in slight embarrassment.

“T-thank you,” the red in my cheeks made him tilt his head in slight confusion.

“I’m not used to having people try my food unless they’re my dad or Kaito and some of my old school friends.”

“Have you ever thought of going professional? I mean, this is really good Aoko.” I looked down humming slightly.

“No. Well, I mean yes, but I don’t want to go professional. I only want to cook for the enjoyment of myself and others, I don’t want to cook so others criticize me or pay tons of money just to enjoy a small portion of food.”

“That’s respectable,” Shinichi agreed. We ate in silence for the rest of the meal and I helped Shinichi clean everything up.

“Thanks for everything Aoko,” Shinichi told me with a small smile. “You helped me do something I wouldn’t have been able to do on my own.”

“It’s no problem, but it’s not over yet Shinichi. You still need to make complete amends with Kaito. He’s not mad at you, but you two still need to talk it over completely or the wounds will still affect both of you.”

“I understand, thank you Aoko.”

“You don’t need to thank me so much. I’m doing this for Kaito’s sake. He really likes you, Shinichi. Besides, don’t think this is the last time you’ll see me. Now that I know Kaito is here, I’ll be visiting here more often to see Kaito. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. I’m sure that will help Kaito a lot. I always feel guilty that he’s always here alone and working. I may be working for pay, but Kaito still works too. He’s always fixing the house or cooking or studying. He’s always planning heists or trying out new experiments and working himself exhausted. Then he breaks and harms himself. I don’t like how he’s living right now. Please help him break that cycle.” I nodded my mouth forming a thin line.

“He’s never been the idle type, but after my classes or after my internship hours I’ll drop by and see what he’s up to. Don’t tell him about this, I’d like to surprise him. He doesn’t like surprises ironically, but I like to surprise him. He gives the funniest reactions.”

“Thank you Aoko, I mean it. With you and Konosuke san back in Kaito’s life, I’m sure we can help him. He used to feel so unattached to this world, that no one even knew his daytime persona anymore, you two prove that wrong. By the way, Nakamori san should stop by with you for dinner sometime. I’m sure that would make Kaito happy, as if the old times were back.”

“Gottcha! Well, I’ll be heading out now Shinichi, before the taxis become too expensive for me to hail.” I smiled at him as I retrieved my shoes, and he returned the gesture.

“You have my number Aoko, please text me when you get home, not for my sake necessarily, but Kaito’s. He’ll be worried that you went out this late by yourself.” I nodded and left through the large oak door and walked down the walkway to the street to call a taxi. Shinichi watched from the door until one came and took me away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aoko is best girl~ (I say knowing full well that I call every DCMK girl and boy best girl lol)
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Random note, but [nova's](https://faenova.tumblr.com/) depiction of Aoko is the only depiction I'll accept and I love fluffy head Aoko~
> 
> 2\. I love platonic affection and cuddling and I think that healthy platonic friendships can definitely involve touching and physical contact. Hence, Aoko and Kaito touch and cuddle. Because Shinichi isn't a toxic partner and has gotten a lot of his jealous tendencies under control, he doesn't mind their relationship and is glad that Kaito has more support in his life now. 
> 
> 3\. I like to headcanon Aoko as coming from a relatively humble background (before her mom died, both her mom and dad worked to make ends meet and to buy their house). With just her dad, they lived from paycheck to paycheck. This is why she is taken by Shinichi's house. 
> 
> 4\. Kaito's and Aoko's friendship is very playful and youthful. They're the dumb friends who would still do silly things together with little regard to their age or reputation. 
> 
> Thanks for reading~ Next chapter will feature a ~steamy~ apology ;) and will be released on Wednesday. Take care everyone!  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ We made it to chapter 50! Thank you for supporting me thus far! This chapter has something of a steamy scene (lol). Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: making out, foreplay, light sexual content
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

As soon as she left, I went to prepare for sleep. I was exhausted, the day had been long and full of grief. At least for the most part, I hoped it was over.

I crawled into the bed slowly, hoping to not awaken the thief, but it seemed he was already awake as he turned to me. Our eyes met in the dark and I strained to see him and read his expression.

“I’m sorry Shinichi, for everything. I didn’t mean to have such a meltdown yesterday and then ruin today. Thank you for working so hard to help me, even bringing Aoko here. Thanks for that, it was really great to finally see her again.” I swallowed, I guess we were going to have that talk now.

“I’m at fault too Kaito, I should have defended you better and used my logic to prove you wrong.” He visibly frowned at me and I wondered if I had said something wrong.

“You detectives and your logic. Logic this, logic this. Everything has a reasonable answer. Logic, facts, analysis… all so sterile… What about passion, hmm?” He sat up and I moved to join him, but his piercing eyes met mine freezing me in place. “Don’t move,” he warned, and I was trapped by his words. I was terrified as to what he was going to do. Had I already screwed up?

“You detectives always forget to look at passion. I think that may be more important than pure analysis though.” He leaned over me placing one hand on the other side of my head. His lips met mine in a surprisingly deep kiss. My eyes were wide open in surprise as Kaito deepened the kiss further eliciting a noise from the back of my throat. He moved completely over me locking one of my hands with his own.

I fell into the kiss accommodating him; he was good at this, knowing exactly how to move. His leg moved in between mine and I whined. He seemed to smirk as he broke the kiss and admired my face, my blushing red, surprised face.

He kissed the side of my face right below my left eye and trailed kisses down to my neck. His deft hands made quick work of my night shirt undoing the buttons and trailing over my chest. His kisses and nips found my shoulders and my chest. I heaved up as he found a particularly sensitive spot and he firmly planted me back down with his strength. Then he went back to my lips while his hands made putty of my body. He brought me up and into his lap. He pressed a kiss to my temple and through my blush, he rubbed my shoulders while occasionally leaving a kiss on my neck or shoulders.

His hot breath fell on my ear, “Would you choose passion now, Meitantei san?” he growled pronouncing each syllable individually. A shudder went through my body and a sound escaped my lips, which he responded to with a singular chuckle.

He continued indulging me, making me make sounds and feel things I had never felt before. All this foreplay was almost torturous. I was surprised at how well he held up, but it was then that I noticed his body was trembling against mine. I turned my head to see his face, which plainly depicted inner turmoil.

“H-hey, I think that’s enough for now Kaito.” He tensed against me and released me. I moved away, my body feeling like jelly. We were silent for a moment, just the sound of my breath present in the room that seemed too hot and steamy at the moment. A small sorry crossed the air and I looked at Kaito.

“I guess I’m not quite ready yet,” he mumbled to himself and I frowned. Honestly with just this treatment I felt exhausted. Briefly my mind wandered to what it would feel like to finally finish with Kaito, but I knew I had other obligations first.

“It’s amazing how strong you are Kaito, even in your state you held me down.” He smiled weakly.

“All muscle, not fat,” he responded. I laughed to myself.

“True, true. You’re pretty lean, but so skinny too! You should be eating more Kaito… You know I worry…” I looked away.

“I know… I just wanted to make you feel good. Figured I could hold out long enough to finish you…”

“You make that sound like we were fighting in a boxing ring…”

“It wasn’t much of a fight on your part.” We both chuckled at that and I glared at him playfully.

“Did it feel good Shinichi?” he asked me, and I wondered how to respond.

“It felt great Kaito, everything felt good. You’re really good at foreplay, at least for me. Just… I don’t like it when you force yourself to do things just for my sake; I want you to have a good time too.”

“I just want you happy Shinichi… I’ll be happy if you’re happy, and if this makes you happy, I don’t mind.” He looked crestfallen. I scooched closer to him and pulled him closer.

“Your existence makes me happy Kaito, I’d be happy with just that. Let’s take things slow, go at a nice pace and we’ll prepare for this step in our relationship together. There’s no need to force things forward, let it flow naturally.” I kissed his forehead and smiled as I took in his scent. “For now, let’s sleep Kaito. I have work tomorrow.” He nodded and we curled closer together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, so that's chapter 50~ In this household we support make-up sex and following someone's boundaries and comfort levels! Now... I get to list my sexual headcanons for Shinichi~! (I'll do Kaito's later~)
> 
> Also, I don't write spicy often... but can this be called spicy? It's like a hint of spice, a teasing~ 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. As stated before, this story is KaiShin/ShinKai to an equal amount, so each character will be equally dominant/will change to fit the situation/their mood. 
> 
> 2\. Shinichi is a ticklish person, so he's very sensitive to touch, especially around his neck and chest. He finds it stimulating to have his neck touched or kissed because it's so delicate, dangerous, and possessive. 
> 
> 3\. I think he also has a thing for ear play (ear biting/licking, breathing on the ear, sound play), especially if he's blindfolded or otherwise "powerless". 
> 
> 4\. Yeah, Shinichi definitely loves wordplay in bed. He's a ~~slut~~ nerd like that. 
> 
> 5\. When he feeling more dominant and Kaito's feeling up to, Shinichi would definitely be for rope play, detective/phantom thief roleplay, and other ways of restraining Kaito. I mean, he's always wanted to wipe that smug smirk off KID's face ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! The next chapter will be on Friday! Stay tuned~ See y'all next chapter!  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Happy weekend to you all~ Here's chapter 51! We're introducing another familiar face today~ Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Chapter warnings: vomit, nausea, anxiety attacks 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Surprisingly, I awoke before Kaito did the next morning. It was around 5 when I awoke, but Kaito was still sleeping. His body was curled on itself and his face looked so soft as he slept. I smiled fondly and went to go get ready. I didn’t want to wake him. When I came back from shower though, I found my suit ironed and ready to go. Kaito was downstairs trying to wake up as he rubbed sleep from his eyes and made my lunch. I walked up to him and kissed his cheek, smiling lightly.

Kaito smiled back accepting my offering. He handed me my coffee and I took a sip of the bitter goodness.

“I’m really early today, how about we eat breakfast together?” Kaito looked down and nodded slightly.

“A-alright…” I took his hand squeezing it, but he didn’t look up and the uneasy look never left his face. Kaito ate bite after bite painfully and only when I looked at him. His face grew more and more white, but he pushed on until his bowl was clean. Then he laid his head on the table, trembling. His hands clenched and unclenched, but he didn’t give in. His eyes were watering, and I flinched every time his body heaved, but Kaito fought it all.

“K-Kaito…” he looked up at me. I wanted to tell him it was okay if he gave in, but it wasn’t, and he knew that. We both knew that in this case it was better if he fought it, even if it hurt.

“D-don’t worry Shinichi… I’ll fight it…” he gave me a smile, a weak smile with a green face. He placed his head back on the cool table breathing shaky breaths. “Y-you better leave Shinichi, the time…” Looking down at my phone, I jumped with realization and gathered the rest of my things before kissing Kaito on the head and leaving for work.

* * *

Only after Shinichi left did I empty my stomach’s contents into the toilet. I didn’t want to break his heart, but I was too weak to fight something like that.

After that I retreated to the bed feeling too tired to even start the day yet. I wasn’t used to feeling so tired in the morning, it was weird, but I couldn’t fight it. I felt like I could just collapse and sleep the rest of the day away.

I didn’t wake up until about noon and even then, I was still exhausted. I showered and dressed before addressing my chores sluggishly. I took care of my doves and cleaned idly before settling on planning. I could do that.

I had an idea of what I had to do next; hell, I had a plan more or less. I knew the location of their home base. I knew how they operated. I needed to eliminate Kaori and the rest would fall after. They thought Kaori was ruthless, so if I took out their boss, they’d be forced to scatter like cockroaches. I’d give them a show they’d never forget, just like the ones they made me endure. I laughed to myself as I spun in my chair

Of course, to complete this plan I’d need to kill, but could I go any lower now? I’d killed innocent people, what was a couple bad guys here and there? Jii chan would help me with some of the technicalities and Shinichi would assist with the raid along with the KID Task Force, if I could convince them. However, none of them would die under my watch, I would guarantee that.

Before this whole project, though, I needed to come clean to Nakamori san and the rest of the police force, my police force. I was a bit nervous about that… I also needed to tell Shinichi everything, as well as Agasa san and Haibara san. I should probably connect with Hakuba and Akako again. Perhaps even Tantei han would be of help too… My eyebrows creased together in annoyance. It was going to be a lot of work and I was so tired…

I spun in the chair again while flipping a pen between my fingers. “How should I approach the police department anyways? As KID or Kaito? Both would be surprising to see… I mean KID is a wanted criminal and Kaito is still dead…” I frowned and leaned back in the chair. “I’ll go as KID… might as well. I mean that’s who they know.” I opened my laptop and absentmindedly looked at gems to see if something new and flashy caught my eye.

Around three in the afternoon, the doorbell rang on I crept to the door quietly to peek out of the small glass window carefully.

“A-Aoko?!” I exclaimed opening the door quickly. She was dressed in a business suit and it just didn’t fit her somehow.

“Hey Kaito!” she smiled. “Are you surprised?”

“Y-yeah… In more ways than one actually…” She pouted at me.

“And, what does that mean?”

“Eh… You’re dressed real fancy; I wasn’t expecting that. I still think of you as a kid Aoko.” She hit my arm lightly as she invited herself in.

“Bakaito! You can’t just forever treat me as kid… I’m grown up too you know… we’re the same age…” She pouted at me and I smiled lightly.

“I know, I know… It’s just hard to imagine that we’ve been alive for so long, Aoko… I mean no harm, it’s just hard to think how much we’ve both grown.” She looked at me long and hard with an almost pitying look. I stepped back not expecting that response.

“Stop sounding like an old man Kaito… it doesn’t fit you…” I blushed suddenly at her accusation and looked down.

“I wasn’t trying to sound like an old man or anything like that—”

“I know Kaito, you don’t have to explain.” We shared a moment of silence before we both burst in a fit of laughing.

“So, why are you here Aoko?” I asked leaning against the couch she sat on. She hummed to herself.

“Just wanted to see you and I don’t like how you’re always here alone, figured you could use some company. Besides, I haven’t seen you in forever and I don’t know when your life will pull you away again, but I at least want to say goodbye before you leave again.” I looked down.

“I’ll try to not leave without warning again, but I have no guarantees…”

“I know Kaito, thank you…” I looked at her for a moment observing her sad look.

“For what?” I asked softly. “I haven’t done anything yet…”

“You’ve done enough for me. Remember that Kaito. You’ve done more than anyone else has, you… you’re enough.” I looked down pondering her words.

“Thank you, Aoko. But you know I have to finish what my father started and end this stupid war… Thank you… but I can’t run away now, I’m beyond the point of giving up.”

“I know, but I’m just scared for you Kaito… I don’t want to lose you again. You were a big part of my life right up to where I lost you. Now I’m just scared that I’ll lose a chunk of myself again…” I smiled.

“No matter what happens, Aoko, I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. You’ve always been one of KID’s favorites, so naturally Lady Luck loves you too.” She didn’t respond, and I left to make us both some tea.

When I returned, she was on her phone texting someone. “Do you have somewhere else to be? Please don’t feel like you’re being forced to spend time with me, I understand if you have a busy life.”

“E-eh! No, it’s not that Kaito! Saguru was just texting me asking me where I was right now.”

“Sa—You mean Hakuba?! What’s that bastard want with you?” I bristled. Aoko gave me an incredulous look.

“You still don’t like Saguru, we’ve known him since high school. He’s a good guy Kaito… I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t know Aoko, maybe he’s been after my skin since I first came out as KID.” I growled.

“Somehow I doubt that Saguru was really trying to catch you as KID and that you’re just being stubborn… Well, I can’t change what you think of him, but he’ll be here soon. He’s coming to visit.” My mouth fell open and I froze still.

“W-what?” my voice wobbled out and she offered me a confused look.

“I said Saguru is coming here for a visit. He asked where I was at and I told him here and he told me he hadn’t visited with Shinichi in forever, so he was coming over. I figured it’d be a great way for you two to meet again… He’ll be here in um…” She looked down at her phone, “10 minutes.”

“A-Aoko! You don’t understand! I can’t meet with Hakuba! I-I—” An irrational fear fell over me. Somehow, I was scared to have Hakuba see me like this.

“Kaito! Calm down! Saguru thinks you’re alive already, he knows you’re KID!”

“That’s not the point Aoko…” My mind raced through many improbable scenarios. The mere thought of Hakuba meeting this version of me was terrifying. I didn’t want him to see me like this, not like this. I was so scared of his reaction. 

“K-Kaito! You’re seriously overreacting, everything will be fine, I swear! I know Saguru, he won’t harm you or turn you in.” I stood silent with shaky breaths trying to steel myself.

“Won’t he be suspicious if you’re here and Shinichi is not? Shinichi won’t be home for a few more hours… Speaking of such I should start dinner or resume cleaning…” Aoko grasped my shaking hand stopping me from leaving. Her tough gaze froze me to my spot.

“Everything will work out Kaito, but I don’t want you hiding from Hakuba too. He’s your friend and a detective, he can help you.” I fell silent again. _Aoko, you’ll be the end of me… I swear…_

Exactly after the ten minutes Aoko gave him, Hakuba arrived knocking and ringing the doorbell accordingly. Aoko went to retrieve him and I went to go hide afraid of seeing him.

“I didn’t know you and Kudo san were so close Aoko,” Hakuba commented not even bothering to use honorifics. I glared from my hiding spot. “Speaking of Kudo san, where is he?” Aoko looked down at her feet.

“Actually Saguru… I’m not meeting with Shinichi here… Well… I know you’re hiding! Either you come out or I tell Saguru myself!” She called out to me and I flinched nervously. The hoodie I was wearing suddenly covered more of my body as I pulled down the sleeves and hid my face. I trembled and stepped out from my hiding spot. _Aoko had played meanly._

I could see Hakuba’s polished shoes and Aoko’s heels in my line of sight, I flinched away. An awkward silence fell over us and I could feel her pitying look.

“Could you look up for me please?” she asked me.

“Y-you’ll be the death of me Aoko, I swear,” I chuckled nervously not using my own voice. My eyes slowly met Hakuba’s. I wore no makeup, nothing concealed the cuts covering my body. I—despite wearing clothes—felt more exposed than ever.

It took Hakuba a moment, but his words eventually found him. “K-Kuroba kun?” he asked in a cracking voice. His eyes were wide with shock, surprise, fear, I didn't know. I couldn’t read that face; I’d never seen it before.

“Haven’t heard that name in a while,” I laughed nervously. Nobody said a thing as Hakuba couldn’t pull his gaze from me. My face grew red and my heart beat fast in my chest, so much so that it hurt. It hurt a lot.

I pulled up my hood, “Didn’t anyone ever tell you staring is rude?” I scolded while hiding away in my insecurities and embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so surprised… You’re still alive even with…” The implication was there, and my eyes shot to his. I knew he had seen the tapes too and emotions clenched at my chest. A laugh escaped causing both of them to snap their heads up at me.

“Alive, in spite of everything… That’s me!” I laughed again. _Another human who knows what they’ve done to me… Another one who knows the truth… How do I feel about this?_

“I’m so—”

“Don’t apologize! Please don’t apologize… It’s not your fault, it was my decision. I don’t need your pity…” I was tired of this, tired of people from my old life looking at me like this, with pity, fear, apprehension.

“K-Kuroba kun…” His eyes were wide and almost fearful, but he steeled himself suddenly and shook his head.

“Why am I acting like you’re a threat to me? You’re still my friend, even if you give me a look like that.” My resolve broke and everything drained from my face except a sad look full of remorse, regret.

“Ah, I see.” My response was soft, almost unheard, and they both frowned in response. “I guess I’ll grab you some tea too then.” I walked away, almost defeated. They were seated together when I returned and Hakuba took the teacup gratefully.

I debated running away, it wasn’t too late for me to book it and never see anyone again, but I didn’t want to hurt Aoko or Shinichi. I sighed and looked at the floor. _Can’t I just disappear?_

“Please sit Kaito,” Aoko invited and I begrudgingly listened. The silence was killing me, I could feel Hakuba tearing me apart, noticing all of my nervous ticks, the cuts on my hands and neck… I tried to draw closer in on myself and further disappear. I willed my existence away, my heart thudded in my chest. My legs drew into my body and I hid my face in my knees. It was too much. I didn’t want to be examined like this.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and at the touch I flinched. It was Aoko, I heard her voice immediately after.

“K-Kaito? Are you okay?” I shook my head. “Does Saguru bother you that much?” I shook my head again. “Are you in pain?”

“I-it’s just a bit overwhelming,” I finally answered. “I-I feel like Kaito again a-and that’s just a bit overwhelming…”

“Do you want to go lay down for a bit? Come back down here when you feel a little better?” I nodded my head and Aoko helped me to a quiet room.

* * *

“Did I do something wrong, Aoko?” Saguru asked me.

“No, it’s not you. Kaito’s… a bit sensitive. You know, with everything that's happened, it’s no wonder he has some anxieties around seeing people from his past. Besides, he’s always been kinda weird around you. He’s silly like that.”

“I can really leave if I make him that uncomfortable.”

“Really, it’s okay. He just needs to rest and get his thoughts under control. Also, I need some help in the kitchen. We’re making dinner tonight.” Saguru eyes widened and he stepped back. I grabbed his wrist.

“H-huh? I don’t really know how to cook… Also, what about Kudo san? I don’t want to impose…” There he went again, trying to be too polite and reserved.

“I’m sure Shinichi won’t mind. Don’t be so uptight, Saguru. We need to be here when Kaito’s ready to come down again. He might actually want to talk to you then.” He seemed to mull over my words. I knew he was curious about what Kaito could possibly say to him and that curiosity would win him over.

“Okay… I’ll help you cook, but you need to tell me what to do.” I smiled as I won, and I dragged him to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, we introduced Saguru today~ I have a hard time writing Saguru (as we have so little screen time for him...), so his personality is mostly crafted by me. 
> 
> Headcanons/Author notes:  
> 1\. Kaito doesn't hate Saguru, he just has a weird rival/aloof relationship with him. However, he's quite fond of Saguru and respects his skills. Does Saguru know this? Not... necessarily. Saguru really cares for Kaito and wants the best for him, but he honestly thinks Kaito has something against him. Saguru isn't the best at reading subtext or subtle cues, so he feels guilty (thinking he wronged Kaito somehow). 
> 
> 2\. Saguru's personality in Flightless: At first, he comes off as polite, capable, and reserved. He's the cool, aloof, smart character that a lot of people admire but also don't interact with. This actually makes Saguru worry quite a bit, though. He wants friends and to be friendly with others, but it takes him a bit to warm up to others. When he does warm up to you, he's very quippy and shares his quirky obsessions. He has a smart, sharp humor and his interests vary greatly. Aside from being a detective, he loves Japanese culture, dogs, board games, and obscure internet fandoms. He's a bit self conscious about his accent in Japanese (he spent most of his life growing up in England). He has neurodiverse tendencies, but in front of people he's not close to, he masks quite hard, which exhausts him greatly and limits his social energy. 
> 
> 3\. Why is Kaito so scared to see Saguru? Well, the more people that know Kaito and how he suffers, the more real the suffering becomes to him, the more seen he feels. Honestly, it makes Kaito feel embarrassed to know that Saguru has seen him in this state. He doesn't want people to pity him or for them to only view Kaito as broken. Also, Kaito has always put on airs for Saguru, so he becomes incredibly anxious when Saguru sees him for who he truly is. 
> 
> 4\. Aoko recognizes that Kaito isn't okay quickly and takes control over the situation. She knows he's having an anxiety attack and brings him to a much quieter place so he can slowly ground himself and reign his thoughts in. She also reassures Saguru that this isn't his fault. She's quite capable and I think she shows how much she's matured. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be posted on Sunday :) See y'all then~  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 52, the continuation of the Ekoda gang reunion! (minus Akako) Please read and enjoy.
> 
> Chapter warnings: dark thoughts, cheesy character interactions 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I didn’t venture back downstairs until I heard Shinichi come back from work. Somehow, even though I had long calmed down from my anxiety attack, I couldn’t find the courage to see Hakuba. I was a bit embarrassed by the situation. Regardless of my appearance or weakness, I should have been more accommodating to Hakuba, surprise appearance or not. Thus, I used Shinichi’s return as an excuse to slink back downstairs.

I crept around the corner and hovered there for a moment as I took in their atmosphere. Dinner was on the coffee table and Shinichi was chatting with Aoko, who was laughing. Hakuba was smiling as well and nodded his head. They hadn’t noticed me yet.

Hakuba was the first to notice me and he motioned for me to join them. At that, the others turned to face me as well and a sudden shyness washed over me. Regardless, I walked forward.

“You feeling a bit better?” Aoko asked.

“Y-yes. Thank you for earlier. I’m sorry about what happened.” I spoke slowly and there was a robotic note to it. My ability to hide my emotions had completely abandoned me. It was always harder to hide your feelings in front of friends.

With my awkwardness, Hakuba stood and walked over to me. I flinched back, not sure what he was planning.

“H-Hakuba san?” Shinichi asked standing quickly to assess the situation.

“Don’t worry, Kudo san, Kuroba kun and I just need to talk for a few minutes alone.” His tone sent the message and, instead of fighting him, I led us both to a small office before closing the door.

We went into a small side room and he closed the door. “Don’t even think about escaping Kuroba kun; I won’t let you. We need to talk.” Usually, I would’ve deflected him or pushed him away, but I couldn’t find the fight in me, so my shoulders fell.

“Y-yeah, okay. Ask whatever you want…” He seemed surprised at my willingness.

“I-I never got to tell you this, but it’s good to see you again Kuro—”

“Kaito please. Nobody calls me Kuroba nowadays.” _I’m not worthy of that last name anymore..._

“Then call me Saguru… By the way, out of curiosity, does Kudo san know that you’re KID?” he whispered out the last part glancing around suspiciously.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Ha-Saguru… Besides, what makes you think he’s the type to turn KID in? I hear he’s actually a closeted fan.”

“I hear a lot of people are closeted fans Kaito.” I blushed faintly at his confession.

“But seriously, aren’t you nervous at all?” I shook my head.

“Shinichi has been there for me since I first came back suicidal, depressed, and dying. He’s been slowly nursing me back to health. He has a good heart, especially since he took me off the streets and even went a while without even knowing my name or story. He’s a good person, Saguru.” He gave me a doubtful look and I challenged with a hard stare.

“Whatever,” he sighed. “Just be safe Kaito… Please just stay safe… I don’t want to ever see video like that again, especially not of you… It’s different when you know the victim…” I sighed and grabbed his shoulder squeezing it softly. I offered what I hoped was a sincere smile and nodded to him.

“I’ll try Saguru. I’m sorry you had to see something like that. It’s kind of funny though. You always warned me in high school to be careful. You’ve always been a smothering goose*,” I teased.

He bit back a sharp response with a click. “Please don’t disappear again, Kaito, and please don’t push me away. I’m your friend and I’m a detective. I can help you.” I hummed but turned away to hide my displeasure. I didn’t want Saguru to place himself in harm’s way. 

“Let’s go back to the others, I bet they’re suspicious.” I deflected. He nodded and we left the small room to meet with Shinichi and Aoko. They were engaged in conversation and as we approached, I realized it was about me and what had happened.

They both looked up at us as we arrived. “Nice talk?” Aoko asked with a devious smile. Saguru flinched and I tilted my head innocently.

“What’s wrong, Saguru chan?” I sang out. “I thought we had a very nice talk, a real heart to heart, hmm?” He blushed at my implication and stepped back. Aoko burst out laughing and even Shinichi wore an evil smirk.

Next Shinichi approached me, and I smiled softly at him. “Welcome back, though I guess it’s a bit late now… You came home early today.”

“Aoko called me as soon as you as she helped you back to your room, and I left work early to get back to see you,” I nodded.

“You didn’t have to do that Shinichi… I know your work is important to you, I don’t want you getting fired or worse, receiving more work than you already have.” He chuckled lightly bringing a hand to cover his mouth, to hide his smile.

“I wanted to come home, Kaito, I was worried about you… They really made it sound dramatic over the phone.” I offered a strained smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine Kaito. I would have come even if was something dumb. I care about you.” My eyes flickered to the side catching Saguru’s expression; he was mortified.

“We can go back to having dinner now,” Shinichi offered. Saguru and Aoko both nodded and we all sat around the coffee table. Aoko sat with Saguru and Shinichi sat with me.

Everyone grabbed food except me. Just the smell was making me nauseous. “Kaito,” Shinichi pressed.

“Please Shinichi, not tonight… I can’t—”

“Kaito, for me.” His intense blue eyes met mine and his chopsticks approached my mouth. “Eat.” The command was simple, and I obliged slowly taking the food into my mouth and chewing slowly before swallowing painfully.

This continued as we shared a plate and chopsticks. Aoko didn’t mind, she paid no attention at all as she ate her meal in silence. Saguru, on the other hand, tried not to look, but the red on his face was evident. This brought a hidden grin to my face; teasing Saguru was a hobby.

Shinichi and I finished a plate together and cleaned up together, moving in mastered unison. Saguru was still trying to be polite, but his expression betrayed his thoughts.

Shinichi and I moved back into the kitchen carrying the plates and utensils. After placing everything down, I burst into snickers. Shinichi titled his head at me, so I filled him in.

“Have you noticed how uncomfortable we’ve made Saguru today? He has no clue that you know who I am and that we’re dating.”

“You’re cruel, Kaito,” he scolded, but a smirk crossed his face. “Kaito, can I hug you?” I blushed brightly as his sudden request.

“N-now?! Shinichi, we have guests… Fine… We just have to be quick; I don’t want them to get suspicious or bored or anything… we still have to be good hosts—”

“Shut up you thief…” he mumbled wrapping his arms around me. I relaxed into him, allowing his warmth to seep into me. “I was really worried today, Kaito. I don’t like leaving you… You’re always causing me so much grief and heartache…”

“I’m tired of always feeling like I’m about to lose you… Can’t you just be mine forever?” His lips hovered above mine asking for permission, which I granted meeting him halfway. Our lips connected and he moved against me slowly savoring every moment of it. His force pushed me back against the pantry and in my shock, he gained entrance to my mouth. He proceeded cautiously always mindful if I changed my mind. I felt myself losing the battle quickly, succumbing to him and his love. My hands worked at his jacket, helping him remove the terrible article that kept us only millimeters apart. His hand sculpted my shoulders and chest eliciting a small sound from the back of my throat.

Then the door to the kitchen opened, and we broke apart flushed only to meet a more flushed Saguru who had seen more than he had meant to.

“Excuse me!” he squeaked out promptly shutting the door. In the background I heard Aoko yell at him saying _‘I told you not to disturb them’_. Shinichi and I burst into laughs until tears ran down our cheeks.

“I-I think he gets the point now,” I smiled wiping tears from my eyes.

“I think so Kaito…M-maybe we should go do damage control…” I nodded and we left the kitchen to go find a scandalized Saguru in the living room trying to hide his blush. He seemed to be reiterating in his head ‘it wasn’t what I think it was, it wasn’t what I think it was’ over and over again. It was great. Aoko was cackling—the evil witch—to herself and every time she looked at Saguru she laughed again.

“S-Saguru? Are you okay?” I asked and he looked up at me.

“What is your relationship with Kudo san?” he commanded immediately.

“Relationship with Meitantei kun? Um… I’m not sure what you mean, but it’s completely professional, hmm Shinichi?”

“I agree with this idiot over here. There’s no way I’d have more than a professional relationship with this suicidal thief… I mean, that would be breaking a lot of rules...”

“Hey! Who are you calling idiot?” I shot back and he smirked.

“Oh, shut up, you know you love me.”

“Isn’t that my line?”

“Is it, Thief?”

“Shinichi,” I whined, pouting a little.

“Why don’t you steal it, hmm?” I frowned and he smirked while grabbing my chin. “If you keep acting like this Kaito, I might have to arrest you. I don’t believe it’s legal for you to steal my heart. I might have to punish you~” He whispered all of this into my ear, which only made it hotter and more embarrassing. I turned away from his gaze, my face bright red.

“Shut up!” I grumbled, turning away. “You win! I can’t handle it when you act like that,” I mumbled. Shinichi laughed and pressed a kiss to my cheek. Aoko was giggling too and Saguru looked violated.

“He knows that you’re KID? You two are dating? Isn’t he a detective? You’re a thief! How does this work? When? Do you two sleep together? Are you married? How does this play into heists? What about what happened to you? Kaito! I need answers!” Hakuba spouted question after question and Shinichi and I shared a glance.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, it just does, um… not sure, prefer not to reply, no, it doesn’t affect them, and I’m not sure what you mean.” I answered all of his questions, but he only looked more betrayed.

“You’re telling me that you, a thief, and him, a detective, are dating and there isn’t any turmoil over that? I can’t believe it!”

“What can I say? I made Shinichi go to the dark side.” Saguru gave me a long, hard stare.

“Hakuba san, I can’t say how or why it works. It just does. I love Kaito and him being a thief doesn’t affect my feelings. He’s… special.” Saguru sighed and looked away.

“I can’t believe you… the most famous detective in Japan not only providing residence to the most famous thief in Japan, but also making love to him too…” We both blushed bright.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we haven’t been ‘making love’. Our relationship isn’t exactly that easy!” I snapped back as he hit a nerve.

Saguru looked taken back and instantly seemed to realize his mistake. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to say that. That was out of line.” Shinichi held my arm whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Saguru had been out of line, but I hadn’t meant to snap at him. That was a touchy subject for me though. I felt like an unsuccessful boyfriend in that matter.

“No, it was a harmless comment, I overreacted. I’m sorry Saguru…” I looked away with red dusting my cheeks.

Saguru looked at me with an incredulous look. “You sure have changed a lot Kaito…” he commented to the side, probably mostly to himself.

“What does that mean?” I mumbled out.

“E-eh?!” he looked away. “Please don’t take this from me, Kaito, if you want the answer don’t think anything about me. Th-this is just an observation.” I titled my head. “Y-you seem more reserved, nervous even. You hide behind Kudo san to avoid frontal confrontation. You’re less energetic, your masks seem to be thinner, but at the same time I can never tell what you actually feel. Your overall posture and appearance aren’t pitiful, but it makes me pity you… I think it’s because I knew the old you.” I listened quietly. “You’re just so different Kaito, I can’t imagine that you and KID or even the high school version of you are the same person.”

“I can’t even believe I’m the same person,” I added with a sigh. 

He looked down. “Are you wearing a mask during your heists? And how do you even pull them off in your current condition.” I raised a finger to my lips.

“Magician’s secret Saguru. Not even Shinichi knows the truth. I don’t want to spoil the show for my favorite audience members.”

“You seem so old…”

“Well, that’s rude… And here I was thinking that as you got older you became less of an ass.” His eyebrows narrowed slightly.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that! You just seem leagues away now, Kaito… At one point I thought I could walk in step with you. Now I think I’ll never reach you…”

“I prefer it that way, Saguru… I don’t want anyone to see or experience what I have. It’s better if only I know while the rest of the world stays oblivious, innocent… It’s easier that way…” Shinichi held my hand squeezing it, his concerned eyes met mine and I reassured him with a squeeze back. I wasn’t about to have a meltdown.

“I-I guess this is a good transition into what I need to address next… Saguru… don’t tell anyone about me. Think me dead. Kaito is dead Saguru. Nobody can know I’m still alive. Right now, my life is as KID… And for your safety as well as my own, don’t you dare let on that you’ve met with KID or Kaito or even Shinichi. I don’t want you to die… The same is true for you Aoko. You’re a bit different from Saguru… they are already promising to target you if I step out of line too much, but if I comply with a few things, you should be safe. Just don’t flaunt my name around or mention me to anyone, aside from Nakamori san… I don’t want to lose you two, so please stay safe. Don’t go out alone and don’t be out late at night. I will protect you two from afar with all of my resources, but I can’t guarantee your complete safety unless both of you comply with being put under my care in a different country with new identities… which I don’t think I could ever convince you both to do.” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

“So, please just stay safe you two… Please… I don’t want to lose anyone else, especially after just gaining both of you back… You two are my only ties to Kaito… Kaito is alive because of you two. I can’t thank you enough for that.” I swallowed and looked at the ground thinking of what else to say. “If you suspect anything contact this number before the police. Tell them my real full name.” By snapping my fingers two small slips of paper appeared with a number on it. “Commit this number to memory and destroy the paper.” I licked my lips trying think of what else to say. “I can’t provide any information on what I am doing, so don’t even ask Saguru, I won’t. What you know is what you know. That is final.”

“That’s extreme Kaito…” Saguru murmured.

“If it’s too extreme for you, then I’ll make it easier on you. Let me drug you and send you abroad to live a new and safe life. I’ll handle everything, Saguru. The fake documents, the identity, the expenses, anything to prevent losing another h-human…” He looked down.

“We understand Kaito… It’s tough, but thank you…” I smiled at them both.

“It’s so good to see you two again. I didn’t realize how much I needed this until… until now. I feel more connected to my life now, not just an entity masquerading with the face of another.”

“It’s getting late Kaito… Saguru and I should be leaving before it gets too dark…”

“Yeah, I suppose so…” Saguru approached me. He held out his hand at first, but the handshake became a hug as his arms tightly held me.

“I’ve missed you even though you’re an annoying thief with no consideration for self-preservation… Keep me in mind if you ever need anything, okay? I’ll track you down if you go silent again, so don’t disappear.”

“S-Saguru… you’re going to make me cry…” I mumbled as I heard tears lacing his words. “Rest assured that I’m always here for you. You don’t need to contact me, I’ll find you.” I smiled sincerely.

They walked to the door and I pulled on Aoko’s arm lightly. She turned to me and I leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

“You know, if you choose Saguru to be your boyfriend I’d approve.” She looked like she was going to hit me, but then her arms wrapped around my neck as she hugged me as well.

“Thank you Kaito,” she said into my neck. “I’m glad… I-I’m so happy to have you back!” We separated and in the space between us I brought forth a delicate blue rose. She accepted it with a teary smile, and we hugged again.

She and Saguru left together in his car and Shinichi and I watched them drive away.

“Do you think Hakuba san will realize that you put a tracking device on him?”

“Probably not. When he used to chase to me as KID, he would never realize that I had them on him until a couple days after the heist.”

“Are you surprised that I realize?”

“Not really. There’s a reason why you’re my favorite detective.” He smiled at me, but I couldn’t return the sentiment. I left him and went back to the couch sitting in it was my back hunched over with my hands clasped together. Shinichi leaned over the couch, over me.

“You okay?” he asked me. A frown appeared over my face.

“It’s nothing, please Shinichi… I don’t want to talk about it really…” His hands found my shoulders and I tensed as he rubbed them.

“You’re so tense Kaito,” he commented.

“I know, I know…” I sighed. “I’m just stressed out about everything.” My answer was vague, but he still offered me a kind smile.

“You’re going to make yourself sick, Kaito. You need to relax a little. Everything is going to be okay.” He rubbed my shoulders and I moaned lightly as I felt the tension leaving at his touch.

“I’m scared Shinichi… If I don’t play every move perfectly, I’m going to lose someone, someone close to me. Aoko, Saguru, Nakamori san, Jii chan, you…”

“You can’t protect everyone Kaito, it’s impossible. We all know our risks in meeting you, in staying with you, but it’s worth it in my eyes. I’d follow you, support you until the very end, even if it ends up killing me.” My shoulders fell and Shinichi took advantage of this by wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on top of mine.

“Let’s go to bed Kaito… You’ll feel better tomorrow morning and you can worry then about how you’re going to approach the issue at hand. It’s no use stressing now when you’re too tired to do anything about this.” I nodded and Shinichi released me. We got ready for bed and soon enough we were laying face to face.

“I need to go to the police department Shinichi…” He blinked at me confused.

“W-what? Are you turning yourself in or something?” I chuckled softly and smiled in the darkness.

“Of course not, Silly!” He puffed out his cheeks in response. “I need to talk to the Division about… everything. They need a formal apology for _that_ night. I-I also need their help in stopping the Organization… Plus, I want to see Nakamori san. I need to explain things to him too…”

“I understand, but you know that’s risky… They might attack you and try to arrest you… Things have been a little tense at the department lately regarding you… and me. I think Megure knows that KID is living with me, but he won’t say anything on the manner. The other people in the department either ship us as KID and detective, but I know a lot of people are waiting for conclusive evidence to finally persecute me…”

“Your career Shinichi…” My facial expression fell, and Shinichi offered me a small smile trying to qualm my worries.

“Don’t worry about it Kaito. We’re both working towards something bigger than the department right now… bigger than my career as a detective. The Organization must be ended. If it comes down to it, Kaito, I’d become an outlaw like you to do what’s right.” I laughed and Shinichi gave me a questioning look.

“Sorry, I just imagined the reaction of the people if you went rouge. The Magician Under the Moonlight and The Great Detective of East teamed up? How scandalous… My fans would eat it all up and your fans would be mortified. Tokyo would be screwed; you’re their best detective.” I could feel Shinichi’s modest blush and I smiled lightly.

“If you must speak to the department, you can. I mean, I can’t deny you permission in the first place. You’re KID, you do what you want more or less. How are you planning on pulling this off?”

“I’ll send in a KID card and show up to the department and go to speak with Nakamori san and his division.”

“Um… okay… Great plan Kaito… What if they try to arrest you?”

“They’ll listen to me; I know they will. Nakamori san wants to listen to me, Megure san may be in the head division, but Nakamori san has the true leadership. He was inspector for that division first and only stepped down because of personal loss. Nakamori san is a brilliant inspector despite what others say about him,” I said this with resolve and so that Shinichi could not challenge me.

“What are you even going to say?”

“I don’t know honestly… I’ll wing it… I’m not sure what they want or how they’ll challenge me, but I need to face them head on, remind them who’s beat they dance to. I might have to explain my circumstances and what happened to me, but if that gains me help, I guess I have to sell myself to the public…”

“That’d be suicide Kaito, the press alone—”

“I know… I’d never be able to face the public again as the same thief and if I finally give a reason to my thievery, I’ll lose my allure. People won’t like me if they realize I wasn’t just fun and games, that I actually crossed the line a few times… Public suicide, ruin my image… What’s that even worth anymore Shinichi? For all I know, I’ve already lost my good public image… I’m supposed to be dead! If I had stayed ‘dead’ people wouldn’t have died in the bombing…” I bit my lip.

“Besides, if I don’t kill myself as soon as the Organization’s leader is dead, I won’t even have an image to return to in the first place… KID’s existence would be pointless and Kaito’s dead… There isn’t a point of hiding myself for that reason…”

“Stop, Kaito, please. You’re being negative again… You know that’s not true. So what if you can’t masquerade as KID and you have a complicated history with Kaito? I’m still here and I will remain here. What about leaving Japan and going to a country where our relationship is nationally recognized? Let’s get married Kaito!”

“M-married?!” I choked out in surprise.

“Yes, married. Let’s get married. Then I know you’re mine and you know that I’ll always be faithful no matter what happens.”

“If you think that counts as a proposal, it’s not cutting it for me,” I mumbled, and Shinichi chuckled.

“Of course not! And I’m not saying right now, unless you want to get married by some sketchy institution and one of us plays the girl—probably you since your acting skills are better than mine. Then we’ll get raging drunk and have a drunk make out session with sloppy sex and then pass out.”

“You have this planned out,” I commented.

“I think about things like this a lot,” he admitted to me and I blinked in surprise.

“You do? You never really come off to me as the hopeless romantic Shinichi…”

“I never thought I’d be the type to do that too Kaito, but I’ve got it bad for you… I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you. I never thought someone could so thoroughly steal my heart and make me realize how small everything else is to you. I love being a detective, but you’re my number one priority Kaito. I love you,” he whispered the phrase softly and almost nervously. I could almost see the blush that I was sure dusted his cheeks.

“I love you too Shinichi…” I moved closer to him until our foreheads met and I could feel his breath on my face. “I love you too… but let’s wait until after this whole mess to get married. I want to enjoy every moment of my life with you and I don’t want them to interfere. I want to live now to finish my obligations and win you finally. I want to reach my goal, my prize, you.” He sighed softly and I tilted my head tapping our lips together. He extended the kiss almost desperately and I complied with his desires—perhaps my own as well.

This time Shinichi climbed on top of me. He looked at me waiting for the signal so that he could proceed. My head fell back allowing more access to my neck and shoulders. I wondered how far we would get tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's chapter 52~ I'm feeling a bit under the weather right now, so I'll update the notes tomorrow with my author musings. I also apologize if this chapter has more mistakes than usual. My brain is a bit fuzzy, so I my proofreading may have been a bit lax.
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. * "smothering goose" is a play on the phrase "mother goose" and the word "smothering". Basically, it implies that Saguru is a mother goose (takes care of Kaito/looks after him) but is smothering when he does it (always in his business). 
> 
> 2\. To be added later. 
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone !he next update will be out on Tuesday! Take care everyone!  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone~ Here's chapter 53! This chapter is a bit short but! the next chapter is big and central to the plot and I released another oneshot today! Please read and enjoy~
> 
> Chapter warnings: harassment, slur (referenced not said), bad work culture
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Shamelessly, I examined the marks on my neck and shoulder. Kaito had done a number to me and it was beautiful and left me hot under my collar. We had gotten a lot farther than I had anticipated, but we didn’t finish. I had to take care of myself in the bathroom while he cleared his mind with a hot shower and a cup of tea.

We reconvened after his cup of tea and he seemed happy at our progress. He told me that my pleasure was his pleasure, but at that, I felt conflicted. I just wanted to provide for him too. Otherwise, I felt selfish and demanding.

I shook my head at my thoughts and looked at the tie I was tying; I had screwed it up for the third time now. I tried to focus and concentrate to get this menial task right.

By the time I finished getting ready, Kaito was literally pushing me out the door and wishing me a good day. There was nothing I could hide today from my coworkers; I could only walk quickly into the department and try to hide my neck from snickering eyes.

Megure sighed as he caught me with a flustered face. “Learn to do makeup or have less fun if you want to stop the snickering Kudo san.” I looked down guiltily and wondered if I’d receive less teasing for wearing a scarf in the middle of the summer than not.

“Was it a pretty girl or KID?” he asked me accusingly.

I said nothing decisively and refused to meet his gaze. He glared harshly at me and I bit my tongue. “I have no place in your personal life Kudo, but I can and will interfere if you’re copulating with that thief. You have no place interacting with him aside from arresting him. He’s a thief and a suspected terrorist. If you are interacting with him, not that I’m accusing you, but there are a lot of rumors—then cut it off now.” My glare met his evenly.

“Then why don’t you just fire me or arrest me? You have reasonable doubt that I’m harboring a ‘terrorist’, why don’t you conduct a proper investigation then? I don’t care what you think of me, but I won’t come easily as I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. As for my personal life that is supposedly your concern even though you say it’s not, I do love KID and that’s the only answer I can offer you. If that offends you so much, then fire me or transfer me to another division.” From my hands, I placed down a request to be transferred to Division 2.

“You want to go to the KID fanclub? Denied. I won’t let my best detective leave because he wants to be with those incompetent sympathizers. You can quit anytime you want Kudo and then I’ll feel no shame in investigating you farther.” With that we glared at each other and I left the room.

As I shut the door, I was met with more harassment. “Look at Kudo san now! No longer Inspector Megure’s favorite. How does it feel to not receive special privileges, hmm? Start fucking a thief and suddenly you become unpopular… Though I wouldn’t complain that much. You have a god at your side with KID. Heh, Kudo you have it well, don’t you? Anything you want that thief could get for you? How does it feel Kudo? How does it feel when you two meet at night, and his name is the only name you say? Do you even know his real name? How does it feel Kudo?” This abuse followed me all the way back to my office. I shielded my eyes and blocked out the noise as best I could. I couldn’t, wouldn’t deal with this now.

As soon as I entered my office, I noticed an offensive word scrawled across my desk. _Do they even understand the meaning of that slur?_ My fists clenched and I quickly covered that word with my work, simply burying my problems again.

Thinking back on everything, I’d never had it easy at this department. People were easily jealous, and they didn’t like how I breezed through the ranks quickly becoming the number one detective. I wasn’t the best person back then with my arrogance either, so a lot of animosity had built up against us all. The division was only getting bigger and bigger and I no longer had Megure on my side.

For a while, Megure seemed to support my relationship with KID, or rather he gave a us a blind eye. I believed that seeing what they had been doing to KID changed his opinion on the thief, and the fact that I cared about KID so much made him like KID. However, after the terrorist attack, everything changed. People knew I was related to KID somehow and my absences did not quell their suspicions. The department, especially Division 1, was after KID’s skin. Only Division 2 still had faith in KID.

Now, I felt no ties to the department and with the information of corruption within the department, I saw the system I worked under for what it truly was. So many people here seemed so shaded and I couldn’t bear to know the truth. Perhaps my worst tormentors were also working for the organization… It wouldn’t be unlikely.

I leaned back in my chair. This cycle of abuse wasn’t going to end until I was transferred away or quit. I hated this, so I delved into my work and ate lunch alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter helps set the stage for the department's attitudes toward KID and what Kaito will be working with when he asks them for help/comes clean to them. Next chapter is BIG (and might make some of y'all sad or mad...)
> 
> Author notes:  
> 1\. As I've said earlier, I don't think Shinichi works in the best environment. Given his age, competency, sexuality, and the general toxic culture that dwells in police systems, Shinichi was bound to face problems at the department. I think one of the reasons he's survived so long has been the support he's received from his few friends at the department (one of which happened to be Megure). Without Megure's defense, Shinichi's been having a hellish time at the department. 
> 
> 2\. If Megure suspects Shinichi why doesn't he have Shinichi investigated? I think Megure is in an interesting position. He really likes and supports Shinichi; he doesn't want to suspect or investigate his protege. At the same time, Megure has a reputation to maintain and order to uphold. Thus, he doesn't actively investigate Shinichi, but begs him to cut KID out of his life. He doesn't want to hurt Shinichi, but... 
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! Please take care and I'll see you all next chapter~ Go check out my new KaiShin one-shot if you'd like!   
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's chapter 54. I will not be spoiling anything, but writing this chapter made me cry. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: blood, guns, injuries
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

It’d been a little over a month since I rekindled my friendship with Aoko and she made sure to visit me often, at least twice a week. Sometimes she brought food and we idly chatted over a meal. Other times, she simply showed up to study. It brought back some nostalgic memories of our high school days when we’d stay up late at her house cramming for exams. I always looked forward to her visits and she was too kind to be spending so much time with me. She always made sure that I was taking care of myself and not clamming up with my feelings or thoughts. She knew how to make me talk, how to comfort me, and how to make me laugh.

Today, she quite literally dragged me out of the house and forced me to go out on a ‘friend date’. So far, we had visited too many stores to count and stopped at every café we came across to pick up their novelty pastry. My arms were loaded with bags and she just skipped ahead. I couldn’t be mad though. With her, I was safe, calm even. I didn’t feel so self-conscious or nervous. I could enjoy myself too. Something about her bright energy and gentle understanding made me feel like my old self again and I relished those moments.

We were in a park enjoying the treats we’d snatched from cafés. “Kaito, aren’t these good?” she asked popping another persimmon cookie into her mouth. I nodded, but I preferred to savor them slowly and nibbled at their edges.

“You’re eating!” she exclaimed before popping another one into her mouth. I smiled softly.

“I’ve always had a sweet tooth.”

“You need to eat real foods too or you’ll get sick,” she chastised, and I rolled my eyes in response.

“Then, why aren’t you sick?” I tossed back and her cheeks puffed out in annoyance. 

“Hey! That’s rude!” she laughed to herself and I couldn’t help but join in with her. After our snack, she continued to drag me here and there. We eventually ended up stuffing our bags into a coin locker before heading out to a small amusement park.

There, our competitive streaks flared, and we challenged each other to every carnival game. I may have rigged a few of them so she could win, but I’d never tell her that. Since we already had too many things to carry home, we gave all our prizes away to children before ending our night at the Ferris wheel. 

We sat next to each other in silence, only admiring the sunset at first, but then she spoke.

“Did you have fun today Kaito?” My eyes fell to my lap and a gentle smile warmed my face.

“Yeah, of course I did. This is the most fun I’ve had in years, Aoko. Thank you for this. I… I didn’t realize how much I needed to feel like I was living until this. I-I almost forgot what it was like to have fun like this… Thank you.” The sunset lit her determined face ablaze, and I knew she’d been planning this day for a while now. 

“It’s no problem. That’s what friends are for. You’ve been working yourself too hard lately and I thought you could use a break. Besides, I missed having days like this with you. Now…” She laughed to herself, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I hope we can do this again someday, someday when you’re not so stressed out about whatever is happening. I want to see you without those dark circles around your eyes and when you don’t have to wear long sleeves and a hat everywhere. Promise me that, Kaito, that I’ll see you happy again.” I looked down unable to meet her intense eyes.

“I-I promise one day… that you’ll see me happy again.” My eyebrows creased as I wondered if I could keep such a promise or if this was preposterous from the start.

“I mean it Kaito. I want to see more of the old you again. I want to see you and Shinichi happy, and I’d love to be your head bridesmaid or groomsmaid or… whatever the term is!”

“Sure, Aoko, as long as I can be your best man whenever you meet the one. I don’t want to leave your life again. You mean too much to me.”

“Of course! And I agree, you’re a big part of my life too. A-and I have some news to share with you too! Saguru and I are going out now…” She blushed brightly with clenched fists as she waited for my response.

“That dog!” I immediately accused. “I hope he realizes who he’s dating and how lucky he is! If he does anything wrong, Aoko, I can promise you a prank both humiliating and long lasting.” I beat one fist into another, and she shook her head.

“I was almost afraid you were going to reject him. I guess I was worried for nothing.”

I hummed, “Saguru and I didn’t get off on the right foot, but I can appreciate his presence now. Plus, I think he can make you happy. Just make sure he takes care of you, okay? Detectives can be horrible when they get wrapped up in their work and I won’t tolerate him taking you for granted. You’re too much of a gem to me.” She grew red at my compliment and ducked into a meek smile. 

“Kaito…” I returned her grin, and we finished our time on the Ferris wheel in a comfortable silence. Somehow, this felt like the future I could’ve lived every day had I never run into the Black Organization. This glowing evening showed me a life I strived to achieve after defeating the Black Organization. I wanted to date Shinichi, hang out with Aoko, and even mess around with Saguru.

We walked together leisurely and enjoyed the bustle of a summer evening while finishing ice cream cones. It was getting late, and we needed to head back before it was too late for Aoko to call a taxi.

Despite warnings of rain, the weather had been incredibly mild and sunny. It was humid, but a cool breeze carried the scent of summer. We were in a relatively quiet residential area and all I could hear was our conversation and the buzzing of cicadas. My mind briefly wandered to Shinichi and my heart swelled as I knew I'd be seeing him soon. Aoko helped me pick out a few gifts for him and I was excited to present them to him later.

Aoko turned to me and opened her mouth to speak but she suddenly faltered. I couldn’t react fast enough. Blood welled in her chest staining her dress crimson and she crumpled to the floor. I flew to my knees so fast I probably scraped them.

“Aoko!” I yelped out. “A-Aoko! H-hey!” Her eyes were focused on me and this smile persisted on her lips, though tears leaked from her eyes.

I applied as much pressure as I could. The warmth of her blood on my bare hands sickened me and the tears naturally came down in streams. “Aoko…” I choked out again. Blood trickled out from her mouth and down to pool at her neck.

“K-Kaito…” She said my name and another sob escaped my lips. I fumbled with her purse and grabbed her small phone. I called 199 first and ordered an ambulance, then I called Nakamori san.

_“Aoko?”_

“Get over immediately! Trace this call! N-Nakamori san… A-Aoko…” My voice trailed off and I broke into a singular sob that I quickly suppressed. I couldn’t be weak now!

_“K-Kaito…?”_

“Please hurry!” I begged him as I placed the phone down to focus on trying to stop the bleeding.

“I’m going to die…” Those words left her as a statement and in a voice barely above a whisper. My eyes widened and I couldn’t find my voice to reassure her. “I-I’m sorry Kaito…” A scream tore at my throat and the sobs increased as I knew mere pressure wouldn’t save her. _No one is going to get here in time! Where’s that fucking ambulance?! There’s too much blood!_

A clammy hand met my cheek, and I opened my eyes blinking away the tears to look into hers. “Don’t cry Kaito… I want to see you happy…” I laughed at that and blinked away more tears. Her face was full of resolve; she knew what awaited her. I attempted to smile, but it wavered between a frown and a straight line.

I gave up on pressure as I pulled her into me, into our final hug.

“Take care of Saguru kun and tell Dad I love him, okay, Kaito? Be strong and take care too. I love you.” Her words were so strained and so hard to understand, but I strained to hear every single word, to catch her last breaths.

“Please hang on Aoko!” I begged.

“I wonder what the after life is like? Will I be lonely?” I barely heard this mumble, but it broke my heart. Denial set in.

“You’re not going to die! You’re not going to die Aoko! You can’t! I can’t live without you! I’ll die too! Dammit! Aoko! You can’t die! You can’t…”

“Don’t miss me too much.” It was so fitting that this was the last thing she uttered to me before her eyes slipped shut. I released a howl of agony and brought her to my chest again. It was so damn fitting that she would choose to say that of all things to me. My sobs broke through the clear night and my fingers curled into the fabric of her shirt.

Just like in a movie, Nakamori san arrived with Saguru and Shinichi and the rest of Division 2. I was stuck, frozen in the headlights of their cars. Another choked sob left my body and I trembled as I rose slowly with Aoko in my arms. I could feel the warmth leaving her, leaving her with the rest of the crimson that covered me. I trembled as the overwhelming smell of iron filled my nose and mouth drowning me. I approached the three frozen by shock. Saguru was the first to go falling to his knees. A strained sound left Nakamori san’s mouth as he saw his only daughter. I handed her over to him and he sunk to the ground as well as wails overcame him. Not a single curse left his mouth as he mourned. Shinichi did not react; his face was blank and wide. He was just frozen, paralyzed from this tragedy. I glanced around; Division 2 was just as petrified.

“I’m sorry Inspector Nakamori. I couldn’t protect her.” I said that in my perfect KID voice and then I disappeared. I hated myself for that, but I needed to find the killer.

I scaled the buildings easily, naturally, with tons of adrenaline. I knew my killer had not made it far. They had to confirm the kill and they were probably waiting to intercept me. 

True to my deduction, I found him dressed in all black on top of a rooftop; he was a sniper. I confronted him and he turned as if he had been expecting me. He shot the first bullet, but I dodged easily and pulled out my card gun. He dodged my first card. We exchanged words and ammunition.

“I’ve been expecting you. KID,” he smiled shooting another bullet. I wondered how many he had left.

“How nice of you to wait for me,” I snarled back firing many cards at once and hitting him in the right hand. He dropped the gun. I then learned he was ambidextrous, and I barely dodged the next bullet. My sloppy dodge allowed the distance between us to close dangerously, and he brought the butt of the gun down just missing my left temple. Blood instantly welled out from my head wound and I was kicked to the ground roughly. I skidded to where the first gun had landed, and I picked it up. A bullet lodged itself in my shoulder as I desperately tried to avoid getting hit in the chest. I leapt back up to my feet, panting, and holding the other gun. All pain would be ignored.

“My, my KID. Isn’t that weapon only for adults?” My eyes narrowed and I examined the weapon in my hands. So much power rested in this chunk of metal. 

“Your organization killed whatever innocence I had left as a child. I am no longer a child, so don’t expect me to play nice.” Rain began to patter to the ground around me which started to obscure my vision. My shoulders rose and fell systematically, inducing pain with each breath as my injured shoulder coated my already bloody body further.

“How does it feel KID? To be covered in the blood of someone you love? Get used to it! We’re going to break you slowly and painfully until you have nothing left to live for. Besides, killing her was too easy. There wasn’t even a fight! We told you we’d go after them, but you didn’t take that seriously and now look! She’s dead!” He laughed, bringing me into a rage. I shot card after card until one found its mark and hit him square in the chest. He ripped painfully at his chest trying to remove the card without destroying his fingers.

“How does it feel? To know that you have nothing to live for? To know you’re just a mindless puppet that they sent out for me to kill? What does it matter if more blood stains my hands?” I fired another card, hitting him on the shoulder, and another that hit him on the leg. I approached him continuously shooting cards. I didn’t care if the hand I was using was connected to my injured shoulder and the recoil sent agony down my spine. I couldn’t care less about anything. The wrath in my eyes was too much; it obscured all my judgement. I reached him and pulled him up by his collar. I held his own gun against his head.

“Any last words? Though I doubt you have anything left to say.” He looked up at me with a sly smile, one of victory, one of a man who had no regard for his own life anymore, one who didn’t care if I stole his life. I knew I was playing their game and I knew I was playing by their rules, not mine. It didn’t matter anymore.

“‘Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.’ We’ve already won KID.” I pulled the trigger and blood splattered out behind him. I dropped him as if disgusted by the mere sight. Then I retrieved all the razor cards and the murder weapon and hid them on me. I would dispose of them accordingly.

By now, the head wound I had sustained was causing my thoughts to go blurry and the blood stung at my eyes. My shoulder was still bleeding steadily, and the adrenaline was finally beginning to run off. I stood on the edge of the roof. The numbness was leaving me, and I suddenly felt the extreme urge to scream, sob, kill, do anything and nothing at the same time. Aoko was dead; I had killed someone.

My breath left in shaky gasps and I grasped at my head. A hollow laugh tumbled from my lips followed by a sob. I teetered precariously on the edge before suddenly slipping on the wet ground. I landed on a pile of trash and it broke my fall. I was accustomed to falling from greater heights, so this didn’t even phase me. Instead, I fell into shock again as silent tears escaped my eyes. I stayed there allowing myself to eventually fall unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That's the chapter. ~~I'm sorry everyone~~
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. I really do love Aoko; I promise. She will be dearly missed. In fact, I cried writing this chapter. Why did she of all people have to die? It was necessary. I hinted at this happening some chapters back. The Black Organization only promised to keep Kaito's loved ones safe if he remained with them. In escaping, everyone was put into danger. Shinichi can't die because ~plot amor~ and only Aoko held a place in Kaito's heart that would cut this deep. 
> 
> 2\. This is very important for the plot. I can't say what happens next, but we're entering the next act of this story. We only have three acts left! 
> 
> 3\. This is really sad! They were having a good time and Kaito was imagining how good life could be after defeating the organization and then Aoko died :( and he took out his revenge on the assassin. 
> 
> 4\. The quote uttered by the sniper is a quote from Nietzsche. It essentially means that we should be careful to not become what we fight. In Nietzsche's writing (The Gay Science), he delves into the ethics and morality of humanity, saying that we sculpt and mold ourselves to create our being, good and bad. Power is the medium of morality, so we must always use power tastefully and purposely to be ethical. If we start indiscriminately exerting force over others, then that's when we've become evil. This is a warning to Kaito to be mindful of his actions and whether or not there is a reason for him to commit them, because, if Kaito starts killing without justification, that's when he's lost himself to the Black Organization. 
> 
> 5\. You'll notice that this murder is different from every other murder thus far. All murders Kaito has committed have been involuntary (defending himself, under the control of someone else, etc.). This one falls into the grey zone. Kaito pursued the sniper and intentionally killed him. Remember this. 
> 
> I think a lot of this chapter speaks for itself, so I don't have many notes to add. Please let me know if you'd like clarity on anything. Also, thank you for reading everyone. Please take care of yourselves and rest well.  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. Here's chapter 55.
> 
> Chapter warnings: blood, hospitals, grief
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I couldn’t process what had happened. In fact, what had happened? Aoko was dead and Kaito was with her. What has happened? I barely noted the heart wrenching screams of Nakamori san nor the sobs of Hakuba san before collapsing to my hands and knees. My eyes were wide and my body began trembling as realization hit me. _This is Aoko… This is Kaito’s best friend… This is Aoko Nakamori… Aoko Nakamori…_ My eyes blurred in and out of focus as I saw the blood staining her shirt, the blood covering Nakamori san’s hands, the blood coating the pavement. I desperately tried to look away as the EMTs pronounced Aoko dead and wrenched her body from her father’s arms, but I found my eyes glued to the scene.

Nakamori san’s voice pierced the air as curses and wails and everything in between left his throat. Hakuba beat his fists into the ground. Everything seemed so surreal, and I felt like I was watching the world from a third person perspective, floating almost. Regardless of whether I wanted to, I observed every detail. Friends of Nakamori san were trying to comfort him, though he pushed them away, only screaming his daughter’s name. The EMTs were trying to look Hakuba’s hands, which were covered in blood from hitting the asphalt.

Rain started pattering the concrete and dread filled me. This wasn’t good. All the blood was going to wash away. The crime scene was going to disappear. I tried crawling forward. I needed to see what I could, I needed to commit the scene to memory. The rain was starting to pour down hard. I was going to miss the picture!

At this point, the tears that had threatened to fall finally dropped and the vision I sought faded away. The rain stole the crime scene away.

I don’t know how long I watched the bloodless crime scene on my knees before coming to my senses again. Nakamori san had stopped crying; Hakuba was silent with a blanket around his shoulders. The rain was seceding and giving way to the clear night again. I looked around. Division 2 had mostly left; Aoko was gone too. Nakamori san was composing himself, ready to start the investigation. He needed a detective and Hakuba was out of commission. I rose to my feet, mindful of the way my joints creaked at the newfound coldness. Somehow—by my emotions or nature herself—the rain had been cold and painful, unlike a warm summer rain. I stumbled over to him and he stood up straighter, trying to mask his exhaustion and pain.

“Sir…” Nakamori san’s cold eyes met mine.

“We… we need to find him… He’ll know what happened and probably already apprehended our murderer… We need him…” Nakamori san took a deep breath and I saw the strength within him. This was not his first loss, but I knew he was not going to break on me. He was so strong, and he was ready to avenge, not revenge.

We began our search in the broad area looking for signs of anything to help us. I reasoned that the bullet had come from a sniper and we began scouring the rooftops for information and we were not disappointed. On the rooftop of one of the buildings surrounding the scene we found a dead body with a bullet going straight through the head. Donning gloves, I began investigating the body itself. It had many slices and incisions covering it. They were odd and only one conclusion came to mind: KID. These were a perfect match to the wounds I had seen inflicted on Gin and Vodka. KID—Kaito—had killed this man.

“This is the sniper,” I declared grimly. Nakamori san gave me a hard stare.

“Proof?”

“KID killed him… The marks covering his body are from his razor cards… No one else could have done this. The gun in his hand hasn’t been fired. I bet that it’s still full of bullets. Plus, the angle of this bullet wound would suggest point blank murder. I bet we’ll find his sniper equipment over there.” I walked over there and, surely enough, his sniper equipment was poorly hidden.

This area, while also affected by the rain, was more shaded so less of the scene had been washed away. Blood was everywhere. Most of the blood was near the murdered man, but blood was scattered across the rooftop suggesting a struggle. A puddle of blood was concentrated across from the man, and I found a bullet and the scorches it left behind in the concrete. I then followed a trail of blood to the edge of the rooftop. I glanced over the edge, and from this height, I thought I could make out a body. My eyes widened.

“Nakamori san! We have to go back downstairs!” I cried tearing past him and running down the stairs quickly. Any other day, I would have been concerned about slipping, but I needed to reassure myself. I needed to know. I had to see. Was that Kaito? Was he still alive? I could faintly hear Nakamori san behind me, but that didn’t matter. I flew down the twenty flights of stairs but didn’t waste a moment to catch my breath. I just continued running until I made it to the alleyway.

Fear filled my chest, and I could barely contain the feeling rising up my throat. Then I saw him. It was Kaito and he was covered in blood and I could not see the visible rise and fall of this chest. I collapsed to my knees immediately. He looked awful. His face was so pale, and blood covered his body. He had a head wound which leaked blood and I think he had been shot in the shoulder. His was covered head to toe with water and blood. He didn’t move, and his eyes were sunken in. His clothes clung to him in such a way that he looked more dead than alive.

My shaky hand went to his neck and I found a pulse and my body visibly relaxed. After feeling that, I finally noticed the faint and troubled rise and fall of his chest. Nakamori san panted behind me and I heard an audible gasp of air as he finally saw Kaito.

“K-Kaito?” Nakamori san choked out. “I-is he…?”

“N-no… He’s still alive… B-but I don’t know for how long…” My breath left in ragged gasps as the idea dawned on me. _How long…? How much blood has he already lost? Aoko’s gone, Kaito’s dying right in front of me! Why?! Why can’t I do anything!_ My arms wrapped around my chest as breathing suddenly became too much. My eyes widened and my vision blurred as the smell of iron got to me. I felt sick, dizzy, unwell…

Suddenly, Nakamori’s hand was on my shoulder steadying me. I looked back at him. He had just snapped his flip phone shut; he’d called the ambulance.

“Shinichi! Calm down. Kaito’s going to live… If you panic, we can’t get anything done. We need to do our jobs and we need Kaito alive to do that. Start with taking down mental notes regarding this crime scene. Tell me what happened so we can finish this case without Kaito going to jail and the Organization getting away scotch free. I collected everything from that man, all the papers and everything else he carried. Now deduce everything you can from Kaito.” I nodded swallowing and fixed my nervous eyes upon Kaito. 

“T-the wound on his head is from the man up there. H-he probably hit Kaito on the head with something blunt, but kind of sharp if that makes sense… The size of the wound suggests something like the butt of a gun… The rest of the blood is probably from Aoko, e-except his shoulder. I think he was shot… We just have to trace the bullets back to that guy… I-I don’t think K-Kaito was in the fault here… We saw him with Aoko b-before this… He looked for the guy and the guy attacked him, and it went ugly… I think that’s what happened… At least I hope…” I could hear sirens in the background, and I knew Kaito was going to be whisked away. I wondered how they’d take a dead man coming back to life… Kaito was pronounced dead, but here was the living proof they needed to bring him back out into the open.

The EMTs arrived and Nakamori san directed them. Kaito’s weak body was loaded onto a stretcher and I heard them all yelling things as they moved him into an ambulance. I stood shakily and wanted to go with, but I knew they wouldn’t let me. ‘Family only’ they would say, and just because I loved him didn’t mean that they would acknowledge our relationship. Instead, my relationship would have been disregarded as unnatural.

Nakamori san instead enveloped me in a hug and suddenly the tears returned tenfold. We both collapsed to the ground and we sobbed, both of us sobbed until our voices were hoarse. Nakamori san had lost everything; he had no wife, no daughter, his adopted son was dying. And, yet again, I had been unable to protect Kaito. I couldn’t save him; I couldn’t save Aoko…

I screamed again and Nakamori san clutched onto the fabric of my shirt. I had long discarded my jacket. Takagi san was the one who picked us up. He was one of the few members of the department I trusted now. He saw us both and smiled grimly. He held an umbrella over us as we tried to compose ourselves. We entered Takagi’s car and he gave us both warm coffees. Nakamori san thanked us both and asked for a rundown as to what was currently happening.

“The man found is definitely the sniper. He’s actually on our most wanted list in Japan for being a sniper. We found traces of gunpowder on his hands and the angle checks out for where Nakamori chan was hit. KID—I’m assuming that is KID—is currently at the hospital in critical care, but the doctor was optimistic about him, saying that he could tell that this patient is tough to kill. The head wound and shoulder are not that bad, but the rain progressed him going into shock. The last thing they told me was that KID needed fluids and other nutrients to stabilize him. He seemed so skinny when I saw him too… Otherwise we have guards from Division 2 guarding him. They seem to know he’s KID too… Shinichi kun… maybe you should drop by the hospital. If you go as law enforcement, they can’t stop you…”

My eyes were angled down. “Okay, thanks…” my voice scratched out. “I think I should submit my findings first…”

“As for you Inspector Nakamori… Nakamori chan has been taken in to be investigated you know… They need to determine the cause of death… and all that…” Nakamori san did not respond.

“I’m so sorry…” Takagi san muttered softly. I looked up slowly. He said nothing more as we returned to the department.

* * *

I walked into the busy department. This was an emergency more or less. Nakamori san’s daughter was dead; that could be considered a direct attack on the department. People stopped to look at me and Nakamori san, but no one said anything as we both went to our offices to work. I needed to finish a case report of what I initially saw and my current deductions. Inspector Megure came in a few minutes later to talk to me. I said nothing and I did not look up as he addressed me.

“Kudo… tell me. Is the one in the hospital KID? And did he try to save Nakamori chan? Or was he in on this plan?” I looked up with my glazed, exhausted, eyes.

“Who knows Megure Keibu… Whoever that guy is was a good friend of Aoko’s and tried to save her before going after the killer and getting attacked. That is my deduction…”

“I can see it in your eyes Kudo… That’s KID and you can’t deny it… Finish up this report and have an officer take you to the hospital. I want you to assess KID and tell me about his condition.” I nodded as tears pricked my eyes.

I finished my assignment before heading on over to the hospital. Apparently, Nakamori san had the same idea as he joined me in going to the hospital.

We arrived and quickly went into the room that housed Kaito. He was no longer in critical care and was recovering in a room. Guards stood outside and saluted Nakamori san as he approached. They stepped aside and we entered the room after scrubbing up. Nakamori san and I gasped as we saw him. He was so pale and sweat covered his face leaving a disgusting sheen. He had bandages going around his head and was connected to multiple IVs. He grimaced in his sleep and his breath was ragged. I pulled up a seat and sat next to him. Nakamori san stood next to me, refusing the chair I offered.

“I’ll leave you here alone Shinichi… Please watch over him… for me and for Aoko…” With that, Nakamori san left, not even giving us another look. I thanked him for the privacy, but now it only meant I was going to cry alone.

I gingerly held his hand with both of mine and sobbed bitterly until exhaustion won over and my tears soothed me to an uneasy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it was hard to write a chapter to follow up the last chapter. I know a lot of you are probably feeling sad or betrayed, but ahhh... 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. The displays of grief in this chapter were quite hard to write. I wanted each character to have a different response, one that fit their personalities, experience, and connections. 
> 
> 2\. Hakuba has the most debilitating display of grief due to his limited experience with grief and the fact that he and Aoko were close. Also, his personality involves a lot of internalization when it comes to pain. This doesn't just mean that he feels guilty, it also means that he traps all of his emotions inside and lets them fester, instead of seeking solace from others. 
> 
> 3\. Nakamori san has the most experience with grief, given his age and history. However, this is his daughter. Nakamori san is a naturally loud and expressive individual, so a lot of his grief is expressed through heart wrenching wails and outward expressions. However, given his experience and maturity, after his public display of grief, he understands that there is still a job to complete and he composes himself. This doesn't mean he's done grieving over Aoko. In fact, he'll be spending many months crying alone in his empty house as he attempts to move forward. He just knows how to put a professional face forward. 
> 
> 4\. Shinichi had the least ties to Aoko, so his reaction was perhaps the most muted. At first, he is shocked and overwhelmed by Aoko's death and the reactions of those around him. The truth finally dawns on him as he realizes this is Kaito's best friend and Nakamori san's daughter. Thus, the grief is a degree removed. His desperation comes in the form of wanting to make things right for those around him by solving the crime scene. When it becomes apparent that the crime scene has washed away, he finally displays grief. Like Nakamori san, Shinichi is able to pull himself out of grief to put forward a professional face. Though, this is not due to experience. This is in part due to his desire to find Kaito and the realization that he's the only capable detective left (Hakuba is grief stricken). 
> 
> 5\. This of course changes when Shinichi finds Kaito. Then he is panicked and grieving. Nakamori san has to force Shinichi to take in the scene and write down his deductions/interesting notes. I'm not sure if y'all have experienced this before, but the feeling of having to put your grief aside because you're desperately needed/the only person who can do the job you do leaves a lasting trauma behind. It's a superhuman strength, but it wounds something inside of you. Shinichi and Nakamori san will be struggling with tough and traumatic feelings and memories. 
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone! I hope you all are taking care; I know this chapter was also a bit sad. The next chapter will be released on Monday!   
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~ Here's chapter 56!
> 
> Chapter warnings: negative self-talk
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke feeling the presence of someone watching me and I raised my head slowly. My eyes blinked blearily, and they made contact with curious dark, violet eyes. Kaito turned away as soon as we met gazes. I noted the redness around his eyes. _He’s been grieving…_

“Hello Ka…” I trailed off unsure what to say.

“It’s KID… they know I’m KID now… I didn’t have an option to not confess… It's the only way to protect my identity…”

“Hey, you’re not arrested yet, that’s a plus I guess…” He looked down.

“Only Division 2 knows so far… Don’t give them my human name please… I want to stay detached.” He was acting relatively calm; he was internalizing everything.

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind…”

“Go ahead ask your questions, detective… I’ll answer whatever I can and want to…” I blinked and squinted at him, he flinched at the attention and tried making himself smaller. “Just get them over with…”

“What happened that night?” I knew that he wanted to use this as an excuse to tell me everything.

“Aoko and I were walking home. The last I’d checked my phone, the time was 7:36 PM. The weather was still clear, but it was humid. She had dragged me out for a ‘fun day’.” He laughed bitterly at that until a hiccup shook him.

“She was shot from the building to the direct right from where we were walking. No one was around, we were in the suburbs of Tokyo. His shot hit her in the chest. I tried to stop the bleeding, but it just wouldn’t stop.” His breath left in rapid, painful gasps. “I called an ambulance first and then Inspector Nakamori telling him to hurry. He was too late… I gave him his daughter and left to find the murderer.”

“Why did you go to find the murderer?” He looked down almost guiltily and his hands clenched at the hospital sheets.

“I wasn’t thinking straight. I needed to find who killed Aoko, my best friend… I found him and he had been expecting me. He fired a bullet and things got out of hand… One moment I’m on the ground with a bullet in my shoulder, the next his brains have been blown out…” He laughed pitifully. “I screwed up Shinichi… I really did this time…” I wondered what he meant by that. He couldn’t necessarily be charged with unlawful manslaughter. He had defended himself and he himself did not have a gun, he had taken the other guy’s, who had fired at him first.

“Was your original intent to kill the sniper?”

“I… I don’t know…” Tears dripped in large drops from his eyes and I flinched. Were my questions too pushy?

“How did you receive your injuries?”

“I was hit in the head with the butt of one of his handguns… I think it was the one in his left hand… Then I was kicked down and shot. He was aiming for my chest and I rolled away to just get hit in the shoulder. If you need to see the bruise on my side, I can show you. He was wearing steel toed boots for sure.” A haunted look passed over his face.

“That would be nice… How can you be sure about the gun being in his left hand or him having steel toed boots?” He sat farther up and winced in pain as he moved his hospital gown up enough for me to see the ugly purple and black bruise covering his bottom ribs. I swallowed nervously and shuffled in my seat. I didn’t like this at all. I didn’t like having to act as the detective here. I should have been comforting him and holding him. I should have been taking care of him, not interrogating him.

“Um… I shot his hand that held the gun in his right hand, and he dropped that handgun to the ground. He pulled out another gun using his other hand and then hit me across the head with it. I-I know what steel toed boots feel like… When I was in captivity, they would beat me with them. I know the feeling well…”

“Kai—”

“Don’t call me by that name!” he snapped quickly silencing me. I frowned.

“KID… please…”

“I’m sorry…” He apologized to me and I saw the conflict in his eyes. I saw the pain as he finally looked at me. I saw tears, hate, rage, regret, remorse…

“You don’t have to apologize KID—”

“It’s all my fault Shinichi…”

“You don’t know th—”

“I know that it is! It should have been me! I should have died! Aoko… she…” He fell silent and to my surprise he did not cry. He just sat in his bed with a face that slowly lost every emotion. “I wish it had been me…” His confession scared me, but at the same time I understood where he was coming from.

“Kaito…” I whispered and he flinched as if his name frightened him. I moved to sit on the edge of his bed, and I grabbed his good hand. The mask on his face broke and a flurry of emotions marred his face.

“I’m scared Shinichi… I know what they’re doing… They’re going to kill everyone in front of me and I can’t do anything about it… Nakamori san… or Saguru kun are next… Then Akako chan or Jii chan… then you… You’ll be the trump card. I’ll have nothing left; I’d have lost everything…” The tears began to fall, and his eyes were so wide and strained. “Can’t it just end already…?” His shoulders began to shake and dry sobs shook him. Despite his desperate expression, no tears left.

“Kaito…”

“I just want it to end… Why can’t it just end? It’d be better if I just died… They wouldn’t hurt anyone I love anymore…” He was shaking his head back and forth, his small frame looked so weak as if it would shatter.

“Kaito… Look at me!” Obediently, he looked up at me and my expression fell. He looked defeated, so weary. I’d bitten of more than I could chew, so I looked away.

“Don’t worry about me Shinichi,” he responded. “I’m just tired.” He offered a tired, worn, smile, but it never reached his eyes. Stuck in his violet eyes was the look of despair and pain. I squeezed his hand lightly and leaned forward pressing my lips against the side of his face.

Before I moved away, the door opened and a quick ‘excuse me’ left the officer’s mouth. Kaito looked just as surprised by my sudden display of affection. His face was bright red, and he looked dumbfounded.

“Ry-Ryunosuke san?” Kaito asked, tilting his head and trying push down the blush covering his face. The supposed Ryunosuke san’s face lit up as his name was called. I wondered how they knew each other or if this was just part of the unending data Kaito seemed to hold on his task force.

“Yes, it’s me KID san… I’m sorry to intrude…” Ryunosuke san and Kaito both looked away and now I was the one to blush.

“I wasn’t anticipating it either… Some detective thought it would be a good idea to ambush a thief while he’s still woozy from pain meds and physically unable to fight back…” Ryunosuke san fixed a glare on me and Kaito shot me a pointed stare.

“Is that so KID san? Kudo san, explain yourself! I won’t let you take advantage of our thief!” I raised my hands in defense as the officer approached me.

“W-wait a second… I-I can explain!” At that, Kaito began to chuckle and then began full on laughing. I scowled at him and he offered a KID smile.

“Don’t give me that look Shinichi and I can explain Ryunosuke san.” He stopped for a moment to control his laughing. “Tantei san over there thought it would be okay to display a public act of affection even though he’s a detective and I’m a thief and we’re surrounded by people from the police department. He never gives a thought to the consequences of his actions…” He shook his head as if he was scolding me. I pouted looking away.

“You need to take more responsibility for your actions, Shinichi, what if Inspector Megure had walked in? Where would your job be?” Kaito broke into a laugh again and raised his hand a few seconds later to say he was going to speak. “What’s up, by the way, Ryunosuke san?”

“Ah, right… KID san… Inspector Megure is coming to talk to you, Nakamori san wanted me to warn you. He said he might be a little pushy or not understanding. Nakamori san may drop by later, but he’s on private leave right now…” He looked away and Kaito looked down.

“A-ah… I see… If you get the chance, please thank Nakamori san until I am able to thank him personally.” Then Kaito turned to me. “When Inspector Megure comes in, I want you to leave Shinichi. I need to be alone with him…”

“Wait, why?” I asked.

“Inspector Megure doesn’t trust me and that’s affecting his trust in you. I will set things straight no matter what. I’m tired of you being abused at work because Inspector Megure won’t clear the suspicions your division has in you.”

“You know Kudo san… you should just transfer over to Division 2. We have a bad reputation, but we’re the most accepting division… I mean we do have the unofficial name of being the KID fan club.”

“I’ve tried Ryunosuke san… Inspector Megure doesn’t want me to leave Division 1… I’m kind of their top detective… Also, don’t sell Division 2 short! You guys have captured every thief aside from KID, that’s better than Division 1’s record.”

“Well, that’s true… but I suppose it’s natural. KID trains us well when he holds heists. I mean Division 2 is supposed to catch KID, but now that we have him… All I want to do is thank him and tell him how much fun it’s been over the years… I don’t even have the desire to arrest him… Whether or not we acknowledge it, KID is sort of our hero.” Ryunosuke went on a tangent briefly forgetting the presence of the thief, whose face was now quite red. Ryunosuke san noticed this and looked down with a red face.

“It’s weird seeing you in person, KID san… It’s hard to imagine that the renown Kaitou KID is you… Not that you don’t fit him… You fit KID to a tee, obviously… But until that one night… I couldn’t imagine KID being human and now here you are much younger than me and even most of the interns at the department. You’re basically a kid—hah—and yet you’re so much better than the rest of us…” Kaito couldn’t look at Ryunosuke san and this really sad look crossed his face. Ryunosuke san looked hurt and glanced at me as if asking if he had said the wrong thing.

“I’m sorry Ryunosuke san… I didn’t mean to make a face like that…” Kaito chuckled almost melancholically. “I was just surprised, that’s all… I’m not used to being thanked… and now… I just thought it was strange…” Kaito shook his head.

“Thank you Ryunosuke san… I think I needed t-that…” Immediately tears welled in Kaito’s eyes and we both panicked. They began falling quickly and Kaito didn’t even try to stop them. He only smiled a breaking smile. “Thank you Ryunosuke san, Shinichi… Thank you…” He broke into bitter sobs and this time he couldn’t quell them. He continued crying until his tears ran dry and he was panting and shuddering. “I-I suppose that was unbecoming… I’m sorry…” He looked away and fell silent.

“Ryunosuke san please hold the door shut and close your eyes. If I have to take responsibility then I will, but this pitiful thief needs something.” Ryunosuke san seemed to get the message and closed the door before adverting his gaze.

I leaned over the thief and his teary, pitiful gaze inspired an anger in my heart. Kaito had been hurt again and I couldn’t stand it. I’d never felt such strong emotions to end someone’s life before, but I couldn’t promise the safety of any member of the Organization now if we happened to cross paths.

“Shin…ichi…?” he asked, breaking me from my thoughts. I shook my head and pressed kisses to each of his eyes before moving to his lips. He returned the kiss almost tragically. If he wasn’t laid up in a hospital bed, I would’ve brought him into an embrace, but all I could do now was pepper him with kisses. He tasted of salt and his face moist with tears. I used my sleeve to wipe his eyes before kissing them again. I pulled back when I finished my assault of affection, though I still held his hand and rubbed my thumb over the top of his hand.

His face was dewy with tears and a mild blush. There was a shy smile on his lips, though his eyes betrayed exhaustion.

“You feeling a bit better now? I just wanted to remind you that I love you and I’m here for you. We’re going to bring them down to together, okay? We won’t let them get away with what they did to Aoko.” I hummed for a moment, collecting my thoughts.

“I also wanted to remind you that I don’t think any lesser of you and I think your actions were justified. I would’ve done the same. I don’t hate you, Division 2 doesn’t hate you, and Nakamori san doesn’t hate you. It wasn’t your fault that Aoko was murdered, okay?” As my words continued, tears rose in his eyes again, so I brushed them away with my thumbs.

“Thank you, Shinichi… Really, thank you… You can say it a million times, but I won’t believe it until it kills me…” he laughed lightly. “Ahh, now my face is all red and wet… I need to clean up before Inspector Megure gets here!” he tried to pat his hair down with his good hand, but the effort was fruitless.

“You’re going to look miserable no matter what you do, so I wouldn’t fret it. Unless, of course, you have magic tricks that you can try here.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“If you really want to see a magic show, just ask, Meitantei… but I can’t guarantee that the doctor would approve of a magic show…” I pouted at him and he smiled back. At least I had managed to calm and assure him.

Ryunosuke san had let go of the door and was blushing darkly. “KID san… just a question, you don’t have to answer… Are you and Kudo san actually dating or is this harassment?” 

“Shinichi is more or less my significant other… We’re fiancés, I think?” He looked towards me for an explanation, but I only shrugged.

“I’m still not quite sure how to describe our relationship… I mean I more or less proposed to KID but he shot me down—”

“I didn’t say no! I said that we need to wait!” I ignored his previous statement.

“Though if he wants to call us fiancés, I’m fine with that. I’d love to marry KID, if he’ll let me.” Ryunosuke san nodded.

“I take it you know KID’s real name then?”

“Yes, he does, but be mindful of the questions you ask Ryunosuke san. I still have to maintain my identity… even if you’ve seen my real face…” he trailed off as if embarrassed.

“Sorry KID san… By the way… rumors have it you don’t exist in the data bank of civilians…” He looked around. “Did you remove your name from the database? Are you hacking skills that strong?” Kaito chuckled nervously.

“My civilian identity is dead,” Kaito answered this openly and Ryunosuke san did not push him further for information. Then a slight knock sounded on the door and Inspector Megure walked in.

Ryunosuke san left the room to give us privacy and I gulped looking at Inspector Megure wondering what he would say.

“I need to speak with you regarding the murder of Nakamori chan,” he said to Kaito. Kaito flinched as the name of Aoko was mentioned and I feared he would cry again.

“Shinichi… could you give us some privacy?” Kaito asked me and I nodded sharing a brief look with him before exiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I like Shinichi in this chapter~ He treats Kaito so kindly; he really has grown a lot over this story~
> 
> Also, my brain feels like mush. I'm very sleepy~ 
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Kaito wants to meet with Inspector Megure by himself~ Kaito knew about the work environment Shinichi was facing, so he wants to set things straight with Megure. Also, Kaito needs to provide his statement to Division 1. Given Shinichi's "supposed" connection with KID, they want more than one statement with KID (not just a statement taken by Shinichi). 
> 
> 2\. Kaito is a mess emotions right now. Grief, anger, disbelief, remorse, hatred, exhaustion... All of these emotions are present within him as he's coming to terms with what happened to Aoko. Of course, a part of him blames himself or wishes that it had happened to him. Then again, another part of him wants to make the Organization feel the same pain. While a part of Kaito accepts the murder of the sniper and deems it justified, another part of him wonders if he did the right thing or if he should have just captured the sniper. I don't think there is a right answer here. Rounding it all out, he's exhausted, exhausted of murders, being injured, worrying Shinichi, and dealing with the Organization. 
> 
> 3\. Shinichi, sensing that Kaito is internalizing his pains and feelings, tries to bring him back into the open. He promises that everything wasn't his fault and that no one hates him for his actions. Shinichi also asserts that he is an active member in taking down the Organization, reminding Kaito that he's not alone AND that he can't push Shinichi away. Shinichi knows his tendencies to push others away. 
> 
> 4\. Ryunosuke san is an original character that works in Division 2. He's a real bro this chapter, watching the door and letting Shinichi comfort Kaito XD I like to imagine that KID's taskforce (secretly) loves him and that KID has a lot of information on his taskforce. I can honestly imagine KID sending "congratulations" cards to members who've gotten married or had children. 
> 
> Well, thank you for reading everyone! Please take care and I'll see you next chapter, which will be released on Wednesday! See you then~  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's chapter 57! A bit late because I decided to suddenly rewrite this chapter, haha...
> 
> Chapter warnings: blood, guns, syringes, poison, graphic-ish wounds, broken glass 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

Around an hour or so later, Inspector Megure stepped outside of the room with an embarrassed frown. Despite gentle encouragement from the nurses to rest in the waiting room, I stood glued to Kaito’s door waiting. We met gazes and I tilted my head at his nervous face.

“Kudo… look… KID san is a good guy… I approve, though I have no jurisdiction over that… I’ve never been able to actually sit down and talk with him before, but now that I have… I can tell for real how much he cares about you and that he’s not playing you against justice.” A look of surprise crossed my face and then I gave him a look of doubt.

“Weren’t you asking about Aoko and her murder?”

“Yes, but he answered every question I asked without hesitation and modestly. He relayed everything and wanted us to close this case… He didn’t fight me…” I smiled slightly at this. It made me happy to know that others were beginning to see what I saw in Kaito, what Division 2 saw in KID.

“He’s not necessarily on the opposite side of the law… He just has a different way of carrying out justice.” Megure Keibu looked down and I wondered what show Kaito had put up to get him to react like this.

“I… I think I can understand this now… KID… shouldn’t be our enemy, but he is, and I think I’m starting to understand why Division 2 feels the way they do… Please take care of him Kudo… Was he really close to Nakamori chan?” I looked away. _Perhaps Kaito didn’t need to act, maybe his feelings were genuine…_

“Aoko and KID have been best friends since they were really young… You know KID never wanted to be a thief, right? He inherited the family job, and he hates thieving now… You’re a detective; I suppose you’re starting to piece things together… as to why he’s so skinny, scarred, scared… Aoko didn’t like KID, you know? She didn’t even know her best friend was KID, and it wasn’t until recently that she learned the truth… Everyone around KID hated the thief even though they were his friends or family… They never knew and he doesn’t plan on telling them…” 

“You know, Inspector Megure, KID’s civilian identity was actually pronounced dead. KID is technically dead and everyone who doesn’t know he’s KID thinks he’s dead and have all probably moved on by now… He won’t tell them truth though. No, he won’t spill the truth, because everyone who knows the truth runs the same risk that Aoko did of being killed… The few people who know KID are being targeted. KID lives a nightmare everyday fighting to keep everyone safe, so I’d appreciate it if you left me alone about him and let me take care of my fiancé.” Megure Keibu visibly swallowed as he met my challenging eyes and their piercing glare. He shuddered and his eyes quickly shifted from my intense stare.

“Fine, fine Kudo! Geez, stop it with the scary eyes… I’ll stop bugging you about KID. In fact, I’ll just give you a complete blind eye regarding him! Do what you want! And stop playing me like this… How will the officers before me act if they know that a detective can get whatever he wants by using intimidating words and a scary face…” I gave him a ‘Conan grin’ and he shuttered again. Briefly, from the corner of my eye, I noted a nurse entering Kaito’s room.

“Don’t do that either! I’ll never be able to get used to that smile… I still can’t believe that you and Conan were the same person… Ah, you’re a scary person Kudo, I don’t know how KID puts up with you. He seems, somehow, reasonable and temperate despite his nighttime activities… He’s actually pretty decent…” A chuckle escaped my lips, and I covered my smile with a hand.

“Is… is that a surprise to you?” I asked snickering at his words.

“Yes, actually. I thought KID would have been mentally deranged… He seemed rather reasonable and normal—well, not normal…” Megure Keibu looked down and I frowned.

“I thought KID would have been different at first too… but through the many times I interacted with him as Conan and now as myself, the only thing I can say about him is he cares too much about those around him and is one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Also, he’s always a step ahead of me somehow… Even nowadays, KID still dances around me…” I pouted at the floor and Megure Keibu laughed.

“You found your match Kudo, someone who can actually challenge you head on… You should go tend to him Kudo… He seemed pretty tired when I left…”

“Ah… thanks… Inspector Megure, thanks…” He rested his hand on top of my head and ruffled my hair. I was mildly annoyed, but it was in its own way endearing. Though I was an adult now, Inspector Megure still treated me like the kid I was when we first met. I’d never admit to liking this treatment, but I was grateful for him throughout the years.

“Don’t mention it Kudo. Also, don’t bother showing up to work until KID is ready to come to the department. I don’t want you two being separated too long… For KID’s sake and yours…” I nodded and mumbled another thank you before he left me, and I turned to see Kaito. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

The nurse I had seen earlier was on top of Kaito with both of her hands wrapped around his throat. Kaito was fighting back, sure, but he was not strong enough to move her hands away. His face was dark red, and I couldn’t move paralyzed by the situation. It didn’t seem like she noticed me yet as she focused on Kaito. It wasn’t until Kaito’s hands fell and his eyes fluttered back that she noticed me.

I reached to my side for my gun, and I drew it quickly aiming at her.

“Step away from KID!” I growled. She grinned and stepped off the hospital bed to face me. In her hands were a syringe and a knife. I gritted my teeth but held my aim.

“What are you going to do boy?” she taunted.

Before either of us could proceed, Kaito threw his pillow at her, hitting her on the head and momentarily distracting her. The pillow obscured her vision, and I fired my gun, hitting her on the leg. She fell to the ground but collected herself quickly and launched her knife at me. I banked to the side, but it grazed my cheek and ear.

“Get the syringe Shinichi!” Kaito yelled at me with a breaking voice. His face was red and the wound on his shoulder had reopened. The urgency in his voice sent a chill down my spine and I weighed my options of safely retrieving the syringe. My gunshot had alerted the other officers watching KID and they rushed in to see me standing off with the nurse. My biggest priority was protecting Kaito, but we were at an impasse. She had guns trained on her, but she was closer to Kaito with a syringe filled with an unknown substance. I didn’t know how much she valued her life either.

“Your leg was shot, and you have guns trained on you. There’s no way for you to escape. Please give up and come peacefully,” I attempted to negotiate. “If you come with us now, we can get your leg checked out.”

“Oh, Kudo kun, do you take me for a fool? I’m not scared of the police.” _She’s not allowed to fail this mission… she won’t come easily…_

“What’s in that syringe?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she grinned coolly, and I bit the inside of my cheek in frustration. I couldn’t falter. If I missed something, Kaito could die, depending on whatever was in that syringe. I kept my eyes glued to her and my body ready to react as needed.

“Come one, let’s be reasonable. If you’re being pressured to do this, I’m sure we can find a safe place for you to stay, but only if you come with us now and give us the syringe.”

“I’m not afraid of dying, Kudo kun, but you’re afraid of me. You don’t know anything about me and your affection for KID? It’s clouding your judgement.” _She’s trying to get under your skin! Stay cool! Don’t fall for it!_

“What’s your name?” I asked releasing a long breath; I could feel sweat collecting on my neck and forehead.

“Vulture,” she responded simply. _A high-ranking member within the Black Organization… she must have a contingency plan, she’s stalling us!_

“Vulture, eh? The carrion eating raptor… I’d hate for anyone to call me that.” My heart painfully thudded in my chest and I struggled to think, to plan. Kaito was in danger again. Vulture was a high-ranking member who’d infiltrated the hospital, was there anyone else? What was in the syringe? Had she injected Kaito with anything? What was her next move?

“That’s quite rude, boy,” she tsked. “Well, it’s been fun here, but I really should go—” Before she could finish her sentence, Kaito flung his bedside tray at her and it hit her squarely on the face. She dropped syringe and it shattered, leaving glass shards all over the floor. I shot another bullet and it embedded into her shoulder. She fell onto the glass shards.

“She was attacking KID, please take her into custody, but be careful of the glass and liquid on the floor! We’re unsure what was inside that syringe,” I commanded to the officers behind me. They rushed into action and I turned to face Kaito. 

“Shin…ichi…” I didn’t like how he said my name nor the clouded look in his eyes, but he offered me a smile. As if to prove he was okay, he raised his hand and I took it, interlocking our fingers.

“Hey Kaito,” I whispered back. “I didn’t expect you to fling that tray at her,” I laughed. “Oh! Did she inject you with anything?”

“N-no. I’m okay. You saved me.” He looked exhausted and the dark bruise around his neck was already forming.

“What happened?” I asked. Kaito shook his head.

“I’ll tell you after we’re both checked out by a doctor,” he croaked. Confusion set in. _Both…?_

“What do you mean ‘both’?”

“I know you’re full of adrenaline, but half of your ear was cut off Shinichi.” My hand tentatively reached up to my head, and sure enough, my left ear was covered in blood and a part of it dangled precariously. _When did this happen?_ “Sit,” he implored, and I obliged out of shock. His hand remained in mine, but I barely noticed it.

It was then that two nurses and doctors came to visit us. They had to fix the stitching on Kaito’s bullet wound and wanted to examine the inside of his throat for damage. As for me, I was rushed to an emergency room so they could stitch my ear back together under local anesthesia.

The anesthesia left me woozy, so they kept me in a room by myself and sleep finally claimed me. It wasn’t until the next morning that they discharged me, and I was able to visit Kaito again.

The endoscopy left his throat sore, and he wasn’t very talkative, but as soon as I walked in, he inquired about my wellbeing.

“A-are you okay Shinichi? Did the surgery go well?” he rasped out, sitting up as soon as I entered. I couldn’t but feel touched by his concern. I took a seat next to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine now. The anesthesia left me a bit tired, and it stings a bit, but it shouldn’t be more than a scar in a few weeks.”

“You’re lucky the knife didn’t cut any closer,” he seemed to scold. Though I rolled my eyes at this as I had saved his life. “I was almost hoping it’d leave you with a pointed ear though… elf ears would be cute on you.”

“Ahh, shut up,” I clicked, looking away. “I can always do cosplay.” He chuckled at this before breaking into a cough. I passed him his water.

“Your throat must be sore… I’ll ask you about the nurse later so you can save your stamina…” Kaito offered me a grateful nod. “We investigated the spilled contents from the syringe. It was batrachotoxin suspended in water. They came to kill you this time…” Kaito decidedly wore a neutral face, but I noticed the slight furrowing of his eyebrows.

“The syringe could’ve been used on anybody… even you Shinichi,” his voice scraped. I shuffled on my feet. He was right. She didn’t immediately inject the liquid into Kaito. She could’ve been taunting him and readying herself for her true target.

“Well, regardless, I’m just happy we didn’t die…” I murmured. Kaito grabbed my hand and squeezed it. There was a death though. Vulture has landed on broken glass and batrachotoxin. She wouldn’t share what the poison was, so the doctors had no way to effectively treat her and she died without providing us with any intel. 

We both looked awful. Kaito was wearing a neck brace and his arm was wrapped. I still wore bandages over my ear. Despite my night of rest, I still felt exhausted and Kaito looked as equally wiped.

I stayed by his side, though we were both silent, even while he fell asleep. Fear filled me and kept me glued to this seat and awake. I couldn’t let him be attacked again; I wouldn’t leave his side. The Black Organization was executing bolder and bolder plans… killing Aoko and then having a member infiltrate the hospital filled with police officers… they were either becoming erratic or had nothing to lose. Regardless, it left me uneasy.

It was after Kaito had fallen asleep that Ran texted me.

_‘KAito’s in the hosptal??? WHAt happened?!’_ I read her response over and over wondering how this information was leaked.

_‘Yes, he was shot and had his head bashed in pretty well a day(?) ago. I’m with him now.’_

_‘But WHAT happened? People are saying an inspector’s daughter is dead too!_ ’ I frowned. Aoko and Ran probably would have gotten along… They would have bonded over their hobby of teasing us…

_‘Yeah, Inspector Nakamori. Nakamori san’s daughter was Kaito’s best friend. She died in his arms and he then pursued her murderer. Kaito and the murderer got into a messy fight and Kaito ended up injured while the murderer ended up dead…’_ I responded hoping she wouldn’t push questions farther.

_‘I see, thank you… You probably can’t tell me more, can you? I’m sorry, but Shinichi! Take care of him okay! And tell him I hope he gets better soon!’_ I sighed and put down my phone. I had a bad feeling about the future. Somehow, I felt like this was only the beginning of the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated notes!
> 
> Headcanons/author notes:  
> 1\. Kaito really won over Inspector Megure XD. What won over Inspector Megure was Kaito's earnest answers and desires to help the police solve and close this case. Kaito held no ulterior motives. Also, this was Megure's first one-on-one encounter with KID. Megure had never realized that KID was really a kid--or someone young, someone like Shinichi. 
> 
> 2\. I think Shinichi likes to play with the persona he created in Conan. For those who knew him as Conan and now know that he was Shinichi the whole time, he likes to tease them with Conan grins and "ah-le-le"s. 
> 
> 3\. Megure treats Shinichi as if he was family. Sometimes, this means that Megure infantilizes Shinichi or treats him like a kid. Shinichi may act annoyed, but he enjoys the attention and being looked after. Shinichi's teenage years were spent with a lot of freedom and little oversight from adults, so he enjoys it when people older than him look out for him. 
> 
> 4\. Vulture was a lower tier Black Organization member sent in to cause trouble at the hospital. Was she after Shinichi or Kaito or someone else entirely? I'll leave that up to interpretation. ;) 
> 
> 5\. There was a standoff between Vulture and the Shinichi/the officers because of her proximity to Kaito. She was right next to Kaito with an unknown substance in a syringe. If they shot her, she could attack Kaito in the next second. If they missed her, they'd hurt Kaito. 
> 
> 6\. Medical explanations. Bruises on the throat can lead to internal bruises on the windpipe and vocal cords, which makes breathing and talking more tiresome and painful. Kaito's struggling to move Vulture led to his shoulder stitches reopening. When you damage your shoulder, you're not supposed to use the muscle groups damaged, except for specific low intensity exercises, until the muscles heal. Let's just say that Kaito's struggles did not fall under the acceptable low intensity exercises. The knife that Vulture threw caught Shinichi on his cheek and went through the cartilage on his left ear. The slice was large enough for a portion of his upper ear cartilage to droop down. This would require emergency surgery to stitch the wound up. Local anesthesia was used as Shinichi didn't need to be fully under for this surgery. Shinichi was sensitive to the anesthesia though. The anesthesia mixed with pain meds put him to sleep and he stayed in a hospital bed for a night. Kaito received an endoscopy to examine the insides of his throat for damage. He was mostly fine, thankfully, but the bruising mixed with the fact that he had been intubated when he was first brought to the hospital damaged his vocal cords and made it painful and exhausting for him to speak. 
> 
> 7\. Batrachotoxin is a poison that comes from certain frogs, bugs, and birds. It's incredibly potent when injected. It attacks the cardiac and nervous system and there is no "cure" for this type of poisoning, though other poisons can act as inhibitors. 
> 
> Please take it easy everyone! I know some of us are in the middle of our school semesters/quarters and are taking exams. Please make sure to rest as well! Well, see you all next chapter! 
> 
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Here's chapter 58~ A short chapter, but it sets us up for an important encounter next chapter. I'd ask y'all to guess the character, but it's an original ;) 
> 
> Chapter warnings: verbal abuse (mentioned) 
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I awoke as Inspector Megure shook me gently. I leapt awake, unaware that I had even been sleeping in the first place. My heart didn’t slow until my eyes finally identified who awoke me.

“I brought you some food,” Inspector Megure informed me, and I looked down at the shopping bag of convenience store food. I accepted it graciously. “How are you doing? How’s KID?” I looked down, remembering the events of the past few days, and a shudder ran through my body. Inspector Megure seemed to read my mood and dropped the question for now. 

“So… why are you actually here?” I asked.

“I wanted to check in on you… I heard about what happened and… I brought over some cold cases in case you have time or are bored. I thought this could take your mind off things…” I laughed at this, but I didn’t mind having reading materials.

“That’s very considerate of you. I’ll look over these. I won’t be leaving this hospital until KID leaves with me.”

“I figured. So, how are you and KID?” Guilt filled me; I owed him an answer.

“We’re alive… I think we’re okay. I’m fine at least. KID’s throat is heavily bruised, so it’s been difficult for him to talk. He’s been sleeping on and off. I’ve just been here watching over him. I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep.”

“Make sure you take care of yourself too, Kudo kun. I’ll ask the officers here if they can bring you food sometimes. You need to keep your strength up too.” I offered him a nod of appreciation.

“I’ll be leaving then; I have a crime scene to get back to. I’ll try to stop by tomorrow if I can.” I thanked him again and Megure san left the room without a further word.

I moved the bag of food to the side and focused on Kaito. He was still asleep, which was unusual for him. Sensing a rare moment, I sat on the edge of his bed and gingerly touched his hair, letting my hand hover above his scalp for many moments before resting it fully on his head.

He didn’t stir in his sleep, but I liked to think he appreciated the touch. I ran my hand through his hair making sure to lightly drag over his scalp. I noticed him curl more into himself and a small smile sprinkled his face. This brought a warm feeling to my chest and I continued my silent affection.

* * *

Two days later, the hospital released Kaito as long as he promised to not overuse his shoulder and to take it easy. His voice was still sore, so I made the promise for him. Though, even if he was comfortable speaking, I don’t think he would’ve made such a promise. Kaito was the definition of reckless.

Escaping the hospital wasn’t easy as a mob of KID’s fans were camping outside and wouldn’t leave despite what the police did. The clothing Kaito wore was to protect his identity, so he wore a face covering and oversized clothing to obscure his body shape. I escorted him outside as I feared he would be mobbed. The police did a good job of clearing a path for us and the bodyguards surrounding us kept us safe from his wild fans.

When we finally made it to the car, we were both trembling from being too close to so many screaming people. It was honestly frightening being surrounded by such aggressive fans.

The ride back to the station was quiet, too quiet. Inspector Megure drove us, and I kept catching his concerned gaze in the rearview mirror.

I suppose we were both a bit frazzled and nervous about what would happen next. Kaito—KID—was being taken to the department. Was he being arrested? How would they accommodate him? Would he safe surrounded by so much law enforcement? They wanted him to stay at the station as they were scared that he was the type to run, but containing KID? It seemed impossible, or rather, something that should never happen.

Kaito trailed after us into the station with a lowered head. Yeah, he was a nervous wreck. My heart slammed against my chest and I longed to grab Kaito’s hand, but I knew this was not the place. We needed to put our professional faces forward, regardless of our fears. So many people stared at us as we entered, and the department broke out into whispers. I had to remind myself to breathe as we endured this public humiliation.

Kaito was led to a private holding cell, not to be arrested, but to spend time in until this whole case was wrapped up. Kaito didn’t fight and expressed gratitude for his accommodations. I wanted to talk to him, to see how he was really doing, but I was soon whisked away to work.

* * *

Hakuba san must’ve gotten word of Kaito, because later that day he visited Kaito without department permission. I was in my office at the time finishing work, but a coworker described it as ugly and painful for both involved parties.

Apparently Hakuba san approached Kaito wanting answers about Aoko, but Kaito couldn’t speak well enough to answer. Hakuba san misunderstood this and grabbed Kaito by his shirt collar cursing him out and yelling, but Kaito didn’t react. Then, Hakuba slapped Kaito across the face and the thief hit the floor with a stunned look.

Hakuba san to realize he was in the wrong here, but his emotions took over and he began screaming and sobbing again saying how _‘This is all your fault! Why couldn’t you save her?! She didn’t have to die! It should have been you!’_. Hakuba san said a lot of hurtful things in finally releasing his pent-up emotions. However, this seemed to break Kaito as well. Tears dripped down Kaito’s face and he bowed lowly before Hakuba san with an apology.

Seeing Kaito like this, Hakuba san tried to comfort Kaito and offered his own apologies, but apparently Kaito had come to a conclusion of his own and jumped to his feet. The damage was done and Kaito disappeared in a poof of smoke. Now, the entire department was trying to find the thief who we all needed to close this case and feared would harm himself.

Hakuba san approached me later apologizing profusely for what he had said to Kaito and I forgave him, saying that Kaito wouldn’t hold a grudge over something like that. We just needed to find him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the short chapter! I had a major Japanese exam today, but then I took a nap, so I feel refreshed~ The previous chapter's notes have been updated. Please read them if you'd like :)
> 
> Headcanons/ author notes:  
> 1\. As said in the previous notes, Kaito has bruised vocal cords from intubation and being choked. They'll heal, but he needs to rest. 
> 
> 2\. KID has his good fans and chaotic, wild fans who do not respect boundaries and act like paparazzi. The one's at the hospital were like this. Who leaked KID being at the hospital? Well... it was the Black Organization. It demoralizes Kaito to be swarmed by his fans in such a chaotic way.
> 
> 3\. Nobody knew what to do with Kaito at the department. They didn't want him to slip away, but... they didn't want to arrest him like a criminal. So, he ends up staying in one of the private holding cells. He can't go home with Shinichi because that would be too obvious to unsavory members in the department. 
> 
> 4\. Hakuba san approached Kaito, desperate for answers, but Kaito couldn't provide answers with such a sore voice. Hakuba mistook this in his grief as arrogance, so he exploded at Kaito. Please don't be too mad at Hakuba. He's grieving and left out of the loop on a lot of information. If anything, this will eventually bring Kaito and Hakuba closer. 
> 
> Well, that's it for this chapter! Happy weekend everyone! Please take care and I'll see you next chapter on Sunday! Until then~
> 
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's chapter 59! We meet an important original character today who really cares for Kaito and has a connection to his past. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: religion, self-harm (mention)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.

I didn’t know what prompted me to wander the streets of Beika haplessly nor did I know why I returned to the mansion to dress up in white again. I didn’t understand why I balanced on a rooftop overlooking the city as the sun set. It simply felt right at this moment. I wanted to be alone so that I grieve in peace and process my emotions without feeling smothered by responsibilities.

I wasn’t mad at Saguru; how could I be? He wasn’t entirely wrong, and he loved Aoko… I had ripped her away from him and I needed to assume responsibility for this. Even though the truth hurt and was a bitter pill to swallow, I couldn’t run away from my responsibilities anymore. I was to blame for Aoko’s death, but I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger, and that fact festered in my heart, fueling my drive to end them. 

I dangled my feet over the edge of the building, feeling the sweet breeze and taking in the marvelous view. _The most rewarding part of being KID, yeah?_

I turned my gaze down below and watched the people scrambling on the streets. It was relaxing to see the ants busy with their days. None of them realized the larger picture and they were naïve in the completion of their daily tasks. It brought an envious, yet nostalgic smile to my face. Then, I laid back on the rooftop and stared at the sky. I’d eventually return to the police department.

_Wouldn’t it be best if I just disappeared and worked underground, without the eyes of the public? Nobody would get hurt and I’d still fight for my goal…_

Selfishly, all I could think of was Shinichi. My heart was too fond of him to even consider disappearing. I didn’t want to hurt him like that—no, I didn’t want to hurt myself like that. I wanted to be with him, for better or worse.

My thoughts continued to circle, and my eyes slowly drifted shut as the remainder of the sun filtered onto my face lulling me to sleep.

* * *

I awoke when the moon was high in the sky, and carefully, I rose and examined my surroundings before yawning and stretching. It was time for me to leave. I jumped off the building and rode the wind into the night.

I didn’t know what compelled me to fly towards an old, familiar place, but before I knew it, I had landed secretly behind the old, tall building. I found myself removing my hat and bowing my head as I entered the church.

I had been raised Catholic as a child and it wasn’t until my father died that I stopped practicing the tradition. I mean, my mother stopped attending and I had no reason to go. I didn’t have the means or desire to attend church anymore. I wondered what ‘means or desire’ I had now to go to church, but I suppose it didn’t matter. I was here now, better pray to a God I wasn’t sure I believed in or not.

I shuffled into the confessional. The church was empty, and I wondered if the head priest was even in. The priest on the other side cleared his throat telling me he was there, and I froze suddenly. What was I supposed to say? Did I even remember the prayers? I looked down at the floor in the dim, flickering light and breathed in the relaxing smell of incense. It was all so familiar and almost comforting, but at the same time a small twinge of pain resounded in my chest from the memory.

“How long has it been since your last confessional?” the priest prompted, and I wondered the date futilely.

“I-I… I don’t even remember anymore… a while… I’m sorry…” I mumbled out as my head fell forward and my shoulders slackened. _Why am I here again? There was no point in coming here…_

“I’m sorry… I’m not even sure why I’m here anymore… I don’t practice anymore; I haven’t practiced Catholicism in years… I’m not even sure I believe in the God you do anymore… I’m sorry… I should probably leave… I shouldn’t be here, I don’t belong.” I had begun trembling at some time and I didn’t understand why. _Since when have I become so self-conscious about my religion?_

“Wait a moment please!” the priest asked of me and I prepared myself to receive a lecture. “I don’t believe you came here without a purpose. Regardless of your religious beliefs or lack of, you sound young and people don’t wander in here at this time without a purpose. Do you mind… if I perhaps remove the screen? Everything you say or I see will remain a secret, okay?”

“Do what you want,” I muttered honestly and a bit rudely. He removed the screen and his eyes widened in shock as he saw me.

“KID san?” he choked out. I didn’t respond except look away. “A-are you by any chance… related to Kuroba Toichi?” I flinched at this and my eyes shot to his. 

“Y-you knew my father?” I croaked out meekly.

“Kaito kun…” he made the connection and nodded. “Why don’t we move back to my office Kaito kun? …I feel as though there are some things you’d like to share, and I should inform you of my knowledge as well.” I stood as if by mechanization and followed him stiffly. My hat once again cast shadows over my face.

We walked into his office and he turned on the lights. The brightness in contrast with the dim church caused me to blink quickly many times. He motioned for me to take a seat and he brought me a glass of water. I thanked him softly and looked at the ground nervously. He took a seat adjacent to me and adjusted his black garment.

“It’s been a long time since I last saw you Kaito… I think the last time was Toichi’s funeral. I never thought you’d take up your father’s mantel. I was almost hoping that Toichi’s second life would remain a mystery to you forever.”

I kept my gaze fixated on the ground not speaking. He sighed, “Is there anything you’d like to tell me Kaito?” I flinched, but a part in mind screamed at me to talk and I felt the tears of frustration already pricking my eyes. My chest hurt and felt compressed as I fought an internal battle.

“It’s been more than 12 years since my last confession Father… I-I… do not belong here nor should I ever show my face to god again… I have violated multiple unforgivable sins and I... am not a good person.” My words left like sandpaper on my throat and hot tears fell from eyes. I cursed them. I felt terrible, so unworthy. I was a sinner in the worst way, and he was a holy man dedicated to faith and good works.

“Would you like to elaborate?” He handed me a tissue.

“I’ve… I-I’ve done things…” I said unintelligently. “I-I’ve killed people… Father…” His expression didn’t waver, nor did it look perturbed. Whatever remnants of a mask I had left broke into a bazillion shards. “I steal for a living…” No change. “I’ve had sex with so many people…” Not a single change in expression. “I-I’ve tried to kill myself so many times!” Not even a blink. “I’m gay!” No reaction. “I hate myself and sometimes I wish I could just die …” Nothing could contain the pain in my words anymore, no expression was restrained from my face, I wasn’t hiding anything from this man.

“The abused is never the one to blame…” I looked up at him as he said that. “Don’t question me Kaito… I know you’ve been abused; I saw it in your eyes…” I huffed and looked away.

“You don’t under—”

“No, you don’t understand, Kaito… I don’t know your story, but I do know why you steal. You steal to undermine the Black Organization. You’re a saint in my eyes.” I couldn’t believe what he was telling me. “Gay…” he clicked his tongue and shook his head. “I hate the negative connotation associated with it. Love is love in my eyes… Labels aren’t needed to describe love… Kaito, you’re depressed; that is not a sin. You need help. And as for the sex… it wasn’t wanted, was it? It was rape.” he stated this softly and I flinched, drawing my legs into me and hiding my face.

“P-please… I can’t take it anymore… Please…” He moved to sit next to me, and I flinched away hiding myself further.

“Kaito… You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. We both know you didn’t ask to be raped or forced into whatever you’ve had to do for them. You’re only going to keep suffering until you release this blame, self-inflicted hate, and realize the miracle of your life. It hurts, I understand that, but we both know that you need to stop this self-blame, this twisted mindset where, somehow, you think you deserved it…”

“Maybe it makes it easier to rationalize what happened to you, but in absolutely no way is it true… They abused you and they are wicked people. Kaito… if you can’t at least wrap your mind around that… think of the people around you… You have a boyfriend, right? It’s the detective, right? How do you think he takes knowing that you hate yourself and what you think?” I looked up him, my face had morphed into a stubborn expression. He looked taken aback.

“A mask… it’s the easiest way to hide how I feel. And do you think that I don’t understand the pain he goes through? I see it every day! He’s trying to save me, but he can’t… I fight every day to make him think that I’m getting just a wee bit better. Do you know how hard it is to fool a detective? I don’t like lying to him, but I don’t like him being unhappy… Sometimes I think it would be better if I just left him for his sake… He’s young and attractive, he’d easily have people willing to be with him… Besides, I’m going to die soon anyways… I’d be best if the last memory he has of me is bitter so the pain is lessened when they find my dead body…” Morbid words left and rolled off my tongue so easily and I could tell the priest was disturbed, but he was not backing down.

“What about for your sake Kaito? Do you want that to happen? Don’t you want a happy life with your detective or does your desire to die outweigh your love for the detective?” I looked at him as he had said something funny. I laughed a dry laugh as if he had said a joke that I didn’t understand.

“Ah… I love Shinichi more than I can explain and definitely more than my will to die. He’s the reason I’m still here and fighting… but I don’t see myself living much longer anyways… Even if I defeat the Black Organization… even if I make it out alive after that… Then what? I’ll still have to chase Pandora! I’ll still be stuck as KID, forever fighting to protect an unappreciative crowd… Life is meaningless to me, because I died the day I was forced into this mess… They stole the life of Kaito, and as a substitute, KID was put in. Some people are never meant for happiness… they’re meant to preserve the happiness of others while living a miserable life themselves. I must be one of those people, try to tell me otherwise. I won’t die until I achieve my goal; I’m too invested to quit. But, as soon as my goal is accomplished, I’ll probably blow away into nothing… I’ll have nothing left as substance to my soul, nothing tying me to this world… Shinichi will be happier without me… at least... I hope…” I trailed off here as another one of my constant stressors came to light.

“You worry about him, don’t you? Whether he’ll be able to move on when you finally disappear… It makes you sick to the stomach to imagine him suffering, right?” I looked down not showing my eyes. “You love him Kaito… don’t deny yourself that pleasure… Love is a beautiful thing, don’t deny yourself a chance at happiness. Yes, you have a responsibility that no one else can fill. That may be the fate of ‘KID’, but even your father still loved your mother.” I flinched as this thought occurred to me.

“Your father used to visit me often Kaito… especially after heists. He would always come in late and I came to expect him regularly. At first, I did not know his name, nor did I know his identity. He would just tell me how he was hurting his family and how he wanted to quit. He kept saying what he fought for was hopeless and that he was too tied in to escape anymore. If he wasn’t careful, he would lose everything he loved… Your father went through the same trials you are going through now Kaito…” He swallowed before continuing. “Eventually I asked to see his face and to finally confront him on why he always confessed the same sins… I saw him in his KID suit, the same suit you wear now… He had tears in his eyes and was a breaking man. I invited him back here like I am doing now, and we spoke. He told me everything and I thanked him. I thanked him for being the hero only KID could be… A fight like this can only be won with someone willing to risk everything including their life to fight for the good in life, to bring peace and happiness to the people, to preserve that fragile balance… No matter what people say about KID, I will always view him—whether it be you or your father—as a hero. Don’t give up Kaito, don’t give up on yourself, love, or even your current goal… I know this is rough, especially for someone as young as yourself, for someone as hurt as yourself… They’ve done terrible things to you, but please don’t give up. Continue to fight Kaito, don’t let them taint you to the point of despair. There’s a reason you wear white, don’t forget it.” My tears had started to fall freely again, and I didn’t even try to brush them away. I didn’t care.

“Kaito, you’ve always got a home in this church… as a parishioner or as a friend. And you know it was fate that brought you here tonight.” I nodded along to his words. It was painfully obvious how much I needed to hear these words tonight from an older figure.

“Kaito… you remind me so much of your father… You two really are splitting images.” I found my arms wrapped around him as sobs racked my body. He hugged me back as I let go of so many emotions. I felt the death of my father—a wound opening again—the constant loneliness and feelings of being unwanted as a child—a thorn I had neglected—the crimes they committed against me—splintering pain throughout my whole body—the loss of Aoko—a fresh stabbing wound to the heart.

I thought about Shinichi and how I wanted to be more for him. I thought about Saguru and how he loved Aoko. I thought about Nakamori san who had raised me and how he felt without any more family. I thought about Jii chan and how he dealt with losing two Kuroba’s to the Black Organization. I thought about my mother, who I missed terribly and desperately wanted to see. I thought about wanting to make my parents proud, about wanting to feel loved, about wanting a family again, a real family. I thought about everyone I’d never see again from school as I was pronounced dead as Kaito. I thought about every life that had ended because of me, from the bombings and otherwise. My hands tightened on his chasuble.

I thought about my life and how I wanted more from it. I wanted to live a real life, I wanted to live with Shinichi, I wanted to be married, I wanted to live as myself. I _want_ to be happy. I want to live as an individual. I didn’t want this paranoia; I didn’t want to live in the shadows. I want friends, I want love, I want to be loved, I want to love.

I thought back to my days as a child. I thought back to my happy days and I cried more. Why did I have to realize what I’d lost? Why did I have to go through this pain?

I remembered Tanaka san and her daughter, Ran, the police task force, Saguru, Akako, Jii chan, Okasan, Nakamori san, Aoko, Shinichi… I remembered the people they loved and the people that their loved ones loved. I remembered it again, my reason why, my reason for existence. I would protect this and just this. I would protect their love, their happiness, their family, their friends. I would fight this organization no matter what they did to me. I had smiles to promote, lives to protect, and peace to preserve.

My tears began to subside, and I only sniffled now. “You feeling better now? Did you feel things authentically? Are you ready to push forward Kaito?” I rubbed my eyes and gave a weak smile, an authentic one.

“Thank you… It was painful but for some reason I feel better… I feel lighter… I needed to hear what you said… thank you…” I didn’t even try to brush away the resurfacing tears of being overwhelmed emotionally. “I’ve never let myself feel so much at once… I don’t know what I actually feel anymore.” He laughed and ruffled my messy hat hair.

“You’re just exhausted Kaito. Some sleep will serve you well. I’m glad I could help Toichi’s son though… I owe that man so much, so I hope helping his son repays even a fraction of my debt.” I yawned and quickly shook my head trying to get rid of my sleepiness. He smiled.

“You’re more than welcome to stay the night here, Kaito. It’s pretty late right now and you don’t look up to running from any of your fans if they spot you now.” I offered a meek smile.

“I don’t want to impose—”

“Nonsense! The Kuroba’s are always welcome here.” I tried to move and stand but flinched and fell back onto the seat. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah… My shoulder is still pretty sore from the bullet wound I got a couple days ago, though…” I mumbled.

“Let me take a look—”

“No, no! It’s—”

“Kaito!”

“…Fine… just please… don’t freak out or say anything.” I looked away and began undoing the buttons on my jacket. I was beginning to fumble due to my nerves and I had to force myself to calm down. I carefully slid off my jacket. Then I moved onto to my dress shirt. As soon as I slid that shirt of my body, I could feel his gaze on my body. I felt self-conscious.

“Kaito—”

“Please only look at my shoulder! You can lecture me on my eating habits and self-harm later…” He nodded slowly and I showed him my inflamed and swollen shoulder. He examined it carefully and left for a couple minutes to get hydrogen peroxide and clean cloths. He washed my shoulder and I flinched at the pain gritting my teeth.

“You shouldn’t have been using your shoulder so early Kaito… You’re lucky the wound didn’t reopen. Your muscles are really irritated though…” he sighed and began wrapping my shoulder with fresh bandages and put my arm in a sling. You can’t be waltzing around like you’re at 100 percent, you’re far from it Kaito and you know that…” I looked away guiltily.

“I’m not going to lecture you on your weight or the scars and cuts covering your body… You probably hear about them enough already. I just ask that one day you stop and learn to love yourself again…” I looked down. _Love myself? What’s there to love? Why does Shinichi even like me in the first place?_

“I’ll try…” my weak voice finally sounded. He brought me another glass of water and helped set the couch up for me tonight with pillows and blankets. 

“I’ll be staying here tonight if it makes you more comfortable Kaito… You can leave whenever you want tomorrow. I won’t make you stay; I just pray you come visit me sometime in the future. It’s amazing that I know the second KID is just as great as the first.” An inevitable blush covered my face and somehow a smile snuck its way onto my face. Somehow, his comments had a way of making me believe them.

He bid me a good night and I fell asleep almost instantly. For once, I slept alone without a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I quite enjoyed writing this chapter and a lot of it is based off some of my personal experiences. Please read my author notes to understand why I made this new character. 
> 
> Headcanons / author notes:  
> 1\. The priest (to be named later ;) has known the Kuroba family for quite a while, and Kaito was raised Catholic up until his father passed away and his mother no longer had the heart to take him to church. I headcanon Kaito as being Japanese and French, with his mother being mostly French. She was Catholic and Toichi converted when they married. They both found a sense of community and support from religion, given their dubious activities and involvement with dangerous groups. However, after Toichi passed, Chikage found anger with religion and turned away from the church. Kaito, of course, was the causality in this. I do not plan on making Kaito religious by the way. 
> 
> 2\. As stated in the chapter, Toichi would visit the priest often to talk about his own struggles. Eventually, they became friends and the priest supported Toichi. Kaito, perhaps through fate, perhaps from memory, finds himself at the church just like his father, confessing his worries and feelings. It's almost romantic how this mirrors Toichi's past. Here, Kaito is able to confess everything and express himself without the fear of hurting someone. In a way, this operates like a therapy session, except, the priest hypes Kaito up and provides a reassurance he has been seeking this whole story: to be told he's enough in comparison to his father. No one has been able to fill this void thus far. 
> 
> 3\. Kaito's emotions are so complicated, they're like two halves of the same coin. On one hand, he is utterly determined to end the Organization and to claim back his life. On the other, while determined to end the Organization, he feels a constant desire to end his life. This emotions exist at the same time and in varying waves of intensity. 
> 
> 4\. Some of the feelings and tendencies expressed in this chapter are important to remember for the future. Namely, his desire to see his mother and his desperation for validation from older characters. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I appreciate you all~ I'll post the next chapter on Tuesday! Until then~  
> [~ hototogisu ~](https://linktr.ee/hototogisu)
> 
> I do not own Detective Conan/名探偵コナン or Magic Kaito/まじっく快斗. All rights go to Gosho Aoyama/青山 剛昌. Any similarities to other written works are purely coincidental. DO NOT repost this work. Translations must be requested, and if in Spanish or Japanese, I must approve the translation.


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